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Name: James.
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My topic title says it all. I dont even know if this is the right place to put this but to be honest i dont care right now. When my Mum and Dad got divorced everything was shit, now my Dad lives away somewhere and i visit him occasionally. My Mum and Dad have no posion between each other. I just REALLY HATE the idea of my Mum having a boyfriend. I hate how they always sit and do nothing and just talk and drink wine and my Mum is twat when she's half drunk, its a completely different story. Then i get so mad when he stays over, i dont know what they're doing in the next room and it just pisses me off. If i told my Mum she'd just rant at me on how it was Dad's fault and then she'd freak out and stfu. Same thing with everyone else in my family and i dont want to spread my depression. My Dad has a girlfriend but thats why they got divorced, iv dealt with that and accepted it and it's somewhere away. My home is suppose to be the safe place but its being fucking invaded in my eyes and i cant stand the idea of my Mum having a boyfriend and destroying the whole history this house has. This house has always been the escape from that and now this is shit. Thankyou for listening to my rant. My mum and her boyfriend are in the next room and it's a school night. Im 17, male and live in the UK. Thanks once again.
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Name: CYNDI | Date: May 9th, 2006 6:11 PM
HI just to start I am not judging you or critisicing you. I have gone trhough this my self and I am going to give you advice only .
I think its kind of selffish if you only delt withyour dad having a girlfriend and not with your mom. 2- I think you should sit and talk to your mom and her boyfriend and let them know how you feel 3- tell your mom that right now you are not comfortable with her bf staying overand that you prefer if they respected the fact that you still live in that house.4-let it be clear that you don'y appreciate that she drinks when his there. and 5- try to understand your mom and tell her that she shouldn't be yelling at you for something that is not your fault. Understand her by knowing that oneday you will marry and moveout and have your kids and your mom will be left alone. I think its just that because i felt like you but with time I got over itand now my children call my momsbf dad.GOOD lUCK 

Name: n.n. | Date: May 28th, 2006 12:41 AM
I'd say when your 18 move out but in the mean time talk to your mum and tell her how you feel and see if she will respect your wishes and maybe not have her boyfriend over so much until you are gone because it bothers you so much. 

Name: Sara Jo | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 8:45 PM
Talk to ur mom when shes not around him and is sober. Tell her u love her and u dont mind her haveing a boy friend but u donr like him staying over! U are not even use to the idea of a guy in ur house with her! Tell her that ou want her to SLOW things down that u think she is moving to fast!
So waht if she gets pissed! Sometimes MOM's and DAD's need to be told.... JUST DONT TAKE IT OVER BORED!!! 

Name: Trent | Date: Jun 24th, 2006 5:11 AM
Dude, I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I'm also the same age too. I have a question though. Does your mom spend the night occasionally at his house and leave you alone like you don't even matter? Also, do you ever get so mad that you could destroy everything in the house and don't think anything else of it? That's how I feel. I've read all of your guys' advice and it's good, but it really comes down to having the courage to talking to your mom and her boyfriend. I think in mine and James's eyes, it looks like no matter what we do we can't win. Also what's really making us mad is we don't really know what's holding us back from saying the things we want to say or do the things we wish we could do about it. 

Name: --------- | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 8:36 PM
im only 13, you have no idea what i feel like, i hate it so much i want to justleave and never come back. mums boyfriend tells me what to do like hes my dad, he has no right what so ever. he buys my mum gifts worth £300, and we dont dont get £1. I hate it! 

Name: girly29 | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 9:45 PM
How Long has it been since your mom and dad's divorced? 


Name: pj754 to James & Trent | Date: Jul 7th, 2006 2:07 PM
Wow, you are having tough times. Hang in there. As much as you have the things going on in your home, tearing things up will only make things worse for you in the long run. Focus on the positive things in your life. Friend, school, and the goals you have that you want to achieve in your life. You recognize the wrong which is very good on your part but focus on not being the bad behavior. When you get older and on your own or off to college, you can be the person you want to be. I hated my homelife, I hated my dad's girlfriend and I ended up moving out on my own when I was 19. My dad's home was never home to me once she moved in. I kept myself busy with positive activities while I was there until I left. I made a vow to myself, I would never treat my children they way they have treated me. To date, that has worked out great. Your parents need to be the adults but sadly you have to step up to the plate at such a young age. You will come out on top in time. 

Name: Trent | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 5:19 AM
Thanks PJ, I wish I could move out right now, but I have nowhere to go. I'm not really good at much of anything except for building things and playing video games, but I'm kind of bored of both right now. Since my mom's boyfriend came into my life, it has been nothing but hell for me this summer. Usually I have awsome summers, but this one has been torture. I feel like I'm chained in a dungeon and I have to watch them have continuous sex right in front of me. Which is sort of true because I have to listen to them do it whenever he spends the night. At this point, it feels like death will be a sweat release. 

Name: lauren-i h8 my mum | Date: Jul 9th, 2006 12:02 PM
james i went through this 2yrz ,wiv my mum but i dnt know my dad & wen my brothers dad left i was happy as he use 2 h8 me ask i wasnt his own child but anyway my mum got her first serouis b/f in like 5 yrs n i got worried cuz he use 2 drink alot then we used 2 ague n argue all da time but 1 night on a skl night we had the biggest argue ment ever n i got a knife out on my mum n theatend 2 kill my self i cut my rist &this all happened because of my mums b/f well he lives wiv us now n i still h8 him so much its like there a brick wall inbetween me my mum &my brother we used 2 be close now i h8 my mum i want 2 kill my self i h8 her i hate her i really do help mex-x-x 

Name: pj754 to Trent | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 2:00 PM
I know you feel offended by the boy friend and I can understand that. I felt that way when my dad met his girlfriend. I hated her and still do. All she has done was try to make me look like a piece of crap in his eyes. I was a good kid and never did the kinds of things she did when she was younger. I've tried to have a conversation with him about her but it did me no good. She moved in anyways and then he married her. I don't speak to my dad anymore because he went behind my back and sided with my ex. Now, he clearly knows I think he's a piece of crap. I don't want my children to have anything to do with him. Yet, my ex kisses his butt. They only way I got through it all was to spend more time with my friends, kept myself busy in my jobs and when I could afford it, I moved out. I was 17 at the time he moved her in. But the funny things, he only keeps her around to keep his house clean, clothes washed and food in his stomach. Other than that, he totally treats her like crap. The reason why she stays is because she sees dollar signs hoping he will pass away soon. His material crap was of no interest to me. I knew if I worked hard enough in my younger years, I could obtain the things I wanted on my own. I tried to be friends with her but anything I believed in, she would cut down and then my dad would jump down my throat. The only suggestion I have for you, is to try to start a conversation with your mom--Do you remember when we did this together? See what her response is, then bring up another time and another. Tell her, you miss the quality time the two of you had together. Tell her, you need it!!! Explain to her, you don't mean any disrespect to her and you know she wants to be happy but you are a part of the home, too. See what she says. Don't be negative when you speak to her because that will make her be on the defense right away. If she chooses not to listen, then you won't be able to change her thinking. This was just a thought and maybe you already tried it but try it again. Also, I would explain that her having sex right in front of you is not something you care to see. You are a young man, you have a right to speak up. She may need to hear what you have to say. Don't be afraid too. I had to do the same thing with my mother when I was 17. I was so nervous but yet, I felt so good for standing up for myself. It helped me to be the strong person I am today. Granted, she felt like I turned my back on her but my mom's life style of gambling and trying to make a fast buck was not something I wanted any part of. She doesn't speak to me to this day but I know in my heart I was right. There is more to my history but I won't get into it. You are a very smart young man and you know your life will be different once you are out on your own. You will be able to make all your own decisions the way you want to. It just stinks for now because you are stuck and have no choice. I hope this helps. Keep me posted. 

Name: soontobedivorced | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:44 PM
Hi, I really hate you feel this way about you mom and her friend but I under stand that your mom has to have a life also. Life didn't end for her when she and your dad devorced. Your mom probably felt like life had ended when the two divorced but she's a strong woman to move on and date someone else. You're 17 and you will probably be going away to college soon and you mom will need someone to keep her company. I feel your pain because after a 19 year marriage I'm getting ready to go throught a divorce and my only daugher does not want me to have a boyfriend but I'm only 39 years old and she's away at college but I need someone in my life. I hope you can get past your mom having a friend and give her your support. 

Name: Vincent | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 4:23 PM
I also have a mom that is going out with a complete ass hole. She had a baby with him. He is cute and I love him as a half brother, but he is the only reason why she is staying with him. I already told my mom and the boyfriend that I don't like him several times, and in violent ways too. It still didn't help :(! the boyfriend verbally and physically abused my mom. I have no idea why she says she loves him. INSANE!!! I wish he could dissapear. This drama sucks and I wish it could be over. All I want is peace. He has so much negetivity. He also has a drug problem he snorts cocaine. I would call the cops on him but the drug only stays in your system for a couple hours. I would love if he was locked up. I'm 16 yrs old, and I'm dieing to be 18 so I can move out. 

Name: rebecca | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 5:10 PM
how do you hate mum and dad 

Name: pj754 to Vincent | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 8:15 PM
Obviously, your mom has made her decision. As a young man, you can't change her thinking. Focus on yourself, how you feel gown up life should be. Granted you can't leave when you want to, for now, but, when you do, you recognize the wrong not be they way they are. As an adolesent, that's the only advice, I can offer you. You are stuck in a stiuation that really stinks, hang in there kid and your time will pass. At least, you will know not to treat your girlfriend or wife the way your mom is being treated. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 8:54 PM
Pray for 18 then move out! 

Name: jordan | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 4:05 AM
i know how u feel babe it sux alot its ok just try and break em up u can e-mail me at [email protected] if u have msn 

Name: emma | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 4:15 PM
i hate my mum because my mum said ok you not haveing party she mad 

Name: Trent to PJ | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 6:13 AM
That's even better advice for me PJ, but I've never expierienced this before so I'm kind of new. Somehow I just wish she could feel my pain somehow. Maybe you can tell me how to show her. My mom's father passed away when she was my age, could that have something to do with it? Also PJ if you check my myspace (trent brewer) and look at my face that is exactly how I look whenever my mom mentions her boyfriends name or whenever he's over. Now I haven't been hearing them have sex much but I'm guessing they do it in the shower now so they know I can't hear them, but I still suspect they are. Also I wake up late in the morning so they probably do it before she goes to work. One last thing PJ, if you were in my mom's shoes and you looked at my face everytime you mentioned your boyfriend's name what would you be thinking I was thinking, and would you do about it? 

Name: georgia | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 4:23 PM
my mum jst shouts all the time my life is stupid i h8 it i do she phones my nan and ses wat ahorrible child i am h8 it!! 

Name: looby loo | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 5:17 PM
omg i no exactly how you feel there should b like support groups cos it makes you wana kill ya self. there selfish twats it makes you juast wana hit em n scream at your mum to get away from him n u want her to see it your way dnt ya? fuk em james just do wot ya want n wen they hassle ya say since wen r u interestd n she wil realise ur drifting away and think twice!!!! xXx L xXx 

Name: Angel age 10 | Date: Jul 22nd, 2006 9:36 AM
My mother has 5 kids.Right after Bodie was born she left for a really long time.Then to make it worseor dadwent to jail 

Name: jess | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 7:01 PM
hiyah .. am 14 n my mum has a new boyfriend and is now fkn pregnant wit his kid. i fort i wud b happy to have a lil brother or sister but am not. and now my mum n him r buyin a house togetha .. so i have to live with him. so james if u think u've got it bad luk at my life. but its so annoyin coz everythings ben the same for about 5/6 years and then he comes and everything is turned upside down. and my mum acpects me just to be fine with everything and go along with it. she doesnt care as long as shes happy.. but she cant see that its hurtin me. me and my mum used to b so close and now were not her boyfrend and the baby are more important now. she doesnt care about me anymore. Thanks 4 listenin 

Name: Shauniemoma | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 4:39 AM
I understand you are upset. My mom and dad never got married. I can tell you are a teen from the way you are expressing yourself so from teen to teen here it goes. Find a hobby. Something outdoors so when you feel the weight of what you have coming to you then you can just leave and express yourself in that particular thing you enjoy doing. When my mom makes me mad I go out and play basketball and let all my energy out on the court. But don't bottle it all inside because you will hurt yourself mentally and somethime physically but since there is nothing you can do find something to do outside. 

Name: sexylora | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 5:00 PM
well i guess you dont need to bother with that all you 've got to do is to get yourself a guy and fi\orget about that if you care about a guy my brother is out here for you 

Name: sexylora | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 5:00 PM
well i guess you dont need to bother with that all you 've got to do is to get yourself a guy and fi\orget about that if you care about a guy my brother is out here for you [email protected] 

Name: Angie | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 2:03 AM
i have the same problem, i h8 my dad's girlfriend and my dad h8s her 2 so hopefully their gonna break up soon. well just tell ur dad or somethin or tell him 2 tell her that she cant be mean 2 u, thats what my dad trell his gf 

Name: pj to Trent | Date: Jul 28th, 2006 5:43 PM
Hey Trent, how are things going? Worse or Better??? By the way, I saw your face on my space. I completely understand. Does the boyfriend ever do any fun things with you? Or is he a distance fella that only hogs your mom to himself? Have you said anything to your mom yet? Personally, if I was your mom, I would want to know exactly why you feel the way you do about the boyfriend? I would what to know exactly what it is you don't like. If it's just his personality/character, I would ask some of my close friends what they thought about him. Have you talked with some of your mom's friends about this guy? What do they tell you? I mean, if some of her friends get the same opinion about him like you do this will confirm your opinions about him. Yet, you might want to have your mom's friend talk with her about him. She may be more willing to listen to a friend. Maybe there is something about this guy that triggers things about her dad before he passed away? She might be just looking for male companionship to spend her time with because she knows you are getting older to live a life of your own or off to college. She might be afraid of that time coming and it scares her. Remember, at one time, you were her little boy and now you're on your way to be a man. Maybe in her mind, you will always be her little boy, she's just trying to let you grow in her own way by spending her time with someone else. Perhaps, she doesn't know exactly how you feel if you haven't explained it to her. Maybe what I've said you've already done. I'm trying to look at the whole picture. Of course, you don't want to deny her some happiness in her life but she needs to hear from you, just how you feel. Let me know. 

Name: Trent to PJ | Date: Jul 29th, 2006 6:22 AM
Well, my mom just went on a business trip and we had a long talk on the phone about her boyfriend. He is a distant fellow hogging my mom, but me and my mom talked about that. She thinks that I think that he's replacing me. I don't think that. I just don't want any part of it and she keeps forcing it on me. I asked her not to have him come over so much yet he's over here right now. You know when he got here? At 11:00 p.m. I knew she would eventually find someone, but I really didn't want to experience it yet, full force. That's why I wish I could move out right now. It's not that I don't like the guy, it's just that he's kind of barging in my life and I can't have that. Another thing that stinks is that whenever my mom wants to know why I feel the way I do, I always freeze up and forget why, because I fear for what my mom's response is to everything. I don't really talk to my mom's friends, and they only see the nice shy side of me. They don't see the side of me that you just saw. It kinda stinks that I have no one to talk to about this except for you. Sure I tell my best friend about it, but he doesn't really understand. He has both parents, grandparents living with him, and two sisters. All I got is my mom, so I have no one to turn to but you. She shouldn't be afraid of me leaving her because I'm going to college here in town. I swear, I'll probably lose it before graduation because things seem to be getting worse. Should I show my mom our entire conversation PJ to make her understand? 

Name: pj to Trent | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 6:07 PM
When you say you freeze up while talking with your mom putting things in writing might be the best way you can express yourself to her. You could show her our conversation which might not be a bad idea either. She sounds concerned for you by saying you think he's replacing you and asks you why you feel the way you do. She's trying to understand you but doesn't know exactly how unless you tell her. I'm sure you feel better talking with her on the phone because you can't see her facial expressions. She does love you, it shows from what you have said. She probably figures by having a boyfriend wouldn't be such a big deal to you because your experiencing a life of your own. There's a saying that goes, "A son is a son until he takes a wife and a daughter is a daughter all her life!" You sound like a very responsible young man and she sees it. Plus, you probably feel this other fella just isn't the right person you picture your mom being with. As long as he treats her better than himself, you might be able to see a different side to him. If you feel he is selfish and inconsiderate, then let your mom know about it. Write her a letter and put it in her car for her to see on her way to work. As for me, I express my feelings alot better in writing than I do in person. I, too, clam up. You want to hear reassurance from you mom that you are a very important person in her life. Express that in your writing. Sometimes, hearing it makes you feel better. I'm sure she's very proud of you because you are going to college. Most people don't take college seriously. Trust me, it's hard to hit something like this head on but overtime it will get easier. I'm glad we can communicate and feel free to vent anytime you choose to. I will always have a listening ear. 

Name: pj to trent | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 6:58 PM
I've thought some more about what you last said. Let me know if I'm off base on this? It isn't that you resent the boyfriend(well maybe a little) but you feel that you have always been there for your mom, taking care of her, doing some of the manly things around the house but you feel this fella is invading what you were already doing for her? It's not that he's replacing you but he's taking over your presence of being there with her? Is this right? I felt the same way when my dad's girlfriend moved in. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, chorus, etc...and had a life of my own. When she moved in, she started doing those things and I didn't like it one bit. It's ok to feel this way, your human. When I felt like I wasn't needed (lack of better word), I became angry with both of them. It felt like I was being pushed out. Ha, Ha, little did I know that WAS my step-mom's intentions. Although, your mom doesn't sound so cruel like my dad. He let the woman do whatever she wanted in order to keep her happy and him too. He told me he let her move in so I wouldn't have to do those things anymore. I understood his thinking but she just became controlling and that's what I didn't like. I tried talking to him but he was more focused on keeping his (johnson) happier. The funny thing about my story is after about 7 years, she won't sleep in the same room with him. So, I believe he has to look else where to satisfy his (johnson). What goes around comes around!!! However, I'm not saying this will be your mom's situation by a long shot. Like I said before, your mom is concerned about you and you don't want to hear her reaction about how you feel. She may surprise you and be willing to listen. Let me know what you think? 

Name: pj to trent | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 7:29 PM
You know what? I feel guilty that maybe I'm not the right peson giving you some advice. After I posted, I have been analyzing everything you have said and feel like my son (13) is experiencing the same feelings as you. My son was angry with me for getting a divorce. He begged and pleaded for me to go back to his father but I couldn't. His father was mentally and physically abusive to me and the children. Yet, I can't help to wonder if my son's aggressions taken out on me and his siblings were from another man, whom I met during my divorce? Perhaps, he felt like he could become the man of my home and wanted the chance? Do you suppose even at the ages of 10, now 13, he felt this way? When I would try to have one on one conversations with him, I wouldn't get a straight answer. I just didn't see this until I started talking with you. My 12 year old daughter doesn't feel the same way as her brother. She's happy and very content with her new life. She was glad I left. She knew I was miserable. She wanted me to be happy and sees it. Yet, I always wondered why my son didn't. I never thought a better life all the way around would effect the kids they way it has. I hope you don't mind me asking you what you thought? It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to apologize if you feel I was out of line for anything I have said now that I've told you about my situation. I hope I haven't offended you. 

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