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Name: Lucy
[ Original Post ]
My ex-husband and I have been divorced for 7 years. We have both remarried and have other children. Our visitation schedule is very strict and we don't waver from it. He recently went from a well paying position to become a delivery man. He is now having the support reviewed. Our children are older (12&10) and very active in sports and other extracurricular things that he is present at. If the support goes down, do you think it would be wrong of me to ask him to split the cost of those activites? I am afraid he is going to tell me that he pays enough and won't help out. If he doesn't help out, I'm afraid we will have to stop the activities. Any advice?
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Name: sonia | Date: Mar 12th, 2006 5:30 AM
I like hearing threds like this it motivates me to make my marriage work even though I am not always happy and we don't always get along. The situation sounds complicated. Your kids might have to give up their extra activities. 

Name: Alicia | Date: Mar 15th, 2006 1:02 AM
Lucy, it sound to me your feeling guilty to ask your children's father to help with the well being of your children. DONT FEEL GUILTY! Child support can only stretch so far, people dont realize that its not for clothes every month, children have daycare expenses,food, shelter, electricity, school supplies, fieldtrips, projects for school, the list is endless! Rarely does child support cover all of that, leaving the other parent to pick up the other half plus the rest! So can you just throw your arms up and say, hey, sorry kids, Im not gonna pay for your needs because I dont make enough! NO! As parents, its each of our obligations and responsability to provide for them no matter what. We do what we have to do and thats what realy parents do. Extracurricular activities are a vital part of a childs well being. It is our jobs as parents to not let our kids suffer for something one parent is lacking. There are scholarships and subsidy available for these reasons. Please seek them out. Maybe volunteer at one of thier activity's to "work" for the scholarship, there are always ways around things. The best of luck and happiness to you and your kids! 

Name: amazing | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 6:17 AM
Child support is to support a child, not to pay for extras. If you were still together and he had changed jobs, you would discuss if you could afford the sports, etc...if you could not, they would NOT be in sports. So if you want them to continue, I suggest you get yourself a second job or a first job and pay for it yourself. 

Name: pj754 | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 5:46 PM
In my divorce papers, my ex is suppose to pay support for 3 children and any extra curricular activities that the children are in, we split the costs 50/50. All you can do is present this to your lawyer or judge while he is trying to get his support reduce. 

Name: Layne | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 10:33 PM
Please....say no to the children for petes sake. my kids go out for one sport each and my folks pay for the basketball camp and football camp. It is part of there birthday. I am married to there father but I did raise my eldest son on only 200.00 a month child support and never expected more. If there was something beyond our means and they wanted it badly again that goes on there birthday wish list. plan ahead 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 2:57 AM
Ask him if he will split it and if he says no then you will have to withdraw the kids from the things they enjoy. If your ex sees how much this bothers them though,he may reconsider and pay up. 


Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 2:59 AM
And you can also tell the kids it's not because of you because you will pay for half,then they can work on their dad to change his mind and help afterall. 

Name: Jud Mormol | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 3:26 AM
my husband and I are getting a divorce,we have 3 kids,12,10,7. I have always been home with the kids I have worked part-time 3 days a week,so I am home 2 so they can come home on the bus and do extra activities on those days,I was the one who always took the kids to doc apts,get school stuff. My husband want 50-50 visiting with kids . They would live with him 50% and me50%. I work partime but I make good money,I work for my families business. He has been on off jobs in past 3 years. He now has a job he just start where he make about the same amount of money that I do. I may make a little more. He refuses to pay me child support. Will he get away with not paying? He said he will pay when they are with him but I know he wont buy clothes or stuff they need I will end up buying the kids everything. I do not want to always keep record and ask him for the money. Will I be granted some support? 

Name: SErina | Date: Aug 19th, 2006 12:56 PM
I am sorry but I do NOT agree with Lizzi Never speek badlyt about the other parent or put blam. If he can not afford it why is it his falt. Why tell the kid your father will not pay it hurts the kids . Above all else DO NOT DO ANYTHING to HURT THE KIDS!!!!
Just ask him if he could hel out with the kids activites. If he ca not or will not ask the court. I hoonestly would be more concerned about food and cloths for the kids then the activities!
Yes they are great for kids but lets get real it will not kill them if they can not go. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Aug 21st, 2006 1:11 PM
I dont see anything wrong with the mom saying to her kids that she has her half,and they'll have to ask dad for his. 

Name: JESSE | Date: Aug 22nd, 2006 2:23 AM
MOST PEOPLE DON'T TAKE A LESSER PAYING JOB BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT MY HUSBAND HASN'T BEEN MAKING AS MUCH AS HE DID WHEN HE MADE THE ARRANGEMENTS TO PAY DAYCARE FOR TWO CHILDREN WHICH IS VERY PRICEY. WE STRUGGLE TO MAKE THE BILLS AS IT IS AND WE ALSO HAD A BABY. MY SON GOES WITHOUT. NOT THAT YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD GO WITHOUT, BUT MONEY CAN ONLY GO SO FAR. SOME SACRAFICES MAY NEED TO BE MADE ON BOTH PARTIES. IS HE REMARRIED? DOES HE HAVE OTHER CHILDREN? TALK TO HIM AND SEE WHAT HE CAN DO. OBVIOUSLY IF HE IS MAKING LESS MONEY AND HAVING THE COURT REVIEW HIS CHILD SUPPORT ORDER IT IS FOR A GOOD REASON. I AM SURE HE WOULD NOT WANT HIS CHILDREN TO CUT OUT SPORTS OR OTHER EXTRA CURRICULAR ATIVITIES, BUT UNFORTUNATELY YOU CAN'T GET BLOOD FROM A STONE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. I HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU. 

Name: miss. E | Date: Jun 20th, 2007 10:35 PM
My son'sfather and I separated in 2001 he was ordered to pay me child support. At the time I didn't think anything of him not putting down all employment, he had been fulltime in the alabama national guard since 1999, the only employment he put down was a part time job at a grocery store. He then was deployed to iraq in april of 2002. My child support never changed, I don't think he reported he was in the guard. While in the guard he got married and when he returned he and his new wife got custody of my son through lies and knowing the judge. I could not afford a lawyer to go to court so I just returned my letter to his attorney requesting a hearing, While im waiting for a hearing for months im still getting my son on a regular basis so im thinking well everything will turn out ok and i can try to save some money for an attorney too much time went by and now when i can get an attorney ive waited to long to get custody back im told. In 2005 my son's father and his wife were going to get a divorce and he asked me if I wanted to get him back, of course i said yes my son was sooo happy he was going to start school back at home with his old friends, not he case he instead takes my son 100 miles away to his mother and puts him in that school system for 3 months. Now its 2006 and I just found out im pregnant working at a job that pays so little i feel like im working for free, and he thinks its time for me to pay child support, keep in mind we haven't gone to court to give him custody, any way it ends up that im paying more child support than he was paying me and i was making less than he was. Now im behind on my payments 3 months because I had my baby and can't work. What can I do My son doesn't want to live with his father, He is now 11 at what age will a judge listen to him? What can I do to get back child support for 2001 when he didnt report other income? What can I do to get my payments lowered I have no income? 

Name: Screeba | Date: Jun 21st, 2007 12:00 PM
Miss E. - It depends on the laws where you are from. In my state, TX the court consideres a child's opinion of where they prefer to live at the age of 12. Also, depending on your c/s issues, it doesn't matter what he reported at the time he was supposed to pay child support if the court ordered him to pay a set amount and he did not pay, then you can request back pay for the amount you are owed. If he won't pay, you can file a petition with the county clerks office and the state may be able to withhold his income tax return in order to pay you. If you owe him money for c/s too then you will most likely be ordered to pay him in return. Good luck 

Name: Kim | Date: Jun 22nd, 2007 8:44 AM
Lucy, your ex might still have to pay the same amount of child support if you can prove he took the lower paying job to get out of paying his current child support. Depending on what state you live in (and how good your lawyer is), if your husband has a college degree in finance and his taking a delivery job for lower pay... then a judge might think he's not living up to his salary potential... also, if it isn't already, get your child support order changed on how much your responsible for and how much your ex is responsible for when it comes to activities or costs outside of child support... 

Name: jennifer | Date: Jun 23rd, 2007 12:59 AM
If he was a real father he would go ahead and help his child with the cost of the activities. This day and age if we keep our children active in sports and things they have less time to go out and get there selves in trouble. talk with him and if he refuses then maybe hes not such a great father and then i guess you will have to do what it takes i know i have 3 kids and 3 jobs good luck 

Name: Carissa | Date: Jul 18th, 2007 10:07 PM
Lucy, I too am in a position of similar distaste. I have two children from my first husband which we have been divorced for 5 years. They are (9 & 11), and are also in extracurricular activities. My ex doesn't pay but 200 to 300 a month (which I'm taking back to court to get that modified as we speak) but with that small amount I do ask that he pitch in and help for they are not only your children but his as well and to see them succeed and be happy in life doing what they love should be his goal in life as well as yours. So the next time your feeling guilty about asking him to step up, DON'T 

Name: patty | Date: Aug 8th, 2007 1:48 PM
It wont hurt to ask? You are probably getting the exemptions on the income tax, while he gets none, so maybe you could save some of that money for the sports. Some people also get (EIC), which doubles the income refund. Also the kds don't have to play in all sports and the academics should come first. 

Name: Kurt | Date: Sep 20th, 2007 1:44 AM
I have full custody of my son and am being forced by a female judge to continue to pay child support in the amount of $175.00 per week. I have had custody for over 1 1/2 years and was paid current up to the day before I was given custody. I filed a motion to change the support and lost and the judge ordered me to pay my ex wifes legal fees. Additionally she allowed my ex to sieze a trust fund I had, My ex made over $500,000.00 last year wich we proved in court and this same judge allowed her to list her income at $10,860.00 I am ready to scream, I was also denied a change of venue and the judge said let him appeal this and see what that costs. If I castrate myself and become a female maybe I can get a fair trial. My son is 5 and DYFS gave me custody because my ex wife was substantiated for abuse and neglect. she only see's my son 2 hours per week supervised. Judge Michelle m. Fox is the brains behind this one. 

Name: Mormol | Date: Sep 26th, 2007 2:50 PM
Considering that fact that the internet is available to the minor children discussed in this article, it is in poor taste to keep this on a "searchable" site. It is not factually correct. 

Name: autumn_leaves | Date: Oct 11th, 2007 4:37 PM
Child support includes money for the support of the children and anything that includes raising them, including activities. He isn't responsible for more than that except providing for them at his home. You are remarried and have additional money coming in that you can share in the expenses of your children too. You have to live within your means and your children may have to pick and choose their favorite sport over something else. Sacrifice is a part of life and this will teach them an important lesson that people don't always get what they want. 

Name: [email protected] | Date: Oct 14th, 2007 3:16 PM
If your ex cares at all, you shouldn't have to ask him to split any expenses having to do with the kids. Just like he purposely left a high paying job for an ordinary job, it's simply so he doesn't lose too much on having to support them. If he isn't going to split half on their sports, then he shouldn't show up for their games. But when you ask him to split the cost, you better be ready for a fight if he isn't going to agree. 

Name: naybird | Date: Oct 14th, 2007 8:16 PM
I'm a single mom trying to find out how to file an oder for child support. I just found out where the father of my child is, and I don't want to keep enduring everything on my own. Can someone please help me. 

Name: vicky | Date: Oct 15th, 2007 12:33 AM
i gotta question 

Name: vicky | Date: Oct 15th, 2007 12:34 AM
does anyone know how they configure child support for someone who is self employeed 

Name: [email protected] | Date: Oct 16th, 2007 9:41 AM
im self employed, and the way we do it is based on average monthly earnings. we each contribute percentage of child support according to percentage of earnings. this is re-evaluated once a year.
as for the question on the father now having a lower paying job. I agree with the reply given before. - U should allways try look at it as if u were still married. - do what u can for your kids, but downscale if u need to. even married people have financial problems sometimes, and have to cut back. It works the same way. 

Name: [email protected] | Date: Oct 16th, 2007 9:50 AM
we all want the best for our kids, but sometimes we cant afford it. married or not. 

Name: soke | Date: Oct 24th, 2007 1:28 PM
i have never paid a penny to CSA...
f**k them... i used to pay direct to mother but then she decided to be a bitch (as most women are) and inform CSA...
now my son is at the age of 20 i dont have to pay nothing to CSA, so why have i got a bill for £500 of them...
in my option the goverment has to much power.. how dare they take money off you on top of all the tax we pay for everything .
and for all those single mums out there. GET A JOB !!
dont you get enuf hand outs fron the goverment....
tax credit, working tax credit , help with housing, free dental, free health care.... need i say more . 

Name: Kurt Schwiedop | Date: Oct 24th, 2007 8:19 PM
While attending a parenting class resulting from my recent divorce the question was posed to the entire class of about 25 people “What is the definition of being a parent?” Amazingly no one in the class spoke up, I answered the question similar to the description below, however since that date I have thought about it and the people there. I have taken the time to expand this answer to encompass all of my thoughts.


Our primary role as parents is to provide shelter, nutrition, nurturing, love, admiration, education and guidance in the rearing of our and all children with whom we come in contact with, to raise a child that is emotionally strong, educated, self reliant, morally correct and psychologically, socially and physically fit. Allowing them to be a child and enjoy everything life has to offer at such a young age because in a few short years they will have the same daily responsibilities as you do now.

A child must be allowed to grow as an individual yet softly guided to make the correct decisions about his or her actions realizing that every action has an equal or greater reaction both positive and negative upon themselves, their family and society in which they reside. That their actions may have long term effects upon themselves and others. Immoral acts carry the sentence of shame and disappointment; it is acceptable to be angered by your child and for them to know it however they must always feel loved. The guidance you provide now will help them in the future make solid decisions based on intellect that they will carry for the rest of their lives.

We as parents have great responsibility for all children to learn from, children learn from observation of the people they admire, their parents. It is our obligation to conduct our lives in a sociably acceptable manner from with which our children will grow allowing them to have a positive social, moral and economical impact upon society as a whole. And to prosper as future parents going on to raise a family of their own without being a burden to society.

Kurt W. Schwiedop 2006 

Name: heather | Date: Nov 16th, 2007 11:28 PM
I am 4 months pregnat and my boyfiend dosen't want to pay anything , we don't have medical insurance and I need to have a ultrasound and my exboyfirnd dosen't wnat to pay ? what i should do? 

Name: OnMyWayOut | Date: Nov 17th, 2007 4:16 AM
My boyfriend pays $800---on time, every month, for one child including medical and dental insurance on $60,000 per year. He also pays transportation expenses and uncovered expenses like braces. All for a child who is rude and disrespectful and for whom a used car is not good enough. 

Name: Debra | Date: Nov 20th, 2007 6:50 PM
Im on child support and one of my children has just turnt 16 she wants to get a job how will this effect my benefits? 

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