| Name: shining star | Date: Aug 29th, 2009 5:30 PM |
| I stumbled across this forum, looking for something else. I am relieved to find that I am not the only one fighting this battle. I cry a lot because of the unhappy state that I am in. My husband is not emotionally supportive at all, in fact he emotionally breaks down. Its like my very presence makes his life misereable. I sit and watch him laugh and joke with his friends, wishing that him and I could have the same type of converstions. I feel like am scrutinized for everything. I get yelled at for going out a night out of the week with my friends, I get yelled at because am up late and not in the bed, I get yelled at because I drive one car more than the other. I went with my husband this morning to our son's first football practice, and I am told that our son didnt do good because I was there. Whenver I'm around, then our son acts like "girl". So I told him I won't come to anymore practies then. My husband sat there laughed and joked with another mom, didn't say one word to me, and then when we get in the car all laughter and smiles are gone. I offered to cook breakfast once we got home, but was responded with, I'll make my own breakfast. We are always bickering . I feel trapped, I know if I leave, he will make life miserable, so I feel like I can't win! ↑ |
| Name: maggy | Date: Aug 30th, 2009 5:20 AM |
I met my husband when I was 20. We were I don't know what for about 3 years until he asked me to marry him. He was and is very quiet and doesn't say too much. You have to pull and drag anything out of him. I worked night shift for the first 5 years of our marriage. and then we started having children. I worked kept the house and cooked and watched after the kids. I even had to remind him to mow the grass!
Early on in our marriage he had a very low paying job. I made pretty good money and I always kind of felt like I was keeping him. He always said he didn't like what he studied in school so he wanted to go to school for another career. I supported it, gave up my career and moved away to go with him to school. During 5 years in school he shut me out he was distant and not there in body and in mind. He always seems so far away even now he still is. He has lied to me in the past about money and other things.
Now that he is done with school he says he can't find a job. I am about had it with feeling so bitter that I put everything out there for him and my kids and left myself in the dust. I amso angry at him 95% of the time. I have thought about leaving but for my kids I can't stand it. ↑ |
| Name: michael t | Date: Sep 12th, 2009 11:24 AM |
| I have a serious problem. My wife say she is no longer happy in the relationship. She tells me she "loves me" but not "in Love with me". She also told me that she is tapped out and wants to be on her own. There has not been any marital affair ....Is my marriage over? Do I need to move on? it is killing me and I do not know what to do ↑ |
| Name: Chrsitine | Date: Oct 2nd, 2009 5:26 PM |
| Michael, I hate to say it but it sounds like things might be over. What you need to do to prevent it from being over is ask her what you can do for her to make her happier. If you can do more around the house, or give her a little more freedom for her socializing with friends. Ask her what she need you to do to make her fall in love with you again. There are many things you can do. Take her out to dinner more, buy her flowers for no reason. Do something nice for your anniversary or birthday, or for tuesday. I know I am considering ending my marriage and for the same reasons that it sounds like your wife is. I hope this helps you out! ↑ |
| Name: james | Date: Oct 6th, 2009 2:50 PM |
| Is there anyone out there that has pushed thru the difficult times and fell back in love with there spouse. These are times spent that can never be replaced. There are waves of connection with partners and sometimes in order to get to the next level of the relationship you have be patient and learn how to reconnect. Men dont always speak the same language that women do. Please let me know how you felt and pushed thru, dont leave out any details. we are all listening. ↑ |
| Name: Tabitha | Date: Oct 15th, 2009 8:25 PM |
| I was reading your post and I thought it was myself writing it. Why is it so difficult for women to walk away from a marriage? I am in the same situation, I have felt alone for a long time and no longer attracted to my husband. But he still loves me and the guiltiness to leave him kills me. The only thing I can tell you is you need to do what makes you happy. You should not stay with someone that you no longer love. Trust me if you keep that up you will end up cheating, that's what happened to me. I found someone that gave me confort while i was going throught this stage. It just happens so walk away now!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Anonymous | Date: Oct 17th, 2009 5:38 AM |
| I am amazed at the fact that I just scrolled through six pages of responses. I agree and disagree on a lot of things said in this forum. Here is where my problem is different. As a man I have provided for my family for the past 5 1/2. I was married at 24 and now that I have been unemployed for almost 5 months and being home everyday. I have begun to see the true nature of my wife and there are things about her that I just don't think I ever thought I would hear, see or be a part of. I love her but I am not in love with her. When we got married, I believe that I was in love with the thought of being in love. I like some of you here have two beautiful children. I think my problem is I went is I want "me" time. Not hobbies or sports...but real "me" time. There is so much I can do but I have been putting it aside because that is what a good husband and father does, right? Is it selfish to want to accomplish my goal after putting it off for so long. I am not saying that I don't want to be a father to my children. I however, no longer see myself being a husband to this wife. ↑ |
| Name: Trish1 | Date: Oct 27th, 2009 12:00 AM |
Dear Stephanie,
Your past five years sounds very similar to my past fifteen years. It's taken me that long to find the courage to stay moving forward rather than move back and forth over and over countless times. Don't make the same mistake as I did - I thought that I was staying in my marriage for all the right reasons. In my case, it was for my children (I have three boys). I also put a lot of blame on myself for falling out of love with my husband. I am now forty-five years old and it isn't any easier to leave the marriage now than it would have been, say ten years ago. But I so wish that I could have managed it then. ↑ |
| Name: debra | Date: Nov 16th, 2009 4:55 PM |
| you sound so much like me...I married a man 13 years older than me and all for the wrong reasons. He's a Mexican, born and raised in Texas. He and I have never had anything in common, and our communication skills are ridiculous. He tells me he loves me, and I still have some love for him mixed with pity because his health is not all that great. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore, either because we sleep so differently; he wants the room warm, I need it cool, he wants the air still, I need to have the air moving, I need "white noise" he wants it quiet. I'm overweight, and so is he, so our physical relationship is non-existent. I"m easy-going, he has a cave-man mentality. I too want out, but I'm stuck because I can't work on my feet anymore and I live in a town with few opportunities. As for whether you should stay and work it out, are you able to support yourself? I guess I'm the wrong person to ask, because I no longer believe in marriage, at least for my self. I guess what it boils down to is maybe you'd be happier on your own. I know I would, but that's just me. In your heart, do you think it can be worked out? Doesn't sound like it... ↑ |
| Name: jane | Date: Nov 19th, 2009 2:02 AM |
| I've been married three times all husbands were abusive and addicts, it sounds like your bored with yourself and are blaming your marriage. Stay married and find a way to make it exciting again and stick with it ↑ |
| Name: angie | Date: Nov 19th, 2009 6:03 PM |
| run for the hills.....before he gets you pregnant and your trapped and you get an 18 year death sentence.... ↑ |
| Name: Sunila | Date: Dec 13th, 2009 9:07 AM |
| I don't think you love your husband, these problem arises when you just keep relationship to sake for insecurities. ↑ |
| Name: poke | Date: Dec 14th, 2009 5:10 PM |
You know, I look back on the couples that have been married for 20 and 30 years and think I wish that could have been me. Meet your first wife and stay married. They look so happy together.
Truth be told the only reason their happy is because they worked at it. Day in and day out they worked to be were their at. People today just don't get it. The older couple didn't find someone, never have a fight and stay together forever. But they did stick it out. They ment it when they said for better or worse. they held on to those words. Now days they've made it easy to say " I'm bord and I want out". You will never have a great marriage or relationship if you just tuck tail and run everytime you wanted out. So just cowboy up put your boots on right and make sure you worked at it before you do anything stupid.
Good men are hard to find and when women do they walk all over them. ↑ |
| Name: poke | Date: Dec 14th, 2009 5:39 PM |
I really can't believe what is being said here. "i'm not in love anymore" "I feel trapped" "we have nothing in comon". Are you kidding me. HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU FALL OUT OF LOVE? It don't happen. You just don't have that honeymoon feeling anymore that's all. You want the puppy love feeling. Well guess what! everyone wants that but it just don't happen. You get used to what you have and take it for granted. Fairy tales are just that. If that's what you have to have then you are going to be with a lot of people until you decide to grow up.
I feel trapped? What did you think marriage was? You would have someone love you and be with only you as long as you got to do anything you wanted.
We have nothing in comon? Good, you need to have your own life, and things you can do by yourself. Just like they do. I know I don't want someone doing the same thing I do. You have to have time apart just so when you get back to them you will love them that much more. You have to have someting in comon or you wouldn't have been in the same place to meet each other.
Whinners! You found someone willing to put up with you and that's just not good enough for you. ↑ |
| Name: Milly | Date: Dec 15th, 2009 5:37 PM |
I have been married for 19 and for about the last 6 years I no longer want to be. I have been moving in a totally different direction. I also don't feel it anymore. He is a great person a great father and totally wants this marriage to continue. I just don't. We have been living in a household with few words since I have put this on the table. I don't think this makes you a horrible person. you want to be happy and content. If you have tried all avenues I would agree with taking the next steps.
My husband wants to try Conseling but honestly I am so far gone and liking where I am and where I am going I don't see this going his way. We have children but I truly believe children should not be the reason to stay in a marriage. It has to be a union and you have feel that this is the one and only. I am no longer there. My husband is attractive but again I don't feel it.
I am not sure if I answered your question, maybe because I am in the same predicament. So you are not alone. I hope you make the decision for yourself and not becuase of guilt. you need to feel your decision is the right choice. ↑ |
| Name: poke | Date: Dec 15th, 2009 6:03 PM |
| i have to say that, no, you shouldn't stay for the children. However they should be considered. You want to move on because YOUR not happy and that's fine. But for you to be happy you're going to have to make several other people very unhappy, including yoiur kids. And this unhappy feeling wont go away for them. It will be there forever weather you think it will or not it will be there. And you better make damn sure that this is not just a phase because once you do it, it can't be undone. think long and hard and DO consider the kids and not just yourself. ↑ |
| Name: naturegirl3 | Date: Dec 17th, 2009 2:00 AM |
Sonia,
I have been married to the same man for 27 years't knos. I have had to leave just to know for sure if I was going to miss him. I don't. My emotional needs were not being met. No physical bruises, so I can say look, look what he is doing to me. After being with him 29 years I know him. It was very hard to communicate with him for the first 10 years. I simply didn't know how. We have always lived in a nice house, and I have always had a decent car. But when it came to our kids, I had to be the one to make sure their emotional needs were met. Now after looking back, and I have kept a journal for the last 15, I know it wasn't my imagination, I wasn't being selfish. It was just all about him. If I tried to articulate on why I was unhappy or unfullfilled it was minimized or dismissed. I love our home, and once it was paid for two years ago, I fully expected home improveements to be made. After all it is our biggest investment. He was always making excuses to leave and go somewhere other than doing what needed to be done at home. I felt lonely, helpless, and like I really didn't have a partner. Not to mention I really started noticing character issues that I just couldn't accept. When I told him I wanted to be buried and not cremated, instead of his first response being of course, after all you have devoted your life to me, I get "Well you know that is a burden on a family." I thought ok then the last loving act you could do for someone who has devoted their life to you would be a burden, that said it all. I told him I would make sure he was cremated. We owed my Mom money for 7 years and had paid her 90% of it, when I told him I was giving her $800 from my unemployment he asked me "Why?" Well lets see, its the right thing to do, and it has caused such a rift in yours and hers relationship, gee whiz, figure it out you dork!!! Do I want to spend the next 25 years with this kind of person, ahhh NO! We have nothing in common and even our children are saying they now realize why I left. He wants me to come back, and I have already told him, I don't want to live with you. He pretends I don't mean it. Thats how he lives, in a pretend world. I know a lot of people that have been together a long as we have live separate lives, but I for one do not. He gaslights me constantly, making me think its me and not him, I have caught him in lies, half truths and ommissions. I'm thinking going back to Texas to work on what? Just because you have finally been forced to work on our home. FORCED. He can and does tell me 15 times a day he loves me. I don't feel loved. The proof is in the pudding. I care that he will be hurt by my actions, but that is only because I have enough left in me to want him to be happy. But I deserve happiness too. Not some facade of a marriage. If its for life, then it better offer something other than words. Words don't cut it anymore. Sad. ↑ |
| Name: HS | Date: Jan 28th, 2010 8:21 PM |
OMG this sounds exactly like my life.
Be true to yourself and when you make a decision do not look back! ↑ |
| Name: foreign wife | Date: Feb 6th, 2010 10:52 PM |
I am reading and reading all those post and see my life there. Kind off. I have been married to my husband for 5 years. We didn't know each other long enough, but my heart was telling me that I have to marry him no matter what! That was love. I know it was, because I felt that i was flying when we got married! But love is not only an action like somebody said before. You HAVE TO FEEL it!!! And I am on the crossroad. Sometimes I think I do still love him, but more often that I don't . WHY? It mostly because he is a man of empty words. He is always saying that he is going to do something, and never happens!!! And for most of our marriage I have been keeping him. He never was "the head of the household", I have! And I still am. And that is frustrating. I work two three jobs just to keep paying the bills and take care of our 4 year old daughter, and he is always behind. And complaining to me about it. I am so sick of it. It's like having two kids in the house. My house. We bought a house by only with my name on it, because his credit is bad! Everything we have happen because of me. And I feel like I am being used!!!!
Another thing, I am just not attracted to him. He is just simply fat! He was never a skinny guy, but now he is just fat.
But I am afraid to leave him. You see all of you here on this forum, if you decide to leave, you have your family behind you. I am from a different country, When I leave, I will be by myself! And he will not let me take our daughter with me. And beside, I couldn't do it to her. She loves him very much. She is too young to understand, that her father can't provide for her.
Well, even if I would decide to leave him, I would loose a lot. We didn't have premarital agreement, and he would take a half of everything!!! And he is still behind bills!!!!!! Why would I gave him something I work for so hard?
I am trapped. Don't know what to do. Anybody?? ↑ |
| Name: Lil | Date: Feb 10th, 2010 3:11 AM |
| Hello, I do know how you feel.. I am in a similar situation. I have been married for ten years as well and I am not happy anymore. You are not a bad person for feeling that way. ↑ |
| Name: jinny | Date: Feb 10th, 2010 5:01 AM |
| so many heart breaking stories, I am so glad you have spoken out. Thank you. Its so hard to be slowing suffocating in a relationship that has taken so much building. What can you do when over 20 years you have tried everything? But it doesnt have to be the end does it] has anyone had the experience of separating and staying good friends throughout? ↑ |
| Name: jo | Date: Feb 21st, 2010 3:05 PM |
| if u can afford to leave,leave. I am in the same position,i beg him to hang out with to no avail,I cant afford to leave,I have two kids to support,I have to wait till they leave,14 and11 I just hope I can hang in there, im so lonely. ↑ |
| Name: kelly | Date: Feb 23rd, 2010 5:35 AM |
| I totally understand!!! I am in a similar situation!!! ↑ |
| Name: sammie19 | Date: Mar 11th, 2010 4:28 PM |
| Wow..I am shocked to read everyone's comments and feel like I am not alone. I am in the process of finding a counselor because I do not know what else to do. My husband and I have been together 6 years and married for 2. We have one child together. I wonder if we stayed together because I became pregnant fairly early Into our relationship. We have always gotten along so well. But I finally graduated.from college, started a wonderful new career that I have been working toward for so long and I feel like we just dont fit anymore. He is so nice, hardowrker, big heart, great dad. So why don't I want to be with him? He is very attractive but I want nothing to do with him intimately. I want a divorce. How do we go from everything is ok to hi I dont want to be married anymore? This.will blindside him. He knows something is up but I dont think he realizes its this serious. He is driving me nuts...following me around the house, calling, texting, ect. I am just not happy. How do I know if this Is a phase or what. I feel like I'm going crazy. Any advise would be apreciated. ↑ |
| Name: Libby | Date: Mar 15th, 2010 9:33 PM |
Stepananie,
one thing that I 've learned in life is the only person you can make happy is yourself. It sounds as though your husband has left the relationship already and if you don'thave kids you should too. Life is about living and right now your aren't living your just existing in his world you have to tell yourself that you deserve better and really belive it because you do. ↑ |
| Name: rizwan haq | Date: May 13th, 2010 7:31 AM |
h there i feel the opposite way.. i care for my wife but she never gives a damn about me!! yes i love here tooo much and would give my life for her!!
just the thing is now we have kids she loves them and soo do i... but all i want to do i love her and really be with her.. u know all the juicy stuff... but i dont know why she doesnt like it... at 1st she loved it now it has all changed!!
do reply back to [email protected]
rizwan haq from pakistan ↑ |
| Name: Muhappy | Date: May 22nd, 2010 7:49 PM |
| I have an issue something like that but I'm not sure if I want to be married. We have been married 14 years and together 19 years and things have got worse. We don't do nothing together. He drinks and parties and I'm in church. He looks at TV in one room and I in another. If their is a family gathering he drives his car and I take mine. I don't ride anywhere with him. I like being home when he's not there. ↑ |
| Name: oops | Date: May 25th, 2010 4:29 AM |
| humans simply are not meant to be monogamous. Anyone who ever lived before marriage should be able to agree. It just does not make any sense. Listen to your gut, then follow it. ↑ |
| Name: sarah sanford | Date: May 28th, 2010 9:08 PM |
| yeah I'm haveing the same problem. I got married at 19 i think it was to yung.bc know im 30 an I don't want to be married any more have been married 11 years we have had no kid's together butt he has a chiled from his ex wife which i have raised sence she was 6. It's like there is nuthing there any more i love him an know he loves me butt it's like theres nuthing in comin any more we never talk any more the sex has gone way down hill. we bicker at each other all the time.I'm strest out all the time. I'm just scared 2 leave bc he says he can not live with out me he would die with out me we have treyed to talk. I asked him if he would go to counsoling he seed no. iv tryed every thing i can try. Iv never been on my own so im all so scared of that. ↑ |
| Name: Love Life | Date: Jun 11th, 2010 11:22 PM |
| Life is to short...I feel the same as you with few differences....but life is too short to feel unloved and unwanted and to be with someone who you no longer feel attracted to. Do you have children? That changes everything...then you have to wait until they have their own life and no longer are effected by yours. ↑ |
| Name: Becky | Date: Jun 17th, 2010 5:00 PM |
| I can so relate to what everyone is saying. I have been married 16 years with two children. I am a stay at home mom whose husband makes her feel like she is wasting space on the planet. He has told me I can be replaced by a maid as he feels I bring nothing into the relationship. My husband is not an easy person to be with. He has two personalities. One if fun-loving and friendly and the other is a very scarey time-bomb. Because of the time-bomb husband, it is hard to be loving to the good husband because of all the hurt and resentment. He often threatens to leave because he is so unloved and it is getting so old. Since I have not worked for over 8 years and have no college education, I am worried about supporting myself and two kids. He makes a good income so child-support won't be bad but I am worried about health coverage as I have chrinic illness which required expensive medications for the rest of my life. I am like many of you as welll who cannot imagine life without him. When he is good, he is very good. We are seeing less of the good husband because of his tense job. He thinks he should get a pass because of the stress he endures at work but my happiness is at stake also. ↑ |
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