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I have a 6 year old daughter. I am divorced and I have exact equal time with my daughter alternating weeks from Monday to Monday. My daughter goes to school in the district I live in. I have final say so over important matters such as health, welfare and education. I pay the majority of the expenses and still even aganist my lawyers advice give her support even though we have her equal time. My daughter loves our situation, she has all of her own clothes and toys at each house so there are no bags to pack. She has an excellent living environment at both houses. She never has any separation anxiety for her mother or me and loves her stepmother. My ex has now put herself into a very bad position. She has lost her job that paid well. Actually she was terribly over paid. Now she is trying to find a job with flexible hours and comparable income while wanting to work from 9 to 2. She just doesn't seem to be able to understand there aren't really any jobs out there that will afford her a home and all the cost of living. I am scared that eventually she will end up losing her home. This will be an absolute nightmare. I certainly do not want to see my daughters mother lose her home and I'm not in position financially to bail her out if needed. If this was to happen I am considering going for full custody. I feel somewhat guilty about this but I'm considering the best interest of my daughter. I really can't go into every detail about this situation without losing your interest but I only see negative things for my ex wife's future. Again, this is only if I see that she will be losing her home. The loss of her job is absolutely her fault as well. ↓
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| Name: jillw | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 7:52 PM |
| do what is best for your child. You have no reason to feel bad or guilty about it. I am sure that she would do the same thing if the situation were reversed. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Sep 17th, 2006 12:39 PM |
| If you do decide to go through with the custody change, your ex will be very hurt by it. If she does lose her house, I'm sure she will find another place to life. As much as you have tried to tell her about her future falling apart, she has to learn it the hard way. However, she is still going to want to see her daughter. Perhaps, she will find another nice place to live and still be able to give your daughter a nice home, it just won't be in the home she can't afford. Yet, taking her away from her mother is going to create alot of headache and heartache for you and your daughter as well as the ex. Are you prepared for that? Does the ex have a plan or is she just taking one day at a time? I agree, you have to do what's best for your daughter and with her having to change schools because her mother can't afford the house she lives in might do harm to your daughter. You need to speak with your attorney about the situation. Are you the primary custodial parent? If so, you have your rights to exercise. Since, the ex has lost her good paying job, how will she afford to take care of your daughter? Granted the child support will help but she may try to depend on you more to pay most of her expenses. Be careful of that. As much as you love your daughter, you need to do what's in the best interest of the child. I wish you luck and certainly hope things will work out for you. Keep us posted. ↑ |
| Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 17th, 2006 9:55 PM |
| What are you a perfect asshole??? She's lost her job, which doesn't mean she should lose EVERYTHING that's important to her!! People lose jobs everyday! They bounce back. She'll find a job soon.. and so what if she can't afford a house which allows her to live in the lap of luxury. There are nice apartments out there....What about your little girl? She needs her mother. There is nothing like a mothers love, I think your an idiot.. and I'm sorry for saying so! What if the situation was reversed. Give the mother of your daughter a little more sympathy, patience, understanding and support! ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 1:56 PM |
| I don't mean to sound harsh but I think you may be misunderstanding a bit. Your ex lost her job. That said You are her ex - your with someone; she may be trying to paint a rosy picture by saying that she is looking for a job with better hours, etc. ( the "hey, one door closes . .. .I'll find something better"). If your ex loses her current residence, please give her a chance to find another. No matter how "flaky" or crazy you may think this woman is, she is still your daughter's mother. Taking her away from her Mother would put undue stress on your child. If her mom finds a place that is clean, and safe, then you really shouldn't be concerned. It sounds as if you have all of the control when you say you "have final say over important matters such as heath, welfare, and education." I suggest you sit down wit your daughter's Mom, express your concerns, and express the possible outcomes of her actions or inactions. This way, if she is a flake, she will get a reality check. If she is not, well, then at least you will have been honest with her and if you do need to take any negative action in the future can at least do so with a bit of a clear conscience. But PLEASE give her a chance first. Taking a child away from their mother should be an ABSOLUTE last resort. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 3:35 PM |
| Instead of going for the jugular here,why don't you be more civil about it and say,'hey i know you're going through a rough time right now but since you have lost your home,at least for now,until you can get on your feet again,I think it would be best for our daughter to live with me full-time but you are encouraged to see her as much as you want on your weeks." And then tell her that once she does get set up again,then you will go back to the original arrangement. ↑ |
| Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 5:12 PM |
| I agree with Lizzie! Just be cool Mark! Sit down and discuss with her what she feels on the situation! What if she agrees with what Lizzi had said! You don't have to act like your president and take the extreme road on this! She was a good mother before. Give her a chance! TALK!! ↑ |
| Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 5:55 PM |
| P.S. What is wrong with this world???? Teaching your children that it's more important to "have" things and live in a nice house rather than the true, unconditional love that is about to be recieved..... You need your head examined!!! ↑ |
| Name: atomic snowflake | Date: Sep 19th, 2006 1:38 PM |
Great, so you try to take her kid from her as well???
You've said yourself that your daughter is happy with the current situation, so you would be hurting her if you changed things.
Anybody can lose their job - it doesn't mean that they deserve to lose everything else as well. The greatest pain that a mother can feel is if she loses her child - you are obviously oblivious to this and don't care anyway.
You remind me of a circling vulture. ↑ |
| Name: MAC | Date: Sep 19th, 2006 9:26 PM |
| FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IT IS JUST NICE THAT YOU ARE SO CONCERN ABOUT YOUR CHILD. WELL!!!!!! I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS. IS THIS WOMAN JUST AS PASSIONATE ABOUT HER CHILD AS YOU ARE? IS SHE WILLING TOMAKE A WAY THROUGH ALL TRIALS? IF SHE DOES THEN THEIR IS NO REASON TO TAKE FULL CUSTODY. MY HUSBAND HAS CUSTODY OVER HIS DAUGHTER. IT WAS THE VERY BEST DECISION. HER MOTHER CARED MORE ABOUT KEEPING HER BOYFRIEND, GOING TO THE CLUB, TAKING CARE OF JUST HERSELF THAN JUST BEING A MOTHER. WHEN IT WAS HER TURN TO KEEP HER DAUGHTER SHE ALWAYS CAME UP WITH AN EXCUSE TO GET OUT OF IT. SHE WOULD HAVE HER DAUGHTER AROUND SO MANY MAN THAT HER DAUGHTER FELT SO COMFORTABLE SHAKE HER BUTT IN FRONT OF THEM WHILE HER MOTHER CHEERED HER ON. SHE WOULD BEING HER OVER OUR HOUSE SMELLING LIKE PEE, CLOTHES DIRTY, AND HUNGRY. SHE LEAVED IN THE WORST PART OF TOWN AND DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE A COME UP. HER APARTMENT HAD ROUCHES. HER OR HER DAUGHTER HAD A BED. THEY MADE PALLETS ON THE FLOOR. SHE STILL DEPENDED ON MY HUSBAND TO PROVIDE FOR HER. WHEN MY HUSBAND WOULD GO OUT OF TOWN. I WOULD KEEP THEIR DAUGHTER BECAUSE THE MOTHER SAID SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME. SAD THING IS, SHE WAS LIKE THIS WHEN THEY WERE MARRIED FOR THEIR SHORT YEAR THAT THEY WERE ACTUALLY TOGETHER. SO!!! THIS IS THE KIND OF MESS THAT YOU GO FOR CUSTODY. NOT WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. UNLESS SHE IS SOMETHING LIKE THIS! ↑ |
| Name: MARK | Date: Sep 20th, 2006 1:12 AM |
| Yeh! So true Mac.... I'm sorry... but I can't help but feel very passionate about this... My ex husband tried (at first by lying in court) to take my daughter away from me and get full custody) and I fought him and won. And if he tried again and succeeded I would come back even harder and stronger... get a better lawyer... cuz there is no judge in this world that would EVER take my kid away from me and if he ever did? I would either kill him or kill myself! So Where are you Mark? What's the deal after hearing all of the responses from people?? ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Sep 20th, 2006 1:17 AM |
Mark I feel sorry for you daughter that its obvious that material things have been the main focuse in her life. I say this because I have been in these materialistic shoes. So to speak. We used to give our children about anything they desired but we quickly found out we didnt have the money to keep up such spoils. Now my husband and I are looking at loosing our house if we dont stay on a tight budget.. We have learned there are other things in life that are far more precious. Its called Time.
Time to plan ....Time to play and time to know what is most important. Do you really feel your daughter will cherrish all the toys and material items you speak of. ive found mine didnt hardly notice when we did get them something new, it only went in the pile of endless crap that they dont even like to pick up and take care of.
Soooo.....We changed..we now have chores and allowance that our children have to earn the money they want for spending. If there is a star wars figure my son wants he saves his earned money. Same for our daughter. Do you realize the gift this has given our whole family?? Now we not only dont spoil our kids. They think about what they really want and appreciate it even more.
please consider this for your precious daughter. she will become a better human being in life if you do.
as for your x really it isnt fair or something your daughter will look up to when she is older if you put this wedge in your family. Thats what you are you know? family, if you like it of not. You had a daughter. Now you are the family even if it is broken. Its all shes got. If you play god in this family Im sorry to say you my friend are likely to loose. ↑ |
| Name: molly-may | Date: Sep 21st, 2006 5:37 PM |
| I don't know your whole situation that well, so I don't know if you and your ex are on good terms. But I would have to say that if she loses her job then the best thing for you to do is to tell her that you will take your daughter fulltime until she gets back on her feet and then continue joint custody once she finds a job and a place to live. You should not take your daughter away from her mother, your daughter is to young to make decisions for herself, but think about her and if you really want her not seeing her mother. ↑ |
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