I am struggling with adjusting to being a step father and would appreciate any insights from those who have done this already. I met my fiance about a year ago and we will be married this summer. We both were married before but three of my four children are grown. Hers however are young (under the age of 12).
My question is this: I have been struggling to find a place in this new family -- to understand my role. I don't try to exercise authority as a "father" but do think of myself as an adult with some (very limited authority) due to my age and wisdom.
Here's the problem: whenever I step in to do anything (as simple as putting them to bed so their mother can rest) the children don't obey me ... They refuse to do what I tell them to do (even when I use nice words) and they threaten that they are going to report me to their mom should I insist that they do what I am suggesting. That's children -- I get that. I have four of my own. But the problem is that the mother backs the children and then tells me how I should do it next time. It is hard for me to take -- I am not new to the experience of raising kids and I am quite capable of putting kids to bed, or helping them with homework, or asking them to put away their cereal bowls after breakfast, etc. But no matter what I do -- in the end, I pay for it. She believes their side of the story, doubts my side ... and takes over to do it herself.
My gut reaction to this is to just stop trying to do anything vis-a-vis the kids. I have tried everything -- taken them out bowling, to parks, etc. As long as I act just like one of their friends, they are fine. But if I ever try to act like an adult (Don't run out into the street, you might get hurt.) I get lip ... they tell their mother and I am given "suggestions" as to how to do it "better" in the future.
Any suggestions or ideas? Am I crazy -- is this only happening to me? Is this normal? Etc. ↓
|
