Hi my name is missy and im 25...ive been with my dream girl for about 7 months now, but we've been living together 9 months and seeing eachother on and off for arround 8 years and been best friends for about 10 years....complicated..i know! i love this girl more then anything! i count myself to be the luckiest person to be with her and cherish every moment with her. she has a beautiful 3 year old boy that i am getting so attached to and love soooo much! he is amazing and i couldnt be happier with who im spending my life with.
now your wondering whats my problem if everything is going so good? ....deep inside im hurting alot, the father since 8 months ago has shown little to no effort at all, shes gone to a mediator, tried making him realize that he has a son to take care of...but nothing....he doesnt call ever, and doesnt take him ever, doesnt pay a cent! this obviously upsets my gf with good cause. yet here comes my problem i am left to sit on the side lines and watch the people i care about get hurt and i cant do anything. im so mad at him that its hard for her even to talk to me about him because i cant help but get pumped up.
shes starting to realize that he doesnt want anything to do with their kid, which is good because turning the page and moving forward is a good idea since hes just a waste of time and energy. i honestly want the father to play a roll in his life, but having him fiddle with their emotions like this and i just want him gone till he smartens up, if he ever does....yet its not my roll, place or anything to do anything about it.
lastnight i gave into my temptation and went on my girlfriends facebook and untagged him from all the photos of him and her, of him and his kid and of his kid....i could bare the fact to know that people would go through his tagged photos and see pictures of him "being a father" when hes no where close to one. it was my only way to lash out. i told my girlfriend, she was upset that i did it with out telling her first but i think she kinda understands :oS
another thing that hurts me so bad is that i love this kid with all my heart and im finding it hard to control this love. i cant love him like my own because i get hurt too much but yet i never want to hold back on my love for him. hearing her say things like hes my problem (meaning the child or the ex) or this is my life hurts alot...i dont know if im doing something wrong by feeling like this or if its normal for a "stepmom" to love a child like its your own but then have it hurt so bad to have it told to you or realize that its not.
i need help.....maybe knowing that im not alone in feeling like you have no say or that it hurts so much when things arround you put you in your place....i love these two with every part of my heart!!! i try everything to make them happy, we are an amazing couple, we barely ever fight, and even if we do its rare and stupid....we're so happy, but im hurting just as much inside, and im so confused of how to be and how to feel, and i cant help sometimes how i act....i just dont know what to do anymore! ↓
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