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Name: candytuft
[ Original Post ]
I was just browsing the web for a support website for stepmothers and realized that there are very very few if any that are strictly for stepmoms, so here is my chance to voice my feelings, and the feelings of other stepmothers, so please feel free to vent, I'm all ears!
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Name: Nadine | Date: Jun 7th, 2006 6:25 PM
I just found out that i had a step daughter although i am not aloud in this girls life and have not seen her and she is 10 years old i feel very angry that my husband of 8 years can exclude our children that have always been there to see this child who he knew nothing about!!!!! OK I am very angry blahhhh blahh blahhh thatnks for letting me vent here 

Name: nicole | Date: Jun 8th, 2006 9:38 AM
i love my step-son a lot, and he has called me mommy since i married his father (before that i was affectionatly called ni-ni). i've had several of my friends get offended by it though and tell me it's wrong and weird. anyone got advice? my feeling is that if he can't have HIS mom and dad he should have A mom and dad (not a dad and a nicole) and if he's lucky TWO sets. besides that i feel that it is a respect issue because he has known me as a mother figure almost him whole life, and growing up i had lots of friends with two moms and two dads. 

Name: Nadine | Date: Jun 9th, 2006 12:06 PM
Ok, i think that it is cool that you all feel at ease with this boy calling you mommy, but the truth is and i am sure many mothers would agree that unless the real mother is dead or something to that nature i really dont think its okay for someone elses child to call you mommy unless you actually adopted the child and or the mother says that it is okay. and again at the same time i am only going by the way i feel as a mother of four and that is it would not be okay to me if my children callled someone else mom!!!!! 

Name: p.c. | Date: Jun 11th, 2006 3:13 AM
I get very frustrated when my stepdaughter 'borrows' my stuff, even to the point of taking it to her mother's house, without asking or telling me, then denying it. She's so used to her mom buying nice bath products, etc, and only using them once or twice then she gets to have them. She doesn't realize that the more expensive niceties are more of an investment for me and financially more difficult for me to come by, and therefore I treasure them more and they are not for her to take and use it all up.

I made the mistake of saying she could use some stuff. I thought she would use it sparingly like my daughter does, and with more respect to the fact that I would like to use some too, lol.

But I am learning. Other people's kids have not been raised like you would raise them. In time she will learn too. I hope. 

Name: proud | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 5:04 PM
I am a new mother with a 10 mos old boy, and two stepsons, 14 and 5. the five year old visits often but i find myself getting frustrated too. the older one is out ot town and i made it very clear that his exwife would need to find a babysitter for the little one because this is my little vacation. if my mother lived in the same state the my son would be there too, but it was too late. well my husband said ok, but his exwife calls after two days of peace and says she needs us to pick up the 5 year old. i didnt even know until he walked through the door. i was very upset. i understand thats his son and i would never want to come between that but i need peace right now, and i cant get it with him running around. i havent told my husband how i feel so im walking around with a very nasty attitude not even trying to. how do i escape without neglecting my family? 

Name: Layne | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 5:21 PM
I am not a step mom. i do however have a son from a previous marrage. my husband always treated brandon now 24 with love and respect. i do think you should have schedualed visitation and not have the little guy dropped off with no notice.also if your husband doesnt mind this happening then it should be when he is home to take care of him.
I would never let my husband discipline my son. I mean he would tell him no but not heavy discipline. i knew he would only hate us later for it. Brandon was 9 when we married. talk to your husband and tell him you dont want to have built up frustration about this. Just be kind and tell him your feelings. You dont want to resent the boy or husband. Or blow up when you cant take the presure anymore. Then you look unreasonable. If this doesnt work I would find counseling or minister to talk to. 


Name: Nadine | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 3:25 AM
Hey Layne, You sound like an acceptional mother! It's very obvious that you have joint custody, which means your sons step mom might have been there to help with the parenting alot more. Well good for you. Oh yeah and as far as petty well I really dont think that my opinion on the fact that i would not be okay with any of my four children calling someone else mom is based on the fact that I have been the only one there for them! Your situation is id alot different from mine because being a parent is very draining but it is the best reward ever to know that i am the one who is there for my children, don't get me wrong i will share almost anything with anyone but my family. Well if my husband and i ever broke up and he was to marry again that is his choice but my children know who there mom is and i know my children would not call someone else mom!!! 

Name: Layne | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 9:04 PM
Nadine thankyou for the compliment. Im not purfect but I do my best. That however isnt free from much regreatful mistakes. Brandon was older when I married my husband now.he would call my husband Dad 2 to other people and his step mom by her name. Im not sure if he ever called her mom. She however was very good to him and for that I was greatful. Alls I know is brandon has told me he is glad I had the forsight to know that fighting over little things( that did tick me off at times)I held my tonge. Only because it would cause him more presure in a situation that was already difficult. If you support your child, comfort them when they are down. Nurture there fragil needs. You will be the supreme mother no matter what they call the other adult in there life and 9 times out of 10 they wont consider calling anyone else mom.No we didnt have joint custody he just had visitation. Every other weekend. and 1 month in the summer. But there again if he wanted him more it was no problem. or if we had to switch we just did. When they get there friends and have sports or what ever. Then thats a whole other story. 

Name: 1momgonenuts | Date: Sep 5th, 2006 7:56 AM
I come from a divorced home. I was one of the lucky ones because I have an awesome step-dad ! He has always treated me as his own and we are extremely close. I love my Dad and my step-dad very much. In my eyes, they are both my "Dad" but my Dad has never accepted the fact that my Mom got remarried...it's been over 30 years and he is just as much as bitter today as he was back then ! ....I am also a stepmom. My stepdad told me that my husband and I would fight.....about kids....and if we stayed focused on eachother we too would survive it....boy he wasn't kidding on that one !! That was 10 years ago, and I am still waiting for it to "get better", so to speak. Being a step parent is a thankless job and it did not come together like the Brady Bunch in any even small remote way !! My husband had four children, I had two, and we have two together. Our two oldest are both boys and the same age. Our next two are a girl and a boy and are a year apart. Then his next is 2 years younger, and his next is 3 years younger....all 6 of them are now 18 and older. Our daughter's are 7 years old. I read every single book that I could get my hands on about blending families...I tried to include all our kids in everything. I made sure we went to all his kids activities, I invited them to all the things we did...his ex was at every turn....putting a road block on everything. Plans changed at every hour and we were always the one that had to change our plans....my husband and I have had endless fights over this fact....and many others....I get along great with my step kids for the most part...the issue is my husbands way of dealing with (better said.,..NOT DEALING WITH issues especially when it comes to dealing with the ex), and she has pulled some good tricks thats for sure!) ! She has been at every turn in the road......hiding behind a bush or tree just waiting to jump out ! She asked me not to celebrate our daughter's first Christmas on Christmas Day because it threw a wrench in her kids schedule. She also called my husband when I was pregnant and told him that she and her daughter's didn't like the names that we picked out for our twins....see, I tried to include his daughter's in picking names, but suddenly the ex has some say in the matter? Think again....all the names she threw out there...rather I liked them or not...didn't get picked !! I don't have to deal with her directly as his kids are adults now, but trust me, she still spreads her poison. I am the one that gets my feeling hurt time and time again. Our daughter's adore all their brother's and sister's which makes it even harder. My boys pretty much stay out of things....they like my husband, and my ex and I stay out of one another's lives. He has never once given us any problems whatsoever......It would take me days and days to tell you all the "junk" I have been handed....all I can say is that the road has been rough and long traveled. I don't think it ever gets better, you just get a new set of problems...... I am a very strong person, but being a step mom and dealing with all the issues and the ex...it's worn me down....I am to the point right now that if I never see his kids again, it would be too soon for me! I am just done....done trying, done getting my feelings hurt, done being blamed for every single thing wrong in their lives.....HELP ! I am at my wits end...and yes, it's my husbands fault too...he could have stood up for me time and time again, but has always let me be the one angry instead of dealing with her or his kids ! 

Name: pam | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 8:42 PM
I really nees advice Im to be married in one month and my boyfreinds daughters are reaaly causing problems. Im thinking of calling off wedding 

Name: pam | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 8:43 PM
candytuft are u there? 

Name: pam to 1momgonenuts | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 8:54 PM
I so feel your pain my future step-daughters have all but ended our future wedding. why dont the dads stick up for the women they say the love??!! 

Name: comfort Bear | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 2:34 AM
Hi I am not sure how this thing goes but, I do have alot of concerns as well. I am not actually a step-mom officially. I am engaged to a man who has a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. They share 50/50 custody, yet the mother has a severe depression and drug addiction problem that creates many unwanted and very scarry twists and turns in everybody's life. The child is mostly effected and she tells me everything. I need someone to talk to..... 

Name: josephine murray | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 4:48 AM
this is not a reply, I have a question, my son gets mad easy towards me , and says stuff like are you f------ stupid or what? I have asked him loads of times to stop , grounding etc. but he won't. I am more hurt than angry. I don't know what else to try? 

Name: momof3 | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 2:13 PM
I have a 6 year old stepson. I have been in his life since he was 10 months old. He calls me mom,. his choice, we tried to get him to call me by my name but he wouldn't so we went with it. It is a very frustarting situation to be in. I am always trying to make sure that my girls and I don't do things unless he is with us, only to find out that his mother has already done it. We don't get him until 10 am on Christmas, so my girls will never be able to run downstairs Christmas morining and open presents. I love that little boy like he is mine. He know that too. But I worry about my girls. Our lifes revolve around him, is that fair to my girls. The other thing is that he is in school, but his mohter only works 2 days a week and lives with her parents, and lives off of child support. I am not talking about her paying rent with it, I am talking about when she wasn't working she was getting tattoos with the money and shopping for herself. I try to be nice to the woman and the only time she is nice is if she wants something. I am always nice to her friends and family, to the point if we are all somewhere her mother talks to me more than her. It is very hard, I wouldn't change a thing, but I wish it was a bit easier. 

Name: Frustrated | Date: Sep 17th, 2006 5:58 AM
This is my story, I married a man that has 2 children , only had custody of one. Recently got custody of the other. I really love them but cant communicate with them. Because no matter what I do its never good enough. We have one child together as well. These children talk back to me disrespect me never listen to me of course. The father always thinks its my fault even when i had nothing to do with it. I dont know what to do. 

Name: janet | Date: Sep 17th, 2006 11:40 PM
i hate my step daughter 

Name: janet | Date: Sep 17th, 2006 11:45 PM
my husband had a wife once sweet and all that, but thats not it.
My step daughter lives with her real mom but she dosent call
us anymore like she used to. what do you thinked happend? 

Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 5:16 AM
Hi everyone,

I am a stepmom. My husband and I had a hard time "blending" families. Once we learned to put OUR relationship with eachother first, and made OUR relationship the priority, everything started going smoother. The kids needed to see that we were a solid foundation for them.I am not saying things are always perfect, but it is soooooo much better now. 

Name: frustrated | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 7:38 AM
I dont understand why if the children have their real mothers alive, they dont want to live with them. Why wont mothers take care of their own children instead their out with their boyfriends while others care for their children. 

Name: sara | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 4:00 PM
If you marry a man with children of his own, is it asumed that you adopted the children and even if the real mom is alive that that child is all your responsibility. 

Name: mommyboo | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 8:54 PM
Wow my stepson and I just dont get along and its starting to do a number on me and my mariage.I love him so much but he just doesnt care.I was looking for a friend or 5 to vent with.Is there anyone in Indiana. 

Name: sara | Date: Sep 19th, 2006 5:39 PM
Its san i have such a hard time with my stepchild, that I dont recommend it to anyone. 

Name: frustrated | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 4:31 PM
I guess this is an old website , no one ever responds. Dont bother using it. 

Name: Nicole | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 5:33 AM
Please help...My step child is ruining my relationship 

Name: mommyboo | Date: Sep 30th, 2006 3:34 AM
I know How you feel Nicole My stepson is doing the same for me.We just cant get along.He wants his dad to himself evan though we have a child together.He hates it when we do anything as a family.He always ruins it.He is also mean to my 7 year old (his step brother)I just dont know what to do.If you would like to chat and share our stories email me [email protected] 

Name: Acie | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 5:43 PM
I'm an extremely frustrated step-mom! My husband's 17 year daughter and 15 year old son (by different mom's) are two of the most terrible kids I have ever seen. They've been in constant trouble in school (numerous suspensions for bad and disrespectful behavior) since my husband and I met 10 years ago. They've both even been incarcerated and have served time in juvenille detention. My husband and I had our 8 year old daughter in 1996 and lost her to cancer in 2005. God, has blessed us with a beautiful baby boy 11 months old now. His kids are still stupid and selfish and get into trouble everywhere they go. Yesterday his daughter was in a fist fight at a local fair and claims it wasn't her fault, yeah right. I'm at my wits end. I told my husband that she must leave our house today or my marriage will be over! She lies, is deceitful, and so ghetto she'll turn your stomach. I don't know if anyone out there can offer me advice about this awful situation so please just pray for me. Thanks 

Name: KAT | Date: Oct 15th, 2006 8:47 PM
Hello! I'm new to this board, so I feel that a little history is in order. I am a Biological mother to 4 children (13 g, 10 b, 7 b, & 5 b) and Step mother of 2 (14 b & 11 b). My 10 year old son is living with his father and his future wife (not my choice, but we are making the best of it) and my husband's 11 year old boy lives with his mother. When my husband and I moved in together a bit more than 2 years ago, we decided that my children and I would move to his home town, as my childrens' other parent did not live near by and his ex did still live in the same area that he lived in. I knew my children would adjust well and they have. As soon as I moved, his ex and I formed a cordial relationship, so that the children would feel as comfortable as possible in this new dynamic. Unfortunately my nievety and willingness to "make things ease in to place", left me easy and ripe to take advantage of. I am currently not working outside of the home, due to my 5 year old boy being Autistic, so I am going to school full-time on-line to get my teaching degree. This was seen as my not having anything better to do than taking care of the children, by the ex. They had split custody, so Wed. through Sat. we had the boys (4 days per week). With in a month we had the boys Sunday evening through Saturday afternoon. By my 3rd month here, she was calling to say that she couldn't have the kids at all this weekend, because her boyfriend was taking her out. This continued (for a year) until one of the boys really broke down and begged his mother for some time with her. She then took them for the weekend twice a month. She would pop by every now and then to chat, but never really asked about her children (she still got $446.00 a month child support). In April of last year, I asked her if she could take the boys out to get new shoes on her next day off (she worked 4 days a week) and she blew a gasket. Why should I want Her to use Her money for Her children that don't live with her?!! I waited for my husband to get home from work and told him we needed to contact a lawyer, so that we could get our living situation made legally permenant, and stop giving her money that she clearly claimed as her's not for the children. We were immediately granted temporary custody and her support went down to $34.00 per month. She suddenly wanted the children. She'd call me crying that she couldn't pay X, Y, or Z, and needed to "borrow" money. I refused her. I told her that I am not the party she needed to speak to and would leave it at that. By October she wanted to move 150 miles away (with a man who is a convicted felon-stole money from his past employer to fund his high faluting outings with her) and wanted the children to go with. The youngest wanted to go, but the oldest did not (his mother treated him like she treated my husband...belittling, expected him to be "the man" and do everything from mowing to dishes, told him he was worthless, etc. etc.). We spoke with our attourney and thought that it might be best for the youngest to go along as he was so addament for so long about not wanting to be with us. He missed her. She is his mom. I can rationalize that, but we were scared for him as she has layed out a history of not being a responcible parent. She promised to get a job as soon as possible and to drive here every wekkend to either pick up or drop off children, as her mother lives here and they could visit then and we paid for the gas. It seemed to be going ok. But she wasn't able to find a job and wanted the full amount of support back. No way!!! We still bought all clothing, school supplies, and everything else needed including their medical care. She had her mom get her a lawyer to get the oldest back. He has gone to school here his entire life, his grandparents are here and his friends etc. The judge agrees that he should stay, so does his teachers, grandparents, and a therapist that I have taken him to since the beginning of his stay with us (he was so full of anger and had quite a short fuse). She left it alone until we bought our home (I worked hard to get my credit back after my divorce and had some money stuck back from the settlement on my home with my ex and used that to buy our home). She was angry that I had "that much money" and "gave her none"! I wasn't married to her!!!! She is just my husband's ex. I owe her nothing! She started making up bogus illnesses and thefts of her son's property and would ask for money. I used that money how I saw fit, it was mine....I used it for down payment on "our" home. We got married on Aug. 24 and that must have been too much for her, because she showed up at our home and threatened to kill me if I did not give her her son. I was truely scred and called the police. I did not press charges...I am dumb, but told the police I did not want her here unless my husband was home. That was ordered by the lawyers as a valid request and has held. On Friday, my husband, his eldest son, and I had a meeting with the guardian ad-litem, and I was told by this person, who has no idea who I am or what has been going on, that I was wrong for calling the police! WHAT???? Ok, that was too much. This boy has progressed so much since I have met him and unfortunately (for the sake of the relationship) he now wants nothing to do with his mom. He will be 15 in Dec. Parts of me ache for his mother, because I am a mom, but the way she has treated this child is unbelievable. There are too many things that had happened prior to my entering the picture and since, but I will stand by his choice. I told my husband and his ex that I was not taking sides with either of them on their past. I wasn't there and obviously he did love her once. I let them know that I was going to take the side of the children though, and do everything in my power to make sure they were taken care of. ( I have a great relationship with my children's other parent...we have even shared holidays in the same house!!!) If my husband's oldest, or even his youngest for that matter, wants to call me mom... I will let them! I am not their mother, but I will always be here for them and would be honored by that. Ok....blah blah...If anyone read this, thanks. I've left out the petty b-s stuff because that would take a lifetime, but now when I come back...you'll have a reference point to see where I am coming from. 

Name: kim | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 1:09 PM
i really need help. i seperated from my husband and am now going through a divorce. i have our 2 children living with me they are 14 and 15 years old both great kids. i met a guy who has his 2 boys living with him age 9 and 7 well now we all live together. all the kids go to their parents alternative weekends. he also has anoth child who lives with his mom he is 5. he comes to stay with us 1 night a week. my problem is my partner is wanting to include the other child who is not his into our lives. i might sound heartles but i think having 2 of his children full time and his other over night is more than enough. him and his ex must have disccused it because now this child is going to my partners work and asking when he can sleep over. when i asked who told him he could he said his ex must have. i have already in the year we have been living together put up with him calling me her name twice, him lying about a meeting between the two of them, him not having a birthday party for 1 of his sons so not to upset this boy, his ex getting her own way with days and times of collecting their son, him telling me i am jealouse of her looks when i asked him to destroy nude photos he told me he had of her in my home. im sorry this is so long but i dont know how to handle it its like he tries to get a reaction out of me through her. i just want the happy life together we used to have, i dont feel i can trust him around her its just the impression i get off him or is he doing it on purpose i dont know any more. tnxs xxx 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 5:58 PM
Kim,I think he is definitely enjoying the reaction he is getting out of you where she is concerned however,enough is enough already! Tell him this isn't highschool drama and he needs to grow up and be respectful to you if you are the one he is choosing to share his life with. 

Name: roxy | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 8:55 AM
hi lizzi, i know your right about the reaction thing many people have said the same, e.g after i posted this we were due to pick up his son whom we have overnight and he called my cat her cats name, its only a cat he said yes i said but only a past relationship also, it make me angry because he sometimes calls my son her other sons name too. i refused to go with him to pick up his son which must have shocked him because he knows i dont trust him around her with everything thats happened. but i fet like i had won a battle sort of proving that yes u can go there on your own coz i just at this moment dont care, and really i didnt which made me feel really good in myself. what makes me more angry is at easter we bought her other son an easter egg well i did i paid for them and she didnt get his 2 children nothing birthdays are the same not even a card yet he still treats her like shes all that with cream on, now if she was a nice person getting the kids birthday cards easter eggs etc like we do with her other son then i would understand but she makes life difficult everytime she has the chance. yet i'm the one he calls nasty for not allowing her other son to sleep. lol i must be going mad to even put up with this.
wow did i talk then lol anyway tnxs for replying xxx 

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