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My husband joined the Navy and we moved from Arizona to VIRGINIA!!! I left my 19 year old son in good hands back home with family and friends. Not by choice, but because of many circumstances (to much to summarise). It broke my heart to leave him, I felt so much pain and guilt. I prayed and cried allot for guidence and what to do about my son, by the way his name is Caleb. I kept asking God, "Why Virginia?" Each time I prayed my answer was clear, "Go to Virginia" Thats it! Just plain and simple, "Go to Virginia"! Puzzled, I continued to pray, but this time my question became, "what is best for Caleb?" And again my answer was very clear, "Caleb will be fine, call Eric Eaves", So.... I did! Erice Eaves is a very good friend to my son and has been a really great example to him. Caleb is now staying with Eric and his gracious, lovely wife, and kids. Since I left my son is doing really well and is now preparing to go on a mission for our church, which is a complete 180 from when I left. When I left Arizona things were really rocky between Caleb and I. It seemed like no matter what I did he always seemed to be angry with me. For years now, looking back, he always seemed to be that way toward me. When he was a baby there were little signs of it, and as he got older they seemed to just keep getting worse. Finally in his early teens I could not reach him at all. Caleb and Ashley (my 17 year old daughter) were my whole life for a very long time. I was a single mom for 10 years before marrying again and having another child (whom I love dearly). I was a good mom, not perfect, but I loved my kids more than anything and I did my very best! I wish I could have done some things differently, but for the most part I tried really hard. Mostly what I gave my kids was lots of love (lots of hugs and kisses) and I tried to help them to become good people. The time has gone by so fast, it just got away from me. I have been in Virginia now for 9 months. Being here in Virginia has been a wonderful experience! I have made so many new friends here and I love it here. I am a Sunday School Teacher for new members of our church and I teach them (more like we have a discussion) about simple gospel principals - I love to teach! I am also a missionary and spend my time serving people in my area. I have never had these opportunities before, and I know I am here for a reason. I came here strictly by faith and now I know why. So, I now, know that both Caleb and I are where we are supposed to be, and we both are progressing in amazing ways. However, I am sad that we could not accomplish this together. I have a good son, but he is so distant from me. He never calls me, except on rare occasion. I miss him sooooo very much, and I love him so much it hurts. I cry allot (over Caleb) since I have been here in Virginia, because I miss him so much. It almost feels like the little boy that I once hugged, and squeezed, and kissed all the time has died. And, sometimes the greiving that I go through feels like I have lost him. I spoke with him tonight and could not find the words. We struggled through our conversation and I could tell he did not want to be on the phone with me. I just don't know what to do anymore? I don't know how to talk to him, he just isn't interested and I just want him to know how much I love him and miss him. I want him to be happy more than anything, and I want to have a close relationship, but I just don't know what to do. Maybe I just need to stop calling and bothering him... I just don't want to give up! I am affraid of loosing him forever, or that if I don't call he will think I don't love him. I have learned to cope with my sadness and I turn to serving others and lots of prayers to keep me going. I have been truly blessed since I have been here, and my son is becoming the young man I had always known he could be. In many ways this has been good for us, it just hurts so much to not see him, but I know it is best for now. My heart is broken for my son, yet full of love for life. I cried again tonight.... I am sure it won't be the last time. ↓
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