|
I am divorced with no children. My boyfriend is divorced with 3 children. He recently told his children & ex-wife that he is dating me. The ex-wife is now making up all sorts of lies & stories and telling these kids things that are not true. I understand that she is upset that he is moving on, but she should not be involving these kids. My boyfriend is a wonderful father & loves his kids more than anything in the world. He is so distraught over how upset his kids are and how she is trying to turn the kids against him. Can anyone give us some suggestions on how to deal with the ex-wife? Thank you. ↓
|
|
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 11th, 2006 8:46 PM |
| This happens in a lot of divorces. My DH ex tells the kids a lot of stuff - lies. Now that the kids are getting older, they know that these things are not true, and are starting not to trust there Mother. I do not really have any advice, DH has a great relationship with his kids, and they just see these things are not true. ↑ |
| Name: hls38 | Date: Oct 12th, 2006 2:18 PM |
| Thank you winnmom for responding. The problem right now is that the kids range from 6-11 and they are crying and angry so much it's' killing my boyfriend to see them in so much pain. The ex is putting ideas into their heads & having adult conversation with these children that are inappropriate for kids their age. I agree with you that once they get older they will be able to think for themselves, but right now she is giving them her perception on things and making it theirs. I'm just afraid of the damage that will ensue until we get there and the emotional ramifications of everyone involved. I actually feel bad for his ex, she is a very unhappy person, I believe she is suffering from some sort of depression based on her behavior pattern and she has never once owned up to any of her responsibility in their divorce. As we all know it almost always take two to make a marriage & break a marriage. I can at least say my ex & I had a long talk about a year after our divorce & we both owned up to the things that we did wrong & we apologized to one another. It was probably one of the best conversations I ever had with him :). ↑ |
| Name: Francine | Date: Oct 12th, 2006 4:20 PM |
| She's doing "parent alienation and Malicious mother" - look it up on the web for the steps she will be doing in the future. Best to stop it now. It is a need for control. Get an order for her to drop off at your house and your husband to drop off at school Monday morning. Try not to involve the cops - about useless and will side with her. The less the two have to see each other the better. ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Oct 17th, 2006 5:53 AM |
| Unfortunately, you can't change her for what she is. As much as you can make life at home happy and entertaining for the children when they are with your boyfriend. Just tell your boyfriend to explain to the children that sometimes people just don't agree with what they say or do. Sometimes adult do things that aren't appropriate. Always provide loving care and concern for the children and you can't go wrong. As far as the ex goes, put her in her place. When she has spoke of inappropriate issues ask her not to discuss such things with the children. Has the ex moved on with her life? If so, tell her that what goes on in your home with the children is none of her business. Your b.f. doesn't interfer with her life therefore, she should provide the same courtesy. Just put on a happy face in front of her and if things get heated in discussion, don't condecend to her level. Just smile and keep your composure. Once she is gone, you can explain to the children that most people don't tolerate that kind of behavior. Relate things to them like it was one of their friends that was treating them in the same way. Ask them if that's how they want to be treated and if they tell ya no, then tell them they don't have to listen to such behavior. Sometimes, it's best to just walk away from someone trying to cause trouble. Feel the kids out on what they think. Ask them if they agree with the way things are going? Don't pump them for information but if they are willing to freely tell you what their mom does, then by all means explain that what their mom does isn't always correct. I wish the best for you and I'm sorry if I was unable to offer much advice. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 17th, 2006 2:18 PM |
| Obviously she is very immature! She can't handle the fact that her ex has someone else in his life other than her.As far as what you can do about it?.........Nothing! As long as you are in his life there will be problems created by her. So you make a choice to stay and get through it the best you can .......or you leave. She will create problems for no matter who he is dating. You either love him and the kids enough to stay and put up with it or you leave the situation and find someone with alot less baggage. ↑ |
| Name: hls38 | Date: Oct 18th, 2006 7:20 PM |
| Everyone that I talk to keeps telling me to just be myself and eventually the kids will see the kind of person that I am, loving, caring, affectionate, generous, etc. I haven't had any direct dealings with the exwife yet. Just starting to be around the kids. My BF is getting better at putting the ex in her place. During the divorce he let her get away with alot because they were going through negotiations, but that's been over now for awhile. His ex doesn't have anyone in her life that we have been made aware of at this point. I do love my BF very much and am committed to him and our future, which I know will include the 3 children & the exwife. I know once I start spending time with the kids and doing fun things, it will hopefully be ok. My BF and I have spoken in great detail about not allowing the exwife to ruin the wonderful relationship we have. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 18th, 2006 7:38 PM |
| Remain happy with your relationship together and maybe the ex will see she doesn't bother you and eventually she will get bored with trying to create chaos your not buying and she'll knock it off! ↑ |
|
|
