My husband and his ex had a child before they got married. Hubby's ex had threatened to not let him see the child unless they got married. The night of the court house marriage she got drunk and violent. They didn't speak or sleep in the same room for months (according to both). One day she came to him and said I'm sorry, we have a child let's make this work. They slept together and she said, "I'm pregnant, you gave me a baby." After a 4 years of marriage she ran off with another man.
I met my hubby a year later. They were going through a divorce. We were fighting for the kids (due to mom's drug abuse). Two weeks before trial we were told the younger child wasn't my husband and who the real dad was. Turns out the ex had been having an affair and already knew she was pregnant when she came home and asked hubby to make things work. Which of course explains why the child was born almost 3 weeks early at just shy of 11 lbs. It also explains why he looks night and day different from my husband. And why she'd make comments like "These aren't your kids there mine."
The real daddy came to court, testified he had know the entire time and that the ex had told him to keep his mouth shut she'd find a way to make hubby believe the kid was his. He then said, "I don't want to be this child's dad because I don't want to have to pay support." He also testified mom had been sending him pictures since birth and asking for money.
My hubby asked for a DNA to find out the truth. Her attorney asked, "Do you want to be this child's father?" Hubby says, "yes". More than anything he wanted to have the test show he was the dad. His attorney asked again what do you want to do? Hubby says, "Do a DNA test because everyone deserves to know the truth."
The ex denied there was any possibility hubby wasn't the dad and said both men were lying to make her look bad. The judge he wouldn't order a test based on the testimony.
Hubby and real dad took the kid and had the DNA test done. My husband did this test believing (hoping) it would prove he was the dad. Hubby then took the results back to the judge. The judge ruled, I don't care if she lied to you. I don't care that she lied to the court. It's in the child's best "FINANCIAL INTEREST" to maintain you as the father. The judge then ordered if my husband ever told the child anything he'd go to jail.
Hubby never told the child anything, but mom did almost immediatly, in her own twisted way. This kid is now almost 14yrs old. Has little to nothing to do with my husband. Has known who his real daddy is for years. Yet, my husband still has to pay child support, medical. And if this kid goes to college he has to continue to pay all this until the kids 24th b-day, along with tuition.
We are not wealthy. We are an average middle class family. We work hard & budget every penny.
When they talk about best interest of the child it makes me so frustrated. I have to wonder, best interest of who's child? My husband is court ordered to provide support for a child that's not his, there for this takes away from his 2 actual children. How is this in his real childrens best interest?
And shouldn't it be the mother's responsibility to provide for this child? She is the one who had an affair & lied about paternity and now she's the one laughing all the way to the bank.
When my husband was trying (unsucessfully) to
dis-establish paternity she called to let me know what a piece a sh** he's always been as a father and how her (junkie w/ a record) boyfriend was a better dad than my husband had ever been. I asked her, "Why not let him dis-establish paternity then?" Her response, "Who the F*** is going to give me my money then?" I asked her, how about the real dad? She say's, "No, you guys have more money and I want more money."
When their daughter was 14 I had taken her school clothes shopping (mom fails to do so). During this trip the daughter proceeds to tell me, "My mom only made my dad think he's (name change) Paul's dad because she knew my dad works hard and would pay her money.' "My mom say's it's not right to make Paul Sr. pay support because he has two daughters of his own he has to support." I point out to her, well your daddy has two daughters of his own he has to support. She says, "I know but my mom says my dad makes a lot more money than Paul's dad and my mom needs more money because you know she doesn't work."
The boy has said things to me but never to my husband. On the rare occasion we see him he'll be super nice to my husband's face then as soon as my husband is out of ear shot he'll proceed to say how much he hates him.
My husband had taken Paul and my son to the store. They wanted to wait in the truck while he ran in. Later when I was alone with my son he asked if he could tell me something and I had to promise not to tell my hubby. I explained to him that's not how things work and asked why he didn't want me to tell. He said, "Because it will hurt his feelings." I then said, tell me what happened and I'll decide what to do with it.
He tells me that while they were waiting in the truck as soon as my husband went into the store Paul looked at my son and said, "I hate him and hate coming to your house. He won't give my mom any money. It's all his fault we don't have anything. I wish he'd die." My son says, "Your moms a liar. Your dad always gives her money." I asked what Paul's response was. He says, nothing my husband was back and as soon as my husband opened the truck door Paul smiles big and says, "I'm glad your back dad, I missed you." Turns to my son and glares. This is not the only incident of this behavior, it's like dealing with a psyco.
Unfortunatly, whenever anyone try's to point it out to my husband he doesn't believe it. And immediatly jumps to the kids defense, with the, "Well, it's not his fault, it's because I'm not his dad."
I bought that line until 3 years ago. Our washer had broke. Hubby had to work and I had all the kids. I had to go to the laundry mat. While there Paul put our baby into a dryer, I almost lost it but decided to explain to him that would kill her and do not ever do it again. I was relieved when he said, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. Shortly later, I turned my back to check the clothes. As soon as I turned around she was gone again, Paul was leaned against a dryer trying to look innocent. I ran over took her out and told him, "Stay away from my baby. Your dad can deal with this when he gets home." Too bad dad was still at work when they left. When I told my husband about this he said I was over reacting and being dramatic. We then got into a fight because he said I hate his kids. I'm ticked and say he's not your kid. Our baby is your kid. Maybe you should think about defending her. Then I told him that Paul is not welcome at my home ever again, unless he gets counciling. He's been to our home once since then, but I demanded my husband keep him by his side the entire time.
Paul is a violent child who hits the girls. Has gotten in our youngest face and screamed at her in a rage. My son stepped into the middle of Paul hitting my step-daughter and my older daughter and they ended up in a fight. I could her the comotion upstairs and went up to check it out and heard Paul say, "You going to be in trouble because your mom has a no hitting rule." To which my son replies, "Your right I will be in trouble, but you'll be in more trouble because you were hitting the girls." Paul starts crying and says, "I hate you guys, I hate being here."
This is only the tip of the iceberg.
My step-daughter, although not violent is a master manipulator and out of control. We had a BBQ here summer before last. His kids came and then left early Saturday, telling my husband that their mom was making them. When their mom got here I asked her what was up because they were suposed to stay for the weekend. She said the daughter had called begging her to come and get them. When I told my husband this he said he didn't know who to believe because they are both such liars.
Months later my husband confronted his daughter about it and she changed her story to I was sitting on the couch talking on the phone saying how much I hated her brother and wish he wasn't her. Hubby and I got into it. I pointed out to him how impossible that would have been concidering everyone we knew was at out house (including my ex and his wife and her family) for the night and that if he would think about how busy I was he'd realize she was full of it. I didn't even get to sit down and eat. He acknowleged she had to be lying but, agin, it wasn't her fault, it was because him and her mom are divorced. I told him in the future whenever one of his kids say something about me I want him to get me immediatly so that I can deal with it.
Sorry, I think I just needed to vent. I'm feeling a little guilty about my husband not seeing his kids. Although I know it's not my fault, even with telling him Paul's not welcome until he get's help.
We've been together since his kids were 5 & 9,in the begining we saw the kids every other weekend (at my insistance to the ex). Then as soon as hubby found out the truth about Paul mom pretty much cut off contact. So, we've only seen them about once every 18 months. Which is why hubby has such a problem with disaplane. He say's he doesn't want to spend his one day telling them what to do because then they wont come back.
Summer break is about here and I'm feeling guilty. We'll be going to my sisters (she has a house on the lake only 35 minutes from us) and I know my husband would love if his kids came along. I'm just know if I take my eye off them even for a second they'll pull something. ↓
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