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I just found out that my daughter has been having sex with her boyfriend. What should I do? ↓
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| Name: tattudemom | Date: May 8th, 2007 12:31 AM |
| I think it depends on how old she is. I mean 13 is a whole lot different than say 18. I'm not making light, believe me, but how you handle it depends on your manner of parenting up to this point. You could beat the slop out of her (j/k), get her some birth control, keep her away from the boyfriend, drag her to confession, sit them down and talk to them both about responsibility, call his parents, lock her in her room, etc. As for me personally, when I found out my oldest son was sexually active, I bought him condoms, talked to him about respecting his girlfriend, the emotional aspect, the diseases, pregnancy, etc and prayed he'd take it all into consideration. BTW, he was not quite 16. I knew at that point, short of locking him, up there was nothing I could do. He knows how I feel (which is that he wasn't doing it), but teenagers are going to do what they want. Better to make sure she's well informed and safe than think she'd just stop because you found out. ↑ |
| Name: worriedmom | Date: May 8th, 2007 8:51 PM |
| She is about to be seventeen years old, and she has been dating this guy for almost a year. I am still very confused as to how I want to handle this delicate situation. I really don't want to just tell her it's okay and forget about it. Please help... ↑ |
| Name: tattudemom | Date: May 8th, 2007 10:59 PM |
| You don't have to condone her behavior, but if you want her to be safe (knowing she'll probably keep on), you're going to have to get her on some form of birth control and strongly recommend condom use despite their lengthy relationship. You never know who he's slept with or if he's faithful. Let her know how you feel about it from every angle, religiously, emotionally, physically, as her mom, as her advocate/friend, and make her sit and listen, but also give her a chance to respond. Once you've done that, there really is nothing you can do except trust her. I'd let the boyfriend know full well that you know too. I told my son's girlfriend to her face that I knew what they were up to, but I'd known this girl for five years beforehand, so it wasn't as awkward talking to her. There is no easy solution. Do what you can and don't make it easy for them by leaving them at home alone, etc. Encourage her to be busy away from him by working, doing activities you know he won't be at, school, sports, stuff with you, church, whatever keeps her busy. She IS old enough to move out as soon as she turns 17 (in GA anyway), so there isn't much you can do to forbid her seeing him though. ↑ |
| Name: DAD | Date: May 15th, 2007 5:41 AM |
Well all i can say is me being a 14 year old myself....you should have a talk with her girl to girl maybe go out some-where have dinner...just dont go about it the wrong way other wise she will flip out saying all kinds of things like i new i couldnt talk to you this is why i didnt want to tell you in the first place...trust me i know,,,,,,
~~~monica~~~~this iz his 14 yr old daughter ↑ |
| Name: svetlana1 | Date: May 18th, 2007 3:01 PM |
Hi worriedmom,
My daughter just turned 16, my son 17. It's a great time in that I find I have more freedom (as do my kids), yet worrysome for the obvious reasons. Last Friday the kids, my two and company, were getting ready to go to a friend's house to watch movies etc. I was lying in the bath and this entire scenario of teenagers and sex was running through my mind, for about the thousandth time, and how complicated lives can become when things go wrong. So, I got dressed and called them over and gave them a 'pep' talk, for the thousandth time (to rolling eyes) - only this time I gave them an outline of reality. I said I knew that they would be sexually active whenever they felt it was right and that I hoped, although doubted, that they would address the issue with me before going ahead - if not me , someone else please. I also told them that I was 19 going 20 and still disappointed, for quite a long time - it takes the right relationship and partner for sex to be special. Also, mainly I emphasized to them that should they happen to fall pregnant (deseases being much worse), they would be tied, not only to the father of the child , but also his family - forever. Permanent implications of future relationships -a touch of reality - should they seperate and meet another person they will still remain tied to that family - should they meet a wonderful person from abroad they will not be able to leave their current country of residence without the father-of-the-child's consent (usually not given out of spite) - otherwise considered 'kidnapping'.
They need to see the reality long-term impact should things go sideways. They have friends from broken families and are aware of the tug-of-wars between parents regarding kids. I think they got the message - they seemed put off by the amount of permanent trouble as a result of Fun (?) on the other hand it may have just been my 'talk' that put that expression on their faces - but I'm pretty sure those boys stood no chance that night .....
Good Luck ↑ |
| Name: abrewster | Date: May 18th, 2007 8:14 PM |
| I just found out a week ago that my 16 year old daughter is pregnant! She will be 17 in the fall and the father will be 18, before the baby is born in December. I was pregnant at 16 and delivered after I turned 17 and my life has been fine, wouldn't change a thing. I have talked to my daughter non-stop about sex, not having it, using protection, etc. since she was 12. But of course being a teen and after dating her boyfriend for over a year they did have sex and even though they used protection she obviously got pregnant. Having been through the situation myself and having always had an open line of communication with my daughter made things much easier to handle. My husband & I were obvisously in shock, upset & dissappointed. I was with her when the doctor did the test and told her it was positive and I completely broke down as she sat there stunned and speechless. I quickly gained composure, hugged her, told her that I was upset and disappointed but I loved her and would support whatever decision she made 100% and that everything would be fine! Needless to say, our whole household was upset and crying the entire weekend but we are okay now. My daughter has decided to have and keep the baby. She is going to finish high school on time and even go ahead and start taking some college classes to get a jump start on her future. Her and the baby's Daddy are still together and both families have already sat down and had a discussion about what is expected of the teens as parents and what to expect as a parent. I handled the situation way better than my parents did, they kicked me out! Just talk to your daughter. You are her mother first, foremost and always, but she will appreciate you talking to her as a friend right now. You need to evaluate how you feel about her having sex and possible getting pregnant or worse. You need to talk to her calmly and let her know that you are there for her no matter what. My girls ( I have 2 more ages 11 & 7) talk to me a lot about everything, I have always been as open as possible with them considering their ages. Just don't berate your daughter, if she feels threatened or rejected it will only make matters worse. Don't tell she has to stop have sex because that will not work at all, just make sure she is prepared! ↑ |
| Name: WorrriedMum | Date: May 20th, 2007 9:14 PM |
you don't say what age your daughter is but if you trust your daughter and like her boyfirend then maybe just drop safe sex into the conversation without letting her know you know.
It is something we all have to go through and if you can let your daughter know you are here if she ever wants to talk or needs advice and that you love her n matter what it should be okay. ↑ |
| Name: DefendUs | Date: May 27th, 2007 2:40 PM |
| I say... well im 14 too. Ask her what she thinks bring her out somewhere private and talk openly about it. Because let me tell you parents beeding around the bush is annoying, and shes just going to do it to piss u off. ↑ |
| Name: MsLiko | Date: May 28th, 2007 1:28 PM |
| ITS BETTER TO KNOW SHES HAVING PROTECTIVE SEX, SO JUST TELL HER ABOUT IT AND IF YOU TELL YOUR DAUGHTER THAT SHEE NEEDS TO STOP THERE IS A LOW CHANCE SHE WILL LISTEN.... JUST GIVER THE TALK SHE OLD ENOUGH TOI UNDERSTAND. ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: May 28th, 2007 2:11 PM |
Well 16 is the age of consent in england..not sure about whereever you are, so over here at 17 she is legal.
If she wants sex she will do it. I think it is best to be open, not ban her from seeing him. Obviously she feels happy enough with him to be able to have sex with him. Talk to her about contraception and point out you are there. Remember you were young too once.
Dont say that you disapprove or anything like that. Its unfair on her, she obviously likes this guy enough to sleep with him, so let them be. IN my mind she is practically an adult. I turned 17 in Janurary...mum supports my decision that I sleep with my partner and I was thankful for that. ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: May 28th, 2007 2:12 PM |
| it will most likley damage your relationship if you fight about it. ↑ |
| Name: Julielette | Date: Jul 1st, 2007 8:18 AM |
| give the girl birth conrol !!!! tell her u love her and plz dont have sex its not right at ur age !!! ↑ |
| Name: AnaBabe | Date: Jan 4th, 2009 1:22 PM |
so, get over it.
it was bound to happen sometime lady. ↑ |
| Name: raychelrampagex | Date: Jan 30th, 2009 6:23 AM |
Don't tell her that sex is off limits. Telling a teen they are not allowed to do something makes them want to do it more.
There is no way of stopping her from doing what she wants to do, anyways.
Have another sex talk with her and tell her to be safe. ↑ |
| Name: MeanMomma | Date: Feb 5th, 2009 7:24 PM |
| Make sure that she knows everything she needs to know, regarding birth control. STD"S even get her a dr.'s appt. she will probably feel more comfy talking to anyone but her mom about SEX! She will be fine just give her the right tools. No one wants to think about our kids having sex, but they will. ↑ |
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