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Name: startingover
[ Original Post ]
My husband has gone through hell sense the divorce. His X wife took him for everything, leaving him with over $15,000. in credit card bills,a car, TV, guest bed, and his travel trailer that his parents gave him that he had to sleep in for months because of no money. She took everything a car, the house, all the funrniture, 1/2 his Military retirement. plus wanted lots of child support so he paid her what Texas laws call maxing out even thou he made $20,000 under what it calls for...
When we got together he was able to move his tv, and bed into a 2 bedroom apartment ..
In my divorce I received a small amount of money that I bought an entertainment center to place the tv in, kitchen table and chairs, sofa and brought some kitchen items, dishes, sliverware, pots and pans.
As time grew we married and wanted to buy a house so I used more of my settlement money to pay off his credit cards, $10,000. bought our wedding rings and put 25% down on our house.... As 5 years have gone by and almost losing the house, and our truck we have finally started to get our bills undercontrol ... But now that we are his X wife feels that he now makes to much money and wants to take him back to court, because she has put herself into financal debit, she bought a brand new home, bought all new furniture, 2 beds, formal dinning room set, sofa and love seat, new car, panio, and has given the kids each cell phones, credit cards (that one has spend a large sum of money on) She tells the kids that there dad doesn't make child support payments, doesn't pay enought, and wants more .... What do when I hear the kids say mom says that dads not making payments or that he doesn't pay her what he should and they have also said mom wants to take him again....

startingover
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Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 5:13 PM
Well,it seems to me that between the 2 of you if she does take him back to court then you both can prove what he got in their divorce (which wasn't much) ,and you can prove that the only reason he is set up now in a home is thanks to you and your divorce settlement money. He should only have to pay whats right according to the law in the way of child support so neither of you should be too worried. If she wants to take him to court,let her. She won't get anymore than what the law allows which is what he is probably already paying anyway. Besides,if the kids have their own cell phones which to me is a "luxury",then they nor she is hurting none financially. Who knows,it could backfire on her and he may be able to start paying her less! 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 5:23 PM
Also I just wanted to add that that was a brave thing you did by paying off HIS credit card debts with your money! I hope he is really worth it,that's alot of money to give up to someone,even if he is your husband! Plus you paid for the rings AND put the downpayment on the house?! I hope you never regret having done all these things,that's alot of money to invest in someone else,(even though one ring and the house is for you too.)I just don't like to see people get the crap end of the stick. 

Name: startingover | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 5:44 PM
The reason so much has come up this past few months is that my husband travels an ave 2-3 times a month so we can use travel mile for free travel and hotel points for free stays. And we did get a nice trip to London where he had business he traded 200,000 travel miles for our trip ..Sense He has collected another 120,000 miles again . and has more nights for hotels

His daughter has had a big wish list this summer, after taking them to NY over thanksgiving with my money and to disney world because of his business so he cashed in this air ticket and we drove.
Her mother tells her to ask your dad because he has the money and she doesn't
Her list is listed
A trip to Europe this summer, a $3000. pro camera, $500. to go to soccer camp that she no longer plays, ipod, money for airfare to see he friend that just moveonly 2 weeks ago, $300. for her band, and money a new instrument. Every week she is calling wanting something...
He says he wants to be a good father... But I feel this is going to far... He gave his X an advance of $300.00 to help cover costs... in the mean time the our house payment had not been made ...We pay his X more than what our house payment is (house payment is $1,216.)
I'm I being selfish of finally feeling we can go to dinner or travel from time to time.
Or is he not paying enoght 

Name: startingover | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 6:00 PM
Thank you.... for the kind words.... I paid for the things I did because no one should be treated like he was.
I did take a large sum of my X retirement... but I also left him with the house, (that in its location has trippled in value) collector cars, boat and most of the furniture. No matter how much things hurt in a divorce ... it is not right to distroy someone.
I did paid for all the things because I loved him.... do I have regrets yes..... I have left no money for me to help out my own kids. like for college or my daughter who is a single mother that does not receive child support.
He say's that they are grown (22 and 25) its not up to him to help out... That they have put themself where they are now... and that his kids and X need his help 

Name: f17rc010 | Date: Sep 4th, 2006 11:33 PM
Sounds to me like she will have a hard time getting more money out of him. I also say good for you helping your husband with his bills, financial support is not only the job of the man. You are not being at all selfish, it is really none of her business what money you have or where it comes from. If she feels like you guys make too much money let her pay to take you back to court and make a fool of herself. These x's need to realize that what goes on in their x spouses house is no longer any of their business. Sounds like your husband is being a great father and you guys can't let her convince you or the kids otherwise. 

Name: pj754 | Date: Sep 6th, 2006 1:24 PM
To startingover--I would explain to your husband to only give his ex what his court papers say he's suppose to give. I wouldn't be giving the ex anymore money. Sounds like she's a bad money handler. If the children want things from their dad, then purchase the items to stay in your home. Do not allow them to take the items back to their mom's house. I agree with Lizzi, if she wants to go back to court than have at it. Unless there isn't a significant change in his income, there really isn't anything she can do. She will only be wasting her money on lawyer fees unless he gets stuck paying them, too. However, if she brings the case to court and the judge doesn't find any change, then more than likely she will have to pay her own cost for wasting the courts time. I would put your foot down. The children will survive without all the material things. Giving them everything they want now, is teaching them bad habits. They need to learn how to work hard in order to get the things they want. I don't know if my advice hasn't helped. Good luck and stand your ground. 


Name: pam | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 6:48 PM
what ever you do dont talk badly about their mother in front of them, its hurts they deeply, and trust me will back fire in your face. I would tell them you are aware of the situation and that it is for the growns ups to discuss not children. take the high road someday her talking to her kids like that will bite her in the butt. good luck 

Name: startingover | Date: Sep 8th, 2006 4:20 AM
I do believe that the kids do need to earn things...
But it is hard when his X gives them everything (at his cost) and he has guilt from the divorce and is trying to buy there love....
As far as there mother I would never say anything bad about her... (as much as I would love tell them whats she has done to him) I know it will bit her back. I just hope they turn 18 first... she is so set on making sure he has nothing until then.... and for the rest of his life .... she will not marry again until after she is 55 or she will not get his military benif.
I just don't feel it is right for her to take everything after the divorce .... leave him in a trailer, all the bills to pay off, and he pays her extra for over 4 of our 5 years... and now that we can start paying off the washer, dryer and lawn mower... she wants more because she has taken cruises, new built house, new car, and all new furniture and has financial problems....
Sorry it's not his fault for her spending habbits 

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