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Name: Steph
[ Original Post ]
I worked in group home with diabled adults beginning at 18yrs old and a little after college, totalling 11yrs. I never imagined that I'd have a child with a disability of my own. But, I never worried about it, since I alway enjoyed working with individuals with disabilities. Boy was I in for a surprise. Big difference working with these folks vs. living with one everyday. It's no longer a choice. I'm 35 now. I have a 9 yr old with ADHD and my son with PDD will be 6 this month. I'm a single parent and have been through the various struggles that have been mentioned by other parents in this forum. ie. forced to to give up good job, struggling to obtain services, restricted to my home, struggling with the school system and etc. To my advantage, I have been taught and learned on my own various behavior modifying techniques with my past work experience. I know it is different with all children, but for my son, if I am able to ignore most of the inappropriate behaviors, they end quicker. In public, this isn't always possible. The store is still a challenge for us. Sometimes, my daughter tried to intervene, making the situation worse. I know she is trying to help, and that is something else I'm trying to work on. If things get too out of control in public, I will walk right out without stopping. It usually involves a lot of screaming and jumping up and down out of my son. But, he follows me. I just walk as fast as I can. I usually ignore him all the way home, then talk about why we left once we get home. He finally was accepted into special ed this fall, after being denied twice previously. This was a long struggle, leaving me to wonder if I would be able to keep my job. I already had to give up a job I had with the court for five years due to his inappropriate behaviors at daycare. I now work back in the field with developmentally disabled as a Case Manager. I've been there for almost two years and he has been in a self contained class at the same elementary school as his sister. He has had wonderful specialists for the past two years that have served as my strongest support system. Although I have learned a lot with working directly with disabled individuals, I am always open to new ideas and suggestions. I do not claim to know what is good for every person with a disability. I did read the Son Rise book this fall, by Barry Kaufmann. I like the approach a lot. I found that I used some of this "acceptance" approach at times with my clients. I felt that I got much better results most of the time. I have not found that time out or any other kind of punishment has any kind of deterent on my son's future behaviors. He will apoligize for what he's done, but he'll do it again if the impulse arises. I find that behavior shaping approaches can work too. But, I often wonder if these folks are just living as "actors"? I don't want that for my son. I feel like he would be living in fear, under someone elses ideals. I know how trapped, frustrated and overwhelmed it can feel. It is up to each parent to decide how they want to teach their own child. For me, I just don't want too many times that I have to look back and feel sorry for the way I handled a situation. I try to pay attention my feelings. That is what they are there for. When I have those days where I am overwhelmed, I just look back at two-three years ago and remind myself of how much he and the situation has improved. He's made wonderful strides! He's starting to say he's getting mad before having outbursts. His attentions span is so much better. He's learning to do things more independantly. It is getting better. I think it can for everyone. But, it is going to be a lot of hard work. There's no denying it. Good luck to all of you parents. I admire you all and you have my empathy. Please feel free to email. [email protected]
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