|
I was married for 20 years have four kids with my ex. I don't think my ex ever loved me, right before we were divorced I insisted on counseling and he never participated although he went. At first the counselor thought I was the one causing the problems. In the end she told me that he was never committed to the marriage and he was in it for convenience and she said he checked out of our marriage years ago. One day I prayed that if it wasn’t going to get better and work out that he come to me and tell me he wanted a divorce. Sad thing the very next day he did just that along with a list of things he wanted and needed and if I could not provide it he wanted the divorce. He started dating before we were divorced and ended up bringing a Filipina woman here to marry. Two days before this woman came I was with him and ended up having sex with him. I just wanted him to love me, it wasn’t about the sex for me! I could have done without it. I was stupid and an emotional wreck at the time due to he didn’t tell me or his kids she was coming and they were getting married that week. I am a religious person and my church membership is at risk now. I don’t do things like this. I went to her after he told her what happened and apologized for letting it happen, for making things harder than they were going to be already and ask her to please forgive me (not that I did anything to her, I wasn’t the one that was supposed to be committed to her) and told her I would never put myself in a situation that she would ever have to question my relationship with him again. It took a lot for me to do that. I did it because I have four kids and I know I will have to deal with him and her. One day she told me that I wasn’t a part of the family and that I made her sick every time she sees me, and that she hated me. She threw it in my face that her husband never loved me and that he was hers now and I would not be a part of their lives. Before the divorce he committed to me and the kids that we would still do things for the kids together for holidays and birthdays etc. I have told him that for the kids I am holding him to that and I am not being pushed out of his life with the kids and that we will have to do things together for our kids. I feel like I have done everything I can to make things livable and my ex and his wife don’t try at all. Right now I refuse to let the kids go to their dads and be around her. I feel like her attitude will hurt the kids and they have been hurt enough. I want them to have a relationship with their father! I have asked them to start counseling and they will not. She says I can’t force them. I don’t feel like I can do anything else to make it better, and my kids are the ones that are suffering. I understand her feeling and that is why I went through so much to explain the situation and apologize. He has never taken any responsibility for any of it and told her it was my entire fault that it happened. There is so much more to the story but, this is already a novel. Any advice? I can’t live this way, it bothers me so much. What do I do? ↓
|
|
| Name: cherisalorraine | Date: Sep 8th, 2007 3:21 PM |
| First off.Look to the stars and you will always hold your head high(that was a reference to your god also)you are not the one with the problem in this situation I would like to know how old your kids are before I give advise on this matter please try to find it in your heart to love her and remember that you are a threat to her on many levels and she may need time to become comfortable .if you want to talk please email me at [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: Tone | Date: Sep 8th, 2007 5:07 PM |
| Thank you! My children are 21, 20, 14, and 8. The two youngest are the concern. The older two are old enough to choose how they want to handle the divorce. The kids are not aware of the situation. When he brought her here, my kids had a very hard time with it and called her names etc. I sat them down and tried to explain how hard it would be for her to come to a new country and not know anyone and we needed to be a friend for her. The older kids can't stand her the youngest loves her. I have defended her and tried my best to show the kids that she is a good person and we need to give her a chance. And I get in return her being so mean towards me every time I see her. It is very hard to continue to be good about all this! ↑ |
| Name: cherisalorraine | Date: Sep 8th, 2007 6:25 PM |
| keep trying just make sure that you ask without asking what goes on when your young children are with her and rember that you are instilling values in them by teaching them to be forgiving and compassionate alot of children lose those qualities these days keep plugging away at killing her with kindness and hope that at some point the beast dies and the good remains even if she is mean to you dont let it show because the kids pick up on it if the little ones like her and there isnt anything bad happening to them you should allow visitation even if it is only one day per week and no overnights because kids need both parents when possible but it sounds like they need your morals more than his ↑ |
| Name: cherisalorraine | Date: Sep 8th, 2007 6:27 PM |
| you also said that you are religous so maybe you should look to your god or place of worship for answers it is amazing how much insight a group of people can give ↑ |
| Name: autumn_leaves | Date: Oct 14th, 2007 2:07 AM |
| hello. you can't control him or her, you have to worry about what u can do and how u can protect your children. you have to make good choices for them, and they will see who really cares for them as far as your oldest kids, they already know, they are old enough. if it is possible, maybe one of the older kids could go with the younger ones over to visit, so if anything gets out of control, they can take their sibling and leave. i wouldn't usually suggest that, but being in their 20's, they are adults and not children. it's just a suggestion. obviously, this woman is very jealous and insecure about you and the past you and your husband share. your doing the right thing by not down grading her, however, don't give her your power by leaving yourself open to her insults. you can be civil and kind without being meek. you have to stick up for yourself, (such as, "you will not speak to me like that!") or she'll have no respect for you and walk all over you. and when she starts raising her voice and screaming and yelling, simply walk away and give her absolutely none of your time. she not worth it. and if it gets too out of hand, remember there can always be harrassment charges filed (which is what I had to do) Good luck, stand up for youself! ↑ |
|
|
