| Name: Becky | Date: Jun 17th, 2010 5:00 PM |
| I can so relate to what everyone is saying. I have been married 16 years with two children. I am a stay at home mom whose husband makes her feel like she is wasting space on the planet. He has told me I can be replaced by a maid as he feels I bring nothing into the relationship. My husband is not an easy person to be with. He has two personalities. One if fun-loving and friendly and the other is a very scarey time-bomb. Because of the time-bomb husband, it is hard to be loving to the good husband because of all the hurt and resentment. He often threatens to leave because he is so unloved and it is getting so old. Since I have not worked for over 8 years and have no college education, I am worried about supporting myself and two kids. He makes a good income so child-support won't be bad but I am worried about health coverage as I have chrinic illness which required expensive medications for the rest of my life. I am like many of you as welll who cannot imagine life without him. When he is good, he is very good. We are seeing less of the good husband because of his tense job. He thinks he should get a pass because of the stress he endures at work but my happiness is at stake also. ↑ |
| Name: Reba | Date: Jul 11th, 2010 9:35 AM |
Dear Stephanie, I am going through pretty much the same thing, although my husband isn't a fisherman, he has been unemployed for 9 months and hasn't even tried to find work. I am working 2 part-time jobs (I am 64 years old) and we are barely able to keep our heads above water. I do love him but I too, have to ask for hugs and affection and even sex which I am turned down most of the time. I know I am getting older and not as firm as I used to be but I am still quite attractive, but I'm getting away from your question. Should you leave him? Of course that is going to be your decision but I firmly belive that life is too short to be unhappy all of the time. I am going to stay with mine for now because I am older and I don't want to be alone as I get older. Unfortunately, if you stay with him and his lack of affection, you may find yourself losing your need for affection and becoming like him. I know I have to a certain degree. I have become distant and I find myself staying away from situations where I have to pretend that everything is great between us.
Good luck to you , and think long and hard before you make a decision. Don't do it when you're angry. ↑ |
| Name: sillybilly | Date: Jul 23rd, 2010 7:19 PM |
| This is such a great thread to have stumbled across, although three years later everything Stephanie has said reflects so much of what so many of us feel and are struggling with day to day. I certainly don't want to be married either, I have no feelings for my husband and I dream of the day I can live with just my children and have freedom to do what I want and not be answerable to him. I have two children who I love dearly and we can be a family for them and we do manage not to show our boredom and the lack of common ground there is in front of them. They appear to be happy and are doing well at school etc. We have discussed divorce and we cannot afford it, will never have enough money to be able to separate and have any quality of life.That is why I carry on as we are as miserable as it makes me.I don't think he is that miserable. I have had affairs but they never last because I can't commit to anyone else because I can't have my freedom. The worst part of that is that I have had pockets of true blissful happiness with one particular person(my last affair - I have only had one other) and I really feel that I have missed the opportunity of being truly loved by an amazing man and of course I am now even more depressed because I am in so much pain not having him in my life. Its a terrible way to live your life I know but I just don't seem to be able to get through it - I know people do but we just can't seem to do it . Thanks again for the thread - it's a real comfort x ↑ |
| Name: Augusta | Date: Aug 9th, 2010 9:27 AM |
| Im so sad in my marriage and it feels like a sinking ship that goes deeper and deeper into a black hole of nowhere. I haven't had sex for 4 years because I don't want to because I can't be with someone who doesn't turn me on. Bad sex sucks! I have two children with him and i'm totally dependent for everything. I don't know how to survive on my own anymore. My husband is a nice guy and works very hard. He is a good father to our children but he works alot and goes out alot and after being alone for so long and sad I started to hate him for leaving me alone to raise our children as though i'm a single parent and not married. I want romance and affection but I feel selfish to break up a family for my desires. I feel stuck with nowhere to go and can't afford to live on my own even if i could leave.Every day almost i'm sad but keep a smile on my face for my kids. I feel like I died and all that is left is this picture of me with my face and no soul walking around everyday. He is sad too and wants to work things out I guess I'm lucky but inside I just don't feel like a wife to him just a friend or family thats enough to keep going because thats what people do to keep their families going for years. I'm at a stand still constantly when it comes to this and i'm getting fat from depression and let myself go because who cares! Who am I trying to look good for? I mean whats the secret is there anyone married and happy or was this a cruel trick that we were brainwashed to believe we should do when we grow up.Any advice for me? ↑ |
| Name: Kay | Date: Aug 19th, 2010 2:02 AM |
| Stephanie - it's four years later - what did you end up doing??? I'm in the boat you were once in. It would be great to know how your decision panned out... ↑ |
| Name: gina | Date: Aug 20th, 2010 8:32 PM |
| Welcome to the club! we sure have similar problem. ive been married for 19 years,my marriage is also start to fall apart. i try several times to make it work because,of our children. somedays are good, but it goes back to the same crap again. he is retired stock broker, i used to have a business for sweven years as interior designer but ,when the economy fell, i sold my business. then my marriage start to fall apart. then i start going back to a medical school then few months later i found a job as a specialist at a blood bank. but things didnt work out for me i got laid off. i got very depressed and didnt work for almost a year now but our bills are start filing on us. then he changes way lot. and force me to find a job. even did the application for me. which i have no problem with it. but i cant stand him being so crunky all the time. it seems like when i talk,he find some ways to make me angry or vise versa. i cant wait to get the job, and get him out of my shoulder. and im the end of my roof also. but with your case, do whats best for you. or confront him once more and tell him how you feel. and goodluck ! ↑ |
| Name: Jenny | Date: Aug 24th, 2010 4:28 PM |
| Hi Stephanie, I think what your feeling is normal. I do understand how you feel... when love is gone it becomes harder and harder each day to live a happy life. Even when everything is normal we tend to see beyond it and always see something wrong even in the most trivial matteres. But remember you cannot expect happiness to come from others as happiness must come from within you. Find time to pray and ask for guidance. The good thing in your relationship is that the lines of communication is still open. But if he wants out from the bedroom then there is a problem that he may not want to address just yet. let things fall into place in time.... Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: raj | Date: Sep 3rd, 2010 2:44 AM |
| Name: Stuck | Date: Sep 4th, 2010 1:43 AM |
| I can't believe that there have been 4 years of comments to this! What has happened to the Marriage institution?? Just that, it is an institution!! Everyone loves the boyfriend/girlfriend stage so why not keep it that way??!! The dynamics change when you get married and unfortunately familiarity sometimes breeds contempt. We all have an image of the person we want beside is, and let's face it, the reality and stresses of day-to-day life tarnish that image. What's left is the attraction. I've learned after 24 years, that if the attraction isn't there throughout, they could be amazing, and it just won't work. You need to want to sleep with them, hold their hand, be held by them, or it's no longer a "man/woman" relationship - plain & simple. Next question is can I live with someone without that? If I need it, I will find it outside the marriage, but that just causes more pain for all parties. Solution: find your way out in the most amicable and civil manner and if you want to stay in love, don't move in with a man - love eachother from separate roofs! It will last longer! ↑ |
| Name: fananan | Date: Sep 11th, 2010 3:07 PM |
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↑ |
| Name: Todd | Date: Sep 13th, 2010 6:37 AM |
| Shut up and work it out!… Just kidding. In short your marriage does not sound like it is over or even in trouble but it does sounds like you both have gotten “Comfortable”. In other words, you both have gotten to a point in your relationship were you know the other person is going to be there so you see no need to… Dress up sexy “just because” anymore, stop wearing those big pink or green hair rollers around the house and to bed every night anymore, stop hanging your nylons in the bathroom anymore ” or…. take her out to dinner and a movie anymore, go on long weekends with her anymore, write her romantic letters in your own hand writing anymore. Get my point! Marriage is work just like anything else. It can be enjoyable work but you can’t just put it on autopilot and expect things to take care of it self. Nor can you simply scapegoat the other person for the problems of the marriage. Anytime a marriage is not working both people have a part in its failure (PERIOD!) Even if the divorce courts may say one person is at fault. So it is my view that you should “ Shut up!, Dress up! and Sexy Up! so you can make up with your husband and get the spark back up in your marriage. Just kidding! I hope you get my point and I hope that things work out for you and your husband. ↑ |
| Name: honey | Date: Sep 15th, 2010 12:16 PM |
| Hello. I am also going through the same thing.... is it ok. if you write me? [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: alwaysad | Date: Sep 19th, 2010 7:19 AM |
| I never thought I would be posting anything like this and anyone that's knows my husband and I would think or say we have the perfect marrage. I use to adore this manand he use to adore me. Not like normal,like give his all to me. He put me through nursing school and took care or home well while I studied. We would have sex alllll the time or at least be afferctionate towards each other all the time even after 3 kids. But in the last year or so it has be horrible. Not a lot of talking,hugs here and there and sex maybe twice a month. His excuse is he tired from work. I get it but I work 12hr shifts and I still can have sex when I get home. Bottom line we have had the talks,arguments and I thinks its just a matter of time before its all over. Even as I type this he is sleeping next to me with no care in the world of what I'm doing. I'm always so so sad I will take any advise right about now ↑ |
| Name: Ryan | Date: Oct 9th, 2010 2:41 AM |
| I can only tell you to follow your hear I recently caught my wife in my house while we were having a party having sex with a man in my bathroom and his pregnant girlfriend was here also and we have two kids but my heart tells me i should leave but my kids are stopping me but i have not been right since and recently my heart told me to leave and I have. ↑ |
| Name: lisa | Date: Oct 14th, 2010 10:34 PM |
| dont want to be with with my husband anymore i have 2 children with him what do i do i cant hurt the children and split the family ↑ |
| Name: lisa | Date: Oct 14th, 2010 10:36 PM |
| if u dont love him dont stay i'm going through the same thing get out now do u have children ↑ |
| Name: wayne | Date: Oct 24th, 2010 12:41 PM |
| sorry im almost in the same boat with my wife. i also fed up but if i leave im going to be in total control. find a woman that doese what ever i say when i say it. but on the other side im not always right they can have idea and feelings want someone to make me happy nomatter the cost. if one is happy i think both will be and enjoy being together and i might want to come home instead of fighting all the time ↑ |
| Name: Anna | Date: Oct 29th, 2010 4:50 AM |
| You are not a bad person. I can't stand my husband. I keep hoping that he will meet someone so I won't feel the guilt of ending it. ↑ |
| Name: MF | Date: Nov 1st, 2010 2:03 AM |
| I don't think you are wrong for feeling the way you do. You are at least being honest. ↑ |
| Name: Missy | Date: Nov 3rd, 2010 12:22 AM |
| We all have one life to live. We'd better go about our business of being happy ↑ |
| Name: Julie | Date: Nov 7th, 2010 3:52 AM |
Hi stephanie,
I am so gald that I came across your story because I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we have been together for 15. Over the years we have grown apart significantally. We are not able to communicate and I find myself distancing from him more and more everyday. I do not want to be intimate and I have a hard time being alone with him. I have been going through torture every day like this. I finally broke down and told him that I wanyed to split and that I did not love him anymore. This was so hard for me and I am torn with the idea of going out on my own or staying. I have always felt intimidated which is why I have never said anything until now. I feel much better that I took a stand. i could not bring myself to suffer anymore. We have children so this is difficult. We are at a point right now where he loves me and wants to still be with me. I am still unsure. I think in your situation you should not feel guilty and you need to do what your heart feels. It may be a difficult transition but if you are truly unhappy and need to make a change you either need to sit down and talk to resolve it or you need to move on. If you are a strong person you will be able to handle the situation. Go with what your heart feels. You are not a bad person. If you are truly unhappy then maybe a change is best. in my situation I am still trying to figure out what is right. I will go with what my heart truly tells me. I know that if I go this road that I will eventually find happiness weather it is with my husband or with someone else that truly respects and loves me for the person that I am. I hope that this helps. Never doubt yourself and the decisions you make when it is in your best interest. good luck and I would love to hear what happens. ↑ |
| Name: michelle | Date: Nov 11th, 2010 11:27 PM |
| i feel like i'm in the same boat as you, thought ive been with my husband 18 yrs married 6 yrs. my husband honestly i didnt even think he would cry a teaar if i died tomorrow, now that he knows I have been talking to an old school friend he's freaking out. Prior to this Ive been researching on the internet how to talk to him about my feelings because we have never comunicated, now its almost all out in the open and everyday is harder than before. I love him just fell out of love and i dont want to hurt him, but i feel like i should be somewhere else. But I think its only fair to give him a chance, but i truly feel its too late for even that..... so if you get this figured out let me know!...lol ↑ |
| Name: ciodele | Date: Nov 25th, 2010 9:31 AM |
| I also no longer love my husband. I have felf for a long time that he no longer loves me. he shows me no signs of affection. we haven't had sex for over a year and he rarely ever touches me. I have put on weight (due to depression) and he is no longer attracted to me. i find this hyprocritical as he has been overweight for as long as I have known him. he not only shows no signs that he loves me but he often puts me down or belittles me. we have two beautiful girls and I don't know if i should stay for their sake. But why should i be the only one who makes any effort? ↑ |
| Name: jnhbr | Date: Dec 1st, 2010 4:34 AM |
| Hi, I believe that perhaps living apart may help you find you're own needs in a clearer view. If you miss him you will know that you need something. If he misses you, you will know if there is something worth salvaging. Good luck with all my heart. ↑ |
| Name: tingler0 | Date: Dec 2nd, 2010 9:20 PM |
| Hi Stephanie, I would like to kwow what you have done. Are you happier now? did you leave? ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Dec 11th, 2010 8:26 AM |
| I am right there with you and I am leaving. ↑ |
| Name: ke-ke | Date: Dec 26th, 2010 1:06 AM |
Get out and stay out....Divorce is hard very hard though.....I know I divorced my husband Jan. 2010 the best decision I ever made now he is a good person but I am not in love with him.....He is in love with me...he has pursued me and cried for months so i finally agreed to marry him again the worst mistake of my life....I only did it because he loves me an dwe have a 14yr old son that simply adores him and I did it for him and our son but I am misreable I feel like I made the biggest mistake of ny life again everyone warned me not to do it again and I wished I would have listened....I am 36 yrs old and I plan to get out of it again he deserves someone to love him and so do I, but I know I dont want to be married again I love being by myself making my own decisions and he love being married....
My Advice get out and stay out but get into theraphy afterwards because the emotions of separation and divorce is a rollar coaster.... ↑ |
| Name: Luna 2524 | Date: Dec 28th, 2010 3:20 PM |
We have been married for 6 years and together for 8. He is a good a men. He cooks, cleans and goes above and beyond to please me. But lately i have been feeling anxious and depress.
We finally have the house and the dream jobs. Our next step is children. I love him but at the same time i don't want to be married.
Another issue that I have is that i never been able to really open myself to him I tend to keep secrets from him. From really small ones to important ones.
I don't want to hurt him or loose him but at same time I want to take off running. ↑ |
| Name: unknown | Date: Jan 6th, 2011 4:38 PM |
| I feel this way and I just got married ↑ |
| Name: MIKE | Date: Jan 10th, 2011 3:22 AM |
You only live once...my wife just died last year and I was getting like your husband in some ways...work and sleep...slept in the garage...I will regret this the rest of my life...HE has the problem, not you....I would give anything to have her back to make up the time....I loved her too but in all the wrong ways...leave as soon as you can and find someone who appreciates you....I would give anything to have someone like you in my life for a second chance to NOT be like I was and like your husband is...tell him to read this...he also needs to let you go if he loves you to find your [email protected]
good luck ↑ |
| Name: SweetT | Date: Jan 13th, 2011 5:06 PM |
| The blind leads the blind ↑ |
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