My teenage boy (15) has took a major turn this year. Before he was bullied alot, he would always come home crying, or upset. He was sort of 'my boy' for all of his jr. high years. He never got along with the other kids and was interested in just video games. In the end of grade 9 he stopped, well hanging around with me and it really hurt. This year (his grade 10 year-first year of high school) He's took a major change. He seems to have made ALOT of friends! and is really involved with his new and first girl friend.
It's like I don't know him anymore. He get's up in the morning says good bye and is out the door, and I don't see him till supper which is the only hour I talk to him. He always just anwsers me "yes" "no" "ok" or "meh" in our conversations. Then he does his homework and is out with friends till his bed time.
Now he's listing to Mettlica and is involved with a high school rock band! I don't like Mettlica the band I think it might turn him evil.
What can I do? He's falling away...I try to talk to him...I ask him if he's doing drugs and he assured me he hates that stuff and he'd never try it in his life. And I've asked around the community and they say he doesn't hang with that crowd.
What can I do? High School has really hit our family hard? ↓
|
|
| Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 19th, 2006 1:35 PM |
| Metallica is NOT going to turn your son EVIL!!! Maybe hes telling you the truth about no drugs.......maybe not.Hes 15 YOU are the parent. I find it a little strange that he pretty much went from hanging with you and a good relationship to being gone most of the time and rarely saying 2 words to you.That leads me to believe that there may be more going on with him than what you know.I wouldnt rule out drug/alcohol use by any means.He is being disrespectful to you.Dont allow him to stay gone all those hours,especially not til bedtime.If hes really doing nothing wrong,then it should be easy to convince him that he needs to be home at a certain time in the evening and it wouldnt hurt for him to spend some time with you either.If it angers him,hes probably up to something he shouldnt be doing.Tell him you want him home by 8pm on school nights,this way you have a couple of hours to visit with him before bed.On week-ends,(fri-sat)give him a midnight curfew. Have him invite his new (friends) over so you can meet them and get a better feel for WHO they are and WHAT they're about.Usually your natural instincts will kick in and tell you if these (friends) are good or bad so have your son invite them over a few times.If they dont want to come or your son doesnt want them to come,thats a red flag somethings up.Dont judge a book by its cover but at the same time let your gut tell you if these friends are descent or not.If they come over,talk to them,get to know them.Just because your son has friends now doesnt mean he has the right to cut you out cold turkey and I wouldnt let him do it. Tell him sundays are yours no ifs ands or buts,thats your time with him,he can at least give you that and spend 2-3 evenings a week with you at least a couple of hours having REAL conversation.If he has homework have him do it before he goes out and still make him be home by 8 on weeknights that way hes got time to visit you before bed.Remember,YOU are the parent and he is still in school,YOU rule,NOT him. Take control before you lose it completely for good.See how his grades are and if they are worse than before.That would be another indication hes up to no good.Take control. ↑ |
| Name: Samantha, 2 boys | Date: Apr 19th, 2006 4:38 PM |
| Bonnie I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. In fact I am happy for your son. Look at most kids in high school- they don't want to hang with mom anymore. Sounds like he has some good friends and he found something he feels a part of (Rock band) Oh ya and don't worry about him listening to Metalicca either, it sounds like your son just wants a little room to grow. I don't think he is being awful or disrespectfull- He's just being a kid! You should be happy that he made some friends, sounds like this is the most fun he has had in school. He had some rough years of high school it sounded like and know he is enjoying it. Would you rather him, just slouch around home all day hanging by himself? Or making new friends, and being happy! You sound like a good mother, just relax your kid is fine!! ↑ |
| Name: Boonie | Date: Apr 19th, 2006 11:52 PM |
| Thanks for the advice everyone. I made a trip to to his high school counsler just to ask how she thinks he's doing. I was suprised in a good way! He had a life behind my back but it had nothing to do with drugs or anything like that!!! :) Infact he's making honors and is involved in alot of clubs. I never knew he liked art, but I got to see his art teacher. His art work was beatiful I was shocked!!!It was amazing and the art teacher said he's doing really well. ↑ |
| Name: Samantha | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 12:02 AM |
| I'm happy for you, Take a deep breath drink a cold beer and pat yourself one the back for raising one hell of a son! He sounds great! Thanks for the update and good luck! ↑ |
| Name: just me | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 2:13 AM |
Yea u half to realize teens will be teens...it's normal to feel you want to help them, but it's a tuff road. You can't walk with your kid all down the hall way in high school (well u could but something tells me he wouldn't be populer for that lol) And u havlf to remember maslows higharchy of needs.
You as the parent are important, you give them the foundation; food, shelter, nessesides, and even technology and money for the aesthetics. Once you give them the foundation it's up to them to get self actualized! ↑ |
| Name: ginny | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 2:36 AM |
I came on here looking for advice on my 17 year old son (soon 18) and found your letter. I know this is completely serious, but your letter made me laugh. First, I have to say, it's true, the teenage years are murder (so it's easier to let go, maybe), and your son is most likely in the middle of his "ugly" phase. He was also Mom's boy for too long, and it's a good thing that he's discovering the real world and other friends - let him fly. Try to be supportive, not suffocating.
But the part that makes me laugh is that I'm actually friends with one of the members of Metallica, and he is such a generous, grounded, and wonderful person, that I wish more of our children could have his heart and talent. Please don't think that the band will turn anyone evil - if anything, these guys will be more of a bridge to international understanding and enlightenment than some tight-ass, narrow-minded political figurehead. A worse scenario, I would think, would be having your son turn out to be a REPUBLICAN!
Anyway, good luck with your son, and remember to look at the bigger picture and not just believe everything you see or hear. ↑ |
| Name: To Ginny | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 3:11 AM |
| Not to sound skeptical, but are you pulling my leg, your friends with a member of Mettlica. What member is it? just wondering Im a BIG meatal head and Love Metallica. ↑ |
| Name: ginny | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 3:55 AM |
| hello my skeptical friend, I'm happy to report, it's true! I'm not a BS type of person. Anyway, I'm in Hawaii and know Kirk Hammond from surfing. He has also become the best friend of one of my best friends, and he has been incredibly good to my buddy and those around him. It's hard to believe, but even the superstars are just people. Hey, I can't get you an autograph, but I'll be happy to sign.... (I'm funny, too, huh?) ↑ |
| Name: tiffany | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 4:10 AM |
| well thats one thing we have in common im bs person . ↑ |
| Name: danan | Date: Jun 27th, 2006 2:41 AM |
| RELAX NORAMLE MINE IS DOING THE SAME THING ALL TEENS BOYS DO THAT PRAY THAT DOESNT GET A GIRL PG AND THAT HE DEOSNT DO DRUGS THEN I WOULD WORRY TILL THAT TIME RELAX ↑ |
| Name: smoothbabytouch | Date: Feb 8th, 2008 10:08 PM |
| Oh man, thats horrible! Even though studies say listening to heavy metal can make you smarter and a better person, you're a real jerk! if you were my mom i would leave you for another man too. ↑ |
|
|
