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Name: MIKE
[ Original Post ]
I AM RECENTLY MARRIED 2 YRS I CAME TO THE MARRAGE WITH A SON. MY NEW WIFE HAS 3 ONE AUTISTIC,MY SON AND MY WIFE DON'T REALLY TALK MUCH, IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE A LOT OF PROBLEMS CAUSED BY MY SON 7 AT THE TIME. ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO GET THEM TOGETHER HE IS 12 NOW.
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Name: Rae | Date: Feb 2nd, 2006 12:56 AM
Im sorry to hear that your wife and son have never bonded after 5 years, thats quite a long time, Im sure there's many issues by now with both of them that keeps them from having a mother figure / son relationship that should already be well established. Since its been so long I cant image this being simple at all, I would go to family counseling. I really think its important in the beginning of a relationship to see how the other adult and child react to each other, encourage friendship and trust between them, and if you are serious with your significant other, do things together as a family. Love and relationships take time to grow and establish themselves, a child should be involved with that develpment as much as possible, especially if you plan to share your lives together. 

Name: MIKE | Date: Feb 2nd, 2006 1:35 PM
Rae in the beginning we had tried counseling and my son could never come up with any reason he did not like my new wife. He would say I don't know why or she gets on my nerves, we try to incorporate him in all activities but he will not participate even to this day. I do belive he is jealous of her one son, because his grandmother spoils him. But my son's grandmother spoils him to she just isn't as well off as the other one is. Plus my son's mother don't help matters any she to wrapped up in herself and her new husband, who had been in jail for the past 20 yrs. I'm really stumped and I am having terrible anxiety, but thanks for your advice. 

Name: nd | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 12:12 PM
hi 

Name: girly29 | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 12:38 PM
Mike, you said that you believe your son is jealous....I think he is too......Your wife's mother should not be spoiling one and not the other......you have been with your wife for five years making your family six and I believe that the grandmother should be equal, your son is her step-grandchild....If I were your wife I would tell my mom to spoil everyone or none at all...and the same goes for your parents....Things have to be equal especially with a family that has been brought together through marriage.....It's amazing how much children can pick up on, even the littlest things. I realize you want the bond between your wife and son to be there now, but I think you should spend more time with him and talk to him, I'm sure in time everything that bothered your son will come out. This is just my opinion....Take care I hope your son will come around soon :) 

Name: Serina | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 2:16 PM
Did you ever think that you son wanted you to get back with his mother and had hopes of that happening? Kids sometimes resent a person "replacing" a parent. You his stepmother speek to him one on one and tell him how much she want to be his friend and that she wants him to be happy, If she asked him what she can do to help their relationship be better. She should tell him thatshe would like to start spending some one on one time with him ,doing thing they could enjoy.
He may even be afraid to get close to her cause you "left his mom" so you could leave the step mother too .He may just be trying to protect himself. All parties should sit down and talk about what they want out of the family unit and individually.& what they expect from eachother.
Good luck 

Name: pam | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 5:36 PM
Im having same problem with my future husbands two daughters. we are to be married in one month and as the wedding grows near his girls are calling and causing huge problems between us. I have to wonder if we go thru with this marriage. i do not want to get divorced again . any advice would help so much!! 


Name: emadzekry | Date: Sep 24th, 2006 10:06 PM
beautiful girl 

Name: mlevy396 | Date: Sep 26th, 2006 11:52 AM
Don't force anything is probably the best advise I can give you. Does your son live with you both primarily or his mother? How has his behavior changed between your son and new wife since he was 7 and how he acts towards her now? 

Name: pj754 | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 3:32 PM
Getting your son into counseling might not be a bad idea. He have alot of emotions bottled up inside of him and you don't want him to take any aggression out on the rest of the family members. Perhaps he is missing you. He sounds like he's angry with you that you remarried and there are other children in the home. You have to show him that you all can have fun together. Talk with your wife and see if she is willing to help you with him. I'm sure she already has her hands full but she can try to be patient with him, too. I do hope things work out for the best but I think a counselor will help him to vent his problems to without hurting your feelings. Perhaps the counselor can help him to try to explain his feelings to you by talking instead of creating tension in your hope. I, too, am trying the same sort of thing with my 13 year old son. Expect, his problem is me. I'm the bad guy and probably will always be one. Goodluck and communication as much as possible with your son. Take him fishing, ice skating, out to eat, movies, etc... Something that is more one on one that the two of you can communicate on an adult level. This way he may express to you exactly what he is feeling and you can explain things with him. Tell him how important it is to you that you all get along with each other. Tell him how much it would mean to you if he could just put his personal feelings aside to get along with everyone. It doesn't mean you don't love him and I'm sure the rest of them love him, too. He's just as much apart of your whole family as everyone else. Explain to him that he's getting closer to being a young man and you are trying to teach him the values of family and togetherness. If he wants to be treated like a young adult then he needs to act like one. His childish behaviors will not be tolerated. Explain he will get back what he has given in the relationships. This is easier said then done and sometimes they just won't listen to us but at least it's worth a try. I wish you all well. 

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