| Name: tonya | Date: Jan 16th, 2008 4:28 PM |
| i understand totally! I am in the same situation. She left him and wont let it go. we have actually married this past year because it was so much of a problem us being together with her son around. long story short, she gave him up to us. so we have full custody, because she wants to run the roads with the aol men. sad....she tries to make me look bad to her son and im the one supporting him. she is 2500 behind in child support and im the one that has him covered under health insurance because she is not working and cant keep a job, she lives at home with her parents and has no transportation. i understand what you are going through, do you have a aol screen name? we could talk. mine is [email protected] thanks ↑ |
| Name: ditto | Date: Jan 23rd, 2008 3:29 PM |
| I can side with your frustrations. I am dealing with an ex & she says its about the kids and then turns stuff about us. She calls to tell him things about the kids like he/she is giving me an attitude & I want you to talk to them. I tell my boyfriend she has to be able to handle them on her own & her boyfriend should be helping in some little way. She uses him to discipline them over the phone because she can't. There is no reasoning with her cause she will talk, talk, & talk and never listen. I am having my doubts about keeping this relationship going. Dont get me wrong I do love my boyfriend & I have kids as well & they get along with him and they get along with his kids. I just know the ex is not over him. I dont know what else to do cause she'll instigate things to get my boyfriend & I upset with each other. I try to tell him the only relationship you need to keep is with your kids & not her cause she is never wrong. I dont know. Welp in your situation, your right your boyfriend needs to step up & say this is how it is going to be & have a heart to heart with the kids before he deals with their mother. He doesnt have to talk to her while she is threatening. Let the answering machine pick up so that she'll get it through her head he is sticking to what he wants to do or can afford to do at the time. If he doesnt want to then he's not ready mentally to deal with the crazyiness, he's doing what he can deal with. But if the kids understand then there should be no more problems about cutting down on the extra activities ya know. Well I have much more to say but good luck to you and your relationship. ↑ |
| Name: mumtobe81 | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 2:10 AM |
| hi all, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one gong through something similar. My boyfriend and I are expecting our first baby together in May. He has 3 children with his ex-wife who are all gorgeous. The issue is that I accidently fell pregnant only 6-7 months after we had begun seeing each other. This situation may have been a little easier if I hadn't been told only a year and a half ago that I probably wouldn't be able to have kids (thus why the pill I was on apparently wasn't effective because of other drugs they put me on for my endometriosis). We were both confident in our relationship and had talked about having kids together beforehand so we decided to keep the baby. His 2 oldest (daughters, 11 & 9) are excited but his youngest (son, 7) is naturally a little nervous he is going to be replaced. We are trying to reassure him and are both hoping he will be ok once he realises that he is still loved and not being replaced. The kids live with us basically every weekend and every wednesday night my bf takes them out for dinner on their own and then they sleep over at our house. The problem is of course, the ex. She calls my bf EVERY day and sends abusive text mesages and emails (he has a blackberry for work) to him about both of us. She calls me "the homewrecker" or "fat slut" in emails and txt messages even though we got together after they had separated. Because we knew each other (although we weren't close) whilst they were still married (we worked together) she has decided we must have been having an affair, that I deliberately targeted him and that their marriage breakdown is all my fault. The reality is that after the marriage ended (apparently they had been fighting and living in seperate rooms for 4 years - even the kids have told me this) he relied on a whole group of us at work when he found it hard to socialise with his married friends and was deeply missing his kids. A few months later him and I got together and our relationship started there. All our mutual friends know this and are supportive. The problem is that the ex has written emails to my boss and people I work with telling them that Im a homewrecker and has told all their mutual friends and family that it is all my fault. His family have been pretty supportive of us and are just happy that he has found happiness again. Yesterday my parents received a letter from her blaming me for the marriage breakdown and telling them hat they should be ashamed of me. They knew it wasn't true but it was upsetting for them to receive the letter. She says this to the kids too, but they seem to ignore it at the moment and just tell her what she wants to hear. The problem is that they can't go home and tell her what they have been doing at our house and are scared to say if they have fun as they are scared she will get angry or upset. Her temper has only become worse after finding out that I was pregnant and has told everyone including the children that I got pregnant to trap my bf and just want money from him (although I currently earn more than him once you consider he has to pay half his salary to her in child support plus we still have the expenses of looking after his kids 3-4 nights a week). She has also told the children that if they are "embarassed or ashamed" of the baby then they don't have to acknowledge it. I know she is hurting and needs to blame someone else besides herself and my bf for their marriage breakdown, but I'm starting to feel the pressure of her hatred and I feel quite trapped by her. I try to be above all the games but it is hard. She too has signed the kids up for sport that runs all weekend (every weekend) in the hope my bf won't have time for the "bastard child" (as she calls it). Do you have any advice on whether we should be ignoring these emails, letters and txt messages or whether we should stand up for ourselves? up until now we have ignored them completely and if she demands an answer, we only ever reply in a calm rational manner... ↑ |
| Name: ditto | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 3:30 PM |
| mumtobe81 - definately ignore the emails & txt it will give u some piece of mind not reading all the crazy stuff. it helps that yall remain calm when having to deal with her - eventually she'll realize that you two will not be breakup over her little games. it has been 3 yrs for my bf & I and tempers flare when it comes to him having to deal with her but that is rare from what it used to be. i just make sure the kids know they are loved and nothing will stop that. sometimes when dealing with someone crazy or angry it doesnt do any good to argue with them because they have it set in their minds what they think is right and wont budge on listening. good luck!!! ↑ |
| Name: mumtobe81 | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 11:39 PM |
This is an email I just received from the crazy ex today... The wierd thing is that we know all this and do it every week. My bf does all the running around every weekend on top of us both working full time. She currently works 1 day a week and has all weekend every weekend to herself (plus they are at school between 9-3:30 mon-Fri). Do you think she really wants us to help out more, or that she is just trying to prove a point? I'm confused by her erratic behaviour... One minute she tells me I'm not their mother and not to "mother:" them and was angry that I bought them new socks and pyjamas to stay at our house, that I'm not allowed to be alone one-on-one with them because I could be a "pedophile", they aren't allowed in my car as I am probably a bad driver and that I can't attend the kids activities or socialise with any mutual firends, and then the next minute she is telling me she wants me to listen to reading at their school?? I'm confused.......
"As you both still seem so keen to persue a shared care arrangement with my children, you will need to be aware of their
schedules . You have only been doing the running around Wedensday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I have been doing EVERYTHING ELSE. You pick them up and drop them at school only 2 days a week, I pick them up and drop them off 3 days!
Every day the children will need to be at school by 08 45 am NO LATER OR EARLIER!
You will need to be in the pick up zone by 3.10 every day to get a park out the front.
You will need to be available for each child once a week to do reading in their class room ( no infants allowed) 3 times a week.
(oldest daughter)
Tuesday: Gym 4- 8pm.
Wednesday: Usually a day they can have friends over or go for a play, arrange direct with other parents. Both girls have piano lessons at school they must remember their books and have practised.
Thursday : Gym 4-8pm , Tennis lessons at school remember racquets and runner.
Friday: Gym 4-8pm
Saturday : Calisthenics 12-4 pm, Little athletics in Summer
** She also has approx 6-8 Calisthenics comps and approx 5 gym comps per year on a Saturday or Sunday. She also wants to try out again for state team and this will be Sunday mornings for 4 hours.
(youngest daughter)
Monday: basketball training 5.30-6.30
Tuesday: basketball games between 4.15 and 6.00pm. Will also need to take her flute to school for lessons and must practise the night before.
Wednesday: Usually a day they can have friends over or go for a play, arrange direct with other parents. Both girls have piano lessons at school they must remember their books and have practised.
Friday: Representative basketball 2 hours away, you will need to be there at 5.30pm
Saturday : Little athletics in Summer
Sunday : basketball training times vary.
*** She will havebasketball tournaments most long weekends all over the state.
(son)
Monday: basketball training 4.00pm - 4.45
Wednesday: Usually a day they can have friends over or go for a play, arrange direct with other parents.
Saturday : Little athletics in Summer and football saturday mornings (8am) in winter.
PS. There is generally also at least one birthday party to attend each weekend!
I would expect my children to have vegetables at least 4 times a week (I will be asking them and then writing down what they eat) and a bath EVERY night, their uniforms will need to be cleaned daily.
All 3 children need to do readers each night and the girls have homework that has to be done also.
You must send them home with clean, ironed clothes only.
Well as my ex-husband works late and is away often, most of this will be your responsibility. You were so keen to become a mum and
take over my role as wife and mother , here is your chance. Welcome to my world ,I do all this and more on my own thanks to horrible selfish girl who couldn't keep her hands off someone else's husband and willingly destroyed 3 children's lives. ↑ |
| Name: judy | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 12:55 AM |
I don,t know how any of us keep sane through any of this????
I have had things done to me that no one can imagine(although some of you probably can,I am very sad for you) but, through it all i hold the faith BUT, that is dwindling fast. I still believe that we need to do what is best for the kids but, sometimes I am thinking that I might be walking away, which I am very seriously considering. No matter how much you do for anyone it still doesn't seem to matter even to the boyfriend who says it does but, doesn't follow through. I really hope for all your sakes that it all works out because no one deserves this CRAP without some reward at the end. So to all of you I wish you better times and know you are the BETTER person for the things you do and that the children will know this one day. Keep the faith and hang in . good times will come. For me I think I am done,but I hope the best for all of you. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 4:21 AM |
| mumtobe81----the x's are always sooo quick to point out how much they have done or do or...it's not their fault....but, if if that was truly the case...why is she the X??? See where I'm going?? No...we're not all perfect...but, the x's most ALWAYS claim how wonderful and true they are or have been....huh...not always the case!!! GOOD LUCK ...hang in there! She will always try to make you out to be the "bad guy/gal"!! ↑ |
| Name: judy | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 10:49 AM |
| The biggest problem is ex's never see their part in any of this. No matter how much time has passed since the divorce they can't seem to move on. Hopeing for this to change is futile, if anyone has answers to getting past all the drama,please tell me , ↑ |
| Name: justalittlecrazy | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 1:16 AM |
| How do I say this without being negative. I love my hubby with all my heart but his ex wive's yes two are sometimes to much to handle. Before you are married you need to set boundaries. He needs to agree to set aside a certain amount of time for you and time with his children. The ex should not be so involved in your lives that she has control over your lives. I have been on both sides of this issue. I have an ex spouce and I am a step mom. When my husband remarried I loved his new wife because she never got involved in our issues. She has always been very considerate and I do not feel threatened. Now most women who want their ex husbands around that much feel threatened by something and have a need to control every aspect of the situation they can. Take back the control she has over your lives. One activity a week is plenty for a child in school. Your boyfriend needs to pardon my french put his foot down and stand up for you so the bitch will stop. She is only getting away with it because he is letting her. Let me know if you would like to talk. ↑ |
| Name: justalittlecrazy | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 1:35 AM |
| I can't believe I found other people who are dealing with this crap. I just wish she would go away... sigh ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 2:56 PM |
| justalittlecrazy----2 x's....NOPE...could & would NOT do it...I've had my hands full with just the 1...lol! ↑ |
| Name: heidi | Date: Feb 11th, 2008 10:59 AM |
| Yes, I have dealt with this all to well. This is his 4th marriage with me and it's his last wife that I have problems with. Yes she signed them up for dance, karate, summer camp and there is child care he must pay. now they both work and she should recieve less then she is gettting and her mother lives right a cross the street from her. Now to do the history the woman bad mouthed me to him and his kids for the last two years, ruined the day we got married and accused me and my children of things we can prove we never did. She always calling and text mesaaging him about how she can't handle the kids and that they miss him when he sees them twice a year. He said he had to move away because she wouldn't ever let him be in a relationship. He also had phone sex with her when he was drunk by text. Now this has never happened before and hedoesn't drink alot anyways. Trust me I would leave a man for that., but it seems she never stops it's always I can't take it take your oldest daughter to live with you and I always say yes then the ex changes her mind. She has done this over and over and doesn't seem to stop no matter what. The reason why he isn't with her is she cheated on him and constantly bitched at him and never cleaned the house nor did the laundry and anything else. Believe me the woman should have social services called on her the house is unhabitable. I myself can't find it in my heart the do that to his kids cause it would kill my husband. Now for his ex's parents they are drug addicts to prescriptiona and other street drugs and this is what babysits them afterschool while his ex is at work. Listen am at a lose here to if you wanna let off steam my im name at yahoo is [email protected]. I am thinking of leaving him for what is going on but he is really a great guy to my kids and does love me, but I am tired of his ex doing this stuff and him getting ma at me for telling him to stop her. Which by the way he never does till last night when he said he couldn't take it anymore, and said he cahnging his cell number, our home number his ex does not have thank god. Nor will I ever allow her to come to my home, I made that very clear to my husband. Good luck hope to talk to you again but thing very long and hard as to what your getting yourself into, you wouldn't be here nor would I if we at that I leaving you stage, right? ↑ |
| Name: joe | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 11:21 PM |
| This thread is quite common. I walk around with knots in my stomach having to call and deal with the Ex. I stand up to her and I am the bad guy. I cannot win.. Does anyone have a solution to this? I am so sick and tired of it all. I just want my life to move forward. I think I am taking this to my grave. ↑ |
| Name: candy | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 9:22 AM |
| hi, i'm sad to read ur story.. ur bf ex wife is realy making an hard time for u and him.. her main purpose is u make him and u having hard time and eventually u'll leave him urself and i other way make ur bf can't take it anymore...wat i feel is den let her rule over u and ur bf.. if u and ur bf in truly in love and e both of u trust each other do sit down and talk to him let him noe tat tis is not going to work if things continues...suggest him to tell him ex wife tat he disagree wif all tis.. if his ex wif try ti threathen as above ask him not to worry tell her go ahead.. and talk to his childen and let them understand e whole situation i believe they'd will.. ↑ |
| Name: volly19 | Date: Feb 18th, 2008 8:13 PM |
| Wow, Amen for this!! My husbands ex has just struck again which caused me to search the web for something just like this. I am soooooooooo glad I am not the only one who has to deal with a situation like this. I know that in our area the courts totally favor the mother and basically the father is just a sperm donor. So my husband has to be sweet as pie to his ex and she totally doesn't deserve it!! And her & I have never talked but yet she attacks me for no reason. In all honesty, I wonder if things would have ended up this way if I would have known then what I know now. If you are not married and in a situation like this. Think long and hard before making it permanent and think about how long this women has to make your lives miserable. ↑ |
| Name: jnw23 | Date: Feb 23rd, 2008 4:15 AM |
| I feel like I'm reading about my own life when I read your post. My husband and I have been married for only 7 months and sometimes I already feel like I'm going crazy! His ex wife also causes so much drama in our lives. She is constantly causing stress in our lives by always needing money for something (even though she gets almost $700/mo in child support and chooses not to work). She doesn't like me or any of my family and doesn't want the children bonding with any of us. She still thinks she is part of my husbands family and calls his mother all of the time even though they can't stand her but they think they won't get to see the kids as often if they don't talk to her. I even think that she is not completely over my husband b/c she's always trying to call and talk to him (he can't stand this). These poor precious children are caught in the middle of all of this and sometimes I wonder if they even remember how to make their own decisions anymore. I wish I could tell you it gets better but unfortunately in my experience it hasn't. The only thing you can do is do your best not to let her et the best of you. If she makes you upset don't let her see it, she'll feed off of it, and remember above all no matter how hard it is to tell your boyfriend how you're feeling COMMUNICATE those feelings to him! This advice is very hard to swallow sometimes trust me I know. ↑ |
| Name: E. L. | Date: Feb 29th, 2008 1:55 AM |
| Yes, I have dealt with this problem. In fact, I am currently experiencing the same problems you have. The difference is that we married. One of his children is in college and the other in high school. Unfortunately, their mother makes women look bad because she is bitter and angry. She has been since 2003. She tells her children negative things about me. She used to act out in the public with me. I did not fall into her trap and lower myself by arguing with her. Which means she embarrassed herself in the public. Do you pray? Is there a minister or counselor that you can talk to? You have to keep your sanity and your anger under control. Carry yourself gracefully so that your husband will look to you for guidance and hope. The man who loves you is caught in the middle because he does not want to look bad in the eyes of his children. This means that he will give the shirt off of his back for his kids. You have to find an inner peace and eventually he will be able to deal with his guilt of not living with his kids and as they get older (high school), both of you will build a trusting relationship with the kids. It has taken me 2 1/2 years to get my husband's kids to trust me. Just know that I know what your struggle feels like. ↑ |
| Name: AM | Date: Mar 7th, 2008 4:51 PM |
| OMG...there are women out there suffering just like me! I call my husband's ex-wife...MY EXWIFE because she concentrates on me and not what is best for her daughter eventhough she will tell you that she is only thinking about their daughter. One of the hardest jobs in the world is being a step-mom (Cinderella and her evil step-mother ring a bell)! I try and smile and bear it but my step-daughter (whom I love very much) says such hurtful things to me and it breaks my heart! I know her mother is putting things in her head but it still hurts...and now the ex is allowing her daughter to call the step-dad "daddy" in front of my husband (her father) and I know it breaks his heart but he doesn't want his ex to know that because that is what she really wants...she wants to know that he is hurting...I will continue to try and be strong for my husband and I....my husband always says to me..."I don't know why you married me knowing all a while what you were getting yourself into" and I just tell him "Well baby, you are so worth it!" ↑ |
| Name: Linda | Date: Mar 14th, 2008 10:09 AM |
| Mate I am in the exact situation as you. My new partner's ex wife is insanely jealous of his relationship with me. She has gone as far as to take him to family court to allege all sorts of things about him and has tried to put in an order that if he has the kids then I am not to be there. ie preventing us from moving in together. She cheated and left him for dead and left him with the kids. She meets me and all hell breaks loose. Now she has got a prepaid mobile phone in my name and has used it to make harassing calls to me 24times! I got the calls traced and this is how I found out the phone is in my name. She went as far as to use a phone number I had 7 years ago as the driver's licence number. I have only known her since november 2007. Same situation as you. My ex, her and her new partner all work together at a prison and she has rung my ex to warn me to stay away from him. Now his kids birthdays are on next weekend and she has the kids so has stated she wants to have a joint birthday party WITH HIM THERE AND OBVIOUSLY ME NOT THERE. She is really trying her best to get him in the sack yet she is engaged to her fling. He knows what she is like and he is going to be there for his kids. I have asked him if he wants her back and mate he has said very strongly I am never going back there. So yes the jealous ex wives are basically bitches. They realize only when their ex partners are with someone that suddenly they are hot property and want them back. Power and control nothing to do with love. ↑ |
| Name: krissy | Date: Mar 20th, 2008 7:03 AM |
So glad to hear that I am not i my own in this situation. Sometimes my boyfriend makes me feel like I am being "dramatic" about his ex.
My boyfriend left his wife 4 yrs ago and shares custody of his three kids. I am 12 years younger than my boyfriend and get along with his kids very very well - i am their friend - not there mother. I have spent the past year every other weeken with them getting to know then and spending quite a bit of time with them. After all they are apart of my boyfriend and therefor a HUGE part of his life. At Thanksgiviing we were ALL together and the ex saw how close I was to her twin 11 year old girls. Next thing you know she did not want me at the family christmas dinner despite the fact that it was my boyfriends family and he paid for the whole party. He stood his ground and he and I spent christmas eve with the kids and christmas alone. I was heartbroken for him but at the same time he proved to me how important our relationship is.
Desipite the fact that she has had a boyfriend for two years she never looks at me or acknowledges me at all. It is a shame that we can't all get along.
She is having a hard time seperating (despite the fact that it has been four years).I don't think that she likes seeing him with someone so much younger than he and acknowledges the fact that he is most likely going to get remarried and have more children. She still sends him birthday cards that say "husband" and "wife" on them - give me a break! get over it. I am sure that she does not want to see him so happy and moved on, but at the same time you would think that she would be happy that her children are in good hands and very well taken care of when they are with us. I don't act like a parent, but as a "firend" or a "big sister".
She needs to get a life or a job of her own instead of worrying about ours all the time.................. ↑ |
| Name: MIKE KRAUSE | Date: Apr 4th, 2008 8:54 PM |
| I SI NEED SOME ADVICE. IM AT AN END WITH NO WHERE TO TURN YET. I CANT EVEN AFFORD LEGAL ADVICE. MY EX WIFE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF SECTION 7 TO THE FULLEST. (W ITH OUT MY CONSENT OR CARE FOR FINACIAL SITUATION. WE HAVE JOINT CUST) EG. SHE WENT AND GOT BRACES FOR OUR DAUGHTER. NO BIG DEAL BUT THE DOCTOR SAYS THEY WERE NOT NEECSSARY AND THAT HTRE ARE MANY OTHER ROUTS. WHEN I SAID I NEED TO EXPLORE OTHER ROUTS. SHE TOLD ME I CANOT CONTACT THE DETIST OR CONSULT WITH HIM. ECT. WENT A HEAD AND DID IT. THEN SENT ME THE BILL 40 2000$ MY SHARE . HER NEW MAN ( A JOURNYMAN HEAVY DUTY MECHANIC) HAS THEM ON BENIFITS AND SHE WORKS. I GET THE TAB BEFOR HE GETS HIS KICK BACK. ECT ECT . CAN SHE JUST KEPPS SOAKING ME FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF. EG AS MANY SPORTS, CLUBS ECT REGARLESS OF COST TO ME. MY CHILDREN WITH MY NEW WIFE ARE SUFFERING BECAUSE THE EX GETS ALL EXTRA MONEYS. NEEDLESS TO SAY THE STRAIN ON OUR RELATIONSHIP. I HAVE NO PROB WITH MY SHARE IDEA BUT THERE HAS TO BE A LIMIT. I CAN PROVE THE MONEY OUT IS BEYOND MY MEANS TO SUPPORT BOTH FAMILIES. DO I HAVE A CASE((((((((( PLAESE ANY ADVICE WILL HELP!!! ↑ |
| Name: mike krause | Date: Apr 4th, 2008 11:34 PM |
| sorry for grammer ect, on last post. i was a little mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm angry.lol ↑ |
| Name: Kim | Date: Apr 6th, 2008 2:20 PM |
| I am glad that I am not the only one who feels this way. My fiance's ex is a nut as well. This woman is still dependant on him. They have been divorced for 10 years. Calls him up for everything. Does not care about their dauther, just wants her child support money so she can go off and spend it. It is a very difficult thing to deal with, but you have to be sure what you want and take it from there. I refuse to let her get the better of me. What is important is his daughter and I try to give her the love she needs and be there for the both of them as much as I can. Take the highroad like you are doing and just love the children and your boyfriend and don't let her break you down. She sounds like a nut too! ↑ |
| Name: Kim | Date: Apr 6th, 2008 2:34 PM |
| To Mike Krause, I feel for you. As someone who sits back and watches my fiancee pay a lot of child support a month and then have to pay for everything twice is very up setting for me. His ex-wife takes all of the money and spends it on everythign except for her child. I feel for the guys who are great fathers and do everything that they can for their child and have to have the same rules of a dirt bag father who does nothing for thier child. At the end of the day the courts have some changes to make. My fiancee feels the same way you do. I would say since the laws are not going to change in this country that you just have to do what you can for your family. I would think that you do have a case if you could afford an attorney. Hang in there and know that there are many people who feel the way you do. ↑ |
| Name: hi | Date: Apr 6th, 2008 6:34 PM |
| Name: Marjtheex | Date: Apr 12th, 2008 3:45 PM |
You aren'y going to like this. I have been married 30 years to a guy who couldn't stand up to either his wife, his mother or his kids unacceptabe behaviour. He still can't. We now have 3 kids of our own in their 20's. They resent that their father to this day puts up with behaviour from his 2 other kids that he would never stand for from ours. We took the high "positive" road. He never straightened out anything the kids heard from their mother. Our reward? His oldest 37 yr son just withdrew from our family about 20 years ago with no explanation to us or our kids. My husband met with him over the years, but they never seem to touch on what the reason is. Last year he got married - didn't invite his Dad or us. He just had a baby, no call. His 409 yr old sister had a reception for her brother and invite my husband's entire family with the exclusion of us and one of my hushand's brothers. My husband was kicked out of his mother's house for 5 years when she heard he left his ex. His ex was welcomed into his family's homes and still is to this day. Half of my sisters and brothers-in-law are close to her and half are close to us.
We took excellent care of the 2 kids when we had them, never said a negative word about their mother. But if you have a husband that cannot straighten the situation out for the 2 of you, save yourself and your kids 30 years of heartache. HE NEVER WILL. You will never enjoy one day of your marriage as a NORMAL bride, newlywed, wife of many years. If his family still involves his Ex - even worse. There are NO rewards for go behaviour on your part. The bitterness seeds are planted very deep into her kids by the ex-wife and she nurtures those seeds faithfully.
It becomes her life role. I am a 60 year old professional. I have seen my kids get hurt by the ex's kids, my husband is as big a wimp as he was 30 years ago. I am still contemplating divorce. I wonder whether the divorce or my retirement will come first.
Right or wrong, the advice I have given all 3 of my children is - as soon as you find out your date has an ex with kids, don't make the next date. This life is too complicated. The 2nd family CANNOT win in any way 90% of the time. Assuming your relationship is going to be one of the rare 10% stories is foolish. If you are miserable and young - get out now! ↑ |
| Name: Marjtheex | Date: Apr 12th, 2008 3:47 PM |
| sorry - typo the sister is 40 yrs old not 409 ... ↑ |
| Name: lucy | Date: Apr 13th, 2008 1:13 AM |
| Mike, I feel your pain. If you've to put a limit on how far you will go. Don't give away so much that you don't have anything to give to the second family. If the Dr says the braces were not medically necessary I would not pay the bill. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Apr 13th, 2008 8:24 PM |
There is NEVER an easy answer when your dealing with bitter, brainwashing, ungrateful, useless x!
Sometimes refusing to pay the orthodontal/dental bills just b/c the child didn't really need the care causes more grief. Especially when there is a court order for a % of these expenses. We refused to pay for a dental bill in the past that the x let go to collections (we were never aware of it until it was already there) and...we now have a lean on our home for the amount of the bill & attorney fees.
She is now in the process of getting my stepson braces...next week as a matter of fact ( they say he could do withoiut them also)...our daughter just got them b/c she needed them in FEB. 08. In the middle of a flippen recession around here!! We are responsible for 69% of orthodontia for my stepson. It's allll done out of spite...and evil....I'll say it again...there's NEVER an easy way or answer with these heathens!! Thank GOD we only have 2 yrs. left to finacially support this witch!!! Yeeehawww ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Apr 13th, 2008 8:26 PM |
Right or wrong, the advice I have given all 3 of my children is - as soon as you find out your date has an ex with kids, don't make the next date. This life is too complicated. The 2nd family CANNOT win in any way 90% of the time. Assuming your relationship is going to be one of the rare 10% stories is foolish. If you are miserable and young - get out now! =
That advice is given on a regular basis to our daughter too....run the other way...FAST!!! ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Apr 13th, 2008 8:35 PM |
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