| Just keep explaining to your sons how much you love them but things between their father and you will never be the same like it was when they were born. Tell them that adults sometimes do agree with some issues that happen in their lives and that's why adults change things for the better. Just be honest by telling them that their father and you just didn't get along very well. You both are much better people without each other. Try to relate things to them like it was one of their friends they play with when they don't get along well with someone. Instead of arguing and fighting about somethings, you just prefer to not irritate that person no more by doing things differently. Tell them they can love their father and their mom even though their parents don't live together. Explain to them that sometimes it's the best decision to make by separating for everyone's environment. You can ask them if they like being around people, who always argue or fight with them? Of course, they'll say no, then explaint that's how you felt at that time. Tell them how much you felt it was fair to them, their father and you. Be honest by saying that their father may not agree with what you say but that the difference with people in general. Everyone has a right to their own opinions but sometimes it isn't always the best solution. Tell them that no matter how hard you tried to make things work out, it just didn't. Tell them it doesn't mean you stop doing fun things in life, you just do them differently with different people involved in their lives. Explain to them that they can love as many people as they want in their lifetime but if you can't get along very well with someone, then the best solution is to say away from that someone. I don't know if this helps. It sounds like their father is trying very hard to brain wash them. What ever you do make sure you provide a loving, happy, structured home with your new husband. As long as you and your new husband work together in providing a happy home environment, they will learn to see what is real and what isn't. Don't downplay their father when he says bad things about you, just tell them what their father says is his opinion. You want to teach them to be open minded. Relate to them on a level they can understand. You don't have to be very specific with what you tell them but certainly try to answer any questions they may have. As long as you can keep the line of communication open with your sons, they will confide in you and your husband when they feel something doesn't sound or seem right. My oldest son experienced me separating from his father when he was 10. He allowed his emotions to bottle up inside of him and wanted me to get back together with his father. Yet, my 9 year old daughter and 4 year old son could see I made best choice for leaving their father. I'm putting my 13 year through counseling because his father has forced his opinions on him too much that he lashes out on me. I don't want him to lash out someone else in his life and possibly hurt them. You may want to try counseling for your boys. Although, if your boys seem to have adjusted to all the changes that has happened they might do just fine. My son don't like change and usually has a hard time dealing with it. Even if I was to present him with proof that is in black and white about my ex and his lies, my son would still believe in him. He choses not to see that his father does any wrong. I'm at my last ditch effort with the counseling session in hopes that he will be able to open his eyes but if it doesn't work out that way, at least I can tell myself that I have tried everything possible to help him. He has to be willing to meet halfway, too. You know your sons and how they act. You will be able to see a difference in their behaviors. Always sit down and talk with them as much as possible. I hope things work out for you and don't give up. Your loving patience will pay off. ↑ |
| It sounds like your ex may have mental issues! I would just explain to your sons the truth as the events happened and tell them that's why you can't go back to their father. ↑ |
