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Name: briseis
[ Original Post ]
I've been feeling so down about my relationship lately. Although we've been together for over 6 years, and engaged for almost 3 years, we aren't married. But we've owned our house together for 2 years, and have a 16-week-old son. So it is complicated. His entire family hate me, and won't even have anything to do with my fiancé, myself or even our baby son. There is no prospect of us being able to afford to get married anytime soon, and to be honest, with the way things are, it's probably for the best. Mark (my fiancé) adores our baby, but he's rarely around. He goes to work 5 days a week, is often working late, and when he does come home, he eats the dinner I prepare for him, says hello to the baby, and the goes on his laptop for the rest of the evening, or out wall climbing or drinking with his friends. At weekends, he visits his friends, or goes hiking (like he's doing right now) I have no car, and am a stay at home mum, so I'm housebound, and to make matters worse, I'm 80 miles away from my family and friends. I'm only 24 and my days are mapped out, taking care of our baby and our pets, cleaning our house, and preparing the meals for all of us. If I try to talk to Mark about it, he gets defensive and angry ... Any advice???
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Name: briseis | Date: Jan 5th, 2008 2:57 PM
Don't get me wrong. Its not yet gotten to the stage where I'm going to leave Mark, because, despite everything, I still love him. But ... I'm worried that given time, it will get to that stage, as I'm feeling more and more lonely and isolated. 

Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 6th, 2008 4:56 AM
Yeah, leave him. 

Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 6th, 2008 5:08 AM
Sounds like that is probably the best thing to do, even if you feel you don't want to. 

Name: Lory | Date: Jan 7th, 2008 2:33 AM
briseis, Hi! Feelin at times the way you are right now! Tho your not married yet....makes no diff! He is in a committed relationship w/child! Meaning...your siginificant other needs to understand..you "both" are w/child!! His days of living like y'all are single folk should be done. Sorry...my dh had 3 kids when I met him...so...he already knew how to do the Dad thing! I'm sorry I could not offer much advice there.

As far as his fam. hating you...I've been in that postition for 14 yrs. in May. I have given "them" no reason to despise me...yet they do. I'm assuming that MIL says no one is good enough for her son...nor will anyone ever be!! Over the years...I've learned....do the best I can as a wife and mother...and, continue to give them "no reason" to hate me...believe me..it gets them in the end!! Then...they're wondering why he doesn't call, write, or break his neck to see them!! Not my doing....at all!! I actually encourage family!! Now...they just leave me alone..and, unfortunatley our dd too. Oh, well...I have found you don't need them to be happy anyway!! My dh misses his family...but, he understands...it's nothing I or we have done!! Their loss!!

Speaking on being a new sahm....I'm sure this has been said to you before....go to the park...find groups w/sahm's to hang out with. Find a "trusting" person to sit with your lil one for an hour or two..(even if you don't leave the house) to get much needed down time...a bath, a book, a movie, or just a nap!! I know it's easier said than done to find someone trusted other than family...but, keep searching. I'm not sure where you live....take up a hobby that your lil one can be there....gardening outdoors...put your son in a stroller sit him beside you....scrapbooking is another good one...ohhh...photography. I know you may feel over time it will get worse...but, as your lil guy gets older...it will get easier on the monotony. The stages they go through...keep you on your toes...and, are exciting at the same time. Best Wishes!! Hang in there!! Happy New Year to you! 

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