Home » Pick Your Crowd » Divorced Family » wondering if blending our families is the right thing

Hello, guest
|

Name: happychick1877

[ Original Post ]

I am a mother of three who is engaged to marry a father of three. We have been together for over three years and are to be married in a month and a half. The children all get along really well and are all very excited about the upcoming wedding. But lately it seems that all my soon to be husband and I do is fight over his vs. mine. His children are very emotionally needy and dad has been at their beck and call ever since his divorce ( 4 years ago). His ex wife is not emotionally available to the kids so they seek all their comfort from their dad. I fell in love with him for a number of reasons but one of them was how much he loved his kids. But now everytime something comes up where it is an issue of what his kids want vs. what mine want, he plays the card of his kids needing more than mine do. His kids even think they should be with us on our wedding night and our honeymoon. He is actually considering these things too. Everytime my kids end up getting the short end of the stick. I'm worried that this is always going to be the case. We have talked about it several times and he thinks I'm being unfair to his kids needs. I'm unsure of what to do and where to go from here. Any advice? Please help. ↓

Name: SGC | Date: Jul 15th, 2009 4:17 PM

Run and run fast!!! I could have written excatly what you wrote. I have one child and my now husband has 3 it is ALWAYS mine vs his. He babies his which I have never done with mine. I dont think its ok for an 8 year old to cry when he's asked to shut off video games after playing for 4 hours straight, literally tears... really?? He soothes him and I think he needs to stop treating him like he is 8 and not 3. At any rate it will not get better with time and sadly enough if I knew what I was in for I would not have gotten married..GOOD LUCK TO YOU. ↑

Name: Texasmom | Date: Jul 16th, 2009 3:34 PM

I wouldn't go so far as to say "run".... but I would strongly urge you to seek therapy before you blend families and work this out. My husband and I each have two children, and there are many occassions where we each feel the need to protect the interests of our own. It is difficult. The waters aren't easy to navigate. We manage, but it takes concerted effort all the time. Get it worked out before you subject your children to a lifetime of unfairness. ↑

Name: NotSoHappyStepMom | Date: Jul 19th, 2009 3:31 PM

Dont do it! PRESERVE your peace at all cost. We blended our family and it has been sooo hard. Although after a year and a half most of the kids are blending together, we still have issues with the EXTRA child causing problems. I say EXTRA because this child is not my husbands real kid, but the one he was tricked into raising. He even knows she isnt his....and wont send her back. This is causing so much strife because without her we have a perfect blended crew and even a new one on the way.... but the EXTRA child is just a hassle. If I could go back in time I almost can say that I probably would have just stayed single. Life was much simpler then. ↑