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Name: billy22
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So I have been faced with a bunch of drama that is really tramatic for me and I haven't been on here that much lately, so I apologize for the inconsistance:(. Any how, here's what's happend.......
So, last week, as some of you know, I had to call the cops on the ex and wife becaue they took it upon themselves to change their phone # the day after they picked the boys up for visitation! I freaked out! I didn't call them until three days after they had been gone to talk to them when i had found this out. Un fortunately I was on my way to work and had an anxiety attack at work! Thank the lord God above that I have an understanding boss and co-workers! So that was a big fiasco, and finally the attorney decided that since the parenting plan is still pretty new, that he would just write a letter to them stating what they did wrong and that they need to stop. I am hoping that this will worry them a little, although I am thinking it won't. To make matters more difficult, considering it's the new year, the boys had to go again this weekend! I was not happy about that, but that is the way it goes, right? So today after i picked up my 12 year old from school he informs me that Dad and his wife had told he and his brother that they neded to brign their homework with them the next time they came for a visit. I told him that would be kind of hard since they don't have any on the weekend except for some reading. He said he told them that and they said that if he and his brother didn't bring homework with them, then they would make homework for them to do! This angered me so much! i told my oldest that he should bring a book or something, he said he had some extra credit he could do so I said GREAT! He could bring that! The thing is they aren't supposed to bring anything with them except the clothes on their backs becaue it just gets to where things don't come back otherwise. Anyway, when their Dad came to pick them up, they sent the oldest back inside to tell me that he needed to bring his notebook and anything else that he neede for homework! i told him no, he wasn't taking any of it! I work hard making sure the boys have that stuff done befor ethey go to their Dad's so we don't have to worry about it! He said,"Well,"she" said that only applies to clothes and toys and I am to tell you that!" I very calmly told him I was sorry that they were sending him back in for all this, but to tell his Dad that if there was a problem that he needed to call me or call the attorney. he said okay Mommy, I love you., and walked back out. I was so sad for him and stressed. WHY can't they just pick the boys up and not start drama? This happens every time! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I am trying to relax while they are gone, but my oldest says he spends a lot of his time "grounded to his room" if he doesn't do what "she" says like the homework stuff! I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!
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Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 7th, 2007 4:25 PM
Sounds like they are attempting to be caring, concerned parents by requiring them to bring their homework. They are up to something, that's for sure. Let them do their homework but check it when they get back home with you. If you fight them requesting to help with homework might not make you look good in the judges eyes and therefore, they will tell the judge that your trying to interfere with them being responsible parents in regards to homework. Don't let this happen. Let the homework go but check it when it comes back. The judge will want to see that both of you are making efforts in regards to school work. You dont' want to fight this b/c I'm afraid the judge will reprimand you for not cooperating. As long as they do come back home to you and homework is done, you really can't say anything even though, I know exactly how you feel. Once again, they are trying to exercise all their parental rights and if you interfere with it, they will make it known in court. Usually, anything that has to do with school work or medical attention, both parents are to be fully informed. If they ground your son all the time, it will only make him hate being there. Once again, you can't control what they do inside their home but you can be the support they need in helping them to get through it all. This new wife is trying to play mommy with them so let her try. Your children know your the one, who they love most. Keep putting on the happy face even though your hurting inside.

I, too, had problems with my ex in regards to homework. His problem was he wasn't making sure it all got done during his visitation. When they would come home at 6pm at night, my son would be up until 10 or 11 trying to get it all done, even though he took it all to his dad's. This made the kids very tired for the next day. So, I made sure I had that stipulation put into the divorce papers that it's his repsonbility to help getting it done for their well being. This stopped him running all over God's creation when he should stay home helping them with homework. I, too, would try to make sure they get it all done before they would go to their dad but sometimes that didn't work out. I'm just telling ya this because I don't want it to come back around on you as being uncooperative in regards to the children's school. It won't look good for you. If your children get most of it done or all of it done before they go for their visitation, then you can simply say, it's all done and they have none to do. Then, there is nothing they can do about it. Also, do you have to keep him informed about their progress at school? If so, photocopy some of their school work and give it to him. This way, you are making the effort in keeping ex informed of their progress. It's all about what makes you look like the responsible parent. It sounds like they are trying to do all this for themselves. If that's the case and they want to act like they are the concerned parents.....let them. From they way they sound, I doubt it will last for very long. It sounds like they don't want to be burdened with the children anymore than they have to be. That's probably why the wife wants the homework so she can send them to their rooms to do it. It's sad but they're trying to play games but you have to be a few steps again of them. I'm sorry billy22, I wish this was easier for you but it won't be. Try not to be so upset and stay close to your children. Even if they come back and tell you things of what the ex and wife said, just take a deep breath and smile. Don't respond anything that's negative to your children about it. They will see you are are the better peson for it. Keep your wits about yourself. Scream in a pillow or here if ya have to. It will help to keep your own sanity. You take care. 

Name: Lory | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 12:10 AM
Hi billy22, I am so sorry to hear what you and your boys are going through! I am on the other end of the spectrum...being the step-parent. But, that does not mean I feel any less for your situation. Personally, I think she needs to keep her hind parts at home when picking your children up. I myself did not go along. I felt it was best that hubby and x dealt with the transportation and other things. Less complicated for all involved to me. You know tweetybird4 always has the best support, advice, and encouragment!! She pretty much has said what I would say about the courts, and judge, and staying 2 steps ahead of them.
In all I was the submissive step-parent. I got walked on alot by the x. I tried like I said, to stay out of dealings with the hubby and x. Although I found myself "cleaning up" alot of the unexpected bills, and lies she told the many doc offices. I'm sorry I cannot offer more advice. I can offer a listening ear, and support! I know how frustrating it can be. I can tell you in time dealing with them will get less and less. Hang in there! You can vent hear anytime. I've personally found it helps alot to talk w/other's who have been there! Sometimes family and friends don't always get it! 

Name: billy22 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 2:52 AM
Thanks guys so much for your support, it TRUELY means a lot. It does seem like nobody around here, at home and life, understands how I am feeling or what I am going through. The really try to be a support, but I think they are all getting really burnt out on hearing about everything all the time. i don't blame them. I am working very hard on trying to relax while they're gone and trying to turn a listening ear when they come home and tell me things about her...it is so hard, but I think I have done pretty well so far. WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?:( I will also try harder to let them be more involved with the boy's education, their Dad has the right to call the school any time and tlak to teachers and even go to Parent Teacher Confrences, but he doesn't. H ehas been leaving that up to the new wife and that's where the problem lies for me. I wish it didn't bother me so much, but there is just something about the fact that their Dad not being involved for almost 5 years and then all of a sudden wants to be and the new 23 year old wife is the one doing all of the foot work! SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE KIDS! But thanks for letting me vent on here. I like getting the feed back even if it is brutal, as long as it's honest and positive I am up for ALL suggestions:) Thanks Lory and Tweety, you have been my true support for a few weeks now and you don't even know it:) God Bless....I will pray for peace for you all as well as it can't be easy for anyone to be going through the drama of divorced families....thank you from the bottom of my heart! 

Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 10:22 PM
I can totally understand. I haven't had a run in with my ex having a new wife, yet. However, he did have a girlfriend at one time. Apparently, she is wealthy, lives in a big house, horses, in door, inground swimming pool. At first, I was a little concerned wondering how she treats my kids or perhaps like her more than me. Sounds pathetic, I know!! But, I realized my beef wasn't with her, she seemed to be good to the kids but I'm still their mom. Nothing will ever change that. Sadly, (ha...not really) things didn't work out between the two of them. My ex complained to the kids that the reason why they didn't work out was because he couldn't afford to take her out. No, I don't think that was the case. It was more like...she found out his true character and didn't really like what she saw. I'm guessing but I'm pretty sure that was it. For 12 years, I was married to the man that had no respect for me or the things I did. I just got so tired of his mind games, then later, found out how much he had lied to me about alot of things. Still, he's trying to find someone desperate enough to have him but no luck. Even if he does find someone, as long as they treat my children well, I won't have a problem, hopefully. You are always welcome to vent anytime. I'm willing to listen and share my experiences with someone else that may help. The ex's wife seems immature. Your ex should be taking on all the responsibilites for your children but it just show his lack of parenting skills for love, care and concern. I'm so sorry. Just take a deep breath and try to relax. Your doing great!!! Hugs and Kisses to ya. I'm here. 

Name: billy22 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 11:01 PM
Thanks Tweety....I just got an email from my attorney saying I need to call them because she has been sending them faxes. They said they want to discuss what's going to happen because it needs to STOP! So it sounds like we will be going to court after all:( You know, if this girl would just relax adn let the boy's Dad take control, she could really enjoy life with them. Instead she is so busy trying to take over that she can't even let the ex spend time alone with the boys.....I am growing weary and I am trying to keep my chin up. 

Name: Lory | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 11:28 PM
Hey! I agree billy22! She needs to chill, and stay the hel* out of things! I'm sorry to hear about it going to court...but, at the same time it sounds like it kinda needs to!! You know? It really does get old. I truly know. I've been w/hubby almost 13 yrs. There were days when I would say I'm leaving...it's not worth the trouble anymore! But, I keep hangin on, for I know one day it will be better! He's really a great guy, and father! The kids are older now. The oldest is married w/2 babies and one due in March. We "visit" with each other on our own. She's a wonderful mother!! Unlike her mom! (sometimes reminds me of her mom) But, all in all we have a relationship outside of all the other crap! In fact, we try to keep in touch with the kids often. Yes, x still plays the stupid bullsh** games. It's been too long, and frankly...it's too old and, I'm too tired to play back. And, don't anymore!! Yes, I still have some animosity. Some days, weeks are better than others.
I know your in the midst of the sh** right now, feeling like there is no end in sight. I'm trying to tell you, hang on. It does get better. There is light at the end of that tunnel!! I did alot of praying. HUH! EVERYDAY!! Just to get through the day. Still do! I hope things go very well for you in court. Take it easy until then. In fact just take it easy. I will keep you in my prayers!! 


Name: billy22 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 11:33 PM
Thanks Lory. I too pray everyday and all day most of the time. God is really testing me and I am trying to be patient, but I am really starting to feel beat down and feel like there is nothing I can do about it. When we are little, we can go tell a grown up that so and so is being mean to me and I want them to stop. But who do we tell when we are the grown up? 

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