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My brother and his ex wife have joint custody of their child. My brother doesn't see his child regularly because his ex always pulls little stunts and makes things extremely difficult for him. So my mom will get the child whenever she can which isn't all that often and the mother makes it difficult for her as well but my mom will jump through the hoops just to hopefully get to spend some time with her grandchild in the end.Well what I'm trying to find out is how does summer work when it's joint custody? The childs mother thinks she can call all the shots and even prevent our family from a couple weeks vacation time. Can she do this since it's joint custody or not? ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jun 11th, 2006 9:44 PM |
| Anyone got an answer for this one.....Please?? ↑ |
| Name: Serina | Date: Jun 12th, 2006 10:32 AM |
| It Depends on what the Divorce decree states. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Jun 12th, 2006 1:01 PM |
Hi Lizzi,
You & your brother need to check the statues of the state he lives in but in Illinois, my ex and I have joint custody and he gets 4 weeks, no longer than two weeks consecutively in the summer months. Even though I am the primary residential custodial parent, we still split the Christmas holiday weeks and alternate the spring break week every year. Plus, we alternate every year, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day and Thanksgiving. For example, this year I got the children on Memorial Day and Labor Day. He gets 4th of July and Thanksgiving. These weekends do not interfer with the regular weekend visitations. They are bonus to the parent who gets them on those weekends. I have to make out a schedule 6 months in advance because my ex is very irresponsible and thinks he should be allowed to steal more quality from me and the children. I have a son, who loves to go with his father but I have a daughter, who doesn't want to go unless she has too. Then my youngest son doesn't mind either way. I try to be as fair as possible. I was told that Joint Custody mean both parents make agreeable decisions regarding the children. Even though I am the primary residential parent, I do not have to give him any more time than what is written in our divorce agreement. So, when he calls up and wants an extra day, I can say no and I have done so only because he waits until the last minute to try and change my plans. I'm a planner and work around the children's schedule. At times an event will come up that is on my ex's time and I will ask him at least two weeks or more in advance to ask if the children can go to the event with me. Sometimes, he says yes and sometimes, no. However, I did make it very clear to him that I am not going to tolerate last minute requests unless it's an emergency or something like that. My ex's main objective was to get as much time with the kids as possible thinking that he wouldn't have to pay so much in child support. Yet, he doesn't pay like he's suppose anyways. It sounds like your brother's ex is using the child as a bargining tool. Tell him to keep a log or running journal regarding his child. Have him write down the times he picks the child up and drops him off and all the times he gets to spend with the child. Have him write down everytime she argues, says no and fights with him. Journals don't lie and can be easily referenced if he happens to go back to court in this regard. This will show the courts that she is being very uncooperative and hopefully the judge will reprimand her for it. However, in my case, I had one judge, who reprimanded my ex for not paying child support and I had a different judge, who just basically slapped his hand and told him to behave. Another suggestion is to have you brother take a calendar and write down the dates he wants visitation 6 months in advanace and give her a copy of it. Then when those 6 months come close to expiring, have him do it for the next 6 months. This way, it's in writing and she knows well in advance of his times he is allowed. Tell him to always put things in writing and have her initial it or sign if necessary. I did the calendar thing for a year now and it seems to be working out. I even highlight his dates so he can clearly see it. He still tries to pull last minute changes and argues with me that he is a day to day man. I told him too bad because he needs to plan for the children's sake. I hope this suggestion helps, I know it has me that way there is no confusion and if my ex was to bring it up in court, it's in writing and there is nothing he can do about it. I wish your brother better luck! ↑ |
| Name: jela05 | Date: Jun 13th, 2006 9:09 PM |
Just my two cents but all of those concerns should be in there parenting ageement and/or seperation agreemet.. If there is a joint legal custody then there should be a paper somewhere whcih outlines all visitaions. There is no set visitation schedule, usually there is mediation at which time the parents agree on the vistation schedule. The legal joint they share give each a 50-50 right to decide on religion & medical & schooling.
The best way to help him is to go back to mediation or court so everything is written down and court bound .. good luck! ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 4:26 AM |
| If they share joint custody then i'm sure they have set guidlines, breaking them could mean one of two things, depending on where you live and how mean the judge is. 1. custodial interferance 2. contempt of court. She can go to jail for either, and a record of it is often grounds for a reversal of the decree, in which the current custodial parent becomes the 'weekend parent', and i'm sure she wouldn't want that.. it's probably wise not to threaten her with it, and risk it getting uglier, but if it persists than gently let her know, and after that go ahead and call the police department at their NON-emergency number and let them know what is going on ( if you have a certified paper copy of the decree and it's during normal office hours you can request a sheriffs deputy to come with you to pick up the kids, or supervise the drop off to make sure it's timely.) p.s. this isn't actually my area of expertise, i work in criminal defense, lol, but people have done these things to some of my clients. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 11:43 PM |
| Well everyone,thanks for your input but her mom still won't let her go and my brother won't pursue anything to try and force the issue because it is just impossible to have a mature conversation with this woman. Oh well,She will be 18 someday I guess and can go then without all the drama and B.S. attached!(I hope!?) ↑ |
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