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Name: sandy
[ Original Post ]
Can anyone help me? I feel like I am loosing my mind! As the mom of a 17 year old and a 13 year old.... I need advise on the whole cutting issue. My 13 year old has been cutting herself (nothing major - similar to cat scratches) for the last 18 months. We have tried outpatient therapy (a two week stint at a local teen psych hospital, she came home every night) and we have also tried weekly counseling. Nothing works! I just received a call today from the school principal, now she is going to the school and "showing off" the fresh cuts to other 8th graders. Obviously, the school is concerned, she went from cute, bubbly and happy, to wearing all black, etc in a matter of a year! I don't understand what I am doing wrong. Inside, I feel like this is a phase, that will pass, but I have read otherwise. If you have done hospitalization, and intense therapy and nothing works.....what do I do next? HELP!!!!!
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Name: barbara | Date: Jan 16th, 2006 11:51 AM
You have to get behind the cutting. You have to figure out why she's cutting, once you alleviate that issue, getting her to stop will be easier. I am anorexic and last year it got so severe, that i started cutiing myself. By taking care of my issues, and anorexia, the cause of my cutting, i have been successfully able to stop cutting. it alseo sounds like she is suffering from depression. There are a lot of meds that really help- and don't be embarrassed to ask. Tell your daughter it's very common and the success rate is very high of curing the cutting. But first you have to figure out the underlying cause- my guess is that is due to depression.

an 18-year old who suffered a lot yet still came out on top!(tell this to your daughter. tell her i am praying for her) 

Name: Cheri | Date: Jan 16th, 2006 8:51 PM
I have a 15 yr old daughter who has been cutting for a couple of years. She uses whatever is available to "cut" on her arms, legs, stomach. Not too deep, but enough to scar. We didn't know what to do when we first learned about this. We tried discipline, started her on anti-depressants and took her to a counselor that specialized in teens. She refused to talk and answered all questions with "yes," "no" or "I don't know." It was very frustrating! I eventually learned that "I don't know" meant probably yes. Anyway, we stopped taking her as she refused to cooperate. The cutting continued. This last November, she was hospitalized for 10 days for suicidal ideations. She admitted to being depressed and was finally okay with medications and counseling. It was very difficult. Still is. She's better, I think. But she's still not very willing to talk to us for whatever reason. I think she pretends to take her meds. I used to think all this was a phase. Not anymore. It's serious - a cry for help, even if she doesn't realize it. Continue to take her to therapy and talk to her if she'll let you. Otherwise, just tell her you are there for her and always will be. I know it hurts, but I'm starting to realize that there's only so much you can do. Hang in there. 

Name: Sandy | Date: Jan 17th, 2006 6:06 PM
Cheri,
Thanks so much for the hopeful response. I seem to feel we are both in the same "boat". Your line about "there is only so much you can do" is pretty much where I am right now. Thanks again for letting me know there are others out there just like me! 

Name: stephanie | Date: Jan 21st, 2006 1:08 AM
sandy
your doing nothening wrong its her maybe she is going throgh a drepressing time or maybe the boy she loves is beening mean just have a talk to her and see what she has to say 

Name: bex | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 3:56 PM
im 13 and i have plenty of friends that cut... dont worrie... even i have needed theropy, but i got ok when everyone BUTTED OUT! 

Name: craig | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 5:57 PM
tell her to stop cuttin her self and give her wat she wants tell her that u will get her any thin if she stops cutting herself 


Name: heather | Date: Feb 4th, 2006 7:50 AM
That whole middle school age is a very confusing time, that's actually when i strarted cutting. I'm 17 and have long since grown out of it but i just thought you might like to know that even though it seems shocking and odd to you...its really not all that uncommon. Through middle school A LOT of the other girls cut, not just friends of mine but girls i didn't even hang out with. Some are just a little more discreate than others. The fact that she shows them off is actually reassuring in a way, it means shes either just doing this to be cool, or it's a cry for help. If its the cool factor she'll probably realize just how uncool it is by her sophmore year in high school (at the latest) and if she wants help, well you can give it too her. I strongly recomend getting her on antidepressents. When you're a young teenage girl sometimes every problem just seems huge, anti depressents can help her cope. I'm very thankful my parents got me on them, and they're glad too they said after i started taking them that "they're little girl was comeing back" ....Also the whole goth thing she'll probably get over by highschool as well, for some reason when your 13 it seems 'cool' to hate life. I for one, look back to when i was a little gothic middle school girl who cut herself and i don't even recongnize her anymore. im sure ur daughter will grow outa it. 

Name: connor | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 4:15 PM
take her on a trip 4 a weak by her self and realy treat her and chek if shes being bullyd 

Name: I been there | Date: Feb 9th, 2006 1:21 PM
I am 19 almost 20 I been there and I have done that I will say that I have been to therapy and evey thing I was told by some it was for attention to stop but I had really no clue I was doing it my mind will go blank and I will come too and I'd feel it under my jacket and look and there it was.. I was finally told that I had what is called multi personality but it comes out when things stessed me way too much I got it fixed up and I am fine. I have a son and I look at those scars and think that one day when he gets older he'll ask what is that from and I can't tell him that I did it my self and I got to I can't lie tell her that one day she'll have kids and look at them years down the road (especcaly if they are big nasty and bad looking ones) that she'll look at them and wish they were not there because she is 20 30 what ever and they are still there I know and am positive she'll say I don't care but in her mind she will and well That sometimes works. Good luck 

Name: to sandy | Date: Feb 9th, 2006 4:23 PM
It's like anorexia. Find a specialist who deals in cutting. If in US contact Dr. Phil 

Name: Karen | Date: Feb 9th, 2006 4:32 PM
Self-injury, particularly cutting, is a secret plague among young people across the country as a way to cope with inner turmoil. Some burn themselves. Some hit. Most cut. They say it eases their emotional pain, clears their minds or calms them down.
Some use cutting as self-punishment. Others do it to assert control when everything seems to be spiraling out of control.

Anorexia is similar disordered state of mind.

Cutting, or self-injury is common among those who are afflicted with some mental disorders, like bipolar, severe depression, borderline personality, schizophrenia, anxiety, PTSD, and also among those who have experienced severe trauma, like abuse or sexual molestation. What all these disorders or illnesses have in common is they all cause the sufferer to experience extremely deep, horrific internal turmoil, anguish and pain. Some, who are able to verbalize their thoughts on cutting, have said that the pain caused by the razor blade changes the focus of the pain to something external, something that can be seen ... and dealt with. A distraction, if only temporary, from the incurable internal pain. There's an old joke about a fellow who is complaining endlessly about a toothache. His fed-up wife finally stomps on his foot. As he hops around tending to his wounded foot, she says, "Now that old tooth doesn't hurt as much, does it?"

Find a specialist who really knows what they are doing not just ordinary therapist. 

Name: lilpoppab | Date: Feb 11th, 2006 2:38 AM
I THINK IF SHE WANTS TO BE A BIG HOT SHOT LET HER .SHE' S LIVIN HER LIFE NOT YOURS SO LET HER NO THAT YOUR THERE FOR HER ,IF YOU NEED ANYTHING EMAIL ME ILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO .HAVE A NICE WEEKEND.... 

Name: emerald | Date: Feb 11th, 2006 1:07 PM
your daughter is probably just trying to get attention 

Name: kirsty | Date: Feb 12th, 2006 11:43 AM
i dont know much but i am 13years old and i used to cut my self and had to go to hospital to get stiches i did it for 2years
i did it because i was getting bullied and i was upset no one to talk to.so try asking her all of these and try talking to her if this doesnt work i dont know what will 

Name: ive done it | Date: Feb 12th, 2006 4:50 PM
Hi im 17 years old and i was cutting my self from the age of 12 cause of my step dad beeting me and noone believeing me ( my own family). my cuts were deep and depresing and my family tried everything to make me stop , but the more they tried the more i did it. when i hit the age of 15 there was kids in school who were called ( swetys ) who just did it for fun and pain cause of the things they watched on the tv - slipnot ect. but i aint saying that your daughters doing it for that. there could be somone shes against in the family or someone she truley likes but cant have , but 1 day she will relise what shes been doing to her self like i did and things will go back to normal. but it will take time. rite now you just need to act normal around her .... dont act paniky or upset infront of her cause it will make her want to do it more. trust me ive been threw it all. And going to the hospital and making her talk to strangers will just get her angry and tempted. all she needs is someone to talk to who she truley trusts and can talk to in a normal chilling way. But dont think strate away that the person is you cause it aint always apart of the family who they believe in.just give her some space and time to think threw.
just sit down and think of the people she hans around with at school or after school cause they could always be the ones that got her into this. but dont think it is strate away cause it mite not be. I realy do hope things will turn out good for you and your daughter and if you ever need to talk im always here for you .
but if enything does seriously get to you just tex or phone me - 07747399536. i mite only be 17 but ive been threw it for 5 years and at the end i got threw it by myself. and ive always got the time to chat to you about enything take care x x x Rhiannon x x x 

Name: Aaron | Date: Feb 14th, 2006 3:54 PM
Lol Dont panic your daughter is a goth ! Goths enjoy the darker side of life death blood etc........ Goths are like depressed but their not really depressed their like uhhhhhhh So cutting herself is sort of a gothic thing you cant make her stop, she'll stop it herself when shes done with this goth thing, its just a fase belive me im an emo personally ( Goth / Punk ). 

Name: Andi | Date: Feb 14th, 2006 7:52 PM
I have friends who cut themselves. I don't know why they want to because they have great lives. people vut themselves because they can't deal with things well so they try to get rid of the pain. Maby there is somthing going on in her life that you need to talk to her about.

or she proably has friends who do it. Thats what happened with my friends one had problems and she cut herself and was anorexic but she got over it and now she is back into it again her and our other friend now cut themselves and cover it up when they go to church! come home and do it again. its there way of dealing with ther emotions.

your doughter might have depression like my sister did. always feeling sad. try possibally getting her on some pills for that.
aslo try getting everyone close to her that know about the problem. People she tespects and loves to tell her to stop, 

Name: michelle | Date: Feb 18th, 2006 5:03 AM
maybe you should be the one to talk to her and tell her how much you care about her and dont want to lose maybe she fills like shes not wanted and she needs someone that sh can trust to talk to and maybe should tell her not to hang with the kind of people that shes hanging with maybe that is a problem to 

Name: Deb | Date: Feb 19th, 2006 1:52 AM
Have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder. Some of the things your daughter is doing, sounds like the syptoms related to this. I would suggest getting her into major therapy with a phychiatrist who knows what they are doing. Although I'm no expert. Just dealing with ADHD and Bi-polar illness junk in my house. 

Name: need help | Date: Feb 20th, 2006 6:46 AM
its complicated i know i am 13 but yt still i used to cut myself and i have been persuade to stop... its simple at least it wa sfor me get her friends to help her through any rough emotions trust me talking to youe child never works my mom has tried or have her sister talk to her and she might actuall put sence into her if that doesnt work ask her "who do u look up to" and whoever she may say that you think is the best influence try to get them to talk to her and ask her why she does cut have them ask her about her feelins because if you try to go directly to your child she'll turn your advice away i did when my mom found out that i did it well best of luck to you and just keep that in mind that if you go to her directly she WON'T listen to you 

Name: confuzed 16 year old | Date: Feb 21st, 2006 3:38 AM
i dont get it i have two friends (one older and one younger) and they both cut themselfs i am constantaly telling them that cutting dose not solve anything and that i think thaey should stop. i know its kind of not my busness but im conserned i dont know what to say or do to make them stop.....about 5 minuts ago i was just on the phone with one she said she was doing it now and i asked her to stop but she said she dident care what happended and that she was going through alot (BF issue) and i told her that i understand she is upset but it isnt solving anything cuting herself she still said she dident care..this is where im woried...i told her i dident want to hang out with a person that is trying to talk away there 1 chance at life and that i couldent take it if she got seriosly hurt so i said goodbye...and hung up the phone.....i know i cant do much only being 15 and not even related to the person but something tels me i need to help......im so lost and confuzed and posting on here (no offence) makes me feal like the bigest pansy in the world but i needed to express my opinion to someone and see if someone might have some advice. 

Name: confused 16 year old | Date: Feb 21st, 2006 3:40 AM
not that its important but incase you dident figure it out im a guy and the 2 freinds are girls.... 

Name: natasha | Date: Feb 23rd, 2006 12:17 AM
my sister is goin thought cuting her room i think you dughter has turn goth like me , she might be cuting her shelf for atachon or becase she has been sressed its best to walk in on her doing it betend to cry and walk away she will see you up set at her and hopefuly stop. i not sayin it will work but it might , i no ya lisson to a 13 year old but i was up set when my sister was doin it and sill is :( natasha xx good luck 

Name: Jade | Date: Feb 23rd, 2006 12:46 AM
i dont no how u are feeling beause im 15 and have no kids but if it was my own child i wud be worried i have 2mates that do it and i carnt name names but they have started doing it less now they have relised 

Name: Hana | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 8:04 AM
maybye you should just sit down and talk to her, ask her why she is doing it then if she does not say, tell her it is serios. and she could kill herself. You MUST talk to her. 

Name: guardian angel | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 5:14 PM
you should ask her if anybody did something to her and if she denies try to ask her friends who were like her (cute, bubbly,and happy) what had happened to her before she became that way if none of that works then ask yourself what she has been doing lately maybe she has been giving you a sign of something that has occured in her life you have to understand that its her teenage years and kids today are hard on each other and often do things to each thinking it's fun but it actually harms that person mentally. 

Name: kymberly | Date: Feb 27th, 2006 1:50 AM
As a 13 year old myself i know what shes going through. I've been through it and so have my friends. You have to talk to her and find out whys shes cutting. Maybe its for attention or guilt. You cant help fix it until you know whys she's doing it 

Name: lena | Date: Feb 28th, 2006 1:20 AM
i think u should just sit down with her and talk or show her why its bad for her to cut. i use to cut in the past but got over it cause think before u do something ur not just gonna hurt urself youll hurt everyone around u i hope i helped. 

Name: mark | Date: Feb 28th, 2006 8:44 PM
hi im just like u im 14 and i need to stop i learned thar people care and that they love u and u should stop its not hurting u phycicaly but meantly and hurting the people i will help u stop me and u can do it together
your new friend mark 

Name: sonia | Date: Feb 28th, 2006 10:40 PM
I did this as a young adult. I am now 27 have four kids and a wonderful husband who fights with me all the time like all happy couples do. I stopped cutting when I got pregnant with my first daughter because I felt like God loved me and trusted me and I had to make myself better for my child. I was sixteen at the time I started cutting at 13. The thing I wanted most was my mothers love, touch, attension, compassion. I wantted to be the baby in her womb again. instead she responded with anger. don't do this to your daughter. the best thing to do is show her continually that you love her no matter what and you will still love and accept her even if she continues to cut. this is the type of love God gives us and it is nice to recieve from our parents too. She needs attension positive attension give it to her don't even come to the computer any more stay with your daughter. I say this only because it is what I needed at the time. The cutting is the symptom of something deeper get close to her so she will show what is hurting her so bad. be presistant. pray. Don't worry about the cutting she will not die focus on her real needs. God bless you and your daughter. 

Name: tina | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 4:02 PM
my daughter did the same thing we did nothing but try and deal with the problems that were greater now she is 16 seventeen in may she cuts when she needs the attention of it but I dont give it the power she wants it to have. What I do do is to deal with the actual problems that is giving her the feeling that she needs that attention. the boyfriend she had now is a good one and if or when she does it she gets disaproval from him which helps. It has gotten to be less and less. My daughter started doing the cutting thing when the movie thirteen came out which I believe is the worse thing that a young emotional child could ever watch!!!!!!!! I believe cutting got worse after that in the girls peer group. Right now I am dealing with the bad friend deal. I feel overwhelmed too why is it so hard. As a trouble teen myself I believe that we all get thru it as long as they know that we love them forever. It is the times unfortunatly and we are having a hard time as parents to deal. But someday no matter what they say they will return the loving daughters we once had as long as we stick thru it for them be strong even when you feel like falling apart. 

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