First off, my husband does not deserve my feelings. He is a wonderful man who has been through so much with me and I with him. We have been married just over six years. My problem is, we met and married within two months. He genuinely loves me, unconditionally. Why can I not love him the same??? He hasn't changed much since we've gotten married in appearance or in personality. But I have. So very much. I wasn't exactly skinny when he met me but I had meat on my bones. I wasn't fat. Four months into our marriage I began to become depressed. He was like an old married man who didn't want to do anything. He said he was too tired. I was so active and loved to go hiking or for walks. I sold my horse to buy his ring... and now I lived in the city with him. He wouldn't go with me. We lived in a bad area and I was afraid to go alone. So I wouldn't go. I began to put on the weight. Now I am five one and weight two hundred and fifty pounds. I am so very depressed over my weight. I hangs over every single thing I do in my life. I don't feel worthy of anything anymore. People I had known for a long time began to treat me like crap because I wasn't attractive anymore. Guys used to eye me all of the time, ask me out, and they stopped even looking at me. No one respected me anymore. And I became a hermit. I truly hate my appearance and have done so many things to try and get rid of the fat. It hangs on! I've even tried to get on Biggest Loser. So, having lost faith in myself, and shutting down on myself, I really set us back. I've been trying in the last two years to pick myself up and stop letting my life pass me by. I haven't been able to get pregnant this whole time. I was one of those girls who waited to have sex until she was married. He is my first and only. I have been faithful the whole time, and he as well. But now, I want sex. I want more out of life. I want that passion we used to have. But it is gone with him. He is affectionate, and tells me he loves me, but is always too tired to have sex, or to do anything besides sit in front of the tv and veg. I went from being a very social, very active person, to feeling trapped. I don't want to live a seperate life from him, but if I want the old me back, that is what I must do. I have talked to him about it many many times over the years. Explained to him that I am a sexual person, and need it more than twice a year. By far. I am changing my diet and I have lost thirty pounds already. I have lain out for him all of my needs and wants. I try to meet all of his. But we end up being so separate in almost all that we do, unless it involves watching certain tv programs together. I have noticed myself being annoyed with him. He is overweight as well and has been his whole life. 320 pounds at 6'4". His constant flatulance, his lack of taking showers or brushing his teeth, he won't take his diabetic medication or blood pressure medication. He didn't even finish his antibiotics when he had pneumonia! And I was on him about it to make sure he would. He eats poorly. Even when I try to make healthy foods for us, he'll eat other things. McDonalds, pizza, soda, milk. Those are his main staples. He just plain won't take care of himself. It is driving me crazy. We want to have kids, but I really no longer want to have one with him. This past month I have finally identified that I don't love him as much as I used to. I don't get turned on by him anymore. It's not that I'm better than him, because I'm not, but I feel repulsed by him most of the time. He'll try to be romantic every now and then and his breath is so bad. I'll say something as gently as I can and it embarrasses him.
I love the man. We have come so far together. I really don't want to leave him, but I can't see a future with him anymore. All of my talking to him flies right out his other ear. He tells me he will work on it. But nothing ever comes of it. I have given him a long time. But it gets worse with each passing year. I'm not a quitter. And God knows I don't want to hurt him. This is killing me. But I am so lonely in this marriage. I feel like we go different directions and I hate it. I asked him for counciling and he didn't want to. I no longer know what to do. I cry all of the time now. I can't talk to anyone about this. I tried with him. We go out to eat and we can't even find anything to talk about. He spends his time people watching and I sit there so lonely. I try to get him involved and it doesn't work.
I'm sorry- this is all bubbling out. I'm just throwing this out there. I have no idea what kind of response I will get but all I ask please is to be kind. Even if you feel I don't deserve it. I just really needed a listening ear and some sound advice.
Bottom line, I don't want it to be over. But when I can't even feel an attraction to him anymore... it makes me not want to try. What can I do? ↓
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| Name: lonely too | Date: Mar 12th, 2010 6:31 AM |
| dont know what to tell you because i dont want to be married anymore neither. i got married at 19 and i think i got married to young. he hung out alot snd i didnt. i stayed home with the kids. he had his fun but i didnt, and now im just realizing it after 12 years of being married. hun, trust me i know the feeling and imso confused myself!!! ↑ |
| Name: lucy2469 | Date: Mar 14th, 2010 1:00 PM |
| mineral, keep exercising and keep losing you are moving in the right direction. ↑ |
| Name: Stevo | Date: Oct 17th, 2011 11:37 PM |
Friend,
You feel bad because you are considering doing something that you know is not wise. It sounds like you are not happy with yourself, you must Love yourself before you can Love others. If you were walking across the street and you saw a child fall wouldnt you help him up? Why, because thats who you are. If sombody asked you "what type of person are you" what would you say. Your husband needs help.....help him! You have sombody who Loves you! That is not an emotion, it's a choice! A vine need water and sunshine to grow strong and beautiful.....That's the answer! Are you a sourse of sunshine? Concentrate on the positive, you point out the things you dont like about him but you back it up with saying something good. Love is patient....
Read "The Love Dare" :D ↑ |
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