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Name: Serina
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My husband has 2 kids with his ex w.We have them every Fri. and Sat alt holidays... ex wife M is a piece of work... to say the least.I am always nice to her especally in front of the kids. When I know she worked or was ill on a time we drop of the kids I always say be nice to Mom or try and help her out tonight M is tired or what ever the case.
Any Way... she wanted pictures of her kids at My husbands and my wedding. The photographer was told to take some shots of JUST the kids... well he never did so the only phots I have is of the kids with us. I was trying to figure out how to maybe crop some to figure out how to give her a few . But then... My husband told her the photographer did not take any sorry. She said if she does not get them she will make things harder for us. Like not letting us have a weekend with out the kids.
3 or 4 times a year we ask for a weekend off . So she is saying she does not have to do that anymore but she forgets that we take them on Sundays when she needs us to and during the week and so forth.
I can not stand being manipulated in to giving her pictures of our most private time together as we became a family. I worked so hard on making everthing for the wedding and set up everthing.
I would have given the photos to her the (Of just the kids) but it did not happen.
That day was just about us! Not her. If we let her get away with this she will always get what she wants regardless.Now I really do not want her to have them!
What should we do?
Let me know you thoughts
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Name: sonia | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 5:02 PM
"Like not letting us have a weekend with out the kids" I do not get a weekend with out the kids come on you are being selfish. If you need a weekend hire a baby sitter. Remember these kids don't live with thier dad anymore they only get a part time parent. Remember your new husband had a wife before you and he had children with her. Don't be so petty all mothers want pics of there children. Just give her a few and don't worry about it. What is so bad anyway it will help her remember her ex is remarried. 

Name: To Sonia from Serina | Date: Apr 4th, 2006 2:38 PM
Sorry, I did not explain this before but one of the kids is bipolar and can not have a babby sitter.He has violent out bursts and it can be very difficult. She would not let us have one anyway. We also take the kids for long weekends when she goes away.. and when she does not feel well or wants to work on a Sunday when ever she need s help.
Also I give her photos of the kids all the time. I do not understand way I have to give her pictures of our wedding. I would have given them to her if the photographer took them of just the kids but he did do as request He foregot to take alot of important photos. I would have to crop, cut, figure out how to giver her shots of just the kids. Since I have none of just them alone.
I guess I would not feel so strongly about not giving them to her if she had not demanded them as if they we hers and we took them from her.On top of that the manipulating (forcing ) us to give tem to her or she would not let us go away on the weekend. I feel now that if we give in to this She will alway get what ever she wants. I did not mean to sound selfish . I do love the kids and I enjoy them alot! I just feel like she is always trying to cause a trouble. I know she has her hands full with the kids but we do watch them when ever she wants extra time way.
I think once I would like to go out to eat on a Fri or Sat night and or go dancing with my husband but he drops the kids off so late ( her request) on Sat. we can not go out .So taking a weekend off 3 or 4 time a year should not be that big of a deal. We watch the kids more when she needs. I do not know maybe I am wrong ??? ( I just want the wedding photos to just be ours)
Would love to hear back from you .. 

Name: sonia | Date: Apr 4th, 2006 9:42 PM
Well I still think you need to remember there was a life before you came along one that included children and because of this there will be the same types of sacrifices that people make when they have there own kids together. My husband and I don't get to go out on dates either and in the beggining this really bothered me but we have adjusted to a small date behind a locked door in our bedroom.
Think about these two things one: If these were your kids together what would it be like?
Two the mother of these children is raising her kids without being united with the father. that has to be hard even if she chose it this way. Plus it can't be easy for her with a child with bipolar. You should have played these things out in your mind before marriage in fact you should have thought about how you would deal with these situations but hindsight is always better than forsight. I would just give her some pictures. Pick your battles save your energy for the important stuff. Once again the pictures will remind her her ex is remarried. Kill her with kindness and love. You are the one with the husband and she is not be thankful and understand her loneliness. 

Name: Serina to Sonia | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 3:20 AM
Thank you for the reply! I know it is not easy for her by any means. But if she can go out with her boyfriend ( He is married to someone else) why can we get 3 or 4 weekend off a year? If they were my kids I would let someone watch them over a weekend or at least for a dinner out . Since we have them every weekend we cannot go out so We steele for 3-4 times a year Now when she does not get what she wants a photo or us to watch the kids ( call last mins so she can go out,) when we alreay have plans she threatend us. With no weekends ever.While she asks us to have them when she is away. I feel like we have to make a stand some place. regarding her manipulation.
Just so you know I am always nice to her and go out of my way to be agreeable with most things. I even tell the kid to be helpful to her when they go home. I want them to have a happy home life.
She is very hard to deal with and can be very roode to me. When I went to drpo the kids off she say you can come in if you have to ... well I said no thank You I am in a rush ... Like that was a realk invitation. BUt she insisted on see our place. Then she said if you want to live this way it is up to you. I said well yes it is thank you. But said it nicel
I collect antiques ( since I was young) and have a nice place but small apt. WE can not affford anything bigger.
She will personally invite me to an event then whrn I go she say what are YOU doing here.
Then I say thak you for inviting me. you get my drift she is allways rode.
Does this mean she should get everything she wants???
My very best, 

Name: Fiona | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 12:15 PM
Let her take photos of her own kids when she has them. She doesn't need yours.

Tell her to get a life!!!!! Don't be manipulated or bullied!!!!! 

Name: sonia | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 1:16 PM
I don't know what else to tell you. I think it will be a lifetime battle for you as long as you are married to your husband. I wish you well and good luck. 


Name: Serina to Sonia | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 4:58 PM
Thank you fdor your input & Help. My best to you too! 

Name: Sonia to Fiona | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 5:17 PM
Thank you so much! That is how I feel too. I will always try and be nice to her esp. around the kids.
More than the pictures it is her manipulating to get them( anthing). I just do not understand way she has to have them of our wedding day. Just another way to force her way in to our personal life. She will alway be a part of out life in some respect. Because of the kids but a line needs to be drawn. And she needs to stop be manipulating us when ever she wants something. She never said Could I please have some pictures of the kids at the wedding NOooo. She said give me pictures of the kids. I do not feel I should have to go out of my way to make pictures of just the kids for her. I did my best to get them but they were not taken End of subject... I wish.
I always tell the kids how great their mom is and how nice it would be if they helped her more...I would never say anything bad about her to them but I think she is Nuts and very mean to me and to the kids. They ask me why she and smokes ,swear & why she let them watch movies or TV shows and I don not. I just say we are diffrent people. So, We have diffrent rules for the diffrent homes. I dont swear because I do not like it and it is not how I want to be talked to so I do not talk to people that way... Ya know what I mean.
My husband and I talked out what things would be like before we got married but you never know really not untill it happends. You can guess and so forth but It is hard.
I love my New family very much but sometimes she makes everything harder.
Anyway Thank you so very much for your help!
God Bless 

Name: Fiona | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 9:16 PM
I'm stuck with a controlling ex partner (father of my eldest son). He had a court order saying that he could phone my son every day at about 6:30pm. He used to phone every day and it used to drive me mad. A couple of times per week would have been enough, but this man is obsessed. He even phoned him on the day I got married and on the day that I had my baby. He knew I was sheduled for a c-section, so it's not as though he didn't know I was in hospital on that day. My husband had to take my son outside so he could take the call on the mobile phone as they're not permitted in hospitals in the UK. He should have left us alone to enjoy the new baby. One day wouldn't have hurt. He was just being nosy and controlling. 

Name: To Fiona from Serina | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 9:56 PM
Just because the court say he can call 1 time a day does not mean you have to pick it up ?? Does it? I mean really What did folks do before cellphones. I would try and find out if there are any exceptions to the daily calling rule. I am glad for your son that his father is intrested in calling him every day. Maybe you could get a seperate number just for your sons calls. Then you would not even have to talk to him every day.boy.Find out fron the cout or your lawyer what you can do about the cost of the ohone line maybe he would have to pay for it? You never know???He sounds like a wack job . But I would make sure you only say good things about him to yur son. Like I know he loves you and things like that . It is so hard for kids to her from a parent how much they HATE the ex. But I am sure you know that.
How old is your oldest son and Baby? My step kids are 12 girl and 14
Do you think I am being weird about our wedding photos? I am feeling giulty now.???
I hope that the nut case that ordered that you get a call every day Is gone and you will find some one that will stop this nutty rule. 1 time a week should be way more than fair!!! Does he visit with him at all?
Good luck to you !! 

Name: Sue | Date: Apr 10th, 2006 2:42 AM
Do NOt Give in You will not forgive youself later!! 

Name: Karen | Date: Apr 10th, 2006 6:00 PM
I think you were nice to give her other photos but she has no right to your wedding photos. You were kind enough to ask the photographer to take photos of the children but since he did not It should be a closed case you should not have to edit your photos for his ex. Now she is trying to make you do this for her . I say forget it. once you give in to something like this she will always use time ( off) as a way of getting what she wants. This has become more about her controlling than the photographs of the children.
Good luck 

Name: Serina | Date: Apr 10th, 2006 6:11 PM
My husband does not think it is a big deal but is going to tell her to forget it, She can not have them. I do not know this whloe thing makes me feel weird.
She has alreay said that we have to take the kids 3 Sundays in a row and anothjer week Thur. to Sunday night.
Sunday is the only day I get alone with my husband. He works 3 jobs to pay child support & .Because I am disabled I can not work. I wish I could find something I could do to help with the finances. I am in pain all the time. Back surger that I had 2 yrs ago has not helpped and I have been going to DRs to find help.
Sorry going off the subject a bit. I just think that his ex has not wright tring to make us give her the phots. I hope she does not freek out on him as hse has in the past for lesser things.
Gad what a mess. I could go on about her letting her 12 ur old daughter wear red lip stick and dark makeup, padded bras and micro mini skirt but maybe next time.
Thank you all for you helpful words I realy do not have anyone to talk to . 

Name: To Serina from Erin Z | Date: Apr 11th, 2006 5:04 PM
I really do not know why she would want any reminders of her ex getting married to some one else. Even if she hated him. I get it that she wants photos of the the kids all dreeses up but really to insisst on them is WIERD! Do not feel bad that you do not want th ex to have photos that you have to edit . To tell you the truth I would not do anything for my husbands ex. she is a wack job.
Best regrads 

Name: Meg | Date: Apr 15th, 2006 11:57 PM
I do not know what to tell you ... You both have a good piont. What has happened now? 

Name: Serina | Date: Apr 17th, 2006 12:48 PM
Since my husband has talked to her and stated that not going to edit the photos for her. She has now got the kids involved i.e Mom wants wedding shots of us. When are you going to give them to her. I said we are not but for them to not worry about it it is between Mom , Dad & me. She already knows about it. I wish I had handled it better withthe kids . This whole thing has upset me so much I can even l;ook at the wedding book. I had to put it out of sight.I have a knot in my sdtomic over the whole thing. Juist so you know I did go back to the kids and told them I am sorry That we have been discusing this for a while and I just do not want to talk about it any more. Thaer were fine.]]] Ii hope.So frusterating.I just hate her and want her out of our life but that will not ever happen so I just do the best I cam. I is just getting harder to put on a happy face and be knind and sweet to HER!
Thank you all for you comments. It has helped. 

Name: Mel | Date: Apr 19th, 2006 11:10 PM
I think you should give her the photos and be done with it 

Name: Biger issues | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 2:18 AM
Do not worrie bigger issues will happen then what??? 

Name: rw | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 1:01 PM
r,[ 

Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 4:41 PM
Cant you take a couple of photos and have you and your husband professionally removed from those photos to satisfy that nut? Also usually the ex threatens to keep you from seeing the children not make you have them more! What are you complaining about!!!!!!! You can always take the kitties to Wal-mart and have their pictures takenfor the ex. Or you can dress the kids up as they were on the wedding day and go to the spot of marriage and take some picturesof the kids,(put some flowers in the background to make it seem real though). 

Name: Serina to Lisa | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 5:24 PM
Lisa Thanky ou so much for your thoughts!!
I know she is nuts . Our wedding was over a year ago The dress does not fit the girl any more& she has it. We rented a tux for the son .The rental was not cheap. Why should we do all that for her anyway? She is not with trying to stop us from seeing the kids but does not want us to have a week end with out them. We only go away may be 3-4 times a year... if that. She goes away with out the kids all she wants. We think she should but we should also be able to go away some times too ( with out the kids) We have the kids every Friday though Sat late night. And on Sudays when she asks and if she needs help we take them more. I just do not like her treatining us a telling us we can not go away alone anymore if we do not give her the phtos. Tha t is the main reason I do not want to give them to her...plus all the work it will take to make them for her.I am disabled. and can not do much.
What do you think now? Would like to hear back from you & thanks again 

Name: To Serina from Fiona | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 10:00 PM
You're not being silly about the photos. Have you got things sorted out now?

It's okay about the phonecalls now. We went to court last year and the judge reduced them to three times per week. My son is 7 and he sees him during the school holidays. My baby is 18 months old now. Three times a week is a big improvement on every day!!! 

Name: Serina to Fiona | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 11:31 PM
Ia am so glad things are better for you now. What a mess!
Well we ( I ) finally decided not to give them to her.Now she has the kids asking us for them for her GAD. I told them we already talke to their mother anout it & for them not to orry about it...Wekll they kept pushing Even after I told tem we do not have any of just the two of them. I finally said she is not getting them period but if they wanrt to see any wedding photos here they can.
I feel guilty about it now but what can you do. I do not feel or need to bend over backwards for her.
She has needed us to take the kids more often & we have so I do not think she will prevent us from our weekends away...that is if she wants the help with the kids when she goes away!
We have had the kids 5 days last week and we will have them 5 days this week. 3 Sundays in a row including the normal Friday to late Saturday Night . We usually only have them every Friday to late Saturday Night.
Hope all is well with you & your family!! 

Name: Lisa again | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 7:13 PM
Hi Serina! I think she is just simply jealous,thats all. Tell her to take up her matters with your wedding photographer since he is the one who forgot. Tell her beings it was your wedding day,you were a little busy and for once did'nt have her and her needs on your mind and that you are(OH SO SORRY!) But tell her you will be happy to give her your photographers # so that she may discuss the pictures with him!!Then tell her she can always have their pictures taken at school or Wal-mart! She's just trying to get under your skin.Act as if she does'nt bother you. 

Name: Serina to Lisa | Date: Apr 23rd, 2006 12:31 AM
Dera Lisa HI Back!!
I think you are right.. I am just going to let it drop for now and hopefully this will be the end of it.I pride myself on trying to kill her... with kindness and be as giving as I can but I have my limits. I think that is way this is bothering me so much. If were anything else I would just give in but our wedding photos and threatening is a whole other matter.
I am always giving her phots I take of the kids but no more!!
I will always try to kill her ..
with kindness that is..I hope the kids will not bring it up any more too. If they do I will re-explain... for them to not worry about it it is between Mom , Dad & me. She already knows about it.
.But for now the issu is closed I hope I have exspelled way to much energy on this, that is for sure.
I thakn you so much for you help.It is great to have some one to talk to about this. People just do not get it if they are not living the life of a Step mother and new ...or old wife. The difficulty in dealing with the ex is a lot harder then most can realize.
I again must thank you for your honesty and time .
Ver best wishes to you and yours! 

Name: Just | Date: Apr 24th, 2006 6:20 PM
Just say NO NO NO. You give in and she will alwaysuse this to get to you. Good LUCK! 

Name: Serina | Date: Apr 26th, 2006 4:57 PM
Thank
you all for you help. FGinally ecided she will nit get them due to her behavior.
She will have to deal with the consiquences if she will not klet us go away ..in turn we will & can do the same if we have to ...then there is court.. Gad I hope it does not gothat far!! 

Name: Terri | Date: Apr 29th, 2006 1:40 PM
Is the visitation in the divorce decree or is this the arrangement made between DH and ex because this does not sound like standard visitation? That is the first thing that has to be considered. Secondly, there are two ways to look at the whole picture thing. One, you DON"T have to give the pictures to her. You are right, that was your special day but on the other hand, if she wants to be miserable looking at them, there is really no skin off of your nose. If you don't have a set schedule for visitation I would suggest that at least monthly you email a schedule to her for review. That will cut down on last minute contact when she needs you and will allow the two of you and her to plan days in advance. I have found that less contact is best for everyone. 

Name: Serina to Terri | Date: Apr 29th, 2006 3:21 PM
First off thank you so much for your help with this matter!!
It is in the divorce contract that we get the kids Fri to Sat late night and help out wnen both parties agree .Just so you know Step son is Bipolar.We can not have anyone else watch him except us.
We have tried to get her to email us but she does not. I think it is because we will have proof of the times to drop off because she always changes it.
RE wedding phots I guess I just do not want her to see anthing of our day but I was thinking I might work on them to have just the kids in them but then she threated us so no way now!!
Any more help would greatly be appreciated!! very best regards 

Name: Terri | Date: May 5th, 2006 12:23 PM
If she won't email you about the schedule, then "drop the rope" or in other words stop the tug of war with her. Keep a calendar for yourself and just make arrangements for a sitter if you and dh want to go out one a weekend. I would leave it up to dh to make arrangements for the son that is a problem and let go of it.
Drop the rope. I know it is hard b/c I am working on this myself too. I am really trying hard to remember that I am a part of the struggle too. The good thing is that I don't have to be.
Drop the rope. 

Name: Serina to terri | Date: May 5th, 2006 6:02 PM
I will try and let it go .The receipt book has become such a hot topic with us. I just do not wabther to take us to the clleaners.
As always thank you so much you give great advise!!! 

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