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Name: S.H.
[ Original Post ]
My wife and I have recently switched roles at home. She is working and I stay home. I had supported our family for seven years while she took care of our 2 children. She said it was her turn now. I could take a little break, so I quit my job and was told I probably wouldn'yt be able to come back. At first everything was good.(or so I thought) She had stopped wearing her wedding ring. She said it was because her fingers were sweating alot at work and it was uncomfortable. Yeah right, what a bunch of crap. I asked if that was the real reason and got a response of " of course, what else would it be". A few days later I was telling her about this dream I had where I caught her cheating on me. She just looked at me and said well maybe thats because I'm thinking of divorcing you. WOW!!! I was stunned, I had no response at first. Then I asked her why. And got a response of I'm tired, I've got to go to bed. Well I stewed for a few days with her avoiding me like the plauge. She then stared calling me telling me she was going out with a female coworker for drinks. And again the next night and the next. Saturday she didn't come home at all. I called her a 2:00am to make sure she was ok only to hear her telling me she forgot to call, she was drunk and was spending the night at her friends house. I could take no more so I caught her one night before she went to bed and told her we had to talk only to have her turn out the light anyway. At this point I had nothing to loose so I asked what is going on. She said I don't want to be intimate with you, I'm falling out of love with you. I want to seperate, maybe that will make me see that I love you again. I asked her how was it that just three weeks ago she was telling me that whatever happened financially nothing mattered as long as we were together, no she can't stand to be in the same room with me. She said working around other men made her feel wanted again. She said she has no desire to sleep with any of them, just that she liked the way it felt. She had been neglected for years so she said. She said that I didn't listen when she told me she wasn't happy. At first I didn't remember her saying anything at all at anytime. Now that I've had time to think back she did alot. No recurring theme, she had said things like I never told her she looked nice, never gave her flowers, never stroked her cheek anymore. I remember stepping it up just enough to get out off hot water, only to go back to my old ways. Man what an idiot I was. I felt it was enough that I supportted our family, and wanted to have sex everynight. I just let the woman that metant the most to me slip out of my hands. She said she is willing to go to counselling but she is planning to go out with her coworker, possibly overnight on our anniversary. OUCH!!!!! please help. If anyone has advice I could use it. I don't want to let her go.
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Name: briseis | Date: May 21st, 2007 9:16 AM
Sometimes women can feel as though life is passing them by, especially if they are stuck at home 24/7, caring for children. I had to give up my job in January when I found out I was pregnant, but mean to go back to work after the baby is born, as I don't want to get to that stage where I feel like I have no purpose other than to clean my home, and care for my fiancé and my son. Women like to feel attractive, and wanted, not just needed. Sometimes my fiancé neglects me, and it's depressing, especially as I do get a lot of attention from other men when I am out of the house. With your wife, its gone on for so long that now she feels she wants to relive her youth, and reclaim the attention and fun she feels she missed out on all those years that she was a stay at home mum. She may enjoy the novelty of living freely for a while, but she still has 2 children that she is responsible for, and if she is willing to go to counselling with you, then she must still feel something for you. On the other hand, chasing after her when she is being unneccessarily selfish i.e. not being with you on your anniversary at a critical time in your fragile relationship is only going to encourage her to continue what I see as games she is playing. Sometimes the best thing to do is stop chasing, and she will stop running. Tell her that you would have loved to have got a babysitter, and taken her out for a meal, but if she feels she doesn't want to be with you, then you won't tie her down, but that you find it hurtful and offensive, and that you hope she'll change her mind. Buy her a lovely anniversary gift anyway, and tell her you love her and wish that she could be with you on the night. Perhaps she'll change her mind ... 

Name: Layne | Date: May 30th, 2007 3:50 AM
Good advice briseis..well said 

Name: KrisCat | Date: Jun 5th, 2007 9:56 PM
Continue raising your children and be strong. You are hurting becuase you feel usless and you are not feeling productive since you are not working. You HAVE to get out of the misery and start taking care of yourself and wake up every morning thinking positive things. Do not let her bring you down. Start going to places with your kids and enjoy every moment with them. If you do get a divorce she will regret it. She will realize what a good thing she had. Do you really think that if she is cheating on you and the guy she is with will ever take her serious. I doubt that very much. She will end up alone and miserable the way she is spending her leisure time. Obvioiusly she does not give a crap about the kids either.
IF you are still with her. Stop trying to locate her when she goes out. Do not show that you care anymore. She will wonder what is going on and eventually she will think that you have someone else in your life. (Do not find someone else). Just raise your kids. When and if she does realize that you are not worried anymore she will ask you what is going on and of course you say "Nothing" She will wonder what you have been doing and you just tell her. I took the kids to the park or we went to the movies or whatever. Let her know that you are still raising your kids and moving foward with out her help and without her concern. If she is smart enough she will start behaving like a Lady, Wife and Mother. This will not happen over night. It will take some time. Try this and you will see that your kids are worth every moment with you and it is not worth dwelling over a women like her. Your kids need you more than ever!!!!!!!

I wish you the best......You are a good man. Keep the chin up and move foward with a positive mind. 

Name: billy22 | Date: Jun 7th, 2007 12:11 AM
Well, I'd love to say it can only get better from here, but most likely it won't. You are going to have to do one of two things.....A)Go to couples couseling and get everything out on the table that needs to be there, which usually hurts like heck and then will either make you or break you..or.....B) Let her go do her thing and see if she comes back to her senses. Concentrate on the children adn the house, go back to work and be independant be cause I can almost garaunty that once she sees you're making it on your own, she'll want to come back. What she hasn't taken into consideration yet is that you could be one of those "male co-workers" that compliment other women and maybe could make somebody's day go a little better too. It's never fun to watch the one you love try to carry on a life without you, but sometimes you have to let them go...if she comes back...GREAT! If she doesn't, well...at least you've established a life with you children and maybe you'll learn something new about yourself;) 

Name: Nguyen | Date: Jul 1st, 2009 6:36 AM
My wife and i been marry for 14 year . One day we have a big argurment ,she said i love you but not inlove with you . Now she want a divorece, but she wanted both to be best friend and living together still ,and rise the kids together.Please help me win her back. 

Name: Dabomb | Date: Aug 19th, 2009 7:51 PM
Get a Job. Get child care. Do what she's doing until you both realize a divorce or make it work! 


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