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Name: Amy
[ Original Post ]
ok. so i'm 14. and i cut. i just don't see what the big deal is. my parents totally flipped out when they heard, but i don't see what the big deal is. i mean, they're the ones that make me so stressed out anyways, so why should this suprise them? my mom CRIED. if i were them, i'd be happy. at least i'm not taking it out on them. plus, my stress and anger goes away way faster when i cut. so why do parents frek out about it so much?!?
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Name: donna | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 5:29 AM
because they care. 

Name: Jenni | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 5:52 AM
ya really.
I mean their OLD and everyone knows that OLD people don't know ANYTHING.
Why do parents always think they can see things their kids can't? It's not like kids are stupid. I bet kids know A LOT more then their parents think they do, even some things even THEY don't know.
I mean, it's like if YOU tried to tell a 3 year old not to run out in the street, like you thought that you knew more then that 3 year old! But that 3 year old knows that the street is solid, it's not like they are going to fall through or anything, that's toddler stuff, and they know A LOT more now that they are preschool. They know that running out in the middle of the street isn't going to hurt them. They know that they can run real well without falling down, and they've run out in the middle of the street before without getting hurt. So it's not like YOU know better then they about running out in the middle of the street.

BAM!!

Car just hit that 3 yr old that didn't know 'what the big deal' was , thought they knew it all and couldn't get hurt and that you didn't know what you were talking about.

Maybe your parents can see things you can't because they lived life longer, just like you saw something that 3 yr old couldn't because you lived longer. You think you get more stupid as you grow older?

Try this on for size. Are you more stupid then you were when you were 12? Or do you know things now about life that you didn't know then? How about when you were 7? Did you know more about life when you were 7?
Well if you're getting smarter, what makes you think that you're parents aren't getting smarter too. Just because you don't understand everything that they do? Or is it because they make mistakes too. Well you make mistakes don't you? It doesn't mean you're not smarter then a 7 yr old does it?

It's not that you DON'T see the big deal (and that is true too) but more that you CAN'T see the big deal that you need to pay attention to your parents. You don't know everything. If you did, you wouldn't be asking anyone questions about anything.

Or would you rather they let you run in the street to risk getting hit by a car just because you don't think they know what they are talking about.

How 'bout learning a more mature and adult way of dealing with stress and anger? Then you can live a long and healthy life.

Or
you can choose to ignore them and get hit by that car. 

Name: JenCarpeDiem | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 7:28 PM
You already know exactly why it's a big deal, otherwise you wouldn't bother posting here.

Figure out why you cut, and stop. It's as simple as that. It's going to leave you with scars that you'll be covering up for the rest of your life - just like mine did. It's not fun and it's NOT worth it, if there was one thing I could change it would be the cutting. I'm now considering plastic surgery (on my entire right forearm and right calf) to have the scars removed. It's not worth it. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 9:14 PM
It's not a big deal that you "cut" yourself - because you're obviously not hurting yourself physically. What you're doing is psychological, and it's sick. It's attention seeking and manipulative. That's why it is a big deal. Unfortunatly for everyone around you there is nothing to fix it... if you go to a therapist that will only make it worse, because that's more attention and money being spent on you. If they send you to a psych hospital it will only reinforce the fact that you're "depressed" and "stressed" and above all "special", which you obviously are not. The sad thing is that being infamous gets you just as much attention as being famous... and if you can't be the best then adolescents sometimes opt instead to be the worst. Just remember that even scratches leave scars and you'll be explaining those to your children later on in life.

I would be sympathetic if your tone had been a little more serious, but I can absolutly tell you are in no danger whatsoever. I did the exact same thing you did when I was an adolescent and it doesn't work. I switched to drugs and alcohol and landed myself doing some serious jail time.... oh, and by the way, none of that worked either. Now I am long past all of that and still have the scars - most of which are now covered by tattoos - that my children will see everyday. So just give it up and get good grades.... you'll probably get more attention for a 4.0 GPA then you will for doing this. 

Name: Rachel | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 2:20 PM
Because cutting is very dangerous. One of these days you could possibly go across a main vein and won't be able to stop the bleeding and you could die. Plus cutting lowers your immune system because you could get infections.
I understand that the reason why people cut is because they are losing control of something in their life and they feel that cutting is their way to control SOMETHING - pain, bleeding, etc. My advice, instead of mutilating yourself and leaving scars that could possibly scare away anyone that you might be interested later on in life, find a different outlet for your anger/sadness. There is plenty of other things that you can do like kickboxing or something that you can just get out all your aggressions on. Maybe even make a friend or if you have a friend that you can call when you feel the need to cut to talk to and yell and scream at - just to get it all out but not hurt yourself in the process.
Good luck! and please stop cutting!!! 

Name: twostepsback | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 3:03 PM
Don't be so ignorant.
Your parents OBVIOUSLY care what you're doing and how you're donig.
Of course they're going to be worried about you.
you should think about why you do these things and try to stop.
you know why they think its a big deal.
grow up and start using your brain. 


Name: Serina S | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 3:58 PM
If I is no big deal for you then STOP doing it. Cutting is a sign of a seriuos problem! If this is the way you feel better you need help.
My girl friend daughter cut her self and kept cutting deeper & deeper as time when by . She would not get help One day My friend came home and found her daughter almost dead ..she lost so much blood. She was in the hospital for weeks ansd is now getting the help she needs. Oh she alos had infections in old cuts onher stomic. this is so DANGERIOUS!!
Talk to your folks tell them what stresses you out and that you want help.
Please get help
Blessings toyouho and I hope you try and do the right thing!!! 

Name: Lockedup | Date: Aug 19th, 2006 1:56 AM
Amy please give me your email addy I'm writing a book I wouldn't mind getting some insight from you about why u cut... 

Name: Steph | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 1:49 PM
your parents are so upset that you do this because they love you even though i know you probabily dont think so they sure do ... parents have a strange way of showing emotion they dont want you gone evn though they might make you feel it they dont... promise you ... they care they just dont have the capacity to show it (from personal experience i know my father is the same)... if you dont mind me asking why do you do it? is it because of them or other things (sometimes we blame the people closest to us cause we know that it will hurt them too)... hit me back! 

Name: stacie7924 | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 9:12 AM
parents freak out about it because you are there baby they dont understand it and they dont get what u are doing and if your not careful and using the wong thing u can make a big mistake its not the best way to vent your anger and if u can u should try and stop and find another way of letting it out comming from a cutter myself i know 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 9:11 PM
Nicole,if I may ask ,what exactly did you do time for? And how much time did you do? And how old were you? 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 9:25 PM
11 months (part of which was in a locked-down rehab and treatment center... about 6 straight months of it was actually in a correctional facility)... and it was for unlawful possesion of a controlled substance and some pretty erratic and dangerous behavior causes by a bad drug withdrawl... I was pretty nutty. I was 13. 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 9:29 PM
I've been to jail since (last year) when I relapsed (started drinking again)... those arrest were for assault, the victim of which was my ex-husband. I'm 18 now.... and am very much sober and don't plan to do any more drinking, drugging, or jail time ever again. It's definitly not worth it. I'll have 6 months sober on the 7th of December (after getting sober at 13 I had 1 year, had a short one day relapse, and then was sober for another 2 years before relapsing again.) 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 10:13 PM
Geez Nicole,do you realize that you have gone through more stuff by age 18 than most of us do in a lifetime? I really hope you have a much calmer future! Thanks for filling me in though,I appreciate it! :) I hope the man you are soon to marry is really (the right one) for you and you have a happy and enjoyable life together! Do you think you will be working again after you have the baby? Or will you be a stay at home mom? And did all those things from your past go on your permanent record possibly making it difficult for you to get a job or is it not on your record because you were underage? Sorry to be so nosey but i was just curious,hope you don't mind? 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 24th, 2006 10:46 PM
The type of job that I do (I'm a criminal defense / personal injury paralegal) isn't one that needs a background check or anything. Most attorneys care more about work experience and word-of-mouth than anything else, so if I wanted to work I could find a job in a heartbeat. Luckily I started doing that type of work at about 14 and never switched around much so I got really excellent at that one job (and also never had to work at McDonald's, lol). I'm not sure if a background check would show everything or not, I don't think anyone has done one on me... and I never thought to do one on myself (I could, through several of my previous bosses, just for fun.)

But I don't think I'm going to ever work again, at least not in the near future. I like staying at home and just doing the traditional housewife thing. I don't have anything against women who want to work - but I personally have an issue with working and being a mother.... again, that's just my thing. Lucky for me Paul feels exactly the same and we don't have the financial need for it. I am glad that the option is open though, I think that women should at least have something to fall back on in the "worst case scenerio," and I do have that. A lot of people would assume that because I am so young I don't have the experience or job opportunity that a 25 or 30 year old would have... but I DID take those things into consideration before deciding to get into the situation I'm in now. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 12:41 AM
Thanks for replying again Nicole! They say God puts us all through different things for different reasons although we sometimes may never understand why. You seem to be a very smart girl for as young as you are and I'm sure glad you are moving along the right path now.Maybe it took you to go through the things you have to get to the point you are now,but in a way i guess you could be glad to get to this point so early in life!? Most people who go through what you have usually go on to live out miserable,lonely lives. But you turned yourself around and made life good! Pat yourself on the back for doing this because you certainly deserve it! Have you ever considered being a drug and alcohol counselor? You should give it some thought,you could probably help alot of people since you have been on the other side and know what it takes to change your life. It's just a thought!? 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 7:46 PM
I've thought about it, and I've been a guest speaker at a few local treatment centers half a dozen times. Maybe when my babies are all grown up I'll take a career U turn and go back to school - who knows?

And I am very glad that everything in my life worked out exactly as it did. I know that there are several people (on this board included) who have a huge issue with the decisions that I've made - but I know what's working for me. I will still have a lot of life to live after my kids all graduate and being a young involved mom is really important to me. Without all that experience I wouldn't be in a position now to be settled and raising my kids already - so everything does happen for a reason. I am actually lucky that I got all of that out of the way early because had I started drinking at 21 then I could have been 30 before I got to where I am now. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 7:56 PM
Smart girl you are Nicole! I wish you and your family lots of happiness! Can I ask you something else? Do you still have cravings to drink or do drugs? Or do those feelings really seem to go away once you have found happiness and are content in your life? I know you are involved in A.A.,do you have to be in order to stay away from drinking and drugging or could you do just as well without it? Again,i was just wondering.Thanks for your reply! :) 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 8:24 PM
I am a huge AA Big Book thumper... lol. (That's the big blue book that is at the heart of the program). I honestly don't believe that, aside from AA, there is any way to ensure that someone will stay sober. I've just never seen it work any other way for a true alcoholic - and I've seen AA work for people who were the lowest of the low street level junkies (who are now sober, happy, succesful, loving, spiritual people).

It's sort of hard to explain how the program works to someone who isn't familiar with it - but the process of completing the steps brings a different sort of freedom with each one. We call them "the promises". Almost without a doubt, if you've done them completely, by step 10 the promises inlcude a release from the addiction. It says in the book:

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition." (pg. 84)

That's what the book says - and what happened for me - and I've never met anyone else that it didn't work for (assuming they worked for it.) AA isn't some cult or brainwashing program - it is a way to a spiritual life. We don't get sober on some ritual of a certain number of meetings, a certain chanted prayer, or a certain traditional format... we don't even get sober by showing up every day, drinking coffee and smoking a bunch of cigarettes, or sticking to strictly AA friendships.... all of those things are just sort of things that we happen to do. All sobriety (literal and emotional) is is a direct reflection of our connection with our Higher Power today. It's pretty simple. More God... more sober... less God... and we drink... lol.

That being said - going to meetings is part of practicing the steps and I'll definitly be doing it for the rest of my life. The program devides itself into three sections (that's why our symbol is a triangle inside of a circle) -
UNITY (the fellowship, the friendship, the meetings, relating to other alocholics.),
SERVICE (chairing meetings, donating a couple dollars here and there, driving someone to a meeting, helping someone pay an overdue light bill, etc.), and
RECOVERY (the actual working of the steps and your personal relationship with God.)

Soooo... I guess that's the entire "not so short" version of why I go there and how it works. Pretty cool stuff. I know I get a little carried away when I talk about it - but that's part of what keeps me sober, too. lol. Hope that answered your question. 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 8:30 PM
And I know that was horribly long... but I just want to add that recovering alcoholics, in my oppinion, actually have a better outlook on life and moral conviction because for anyone else being an asshole just means people don't like you... but for us, if we don't live by spiritual principles eventually we'll get drunk and die. My friends (and parents, and brothers, and husband) are actually MORE loving, generous, and accepting than most "normies" (non-alcoholics) I know because we actually talk about it and practice it every day. It's wonderful stuff and I feel priviledged to raise my son in the program - just like I was raised. We're not disgusting dirty drunks and drug addicts, and we're not dangerous - contrary to some people's beliefs. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 8:46 PM
Thanks for your response Nicole! My husband is an alcoholic who has been to in patient re-hab 3 times in his life. He stayed sober for a short time after each stay and even attended A.A. afterwards but every time turned back to drinking. He has done his share of drugs too I hate to say. It's really strange that we are married. He parties and i don't! Although now that he's older he resorts to drinking at home instead of going out to bars. Right now he drinks and is also addicted to pain killers. I guess he just doesn't want to really stop and probably never will again until he is either too sick and bed ridden or it kills him,that's sad.If you want to add anything please be my guest,thanks for being here to talk to Nicole. 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 8:59 PM
I've never had to do that myself.... but I know several men who came into the program because their wives did exactly that same thing at the right moment... and they are wonderful loving fathers and husbands now. 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 25th, 2006 9:06 PM
I know it's a little backwards of me to say this to you... considering the age difference... but if you ever want to talk about it then I'd be more than happy. I know it's tough and it sucks because I've been on both ends (I've been the drunk raging bitch - and the wife finding her drunk husband passed out on a sidewalk somewhere without his paycheck.) 

Name: nicole miller | Date: Nov 26th, 2006 12:56 AM
Sorry I just have a second to reply - but nope, Paul is in AA as well (he's mostly a recovering drug addict though) and doesn't drink, so are my parents, and all my friends.... I have been around booze occasionally while sober - but since everyone I know is pretty much in AA I don't have cause to be around it very often. It doesn't bother me. 

Name: degrassigal121 | Date: Dec 8th, 2006 6:06 PM
Your parents freak because your behavior makes them feel that they have failed as parents. I realize that the rents can be a pain, but think of all they have done for you. Not just the big things, but all the meals, and toys, and make up and clothes. And the time they've spent, taking care of you when your sick or hurt. If all your mom did was, cry then you are lucky. Not all parents react in such a friendly way. My mom hit upside the head with a ruler, and grounded me for weeks. Get over your self. 

Name: Chikita | Date: Dec 22nd, 2006 9:14 PM
same here ... so at least sumone aggress with me hey if you wanna talk hit me up my email is ]]]]]] [email protected] 

Name: dannigirl | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 7:43 PM
i understand what you mean.i used to do it.it is soooo hard to talk about it.i cried about it.and i don't ever plan to tell anyone unless it gets really bad. 

Name: mystic1306 | Date: Dec 28th, 2006 4:25 PM
Your parents freak out so much because they love you, they gave birth to you, they watched you grow up, and they do not understand what has been going on to make you do this to yourself. I know you cut yourself becuase it is the only way you can feel anything and pain is better than nothing, I was you so I know how you feel. When I was at that stage in my life that was the ONLY thing that made me feel anything. So here is your answer, your parents do not know what is going on in your life to make you do this, so enlighten them. They are scared that there is something wrong that they can not fix. So why don't you lay off the weed, or the drinking, or whatever it is that is making you so numb and take a look at how and why you are living your life and what you are doing to the people who care for you. Let them know that you need more attention and acceptance and you might just be suprised at what you find. 

Name: yet_another_tear | Date: Jan 19th, 2007 3:38 PM
amen!!! I also cut and you dont see me in a damn grave do you?? It's a release of pain people!!!!!! Chill!!!
.:*Fallen Angel*:.
P.s. email me sometime peeps if you wanna talk!!!!!!
[email protected] 

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