Hello all,
I came across this forum while reseaching the web on divorce issues. I am a guy, and not sure if I am the only one here, or if there are others. The reason I said that is most of the threads I viewed so far seem to be all from women (not a bad thing, just noting I am a guy), but there seems to be a lot of good advice here.
My story as short as I can make it. I have been married just over a year (1y, 2months), and we have a beautiful baby boy who is almost a year old. Back in April of 08 my wife got charged with DUI, and child abuse/neglect as she had the baby in her lap (a little over 2 months old at the time) and was trying to flee some people who came out to her car to see if she was alright. She had pulled into a parking lot and took the child out of the car seat, and laid him on her lap, while she passed in and out in the drivers seat while the car was running.
I have had trouble with her alcohol issues in the past, never like this, and the whole time she was pregnant and up to that April she was sober(and happy it seemed). I also was at the time during the pregnancy un aware of how true alcoholics are (to my own fault of not checking into it), or I would never have agreed to marry her.
Since her court date the child abuse charges got dropped because neither the judicial system here or child services were in communication with each other, and instead both thought the other would deal with the issue of the child.
Anyway here we are almost a year from the date she got the DUI. She has drank since her court date which violated her probation, and all they did was slap her on the wrist and make her go to some substance abuse classes. These do no good as she does not want help. I scheduled counseling for her as she told me she wanted it after the arrest....she went once.
I set up counseling for us with our pastor....again she went once, now will not even go back to our church.
I have found out that since she lost her job and license (due to the DUI), that at home while I am working she has been communicating with her ex husband via phone while I am away. She has also got back in touch with her estranged long lost brother who because of his alcohol, and drug issues she did not want him a part of her life.
What I have found out is that the whole time we have been together(almost 4 years) she has been talking to him. Understadn this is a guy who on the side dealt in cocaine to make a very nice income, he has multiple felonies in the past. Two of them were injunctions of protection put on him by her when they were married, one of which is assault with a deadly weapon, where he put a loaded gun up to her head.
I found out that she has always loved him, just has been afraid of going back as she thinks the relationship would fail. That they both wish the child I have with her was fatherd by him (found this out Christmas eve BTW), and that she plans on being with him some how soon.
Also she is planning on trying to get away for a few days to go party with her brother and some of his "buddies" possibly the ex husband too.
She is not trying to get help, has been a strain on me and my family who has bent over backwards to help her through this mess she has caused. She does not believe anything is of her own doing, or fault.
Do not get me wrong relationship wise I have issues that needs to be worked out in counseling as well. Hey I am a man you know, so I am sure wives have their complaints. :)
Anyway. I have not confronted her with any of this as of yet, been advised not to as there might be something in the logs I have kept that can be used in court.
I went and spoke to an attorney yesterday for a consultation. I am at my witts end. I get accused of everything in the world, especially cheating, which I have not done. I go to work, and come home. I am a family man. All the time behind my back she has been keeping in touch wither her ex husband and has been planning an eventual reuniting.
Like I have said she is not getting help, the classes do her no good as she just clock watches and goes thru the motions to appease probation. Constantly talks with her brother about getting drunk as soon as possible.
I am going to file for divorce and do my best to get soul custody of my son with her, I already have sole custody of my other son from a previous marraige who is 17 now. His mother was a party girl who did not want to play mommy.
I do not know why I am here and posting. Maybe I just needed to vent. Maybe looking for advice or a friendly word. I do love this woman, but the toll taking on me and my family this past year is getting to me financially, emotionally, and hurting my health as well. I am in pain over this decision. I wanted my son to have a normal family, wanted to have him grow up with his real dad and mother together. I only want the best for him. Unfortunately she has shown little concern for his well beign in her past, and current actions. ↓
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| Name: Hurting | Date: Jan 8th, 2009 3:59 PM |
I do not see an edited button. The person I am talking about that has the felonies and she wishes the child was fathered by is her ex, not the estranged brother. o.0
I just wanted to make that clear and not confused as it sounds in the original post. ↑ |
| Name: cheated on | Date: Jan 17th, 2009 4:02 AM |
| I've ben married 23 yrs . been together 29 yrs .Have 3 kids .I 've been loyal & faithful to my wife & have always supported my family.My wife is an achoholic .Whatever you do will never change her until she is ready. I've been hoping things would get better but they have'nt. Take care of your kids &let her take care of herself.Support her the best you can but do what is best for you & your kids.You can't help those who don't want your help. ↑ |
| Name: CaliMama08 | Date: Jan 21st, 2009 6:04 PM |
| I totally agree, she wont change until she is good and ready. I hope that you get your Son. you seem like a good guy, and deserve to have him. let us know what happens ↑ |
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