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Name: lisa
[ Original Post ]
my daughter has several disabiliites.we know that she has ADD, developmental delays /mental retardation , hearing and vision impairment. now she is being checked for autism/asbergers. her father just does not want to accept she has problems. normally i try very hard to just ignore him and know that it is just "his problem". lately my daughter has been saying that her dad does not love her and she is mad at him. she is even talking about it in school now , trying to reach out. i tried speaking to him about the situation. he only responds with "you let her say those things" and "she knows i love her". well , obviously not if she is constantly talking about it. now he says it's only for attention. i just cannot get through to him . he doesn't want to face her issues, and is embarrassed of her. all i could do was cry. cry for her pain she must feel but has difficulty expressing. why does he have to be so selfish? i would almost rather have him out of her life if he is going to behave like this. he had an neglectful childhood and sometimes i wonder if that's why he just does not know how to love. but he is a grown man now, almost 40 yrs old. it's time to grow up and put our daughter first. does anyone have any suggestions for me , cause i'm tired of trying to make him a parent. you can't make anybody do anything. it simply breaks my heart for my child.
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Name: Gill | Date: Nov 10th, 2005 10:39 PM
Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Your poor daughter! And poor you! Her father, like most men including my fiancé has problems dealing with difficult situations and would rather waive them off, rather than deal with them and resolve the issue. It's his way of controlling the situation so it causes him minimum discomfort. However, this is clearly causing your little girl much heartache, especially as she has many problems of her own to deal with, and is looking for her father to tell her it's okay. But Lisa, it's not your job to make him a good father. You will never be able to do that. And trying is only going to make you more stressed and upset, and your daughter will sense that. This will confuse her all the more. It is your job to be a good mother to your daughter and try to give her all the love and support she isn't receiving from her father. This way, at least she'll know she has her mother to rely on for support. One day, her father will learn to regret his behaviour. There is only so long she will look to him for support, until she gives up on him completely. It sounds to me like the sooner she does that the better, for her sake, and for yours. Gill. x 

Name: lisa | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 1:47 PM
thanks for your kind words. i really appreciate it and you are absolutely right . i only wish that my daughter could learn to let go of her father for support and consistant love. i hate to see her hurting. she ask me everyday if he loves her. i always reassure but it does no good long term. 

Name: Heather | Date: Jan 9th, 2006 10:20 PM
She is talking about it in school? She can't be that retarded then. 

Name: cares | Date: Jan 11th, 2006 7:17 AM
Ouch Heather 

Name: for heather | Date: Jan 11th, 2006 2:23 PM
you must not know much about children with disabilities whether it be autism , ADD or as you said MENTAL RETARDATION. children with disabilities are still people with real feelings and real emotions that deserve to be validated just as you would expect someone to validate yours. 

Name: Kelly | Date: Jan 11th, 2006 8:45 PM
To Heather: Where the hell do you get off? Why would this woman lie about her daughter being meantally retarded? There are all different kinds of levels and severities of mental retardation. I feel for you Lisa and my heart breaks for your child as well. You should just keep being the great mother you have been so far and maybe you should let the father out of her life if he is going to make this poor child feel this way. Thats not love. Thats just plain cruel. And as for you Heather I am so sick and tired of your non-sense comments you make all over these boards. You are rude and that is not what these woman that come here for good sound advice need. So take your rude comments and go somewhere else. 


Name: Melinda | Date: Jan 12th, 2006 6:23 AM
Lisa my husband completely ignores the fact that our son is autistic and just doesn't get his behaviors. I feel sad for my son that his father can't accept the way he is. I also feel lonely that I have to do research and therapies myself. I would love to have a partner to talk things over with and conquere this disorder together. My son's therapist tell me a lot of fathers are like that. I really don't have much advise for you but your definately not alone in your struggles. We're all here for you. And your right you can't make a person change. At the very least your daughter has you which is something to take pride in. And don't listen to Heather she likes to make negative posts on all the forums. 

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