Hello, guest
|
Name: hadit
[ Original Post ]
My husband and I have 8 children together four each. I have my birth kids during school year with the father having every other weekend. My husband and the ex rotate 7 days on 7 days off (which, my children used to do and now only do in summer-and by the way I think is a court ordered and sanctioned form of child abuse). Here's part of the problem: The ex has gone and had 2 more kids in the past 15 months or so. We accomodated her needs when this last child was born adjusting schedules and such. Now she seems to be using us as a drop-in form of day care when she can't handle our children, when they are "bored" and such. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather they be here than there, but when they have been to her house they come back with terrible attitudes and treat me as if I'm a leper. She has the children to "shop" for clothing here to take to her house, also, don't misconstrue, the clothes are theirs that we bought, they can take whatever they want to that they need, but she has actually pulled up in our driveway and sent our oldest in, and he left with a stack of pants, shirts, underwear etc. It's hard to shop for this many children on a budget as it is, much less to shop for her house too. She has a big control issue (let me insert that she left my husband "because.....don't want to be a full-time mom"), she will call and say the kids have no lunch money in their accounts and insist that they are out and since their aggreement says it's his responsiblility to pay 2/3 of education expense (and this galls me too, since when did feeding your children become an education expense? Wouldn't they need to eat if they were at her house?) I have to run put money in, this happened last week and when I got to the schools each child still had plenty of money in the accounts. There are times when the children come home that they will say things that seem to come from her, like the 5 year old telling me that I'm her fake mommy, or that this is not my house, that her mommy is going to divorce her current husband and come back to live in "her house" (this one came one month before her last baby was born). Because of the recent birth of her new baby we adjusted schedules, now she is going back to work and she has changed weeksof having the kids (didn't change her work rotation), we accomodated that (even though it is painfully obvious that she did this to cut down on baby sitting fees, she works twelve hour shifts-the week she has the kids now she will work three of the five days that she has them) the kicker is she didn't want to change weekends -the children that I brought to the marriage and the other children are here opposite weekends. Yeah, I know it sounds like I just want a weekend off, and even though that would be great, it would make it easier on the kids to not leave one another, they, for the most part really get along well! During the time of her last baby being born, she wuldn't let us get the kids to take them to buy school shoes, get haircuts and things, but when she waited to the last minute to do things she pawned it off on--yes, wait for it.....me! That scratches the surface for the harassed part. Now for the embarassed: This past week she got the kids Wednesday after school, Friday, my husband and I went to school to eat lunch with them and our 7 year old had the same clothes on he left our house in Wednesday, my husband didn't say anything to her when we met at the bus stop that afternoon. Today she called to say he was "bored" at her house (the 13 and 9 year old wer at friends' and the 5 year old was here already with us. He arrived, you guessed it, still wearing the same clothes!!!! He smelled horrible. FYI on Friday the 5 year old didn't appear to have had her hair brushed since she left our house either. Now the kicker, my husband, whom I adore, doesn't seem to get the fact that I'm feeling used and abused here! I'm at my wits end. I love him dearly, but I don't know how much more I can take feeling like I'm the puppet, she's pulling the strings and he's the audience! Yes I've told him, and yes he says he going to talk to her this weekend WHEN he takes the kids back to her house (I say it's IF they go). I try to maintain some order, structure and schedule when the kids are home, this "open door" policy if it were the kids idea might work, but being at her beck and call does not! Here's what I foresee, when she has the kids, she picks them up at our cul-de-sac when the bus comes, since she starts to work this Monday works Tues, and Fri as well, and she doesn't get off until 9pm they'll be here those days. I can't see her new husband picking them up along with the 15 month and 1 month old. Maybe it will just transition into them being here all the time. That I could handle, all I'm wanting is stability for these kids. Whew, I feel better just getting that off my chest!
Your Name


captcha

Your Reply here


 
Name: lucy | Date: Aug 24th, 2008 2:00 PM
Put your foot down and stop being her doormat. 

Name: hadit | Date: Aug 24th, 2008 4:17 PM
Lucy, I'm trying to allow my hausband to deal with her. The majority of info I've read says for him to deal with her, me to deal with the ex from my side. I've told him that I am tired of it and am about to draw the line in the sand, the one where either he puts his foot down or I'll be finding another path for myself. As horrible as that prospect is, I love him like no other, I cannot continue in the situation as it is. Won't it be horrific for such a spoiled brat of a human to cause another break up. 

Copyright 2024© babycrowd.com. All rights reserved.
Contact Us | About Us | Browse Journals | Forums | Advertise With Us