| Name: dazed&confused | Date: Sep 3rd, 2008 10:08 PM |
| Wow I never realized how much this actually occurs in divorced families. I am recently engaged after a year of dating. My soon to be hubbie has 2 girls, 13 and 8. They divorced when the youngest was 6 mos old. I myself do not have children I tried but it just didn't work out I lost them both. In the beginng of all the madness with the EX i though tit was me. That I didn't understand because I didn't have kids. I thouhgt that I was being to impatient. The EX for 8 yrs now has told the kids that dad doesn't pay child support, that he doesn't want to take care of them. She tell him if he shows up at one of the kids events she will not let them participate in that event. The kids think that dad doesn't care about them. I am lost. There is never any set schedule and if he can get one from her she will change it 10 times before we are to get them. If we are supposed to pick them up on a friday we generally don't get them til Sunday afternnon sometime, and never find out until the last minute everyday....oops not tonight the girls are doing something, oops not today the girls are wanting to do something. He doesn't want o ruin their (the kids lives) so he does as little to rock the boat as possible. To that end he never see's the kids unless its convient for her. The police have been called so many times in the past 8 yrs I can't count. If he was out with anyone and had the kids she would call the poiice and have them go get the kids in the middle of a resteraunt, ball game ..it really didn't matter where it was he only had to be doing something with someone else. He had a girlfrind years ago, and would have to go stay with his mother or at a hotel before she would let him see the kids. They divorced because she lied to him on several things. The first being she was on 5 yrs probation for Identity theft and credit card fraud. The second was the fact he was and is in business for himselff and she stole some of his busniess CC and ran them up in 2 weeks to the tune of $110,000.00. More felony charges. The court let her off because the CC company made a deal that she pay them back.....not to mention the fact his credit was ruined. Oh and did I mention she somehow convinced his father to invest in "her" business to the tune of more the $100K. I know it all sounds like a movie.....but it is true. I have been in the picture a year now. In that year he has seen is oldest maybe 4 times. The younger he gets more because she ask to come over. In that year the police have picked her up 3 times while the kids were home and she left them home alone (she does it all the time anyway). I think that is to younf 8 and 13, but again I don't have kids so who am I to say. When we first got together she ask if we could all get along for the kids sake. Ya know family kid birhtdays and that kind of stuff., so I went to her house for the B-day party for the 8 yr old. I went to a theme park with the EX and the 2 kids and me for 11 hrs........I tried nice.....it didn't work...She ask me and my future hubbie to plese get the kids school cloths so I took them shopping.....she calls me screaming that I am trying to buy her kids love....She leave horrible horrible ugly voicemails if we don't pick up her 20 or more calls or emails a day. She thinks that she should be able to call the house 24 hrs a day for anything. I have tried asking for boundries, and asking nicely.....like "please don't call after 9:30 if the kids are here...they are already in bed, if they aren't here why are you calling anyway if its not an emergency. She walks in and out of hsi store anytime she wants "just to go to the bathroom"...the polie say they can't do anything because it is a public place. Even thouhg he also owns the building. If she comes in if doesn't acknowledge her she get all pissy and causes a scene. The kids thought she had a terminal illness because that is how she puts it when she says she is "getting her affairs in order" because her arrest 2 time ago is pretty severe. we just don't know yet if she will have to do jail time. The kids ask me whats wrong with mom, where is she going? How do I answer that. They are 8 and 13 not deaf and stupid. She then later tells the older one that she has done some bad things and may have to go away for a while? Where is mom going she ask me....how do I answer that....To hear the EX talk both kids are scared to death of their dad....but when I see them together they are fine....the kids probably don't talk to their dad about certain things they talk to me about....but I hide nothing .....nothing from their dad...The EX says so many horrbile things I can't repeat them all.....I have kept a diary to try and help my sanity.....but the last straw was when she called and cursed me out for doing exactly what she ask....the kids to get school cloths....she not only said i was trying to buy them, and make them hate her (not sure how) but ask me why I was doing this to her? doing what I ask....her answer Stabbing her in the back.....ok I still don't understand......still lost......she then says again..how could you do this to me? all I have done is let you love my kids......DUDE I lost it.......I am not an angry person....am not an ugly person...I don't yell and scream....its just not who I am..or should I say who I was.......I don't know what to do.....I understand he want to see his kids....what do I do? where do I fit in? how do I encourage......I did for the first year, but my gas tank is empty....their mother is a lieing thief and they think their own father is a scum bag? She said she like me in the beginning but after she found out I wasn't going away and that some of her control was gone...she has lost what little mind she had......she won't return his phone calls, won't return emails, and we haven't seen the kids or talk to them in over two weeks this time.....and here is the kicker....this time she fianlly gets to balme someone other then him.....the kids ask me some questions and I did not lie.....I didn't go into detail, but I did not lie. the older one ask me waht she was supposed to do when the cops came for mom again? I ask her what she meant.....mom got mad at her for telling the police she was home.....she told the poor child that the poice were wrong that they had made a mistake and from now on to just ell them she wasn't there........HOLY CRAP what do you say to that.....The 13 yr old is not bio his he adopted her when she was 3..he pays child support for both mind you because he is legally responsible for both and loves them both....the EX has told the older that dad favors the younger because she is his.....The EX calls the 8 yr old by his name....and torments about it..how do I know this...because she and the kids tell me..she thinks its funny......ok...again am I the one thats stupid..the kids hear her over and over bad mouth their dad..then call her his name? OMG......I am at my wits end.....I need help... ↑ |
| Name: niki2nd | Date: Sep 5th, 2008 1:01 AM |
| I'mnew to the posting board. Not sure where to begin? ↑ |
| Name: Rooster Ranch | Date: Sep 11th, 2008 1:41 PM |
We are going through the same thing with the ex-wife. She constantly using court ordered "snatch and grabs" to take the kids and has even gotten DSS involved. We have recently been told that she has Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
Everyone should read up on it. It has helped us in the courts in assurring that she doesn't keep messing with ours and the childrens lives. Basically this is what it is (usually it is the woman who does it):
The parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent.
or
Basically, this means that through verbal and non verbal thoughts, actions and mannerisms, a child is emotionally abused (brainwashed) into thinking the other parent is the enemy. This ranges from bad mouthing the other parent infront of the children, to withholding visits, to pre-arranging the activities for the children while visiting with the other parent.
I think most of her problems are due from jealousy, it is just sad that she uses the kids to hurt my husband. But the more I read about PAS, the more I know the "professionals" have it right. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Sep 11th, 2008 2:43 PM |
Everyone should read up on it. It has helped us in the courts in assurring that she doesn't keep messing with ours and the childrens lives. Basically this is what it is (usually it is the woman who does it):
The parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent.
or
Basically, this means that through verbal and non verbal thoughts, actions and mannerisms, a child is emotionally abused (brainwashed) into thinking the other parent is the enemy. This ranges from bad mouthing the other parent infront of the children, to withholding visits, to pre-arranging the activities for the children while visiting with the other parent.
Hmmmm.....the rinky dink courts -professionals- now have a name (syndrome) for the X being a downright dirty, evil, abusive, manipulating, lying, b*tch?!?! Too bad it's too late for us to "use" it...the kids are already just like her....we are, and most likely will remain the enemy.
Hopefully....this PAS will help other fathers/stepmoms/kids in preventing further damage to families by an evil X! ↑ |
| Name: tracy | Date: Oct 15th, 2008 3:45 PM |
I feel your frustration. My husband's ex left him after cheating on him. She was married once before that. The first marriage ended the same way. She cheated and was also pregnant.My husband started dating her and said he would raise the child as his own. My husband and his ex had a daughter together. She decided to cheat and leave when his daughter was 2. She then got married to husband number three. They lived together for a while she got pregnant with the third husbands child. She then cheated on him with who is know husband number 4. She left husband number 3 before his son was even born. What I have found is their is a pattern. She has all the money to buy anything and everything for my husbands daughter and is know going to buy her a car. When my husband and his ex agreed that she should get a job and work. She just does what ever she chooses. Sadly his daughter is of the age know that money buys her happiness. We have had many a night of saying where is the justice. We have told her that her mother has faults because we just can not take the control anymore. It hurts we are human and do love his daughter very much. It has always been a competion to his ex. I have horses and she outright told us one day she could not compete with them. I have had horses since I was 9. They are my way of living I train and give lessons. At one point my husbands daughter had an interest in them and her mother would not let her even have a horse book in her house. Am I wrong to say she has a problem
drowning ↑ |
| Name: brina79 | Date: Oct 19th, 2008 8:56 PM |
| If the father has court order to see his kids then I would pick them up every other weekend just like the court papers say even if the kids do want to come because the mother is the one that behind all of this not the children ↑ |
| Name: lizzie | Date: Oct 29th, 2008 2:17 AM |
| My ex left me and my 18 month old for a stripper. He has 2 other children that i adore from 2 other women. When he left i wasn't able to see the other kids. I recently have become friends with his ex- wife and she allows the child to stay with me. He is with another woman who locks herself in the bathroom when the kids call her by my name. I won't let my baby stay there for her to be subjected to that . He can't stand his other kids want to be with me.What do I do? ↑ |
| Name: em | Date: Nov 7th, 2008 4:55 AM |
| I happened upon this site after another night of hearing about how my fiance's ex thinks i am the reason they did not reconcile after they separated. Basically she believes I wrecked their home, they have a son together. I know I should not care what she thinks its so delusional that she thinks that if a man chooses to move on that the new woman didn't make him. I don't get why women think that things would have worked out or reconciled if it wasn't for the new woman? They can't see that the relationship didnt work out for a reason? I think it really gets to me I have a relationship with his son who is 9, and it really gets to me she cant just be civil with me as we are all co parenting. My fiance treats her with kid gloves most of the time because he fears that he wont have an effective co parent relationship with her if he gets angry and stick up for me, his soon to be wife. Its so frustrating, and my situation right now is not nearly as bad as all the posts I read on here, my heart goes out to you all. And for the bitter exes, there is a reason why your relationship didn't work-- and it's not the new woman! It takes to to make a relationship and two to break it. ↑ |
| Name: epc | Date: Nov 7th, 2008 4:55 AM |
| I happened upon this site after another night of hearing about how my fiance's ex thinks i am the reason they did not reconcile after they separated. Basically she believes I wrecked their home, they have a son together. I know I should not care what she thinks its so delusional that she thinks that if a man chooses to move on that the new woman didn't make him. I don't get why women think that things would have worked out or reconciled if it wasn't for the new woman? They can't see that the relationship didnt work out for a reason? I think it really gets to me I have a relationship with his son who is 9, and it really gets to me she cant just be civil with me as we are all co parenting. My fiance treats her with kid gloves most of the time because he fears that he wont have an effective co parent relationship with her if he gets angry and stick up for me, his soon to be wife. Its so frustrating, and my situation right now is not nearly as bad as all the posts I read on here, my heart goes out to you all. And for the bitter exes, there is a reason why your relationship didn't work-- and it's not the new woman! It takes to to make a relationship and two to break it. ↑ |
| Name: mish | Date: Nov 23rd, 2008 12:57 PM |
| how can i deal with ex wife after 20 years ago ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Nov 29th, 2008 1:13 AM |
| I'm not sure why ex-wives do these things. I am an ex-wife too, but my ex and I have no children together. We get along just fine. In fact, my husband of 8 years gets along better with him than I do. However, my new husband on the other hand, has an ex-wife that lives in Garland, Texas, and we only live about 20 miles away in Quinlan, Texas. My husband also has a daughter who is 17 years old with his ex-wife. My husband's ex-wife starting playing her vendictive games with me when she found out that my husband and I were getting married. She sent her two oldest children, not my husband's, to get in the middle of our wedding pictures. She also had my husband's daughter who was 9 years old at the time, come to our house with a birthday present that she bought for my husband and ask for me to reimburse her mother the money back. This child is very immature for a 17 year old, and I really don't think that she could have thout this up on her own at 9 years old. At the age of 15, she was put on birth control pills because she told her mother that she wanted to have sex. By the age of 16, she had already contracted two types of vanerial disease. She only shows up at my and my husband's house during the holidays or on her birthday, almost like she knows that mother has told her that she is going to get something for free. My husband is paying some rediculous amount of child support on this child, and I do stress that she acts like a child, and is and has always stayed caught up. The problem that I have with this child's mother is that she doesn't call my house when she wants to leave a message for my husband, instead she calls him on his cell phone at work, or shows up at his place of employment because she knows that the company he works for belongs to his sister. She has called my husband to tell him that I cannot tell his daughter what to do even when she is at my house. My husband will not say anything to the two of them because he doesn't want to hurt his daughter's feelings, and the child is already living in a dream world. I work teo jobs to make sure that the bills are paid, including the house payment, yet I have no say so in my own home as to how his daughter will act while she is there. Is there anyone else that is having this same problem, and can you give me some tips on how you are handling the situation? ↑ |
| Name: N Bodfield | Date: Dec 1st, 2008 3:13 AM |
| Wow I thought I was the only one going through this. lol I was totally wrong when I have more time im going to get on here and type out my story. I thought about writing a book I would be rich by now.:) ↑ |
| Name: jessica | Date: Dec 22nd, 2008 2:56 PM |
| I have primarily the same situation--I have been with my husband for 2 1/2 years, he has a 17 and 16 year old and I have a 10 year old from my first marriage(mine died)--his ex-wife is 12 years older as well and completely crazy for nicer words---my husband's ex cheated on him had an abortion twice while married to him after him having a vasectomy--and is married to one of the men she cheated on my husband with but will not leave us alone---when I first met my husband she told my husband I was a bar whore because that is where he met me --mind you she works at a bar as a bartendar--then she would send text messages to my husband about "69" while living with her husband now in his house--she would also say horrible things to the kids about me and finally she got caught with lies--she left 1 to many messages on my phone and my husband had the kids listen to them--wow--they had a few choice words for thier mother--on top of that she has 3 jobs-child sprt-her current husbands income(3rd husband), and both kids have jobs and she is on Medicaid for the kids--when mind you my husband and I both provide insurance for the kids thru our jobs--also she states she is taking "us" to court when in actually it is just my husband---she also changed my address when my husband and I moved but it is very hard to prove when she has friends who work for the postal service--also she made excuses as to why the children were not allowed to drive to our home---because I don't like her and I might do something to her vehicle---Oh my God---for one thing I have been living away from my husband and son for 2 months because of a new job at a Prosecutor's office and on top of that---I am honestly go to give up my schooling of 5 1/2 years, put the kids in jep.and risk loosing what I have worked so hard for on my own because of the f---ex wife---totally out of her mind---I honestly believe she has a mental problem somewhere---I could go on and on about some of the stupid --sh-- she pulls but this is just a slim glimpse--I feel your discouragement of wanting to bring peace among all but sometimes when the ex knows that they screwed up they just can't stand that they no longer have control or the love of the other parent---I am grateful for thier divorce because I have a Great man but sad for the kids because my son of all people knows what it is like not to have his father(he died in "03") that makes it tuff--every child needs thier parents in their lives but sometimes us adults could do without the other parenting ↑ |
| Name: dBetterMommy | Date: Jan 14th, 2009 4:27 PM |
The ex does all these things to us, and it’s going on 6yrs and I c no change. :(
My Issues is the ex wants to stop all email and text messages. They r done 2 provide a paper trail of events & agreements. She claims they all come from me, because I help him type them. The hearing officer said texts, emails; letters are fine as along as he types them. My spouses will type them, but I can help but to proof read and correct if need be. I think this suck, because if I was a secretary who typed dictated letters, those letters are allowed. Documentation is needed, because in the past, she has overlook her verbally agreements. ↑ |
| Name: jenny | Date: Jan 19th, 2009 4:19 AM |
| I can totally relate i have been with my new husband for 6 yrs he has and ex wife that make freddy kurger look like a real sweet guy she tells the kids ages 13,11,and 10 awful things about me and their dad. and she lets us see them when its convent for her like if she wants to spend time with the boyfriend of the week but if she ain't happy then no one will be happy she has told my husband she won't stop until him and i break up and a few times we almost have but i won't let her win good thing i'm tough i guess i can't beleive its been 6 yrs and she still ain't over it so good luck to all you second wives. ↑ |
| Name: r | Date: Jan 22nd, 2009 3:47 PM |
| I found my ex cheating with his still married old girlfriend . We have a child together and the girlfriend has two children in her marriage. He shows up at my house, at my street corner watching us, at my job asking about our child . What is trying to do? ↑ |
| Name: stacie | Date: Feb 2nd, 2009 5:42 AM |
| I have stuggled with our ex wife since the day I met my husband. She left him for a younger man after ten years together. The kids were 5 and 1. He was devistated. They have 50/50 custody. Her fling didnt work out and she decided she wanted Rob and her plush life back. But he had moved on... My blended family is wonderful except for her. I have struggled with how to fit or not fit this lady in our lives. She has done everything to get him back. I finally found a book that explained the 5 types of ex wives and how to deal with them. I love this book. It is a very positive book that is funny yet sooo true with life as a blended family. Check it out, it may help you feel less crazy and in more control woth boundries in your new blended family. It called " The single girl's guide to marrying a man, his kids, and his ex wife" . I found it on barnes and noble.com for $12.60. Its and eassy read. I wish I would have found it 2 years ago...good luck! ↑ |
| Name: oncin | Date: Feb 16th, 2009 12:00 AM |
I believe the ex wife realizes that she made a mistake by getting the divorce. That is why she is so nasty all of the time. She is bumbed out that you now have him. She didn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to have him either.
The kids sound poisoned by her. He should have a talk with them, and tell them that they can visit according to the court's rule; but that he will not tolerate abuse from them. ↑ |
| Name: Melissa | Date: Feb 19th, 2009 10:38 PM |
| I'm going through the same thing. My stepson is 8 and it's almost as if you were reading my mind. I feel for you. It sucks. ↑ |
| Name: beck | Date: Feb 20th, 2009 6:42 PM |
I am also in a marriage and an ex is consistently causing issues with her son and calls my husband over them.Then her next thing is to threaten her son he has to go live with his father and he will not like how the schools are where we are because he will have to get up two hours earlier here.She is always dictating to her son and he is 17 and he wants to be considered in the making curfew times.First she is bipolar and he is ADD with OCD and ODD.Oh boy! This is HER son as she has stated so in the past.The phone calls that she gives to my husband are long and lengthy and they are always about their son.Well he must have some hug issues.We have the same issues you have and the thing we did have was the mother threatening her son that he can't see his father if he can't get his homework done.He didn't see his dad for three months once.Sad thing too my husband agreed to it as stupid as that was.
How do we tell the other to go away.Stop the garbage and get on with your own life.She too was the one who wanted this divorce back 15 years ago.She was also the one who cheated on him.He had to go to an out of state hospital to get her because she was in a bipolar episode when she had this affair/fling.He had no idea she was bipolar when they married she never told him.
I am at the point I think I might need to go get counseling because I have had enough.Every thing is great until the calls are not being hidden anymore.He hides her calls and puts the phones on vibrate so he will only know.I asked him to not take calls anymore with me in the room,I'd rather him leave and be inconvenienced than he do that to me.
Hope all things get better for you. ↑ |
| Name: The ex | Date: Mar 31st, 2009 10:44 PM |
| My ex-husband just remarried 2 weeks after our divorce is final. I don't want my son to see her because she is the reason our marriage broke up, but I have to because the visitation agreement requires it. Just a reminder, but there are two sides to every story and the only side you are hearing is your husband's. I'm sure my husband has told his new wife a totally different story than what really happened. I don't want the liar and cheater back, but it will be the hardest thing I have ever done to be nice to his new wife and let my son spend time with her. ↑ |
| Name: karen | Date: Apr 21st, 2009 3:16 AM |
| I've been on both sides so here goes....my husband was divorced very young and I was not the reason for the breakup. He had a son and his mother relocated. She did well and never depended on my husband for anything. I was good to his son and cared for him. And like most teenagers he did not want to make the trip anylonger at the age of 14. At the time., I saw a husband that really cared for his son. When "our " son had his 2nd birthday I found my husband was having an affair. I loved him but knew deep down I lost such a big part of what our marriange was based on . Sadly his girlfriend and I were both pregnant at the same time. I lost my baby in the 5th month and she aborted hers from lies he promised her. He wanted me back and won as I did this for my son to have his father. In a few years had another son. I could already see the reasons for his ex divorcing and now I had a cheat on my hands. I am very trusting, obviously not good for this type of personality. I always took great care of him, had a big heart , smile and loved pleasing others.l We were very dedicating to both the boys and all their sports and school activities. I know deep down we both love d each other and cared but something was always missing. I always gave 100% in everything I did, but he did not not...He made so many promises that were never kept. but yet, would do whatever I asked of him. so in 07 our marriage became unbearable due to money problems. He took a part time job and it was their he met the lowest of woman you could ever image. He came from a clean home, and immaculate wife and children, not to mention so well know within the town from sports and being scouted by pros. We never missed a game and were always both there for anything these boys did. they are also know for being 2 of the best kids around. Let me tell you what my husband found at work....The dirtiest woman there...children on drugs and a house so dirty that the neighbors have called on her. We were astonished. My husbands behavior was really crazy before he left. He hated me more than I could figure out why. We fought, and he walked out. Leaving behind a 20 year old and a 16 year old with no explanation or goodbye.. He walked the town with this "bimbo" lol for all to see. My sons were horrified as well as me. I filed for divorce. Now after 24 years did I deserve something as well as my sons?: He never said a word..he was gone. He was mowing our lawn one Saturday and the next getting a table for 2 with his sons friends hostessing. He became the laugh of the town, but bringing his family along with him. People and coaches everywhere were there for us.and still are. He is such a coward and I thought his easy going perssonality was what I feel in love with. Since he left, he has never acknowledged the papers served or have we sat down.. My dad passed unexpectedily last Easter like we didnt have enough loss he was all we had. Besides a birthday card for the boys he just awaits us to make the first move. I cant tell you how much my sons dispise him. Like we all know this girl did not last. However, instead of making things right with his sons, he is now on his second relationship with someone from work. She is 14 years younger. He is behind on Child support and taking the money to bring this woman out. He looks so terrible. He left me with all the problems with the house and about to lose t. He is filing bankruptcy now. My sons and I were always extremley close but moresoe than ever. Sadly, they are done with him. He has recently tried to text them and expects them to make the first move. He has tried to text me to meet and discuss college and the boys and it never seems to pan out. Imagine 25 years of marriage and no closure for any of us. He cant understand why the boys are angry????? This man think he's done noting wrong....So...all of you new wifes that are wondering why all the problems...could this be your husband? You will find that out soon enough.. Theres a reason they were divorvced. I know one thing...I want to talk to the exwife before I ever get in another relationship...so listen to the signs they are throwing your way. Its too late for my husband and I although he thinks he has tried...but it is my sons that are suffering...listen to your husbands chilren they know more than you think............ ↑ |
| Name: Sharri | Date: May 19th, 2009 10:55 AM |
| I am a stepmom with children from our marriage. I have basically been forced to have stepchild every weekend and school holidays for many years to my detriment. Nothing was sacred. Everything was reported out of my house and discussed by ex-wife, her family and my in-laws who were still in with her. I was the outcast with my family and am still feeling the pain of lack of privacy, pain and not being someone who counted. ↑ |
| Name: Kristen | Date: Jun 30th, 2009 2:14 PM |
| Some ex-wives,...not all, have what I call "Post Divorce Sickness". Doesn't matter that they asked for the divorce and didn't want to be married...Doesn't matter that they got re-married and divorced again...Doesn't matter that Dad has been a wonderful father who never fails to pay a child support payments on time, save for college, and be there to support his children in every way. NO - the big green eyed MONSTER called JEALOUSY always seems to get in the way. I actually pity the ex-wives with this sickness because it will never go away...they are actually tortured souls who thinks that it is always someone else's fault and also perhaps regret, big time, that they let a good marriage fail, and now see their ex reaping the benefits of a good, healthy & happy marriage all because of their bad decision.. While I used to get upset about all of the stupidity inflicted on us...and ...oh by the way, still happening, I feel proud that I've never stooped to that level of low class behavior. BELIEVE ME, there are times when I want to go SREAM at the top of my lungs and tell this awful human being to GET OVER IT, but in the end, that requires too much energy on my part - and this woman is not worth my energy. The only saving grace is that the kids are so darn smart, and at ages where they clearly see the maturity level of their Mom, that I feel oh so confident that it will all shake out in the end. That being said, being a Step Mom, and never having been married prior to this marriage, is the TOUGHEST job I've ever had. Once our daughter entered the picture - all bets were off - the woman went off the deep end. ↑ |
| Name: suzanne | Date: Aug 6th, 2009 11:23 PM |
| I so sympathise with your situation! My partner and I got together 4 yrs ago after his wife (after many afairs) left him for another man. His eldest daughter stayed with him and they both moved in with me and my 2 children, after a year his youngest daughter moved in with us too. Despite my efforts of comunication and good will (!) and even mediation between my partner and his ex they are still a constant problem and split between the family as I see as our family now. I do not want to isolate as her as the mother, but she has done such wrong and caused her own children such disruption I do not want her disrupting our family in the same way. she is so jelious of what we have yet she was the one who walked away in the first place! I wish we could just enjoy our family together and accept that she and my childrens father are a part of it in their own way! ↑ |
| Name: Suzanne | Date: Aug 6th, 2009 11:36 PM |
| AWW I wish I had read ALL the posts b4 I left mine! I have found SUCH good advice! There is no way around an EX when u get to a certain age I guess but it is soooo good to know other women feel and cope with the same emotions I have gone through!!! And am still dealing with! As long as I have step children (forever) SHE will know beter! Now I dont care. take each day as it comes, enjoy every one of them cos that will pss her off more than anything! lol ↑ |
| Name: srbizzymom | Date: Aug 7th, 2009 5:55 PM |
| Going through the same thing for 7 years now. Ex wives who are control freaks hate not having control, so they use whatever is available to keep control and unfortunately that is the kids. This the way they control the ex husband, they don't care that they are hurting their children by denying them a healthy relationship with their father. I am sorry to say it just keeps getting worse, the children are being "brain washed" by their mother. I would suggest family counseling, because if the children don't understand their hate for their father is not really theirs but their mothers it will never stop. ↑ |
| Name: suzanne | Date: Aug 9th, 2009 9:59 PM |
| thanks shrzbuzzymom if i spelt that wright? Thank u so mich, sounds like we are in a similar situatioin? I feel now, after 4 yrs she is not worth it but the 2 children i have brought up of hers and my 2 I am so sorry for them that now I am at the end of my tether and just want to give up . I am so tired of tryin to live up to a mum who is a million times worse than me, but I understand not to her children! I am not an adutersest nor am i an alcoholic, i love all off the kids and have taken care of them and shown them love but i dont feel i get anything back. I guess thats what a 2nd wife is? bless all u women who do not have the curse if geliousise as i do xx ↑ |
| Name: Peach | Date: Aug 10th, 2009 3:40 AM |
| I am in a situation where the ex wife did not like the fact that her ex after 2 years starting dating someone seriously. After the kids were intriduced to his girlfriend they loved doing things with her and her son. Often not wanting to go home when playtime was over. They are 9 and 13. Well, the ex wife did not like that her kids liked the gorlfriend and started telling the kids they should not be seeing her when they are witht heir dad. Then more bad mouthing started and now the children tell their dad they do not want to see him. They repeat things their mother told them for you knoe=w a 9 year old does not say what he does unless he is repeating what his mom said to him. The ex does not like the fact that the ex husband is happy and has a "normal" girlfriend with a nice home and children of her own. So now the kids refuse to see their dad. It has been 6months. Well, a parenting time coordinator was ordered by the court and therapy for the kids. The ex wife is in contempt and not following the order. A motion for contempt is being filed. She is not helping the children have a good relationship with their father (which they had for years a very close relationship, just until the dad found happiness with a woman did all the alienation occur). There are many ways to get to see your kids. The kids have NO choice. The parents and the courts make the calls as to whether they go or not. The children do not make this decision. That is why there are court orders ina divorce that say every other weekend, etc. Ni ex wife or child has the right to change that order without consequences. Fight to see your kids. Go to court for contempt of child vistation and ask for a parenting time coordinator from the courts to resolve any more issues. No court will deny a father seeing his kids and if the ex has any involvement in alienating the kids and not allowing visitation, there are serious consequences. Keep fighting, the pain is worth the gain. Love always prevails. Who ever is looked down upon for wanting time with their kids? As for the one woman who is a hair dresser and says men should be afather before the divorce....Just because yours wasn;t doesnot mean the others were not. Let go of your anger lady, your not doing anyone any good, especially the kids. Besides we all grow and make mistakes, just some people learn from them and try to change and do penance and some like you like to blame everyone else. Let it go before your bust an artery... ↑ |
| Name: Charisma | Date: Sep 22nd, 2009 7:49 PM |
| It seems very common anymore in ex wives. I am an ex wife and I promise all of you ladies I do not behave or use our daughter against her dad, my ex husband. I am remarried and he has an ex wife who left him for his nephew and left the children with him. When I met him he had custody fo the boys and she had every other weekends. To francine I know what you mean when you say she has the kid spy and tell on you and there dad. My husbands 10 year old son used to call his mother every move have we made, and im sure he still does it. I escaped from this child and his mother by getting a job out of town with my husband and now she has to raise her kids. I know she hates every second of this but its not my fault she cant accept the choices she has made and going to make in her life. My only guilt is my husband has a 5 year who I have cared for since he was almost 3. He just wants his mother to love him and he has said I want to show my mom how much I love her. This exwife is something else. Some people are just selfish. Its pretty selfish when you cheat on your husband and children for your nephew. Another sad thing is this nephew has a son and daughter and this exwife does alot for his children while her own children sat and watched and did with out her. Another sad thing it really sucks that she is now an exwife niece. I believe there is more to her personality than she leads on and I feel she thought she could have her cake and eat it too. When she is behaving badly I am thankful that I am not that kind of exwife to my daughters dad. I am for the children and not the adults. Kids are awesome if you just try and show them there is more to life out there and dont let those negative family members drag you down. I come from a dysfunctional family so I try not to follow in my mom's bad exwife foot steps. good luck. ↑ |
| Name: JamieB | Date: Nov 9th, 2009 10:39 PM |
| mlevy396: I understand. My fiance has a crazy ex wife. She filed for divorce but treats him as if he left her. She in one minute emails him and wants him to move back home, and when he doesn't respond, all of the sudden he used to beat her. She's that psycho. She found out he was dating me (younger, prettier, skinner, all around better than her) and she went completely bonkers. I never met the woman and she was trying to message me on myspace every day, 10-50 times a day. She was texting him up to 500 texts a day until he took it up w/ a lawyer, police, and his cell phone company. Now they have a block on her phone that blocks her completely. Which in turn drove her crazy. Now that it's been a year, she's calmed down, although it might be because we recently found out she had applied for numerous Credit Cards, and other services under his name, SSN, DOB ie. identity theft (as recent as last month). Now that the police have called her and questioned her about it, she's not said ANYTHING. Oh, and her car is about to get repo'd but she tells us she "makes 4x as much as we do". Right. She's a compulsive liar, even about the health of her kids. If it takes his attention away from me or the kids, then she's got her rocks off. Just hang in there. Ignore everything she does that you possibly can. Kill them with kindness. ↑ |
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