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In 2002 i found myself finally finding a man i loved,after 8yrs of on and off again r/ship with my 2 childrens dad.The only prob was i also started abusing speed.Befor i knew it i was on a downward spiral and committed an offence which landed me a 1yo prison sentence.My whole world fell apart.My mum gut custody of the boys and a court battle started between her and the kids dad.After 4months i was bailed and mum returned the boys to my care.I had 6mths till my sentencing so went about rebuilding our life together,when the dreaded day come and i had to return to jail for 8mths.I was shattered,my partner had been to rehab and was clean but because he wasnt the boys dad he couldnt have them so once again they went to mum,which was great as they stayed at the same school etc.Imagine my surprise when my mum was served with a court letter demanding the boys go to there father as she broke a court order by giving them back to me while i was on bail.So without a thing i could do my 9y0 and 3yo went to live with there father,a man they had never lived with alone befor and his 70 yo parents.I had 8mths until i could do anything about getting the boys home when another bombshell dropped,i was pregnant,due 8 weeks befor i was released.Now i had more reasons to cry myself to sleep every night.My pregnancy went well as could be and i had a healthy boy 6 weeks befor i went home.Finally the day came july 7 me and my new son went home,i was lucky,my new partner is 100% supportive.We had 4mths to prepare for the family court.its very hard to remember 8years of a violent r/ship.Well the dreaded day came my partner had to take a week off work unpaid and we stayed in the dodgiest hotel as it was all we could afford with our 4mo baby son.Court was the worst days of my life.I know using drugs for the 1st time at 28yo was the dumbest thing ive ever done,but they made me look like the worst junkie in the world.My kids never seen drugs or the violence they did with there father.,and id had them there whole lives,but the judge still thought i was unstable and granted custody to there dad.It shattered me and now 3years on i still cant take it.My boys now 6 and 13 live an unhappy life.There dad works constantly while there left with there nan and pop.Instead of getting easier to say goodbye every 2nd w/end its getting harder.They both say they want to come home but wont say it in a court and i dont want to really put them in that position.Im lost and dont know what to do,its slowly damaging my r/ship as i blame my partner for taking me down the road that made me lose my boys,but i also love him and need him.All this is probably a bit too much for people to take in in 1 hit and im sorry but i had to get this out...I was always the 1 who had her nose in the air and detested junkies..I was such a hypocrit and now i dont know who i am.Any comments welcomed thx... ↓
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