Guys. Im going inpatient in a couple weeks... Im loosing as much weight as I can becuase i want it to take longer for me to feel fat once they make me start gaining weight. Its rediculous.. on fridyas I used to let myself eat half a bagel in the morning.. and now I wont even do that becuase I keep saying after inpatoient you have to be healthy so Im so immersed in the ED now.. but with each day I dont want to go to tinptaient anymore becuae Im SO scared .. espeically now that IM NOT used to digesting anything ( purge everyting or not eat)
its awfu
mny life feel so pathetifc.. there is SO MUCH MORE to life and IM so stuck in this ... i cant even get out.
I dont want to be on my death bed and say I spent my whole live purging and starving... i want to say
yeah I had a reat job, ran in the park everyday , drank coffee, ate ice cream hiked inthe woods and played with my dog. and I did it all whole being chunky but who cared becuase I had a great energetic life.
but now ihave no energy, I cnat do any of those things and Im miserable anyway. im haooy onyl when I can fit into my skinny pants with is always now... but after inpatient aI will have to throw them away and I dont want to!
is anyone caught in this catch 22? ↓
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