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Name: niya

[ Original Post ]

I am 20.I have baby brother of now 2 years and 11 months.My stepmother ,who is his mother went to her parents to give birth.As soon as she went she started trying for a divorce.She got on after the birth.And can you believe it she left her child who had yellow fever with her older sister ,who is mother of 4.To go another city to meet her BF.She would not allow any of us a visit.We went to court and got him when he was 18months.Since than i ve been his mom.But we tried to be on friendly terms with her for his sake.But She remarried when he was 6months and now she has 2 children.In 18 months she haven't visited and when i called she siad i am disturbing her.Boy was she rude.When we brought him he was 18months but 7Kg.Now my child has behaviour problems bad.He broke forhead of our cousin and he hits everyone,doesn't react to discpline,misbehaves a lot.Still he is very lovely and can be an angel.But his school complains of his temper tantrum.We had 5 tutors all said they can't manage him.What am i to do?I can't help feel guilty and depressed.Thought normally he is very happy child with hyperactiviness ,who doesnot care to make friends .He just doesn't follow anything and react 's to no very negatively.
Does anyone has advice?? ↓

Name: Nadine | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 1:32 PM

I think as far as his mother is concerned she should only pay child support and keep her away from the child. Do not allow her to have any contact with him at all!!! Try and forget that she exists and NEVER EVER talk about her to the child or around the child! He is obviously the type of child more so then any other to have a complete structured life every day the same routine make up a chart so that he is involved in as much as you can possibly have him involved in. I know it is hard not to get upset with a defiant angry child but trust me I have four children and two with the same kind of behavior and they needed me to be very patient with them and now with their lives structured and full and me having more patience they are doing so much better!!! There is no such thing as bad children although I used to think there was I now know that no matter what I am all they have and I have to give my all to them so that they learn to put their anger and frustration in its proper place! Please try your hardest to help him and remember GOD will never give anyone anything that they cannot handle trust that and believe that everyday. When you are getting upset do not let that child know, leave the room or whatever you have to but never allow a child to know that you are out of control because that will feed their problems!!!! I know you can do it it is sad that you are so young taking on someone else's respnsibilities but everything happens for a reason. ↑

Name: niya | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 1:57 PM

Thankyou Nadine.It is great to know that it is not because of me he reacts that way.Lately i have been feeling lot guilty more so than before.Even thought now also i try to be more patient.I will definately take your advice.I needed to talk to another parent bad.So thanx again. ↑

Name: Nadine | Date: Sep 9th, 2006 3:31 AM

your welcome !!! i hope it works. I also put my sons in a self defence class called ikedo it is really good for add,adhd,autism things like that. I dont know but look it up and read about it he might just need that kind of centering! Take care ↑

Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 7:35 PM

If his biological mom has no interest in him then stop trying to force a relationship between them. Instead,adopt the child as your own or if he is too much burden for you then there is always option for adoption. You are young and I can certainly understand it being difficult to play the role of mom to someone elses child. The question is are you up to it and can you handle it because it is a huge responsibility especially when the child has behavioral problems. ↑