| Name: Violet | Date: Sep 4th, 2009 9:59 AM |
I have the same problem. my bf is divorced for 3 years now. the ex remarried, but she phoned him 2 weeks ago, she's still in love with him and want to know if he really loves me more than he loved her. can you believe the nerve. he told her to move on, because he did, more than 3 years ago.
what should i do, just stand back, or should i confront her ↑ |
| Name: DOB | Date: Sep 9th, 2009 5:55 AM |
| please dont feel alone i'm going thru the same thing with my boyfriend and his ex i'm learning to deal with the crazy ex games just like you sometimes it can be hard no to say somthing go of line so i've turned to blogging it really helps get it all out ↑ |
| Name: Stace | Date: Sep 21st, 2009 10:02 PM |
| Hi Sunnee, I think I will soon be in a very similar situation. Me and my fiance have been together for a little over a year. For several reasons we kept our relationship a secret, but we have moved for his job and our secret is about to be out. He has a 3 and a half old son and a mean ex-wife. If she knew that I was in a relationship with her ex-husband than she would keep their child away from him. I don't know how she would accomplish that but believe me, she would. I guess the only advise I have for you is to just keep being supportive of your boyfriend and keep loving the kids. That is what I was told by one of my friends. I don't know if I have helped you any but that is my two cents. Good Luck! ↑ |
| Name: edith | Date: Oct 10th, 2009 1:35 AM |
| i can understand what you are going through because iam in the same situtaion. My fiance has an ex-wife that left him for another woman and he still wants to be real good friends with her for the kids. She is a control freak he is always telling me that he can not control her behavior but on the other hand he babys her behavior sometimes. I am reading all the coments that everyone saying and I have had cold feet about getting married to him. I hate all the drama and it makes me feel like it will never end. He has 3 kids and I have one. We agreed not to have anymore. Our counslers tells me that I need to stand by him side and support him. He is the kind of man that wants to make everyone happy.I can write a whole book about the ex but I dont even want to waist my time. I have tried to support him but also set boundaires with her but, I feel like I am in a relantionship with him and her. Please give some good news!!! ↑ |
| Name: Renee | Date: Oct 28th, 2009 7:32 PM |
| My name is Renee and I knew I wasn't the only one, but reading all of this really is shocking. I think we should all form a group. My email is blew2002@yahoo.com if anyone wants to talk about all of this. This situation has just about ended our relationship. Its been really trying. Out out all of our issues, this is the worst. My daughter and his daughter are both in wheelchairs, I'm black, he is hispanic and we both struggle financially. That is nothing comparing to every horrible weekend dealing with the EX! ↑ |
| Name: Elis | Date: Oct 29th, 2009 10:28 PM |
| I Googled "dealing constructively with a crazy ex wife who will not move on" and I found this post. I'm so sorry this is happening to all of us. I can't imagine why my fiance's ex wife will not go on with her life after they have been separated/divorced almost 7 years? She comes over the the house and screams at my fiance (we've had to call the police but she left before they got there) and I am going to file a restrainng order soon. She has a restraining order against her from every person she's dated after my finance. The funny thing is, she has a degree, is very talented and has a very nice side. However, she can't hold a job and has been fired or quits 6 in the last 3 years. The newest lie is that we think she is spreading rumors that my finance is a sex offender. He just happend to be a 30 yr public servant (fire) with fingerprints on record and never even had a speeding ticket for the last 23 years. We've spoken to his laywer about this because this lie could ruin his career, our business and he could have his children taken away (50/50 custody). I have been to counseling about her and the only thing I can really do is to stop talking about her in the home at all. This gives her more power in the relationship becuase, believe me, she already tries to control us at every turn. I am trying to learn to forgive, but it'll be a long 10 years until his youngest is 18, I'd hate to live with the demons in her head. It must be so self-destrucive to have those demons contantly flying out her mouth. She's refuses counseling and is now trying to turn the kids against him, but we've managed to talk to them enough so that they see through her lies. Wish her peace, because it'll be the only peace she will ever have. I'm not religious, but I try to "pray" (for lack of a better term) for her that she gets on with her life. She never will, but she'll have to live with herself after the children are gone. Good Luck :-) ↑ |
| Name: Kari | Date: Nov 20th, 2009 8:20 PM |
| It sounds like your boyfriend bows down to his ex so that his kids won't think he's a bad father, how familiar! I suggest that he has a talk with the children letting them know his side and that reguardless of what their mother says about him or you that the both of you love them no matter what. Then he needs to put his foot down with the ex and demand that she limit some of their sports or deal with them herself because it was her choice to do that with the children and not a joint decision! If he does not put his foot down with her now it will only get worse and will end up ruining your relationship and any other he tries to have ↑ |
| Name: jennifer | Date: Dec 4th, 2009 12:22 AM |
| I am sorry for how your boyfriends ex acts...just know that when you get married it will be the same. stay strong and be there for your boyfriend and kids...it is ok to cut back on their activities. I have friends with parents that did the same thing and they dont talk to them anymore...(the ones that keep the one parent from the other one) ↑ |
| Name: cosmichoney | Date: Dec 8th, 2009 5:38 PM |
| The ex is always going to be a problem and we have to decide if we love the man enough to deal with "her" issues. My fiance and I have been together almost 3 years and his ex calls all the time. She has even called him at midnight to say she is sorry for leaving him and would do it over again if she could. My fiance will listen to her and has not built up the nerve to put up better boundries. She will call when she needs her car fixed or a ride somewhere. She can't stand that her life isin't in order and his is!!! We have kids on both sides and it is hard to blend a family, but she is something else!! She is an unfit mother. She leaves her one son to babysit the little brother, however he was only 7 when she started leaving them home alone!!! She works for the child service department so turning her in has been nonexistent. I just hope that she learns to develop a life of her own and leaves me, my fiance, and my family out of it. I hope my fiance can get the picture and put her in her place!!! Wow I feel better now that I can write this out. ↑ |
| Name: Zennox | Date: Jan 13th, 2010 6:34 AM |
Because I can speak from experience I can tell you what I would have done in such a situation. Talk to your husband about laying down rules about expenditure on kids. Then decide on having the kids do only two extra activities that you will cover, the same rule apply to all the kids. Teach them this principle while they are still young, so it doesn't grow out of control when they do get older.
Maybe take the all the kids on a weekend away to have fun and bond as a family, then talk to the all the kids in the most kind and loving way. So they know what has been said is purely out of love.
If the ex wife has a problem with it, then have her pay for the other extra activities she wants her kids to enroll for. It is just fair.
And you as wife have to stand up for your happiness, don't sink to the ex wifes level, but know that because you are married to this man, you also have a say in dicisions made.
You definitely can't change the ex wifes mindset, but you can change the childrens.
Goodluck and keep the faith. ↑ |
| Name: TiaNZ | Date: Jan 19th, 2010 12:11 AM |
Hey girls "Wow is there some venting going on here or what!!!! I sympathise with all the new wives and partners here that have to deal with that "Space wasting Psycho Nut case " Ex wife. I to was in the place of all of you. Ex wife couldn't handle my partner being in a loving and caring relationship and being they had 2 kids from their marriage and knowing that they absolutely loved me and my 3 children to pieces crushed her emotionly over and over,
I think she expected him to be single forever as she got the shock of her life when the kids went back to tell mommy daddys got a new partner all her thoughts of him being single went out the window. Even worse my partners mother "Currently Going Through Her Second Divorce " was living with my partner at the time"A Very Miserable Woman" who also managed to make me miserable and I actually use to cry at night before I went to sleep and at times after having to dealing with the ex wive. My mother inlaw also ended up jelious and resentful towards me[-- Just My luck she sides with the ex wife and constantly tries to fill my head with trash of the marriage" She also found it pleasing to stir the ex wife up every now and then" about how great the kids were with me because she new how much it ripped her up inside, I ended up telling her to keep her venom to her self and that I wasn't going to keep putting up with the trouble she was causing.
"ANYWAY" We ended up finding ourselves in court fighting to have shared custody and over 1 year found ourselves $14'000.00 in lawyer fees. Trying to live off one wage with some financial assistance and supporting 5 kids and a mother inlaw who refused to pay her way, on top of having to deal with her hell and the Ex wive took it's toll.
ACTION--] this will not suit everyone, I sat down and thought to my self I am going to go virtually insane unless I took some drastic measures and do something. Though I love the kids to pieces and would never do anything intentionaly to hurt them I believe I had done nothing wrong to ever deserve this treatment from either the Ex wife or mother inlaw, I was damn right phsically and emotionally beaten down and sick oh so sick of it.
So I approached my partner and I told him we had to move completely out of the area. because as long as he is amounst these 2 people his judgement will always be clouded, it did mean giving into the custody battle and not having the regular access to the kids, but now 4 years later he couldn't thank me enough.
We are now living a 17 hour drive away from the Mother inlaw and Ex wive, since the move the relationship with my partner and I have flourished we will be marrying this year , I use to Scream inside myself and finally I have been able to find peace. My children finally feel settled as we are not surounded by CHAOS and tension, my step children are sad that we don't live as close as before, but they understand that in order to provide them with a good and prosperous life we had to live one as well. We have never forgotten them and always make sure to cover birthdays, easter,kids day and christmas. We regulary fly them in for long holidays travel to holiday parks, camping and give them an awesome experience, but most of all giving them precious time by helping them through things they find difficult in life.
As for the financial side of things we pay childsupport and cover just the essentials, and provide everything they need with us, best part is because we are no longer living convinently close anymore means the ex won't argue with us if we request the kids, this is what worked for me and good luck to everyone else. ↑ |
| Name: ASS HOLE | Date: Jan 23rd, 2010 9:10 PM |
| Name: TiaNz | Date: Jan 27th, 2010 4:00 AM |
| Wow was that comment for me??? Why thank you so much for pucking up the courage to actually say something, though it has degraded you in so manys ways . Prehaps a good mouth wash may help you. Lucky last Happy Newyear I'll be praying for you. ↑ |
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