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| Name: baby j,17 | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 9:07 AM |
| im 17 years old and my bf has a 2 year old son. its sort of hard work babying a kid that isnt yours but they'll get used to u one day. ↑ |
| Name: jazz | Date: May 11th, 2006 10:23 AM |
| I am not a step mom but I have a step Mother. At first I didn't like her at all because I thought that she was trying to replace my mother. I know that I was difficult with her and I regret that now because she is one of my best friends. I remember the turn around point being when I wasn't listening to her and we got into a big arguement. At one point she said that she wasn't going to do the Mother-Daughter argueing thing with me. She said that she was not my mother and never will be. she also added that if I was her daughter she couldn't be any more proud. don't know if that helps, hope so. ↑ |
| Name: Serina | Date: May 12th, 2006 7:58 AM |
| Stepfamily Rights and Responsibility 1. I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to express them in a respectful manner. 3. I will NOT be responsible for the welfare if children for whom I can set no limits 4. I must be consulted about children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will not be solely responsible for housework, chores will be distributed equally and fairly. 6. I will be consulted in all matters concerning this family. 7. Others may not violate my private space, nor take or use any of my possessions without my permission. 8. I will NEVER be treated as dirt in my own Home. 9. My stepchildren will ALWAYS treat me with respect, even if they don't like me. 10. I have the right to my privacy regarding all issues. 11. I have the right to choose what a child is allowed to call me, or not call me. 12. I will be consulted about all financial issues regarding this family i.e. child travel, schooling etc, as long as it affects me too. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The Biological Parent’s Bill of Rights 1. I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to express them in a respectful manner. 3. I will NOT be undermined in my parenting decisions of the children. 4. I must be consulted about plans involving children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will not be solely responsible for car maintenance, house repairs, yard work; chores will be distributed equally and fairly. 6. I will be consulted in all matters concerning this family. 7. Others may not violate my private space, nor take or use any of my possessions without my permission. 8. I will NEVER be treated as dirt in my own Home. 9. My children will ALWAYS treat me with respect. 10. I have the right to my privacy regarding all issues. 11. I have the right to expect my children to call me dad or some variation of dad. 12. I will be consulted about all financial issues regarding this family. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The StepChild’s Bill of Rights 1. I will be allowed to discuss and make suggestions in the decision making process for things that directly involve me, i.e. my schooling, my visitations, etc. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to have them addressed to learn to express them in a respectful way. 3. I have the right to have limits that are set within reason and basic enough that I can understand and follow them. 4. I must be allowed and/or earn reasonable “privileges” while living with or visiting, i.e. whom I can visit and when, etc. 5. I will not be solely responsible for housework, chores will be distributed equally and fairly. 6. Others may not violate my private space, nor take or use any of my possessions without my permission or reasonable suspicions. 7. I will NEVER be treated as dirt in my own Home. 8. I have the right for my father’s home to feel like my own home. 9. My parent and stepparent will ALWAYS treat me with respect, even if they don't like me. 10. I have the right to my privacy within reasonable limits. 11. I have the right to be part of the process of choosing what I am allowed to call, or not call my stepparent. 12. I have the right to be completely oblivious of financial issues, marital issues, etc. unless I am a direct cause of such issues. i.e. asking for too much additional stuff. NOT child support, etc. 13. If I am the cause of above issues I have the right to be involved in a discussion regarding them in an unthreatening manner. 14. I have the right to believe my biological parents are the best people in the world. Our family is our FIRST priority, and we will address as many issues together as possible. The Stepparent's Responsibilities 1. I will be an active part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I will express my feelings in a respectful manner. 3. I will set resonable limits and goals for my stepchildren, spouse, family and myself 4. I will be conscious of consulting my spouse (and stepchildren when appropriate) about children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will do my fair share of chores without complaint. 6. I will consult everyone involved in all matters concerning this family. 7. I will not violate others' private space, nor take or use any of their possessions without permission. 8. I will NEVER treat others as dirt in their own Home. 9. I will ALWAYS treat my stepchildren with respect, even if I don't like them. 10. I will respect my spouse and stepchildren's (within reason) right to privacy regarding all issues. 11. I will compromise and come to a fair determination of what a child is allowed to call me, or not call me. 12. I will discuss openly all financial issues regarding this family i.e. child travel, schooling etc, as long as it affects me too. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The Biological Parent’s Responsibilities 1. I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to express them in a respectful manner. 3. I will be responsible for my children's actions and the consequences administered. 4. I will be conscious of consulting my spouse (and children when appropriate) about children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will do my fair share of chores without complaint. 6. I will consult everyone involved in all matters concerning this family. 7. I will not violate others' private space, nor take or use any of their possessions without permission. 8. I will NEVER treat others as dirt in their own Home. 9. I will always treat my children with respect. 10. I will respect my spouse and children's (within reason) right to privacy regarding all issues. 11. I will act worthy of being called dad or mom and not try to be my children's "buddy". 12. I will discuss openly all financial issues regarding this family i.e. child travel, schooling etc. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The StepChild’s Responsibilities 1. I will abide by the decisions made in family discussions even if they were not my suggestions. 2. I do my best to learn to express my feelings in a respectable manner. 3. I will abide by the limits set for me and accept the consequences gracefully for testing the limits. 4. I will do my best to maintain and/or earn reasonable “privileges” while living with or visiting, i.e. whom I can visit and when, etc. 5. I will do my fair share of chores without complaint. 6. I will be respectful of all discussions and issues involving the family. 7. I will NEVER treat others as dirt in their own Home. 8. I have the right for my father’s home to feel like my own home. 9. I will always treat my parent and stepparent with respect. 10. I will respect other's privacy. 11. I will compromise and come to a fair determination of what I am allowed to call, or not call my stepparent. 12. I will not butt my nose into financial and/or marital issues. 13. If I am the cause of above issues I will do whatever I can to help come to a reasonable solution. 14. I will accept the fact that even if I think my other parent is the best person in the world, there are at least 2 other people who care for me and deserve to be acknowledge sometimes. Our family is our FIRST priority, and we will address as many issues together as possible. I know this is long but I read this and thought it might help. I am a step mother of 1 boy 14 and a girl 12.The main advice is not to be bossy try and have your husband do the disaplin if he can. This is how we become the evil step parent, If you want rules inyou home that is diffrnt from the ex. Just tell them diffrent house diffrent rules.The main thing to remember is that is ex is there mother and so never say anything bad about her to them or let them her bad thing about her.It is not good for the kids to her things like that even if she is a real Nasty Mother.Last just let them feel loved even when my step son is having a bipolar episode and says he hates me I just say I love you know matter what!!! Very Best of luck. ↑ |
| Name: Happy Clam | Date: Nov 23rd, 2007 8:54 AM |
| I hope things are going well for you. Perhaps you would like to visit my stepfamily forum? http://www.stepfamily.stepfamilyforum.com It would be great to see you there. :D ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: Dec 15th, 2007 9:22 AM |
| I Am 16 and i have a 14 year old stepson ↑ |
| Name: autumn_leaves | Date: Dec 26th, 2007 9:47 PM |
| Dear JE. I know u love your boyfriend and want to be there for him, but I don't want u to make the mistake I did. When I was 17 I had a baby to my high school boyfriend who took off when i got pregnant. Well, I had my son and went on to meet a guy who was 27 and had 2 kids, 6 and 3. I was 18. Well, to make a long story short, I was wayyy too young to be in that situation. At that age you do not have the mentality to deal with such an adult situation, especially if you don't have children of your own. There's your boyfriend and regular couples problems to deal with, a child to deal with who takes a lot of time and patience and love, with which u are sacrificing a lot of yourself to care for. Then there is the ex-girlfriend or wife to deal with. This may be sounding selfish, but you need to protect yourself, your future, your best interests right now. I married my 27 year old father of 2, and we were married for 8 long, tumultous years. He had custody of his children, and were left for me to care for at all times, school stuff and homework, activities, sick, crying, the whole nine yards. Plus the ex wife and her shit, it is a HUGE thing to take on. I was 26 when we divorced. I realize now, tho there were good times and I can't call it a 'waste', I did waste a lot of myself, my own time, my time to be young and do things for myself like college and follow my own dreams, to put this effort into something for me. Please re-think your decision to make this choice. Everything is at your feet at this time in your life, please don't waste it. Do it for yourself now, cause when your older you don't have the same opportunities. Good luck hon, think about it, ok? ↑ |
| Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 6th, 2008 12:01 AM |
| I am 23, and have 2 step kids, ages 18, and 13, (no joke). My hubby is much older than me. They don't live with us, but I get along with them fabulously. When they do come over, if my dh isn't home, the three of us just hang out and eat popcorn, like old buds. Watch movies, etc. My dh and I have a 16 month old together, and they like to come over to play with him. It really isn't a big deal. Sorry if you're having trouble. Do the 4 stepkids live with u? ↑ |
| Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 6th, 2008 12:27 AM |
| I'm 23, hubby is 44. ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 4:36 PM |
| I am 16 and i have a 15 year old stepmum, i had a affair with his dad when i was aged 10 so when i became 16 we decided to tell his wife and he split up with he and we got married. ↑ |
| Name: pinky.aslam | Date: Mar 4th, 2008 2:24 AM |
| any body ↑ |
| Name: RT | Date: Mar 14th, 2008 5:33 PM |
| Same here. I am a step mom too of 4 and i have no privacy with my husband ↑ |
| Name: Steph | Date: Dec 30th, 2008 11:52 AM |
| My previous relationship was with another young parent and I didn't like the fact that he was so young and was still confused about being with his child's mom. They ignored each other a lot, and she even stopped letting him see his son when she got a new boyfriend, and although she tried to act mature and nice to me at first, it all came out when me and him broke up. Shortly, they were messing around agian when her boyfriend dumped her, she begain to push it in my face and he kept running back and fourth between us. He really made me feel that I was not a priority and the only person that he cared about was his son. I swore I would never get into another relationship with a child again. Well here I am now in another relationship. I am only 20 in college and my boyfriend is 23 with a three year old daughter, no baby momma drama between me and her, I can't stand the control he let's his daughter's mom have over him, she's fine one day, and then the next she is using him, and running over him. I thought it would be easier getting along with a daughter better than a son, and it was. I connect with his daughter and she likes me but to be honest, I dont like being around her sometimes. It was very easy at first but now it's hard because, now I think about how I don't like her mom, and also because she is so spoiled, "daddy's baby girl" and that irritates me for some reason. She cant even sleep without being in his bed uhh.. Well he claims that his child's mother is very mature, but she has very bad parenting skills to me. His daughter's hair is hardly ever groomed when she comes over, she always sick, and there's a couple of neglect and horrible parent stories that I can't mention. You would probably think since she doesnt take the best care of her daughter, it would be my chance to help out on his end...WRONG!! It's not that easy because she tries to turn the tables on him and make him feel like he's not helping out enough. The child's mother is always hollering and screaming at my boyfriend because she is a Bi**h (excuse my language) and wants him to do all the work, when he takes better care of the child than her...I am an early childhood major and I know a lot of the conditions are unhealthy for the child. Daddy even lets her stay up til 11pm or midnight when she has pre-school the next day. Sometimes I mention the problems to him and he listens but it is not my place to tell him everything, that is not my child. I don't believe he is a bad parent but he always gives his daughter her way because he wants to be the fun parent. I also hate that his daughter limits our privacy, it's like I cant be around him when she's over, I don't know if I'm jealous or what...but I really wish that he would have waited on having children..and that's bad because I am supposed to accept him and everything he comes with, and that will always be his daughter ↑ |
| Name: Steph | Date: Dec 30th, 2008 11:57 AM |
| Had quite a few errors, I was really rushing this and not reading over it :-) I am not an idiot though lol ↑ |
| Name: kelly | Date: Feb 24th, 2009 2:48 AM |
| im a 20 yr old and found out i would be a step mum of two at the age of 18... 2 years into it now, kids 3 and 6 years living with us on a perm basis and loving it...it is really tough and i love advise as well as giving some...ive learned alot...even fights with the mother over who is doing what right! BAD THING! should we be friends as the two mothers or not interact at all? ↑ |
| Name: jessica moore | Date: May 6th, 2009 10:34 AM |
| can someone email me if they get the chance my once high school sweet heart is wanting to try things again after 4 years and im really keen but thing is he is a solo dad to a beautifull 2 year old girl who dosnt see her mother (mothers choice) anymore and i dont no how i should act or what role i should take i have no children of my own and it is also hard because when we were together in high school i misscarried with our own child and his daughter was also only 3.4 pounds at full term thanks to the mother abusing herself so she is a little slow onthe talking and learning side of things and such a daddys girl so i dont no where to stand or what to do i guess i just need some advice if anyone has some. kind regards jess jazzanz@hotmail.com ↑ |
| Name: Emm | Date: Jun 25th, 2009 1:08 AM |
| I am 20 years old and soon to be a stepmom to 3 kids (8, 10, and 12). my fiance is 32....and very family oriented...takes care of all three with no help or child support from his ex. the kids are great and very respectable...but the hardest would be the middle child who is very stubborn and likes to "test" adults. its hard for me since i have trouble being stern to any child at all. I feel like a pushover since i refuse to spank or anything like that...since they are not mine. the best thing thats worked (for me) so far is to talk to them each like they are adults and try to understand them as people, not just as children. be their friend...but let them know you need some respect in return. ↑ |
| Name: amy | Date: Sep 18th, 2009 11:51 PM |
| I have been a step mom for 13 yrs , since I was 17 yrs old !! I had my husband and i' first baby of four 2 yrs into our marriage ! It has been really tuff dealing with a nasty ex all the time !! Trying to respect my step daughters mother but at the same time having to make sure she is safe there ! It had put a major strain on our marriage , BUT , we have survived it !! Through love and support of eachother .. me and my step daughter have had our ruff times , but we are best of friends now and have been for along time , it just takes time !! And a lot of faith .. anyway , that's my story , ↑ |
