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Name: heather
[ Original Post ]
hi. im a teenager. im 18 years old and i am pregnant. my mother and my father have been split up since i was 7. well, i got used to the seperate lives and had a very good childhood, but the last 5 years i have spent living with my father instead of my mother. me and my mother are very close. well, i grew onto my dad and loved him with everything. my grandma says that i have always picked my mother over my father, but i havent. i loved my dad. he passed 2 years ago and everytime someone as much mentions his name, i break down crying, literally. i do it in resturants and everywhere else. its been two years since his death and i cant get over it. ive never seen his grave and when i leaned over the casket i couldnt let go. the whole time i was telling myself that im just gonna kiss him and go home but when i leaned over i couldnt let go. my dad has taught me how to love without money and so many things that i am thankful for and his death seems like yesterday. i cry everytime i think about having a child and hes not here. its soo sad. i love my mom and i love her to death for being her for me. but how do i get over my fathers death?
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Name: DEBBIE | Date: Oct 22nd, 2005 10:34 PM
HI I LOST MY FATHER WHEN I WAS 23 NOW 33 I DIDNOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN AT THE TIME EITHER.I HELD HIM SO TIGHT IN THE CASKET ALMOST KNOCKED IT OVER I MISS HIM STILL TO THIS DAY I HAD GONE AS FAR AS SEEING PEOPLE THAT CAN REACH THE OTHER SIDE BELIEVE IT OR NOT TO HEAR THEM SAY SOMETHING MY DAD HAS SAID THROUGH THEM TO ME HAS SET ME AT PEACE I STILL CRY AND AM VERY SAD I NOW HAVE A 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND WOULD LOVE FOR HIM TO BE HERE BUT THINK ABOUT ALL THE GOOD TIMES MEMORIES YOU BOTH HAVE MADE TOGETHER DEATH OF A LOVED ONE IS NEVER EASY TRY TO PRAY AND REMENER ALL HE DID FOR YOU.FEEL BETTER 

Name: Amanda | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 7:55 PM
I am 19 and i lost my father two years ago and it still hurts me. I had a beautiful baby girl just a few monthes ago and i was the same way and you'll never get over it but time will help. You just have to thank of what your dad would want you to do if he was here. I sucks big time because when you think about about any major thing if life you'll wish his there. I look at my little girl brooke and think about wjat my dad would say and ill cry, and somtimes i can see him in her ( like she looks like him) and i cry but then i think about how my dad would say shes beautiful and dont worry about me cause im looking over you
*AMANDA* 

Name: De Ana | Date: Dec 12th, 2005 3:22 PM
Well Heather I really dont know how it is to loose your father but i know how it is to loose a grandma whoom i was very close to as you were with your dad. im sorry for your loss and wish you luck with the baby. maybe if you cry until you cant anymore like i did you can overcome most of your thuoghts.

maybe you can write back soon. 

Name: Mrmom_Kenny | Date: Dec 12th, 2005 7:14 PM
I lost my father when I was 18 and now I'm 38 and I miss him very much, My son and I look just like him and that reminds me of him. but you need to relize that he is never far away and he is always looking over you, and he maybe crying every time you cry. He is just a simple conversation away( I talk to mine often). cause I believe he's always right here with me and he helps me through troubled times. Stop trying to get over his death and start talking to him. Remember he loves you and he didn't choose to leave you. 

Name: tb | Date: Dec 13th, 2005 12:25 PM
Hi Heather, maybe some counciling would help. It sounds like your keeping everything bottled up and unable to let go. Losing a family member is a very hard thing to go through especially so young. It sounds like your dad was a very good guy. I'm sure he would wan't you to go on with your life. You also have to realize that phsically he is not here but he will always be in your heart and up above watching over you. Hang in there time will heal. 

Name: ally | Date: Dec 17th, 2005 1:45 AM
sorry to hear that just saying you'll neva get over your fathers death and im sure you dont wanna forget about it love ally 


Name: JackieS | Date: Dec 22nd, 2005 6:27 AM
Hey sweety :) How are you? You havent' been here in a while...I would really like to talk to you.

November 12 2005 my father passed away. I was very very close with my father. Very close. I cried when I found out because I was sad and because I felt like I had to. I cried for about 10 minutes. I was actually afraid to wake up my fiance and tell him the news because I thought I would look "childish" for doing so. (which is...just..so not true) He held me and again I started crying partly because I felt I had to. The reason behind this is because I WOULD NOT and I sill WILL NOT allow myself to feel the feelings of my father passing away. I will not accept it. I refuse to think about it. I know that I am in denial wich is a perfectly normal process when you lose someone you love. I have had a lot of loss over my life. Thus, it has gotten harder and harder for me to grieve because I can't take anymore pain.

November 20th I found out that I was pregnant and I am 19. This has kinda occupied my mind and I still haven't thought about his death to much. I cry everynow and then when I let the barrier down, but I will quickly put it back up because it's to painful for me still. It sound like you are going through the grieving process......yes even 2 yrs later.
It is good to cry, and one day you will be able to hear your father's name and smile and not feel so sad. Don't worry this is normal and when you are ready you will naturally come out of this stage. I wish you the best.

Please write to tell us how you are doing!! xoxoxoxox 

Name: Michelle | Date: Dec 27th, 2005 2:44 AM
There is no easy way except to pray to God for your healing. He is in control of everything. 

Name: Bridgette | Date: Dec 29th, 2005 7:49 AM
you can't get over your fathers death. You will remember it always. Later down the road it will be easier to talk about it and feel better about taking about it with others. Your Father will always been in your heart. And you will always think about him. But, you can't change the past. No matter how much you wish, or pray it won't happen. My Mother passed away when I was 2 and my father when I was 9 I think about them all the time. I cry sometimes about them and ask why they left me. But, really crying won't bring them back to my arms. But, saying great things about memories or things that you love so much about your father and sharing it with others will make you smile and know that he is in a bettter place and is watching over you and he is wanting you to move on and be happy not sad.
He wants you to be happy so, smile back for him and wipe away the tears. And raise your baby with the same love he gave you and pass him on! 

Name: heather | Date: Jan 5th, 2006 2:30 AM
i have not lost my parents, but i hav elost family members that i loved very much. its very hard to get over something like that but you must find peace. your father is gone from this earth but he is still there. i dont how spiritual you are your religion, but if you take the time to understand death through the bible you may have a better understanding. you may be very hurt. was there something that you had always wanted to tell him but couldnt? that could be why, but you can still tell. write it down or talk to him. hell get the message. 

Name: Laurie | Date: Jan 6th, 2006 1:21 AM
I am soon to be 43 years old and lost my dear mother Oct 1st 2005. I am lost without her and I am haveing a hard time getting over it. I am not ready to get over it. I have read alot of books. One that helped me alot was "Don't take my greaf from me" There are many out there. Heather they say that if you did not morn the passing that it could sneak up on you in later years and that is what has happend to you. You should get a book or look on the net the stages of greaving and you will find some infor that will help you understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling even 2 years later. For the first few weeks after my mom died I crawled into bed and stayed there crying and crying and I still cry almost everyday for her. I think of her everyday. I know that I will never get over my moms death. I have gotten out of bed and I am not functioning as a wife and mother again. I still have moments that I just loose it. Days have turned to months and months will turn to years and I will still cry for her,miss her, want her,need her and love her. 

Name: deb | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 11:55 PM
I keep thinking that when it comes time for my Dad to go as he has Cancer..I will deal with this the same way..
I just think their love is unconditional and that truth and deep sense of love will never be replaced ..but you have a child now and have to give them the same love and the cycle goes on and on..easier said then done right..
I have cried once with him and he said remember I went through this with my parents too..you have to positive about life and carry on for your children..
Time is the only thing that seperates us from these strong emotions..
Take Care Deb from Ottawa 

Name: sandy | Date: Aug 29th, 2006 4:47 PM
hi heather,
i'm sorry to hear about your great loss, i know it hurts more than words can even say.i'm 58 years old and i lost my little brother and six weeks later lost my mother i took care of her the last year she was alive and eight months after that i lost another brother and just in january i lost my last brother my father died in 1995 so my whole family is gone now and the pain is just huge! i can only tell you the pain will get better but you will always have a empty hole in you because a piece of you went with them.i don't think you ever get over it the pain gets easier i promise. 

Name: Jamie | Date: Aug 30th, 2006 4:05 AM
First - your hormone are in overdrive as you are pregnant so whatever you feel now may be very amplified. That's not to say you would not be very sad anyway, it is so hard to lose someone we love so much. But you will get over it. Your new baby will introduce the deepest, purest love you have ever experienced into your life. That will never replace your father, but an emptiness you feel will be filled. Just wait. And give yourself time. It is a great healer. Only time. 

Name: Renea | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 7:22 PM
Heather death is not an easy thing when you truly love someone but I can tell you this one thing"ONLY TIME WILL HEAL YOUR PAIN". I lost my sister 3 1/2 years aga and I thought I would never get over it. I could eat, sleep, work ets... I was deeply depressed for at least 2 years. I lost alot of weight, and things had gotten so bad on my job until they started monitoring my work. It was a struggle every morning to get up out of my bed but I make it through. I'm a very religious person and I found myself where I couldn't pray, I guess I was upset at God (aweful thing to say) but it's the truth, my sister and I was really close, she was 4 years older than myself but we bought houses in th the same neighborhood drove the same car, same color same model, they were exactly alike, we wore our hair alike even worked with the same company and we were alway happy for each other when the other one advanced. That's just how close we were and I thought the world had ended... Now all I have are her memories--ALL GOOD MEMORIES!!! She was a beautiful person inside/out. I still miss her terribly because it's so much that I need to tell her and so many things I need her advice on but I can only wonder what will she tell me or what would she want me to do! Give it some time the bible says that a person grives for 2 whole years but it's a process. At least you still have your mother, just get closer with her and spend more time with her because you might have a have a hole in your heart right now but just remember you can never replace him but God will fill that hole with another love. I wish you well and God Bless you! 

Name: Darius | Date: Aug 11th, 2008 1:33 AM
hi im 13 and a boy and i lost my granddad when i was 7 but now i dont know why ive been thinking too far into the future into the time when my dad died im just scared that i cant take the blow an im just so scared after seeng all your comments please i need help T.T 

Name: Jason | Date: Sep 15th, 2008 3:07 PM
This is an old post but never know where a message will go.

I'm 26 and just lost my father a few months ago he was only 60. I'm getting a Tattoo of him done from a great photo I have of him in the Vietnam War. He looked so happy and I know he will always look over me but I wanted him closer. It's going to be an amazing tattoo which I have also decided to add a personal poem too on my arm. I wrote the poem and had it read at his funeral. I think its my way of coping. I have 3 children and only one has ever met my father. A lot happened in our lives including a divorce when I was young but he was always the one I was closest to and I spoke with him when ever possible. So knowing 2 of my children will never meet him has been eating away at me. Though I feel it is my responsability NOW to teach my children when they are a bit older about who he was and what he meant to me and my life, and in turn how he blessed thier lives. It becomes my responsability to create my fathers memory for them. I feel that is the least I can do for such a great man.

I don't suggest you jump right on a tattoo chair unless it seems fitting. This will be my first and maybe even my only tattoo. I do however believe you have been blessed with a very important task of learning to be strong THROUGH your fathers death and honor his life by teaching your child or children about who your father was.

Death and Lose don't deserve to share the same sentence. Someone might die but you will never trully lose them if you keep thier spirit alive in your life and thier teachings and love alive in your children's lives.

I wish you all the best. 

Name: sej | Date: Sep 17th, 2008 7:46 PM
I totally understand. It has been almost 7 years and i still cry without anyone mentioning him. All it takes is a thought and thats it. 

Name: Alexis | Date: Sep 25th, 2008 10:24 PM
Hello my father passed away on september 11, 2008 and i have had a really tough time. especially with my mother. I love my mom but she is always talking bad about my dad and they were divorced. she blames things on him that i feel are her fault. right before my dad died he got married while he was in the hospital and he had a will and everything but i didnt think he was that sick and then one day my sister got a call and someone which i belive was my step sister in law said that my dad was on his death bed and that she was just giving us a courtesy call. everytime i would go up there dad would be getting better and i was so used to him getting bad worse better. then one day during school my sister came and got me early and she didnt say anything in the car and when i got home my mom was getting ready and explined to me that daddy's heart was at 10%. His heart wasnt the problem it was his liver because he had heptitis b and was not able to get a liver becuase of the shape he was in. his kidneys qwuit and they put him on something called dialysis and then his liver failed he turned a horrible shade of yellow which they said were the toxins. when i got down to the hospital the preacher told me that they were taking him off of his ventilator as we spoke and that when it was out she would let me go back. when I got back there he was breathing almost like a snore. which was not what i expected and he kept breathing on his own trying so hard. it hurts when i get to this part. then all of a sudden he took a really big breath and i thought that was his last and in almost 1 minute he took his last breath at 3:25 p.m. . I have no idea how to get over this it hurts to even think about and my mom won't quit being so uncaring though i hate to put it that way.when my father got married it wasnt a legal marriage but it was a loving marriage so there was no papers. even though there marriage as not legal i still want to see her not only is she my friend but she is the last peice of my father that i have left... i my mother does not want me to see her for one reason and that is because her and my aunt would not give me and my brother the password to see my dad. even though i was his biologicla kid and when i saw him there was no need for a password and when i told my mom this she told that a should kiss people's butts and she doesnt know how bad that hurts not only to hear her talk about my father but to hear her talk about me that way.I am 14 years old and i just started highschool when all this happened and i am still 14 and still just starting high school and it is really tough does anyone know what i can do to lighten these burdens and sadness.
thank you and i am sorry for yuor losses also. 

Name: sunshine08 | Date: Sep 27th, 2008 2:24 AM
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Name: Jason | Date: Sep 29th, 2008 3:45 PM
It is your right to feel the way you do, don't let your mother take that from you. Clearly explain to her you loved your Dad and that her comments are making it even harder for you to accept his being gone from your life. Tell her she is hurting YOU with her comments NOW not your father. I think if she realizes she is hurting you deeply her reason for the comments will go away.

As for who you can speak with a lot of this does have to do with your mother and it is her decision who you speak with and are involved with BUT during the same conversation mentioned above you need to be clear and let her know the friendship your holding with the people she does not care for do me something to you and that should be all that matters. Ask her if you can compromise and if she could just allow you to keep in contact with them through phone calls or even just e-mail. Any relationship with them at this point would be better than none.

I wish you all the best!

Jason 

Name: kaitlyn | Date: Nov 17th, 2008 3:06 PM
well Heather you should keep a picture or something of his in your room. thats what i do! 

Name: kaitlyn | Date: Nov 17th, 2008 3:10 PM
i feel the same way as all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel your pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE,KAITLY
N
 

Name: so lost | Date: Feb 19th, 2009 8:00 PM
my sister was killed 9 years ago on a military base i know her husband killed her and he had got away with it he is still free and i haven't seen my niece and nephew in 9 years her death certificate says acc. death death unknown. 

Name: so lost | Date: Feb 19th, 2009 8:01 PM
what do i do 

Name: elliot age 10 | Date: Feb 21st, 2009 10:19 PM
you will never get over your dads death because he loved you and he will be with you all the time. 

Name: Elliot age 10 | Date: Feb 21st, 2009 10:26 PM
my dad died when i was 8 and in 2nd grade.we have had a hard last couple of holidays with out him and for everone else that has lost a loved one....just rember that your loved one is never going to leave you and that you shuld never forget your thoughts and good times with that person. 

Name: Ray | Date: Feb 26th, 2009 11:46 PM
Hello Heather, I see the last post here is nearly 4 years ago. By now your child could be asking about his/her grandpa. But to answer your question..the crying, the outbursts at the mere mention of your Dad....well, that was you dealing with it..it is a slow process. "Dealing" is not forgetting...I'm just wondering..if you ever make it back to this thread...if you agree. Remember how you felt 4 years ago? The fact that anybody is reading this now means they very well could be going through the same thing. What would you tell them? 

Name: Ray | Date: Feb 26th, 2009 11:48 PM
Heather, I meant that YOUR post was 4 years ago...not the last comment. Let us know how it's going........ 

Name: mandy | Date: Apr 5th, 2009 3:06 AM
hi i'm a 28 y/o mother of two.i lost my mom march 20 ,2003.it took me a good three years to take my li9fe back.my babies help alot .my mother was my best friend.i hope to talk to you soon i feel talking to people who have been through this .you can find me on facebook too 

Name: jennie | Date: May 6th, 2009 5:33 AM
Looking for a greater instant communication but glad you all are here 

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