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I am a 36 year old mother of 3 older children ages 12,14 and 18. I was told that because of endometriosis and other problems I could not get pregnant again. I was with someone for over a year and a half and we had split up when I found out I was pregnant. I have slipped into such a deep depression that I don't even know who I am anymore. The baby's father doesn't want anything to do with me or the child and has threatened to do everything in his power to have her put up for adoption once she is born. I don't know what to do anymore. I only sleep maybe 3 hours a night, I don't eat very much (have lost 5 pounds in two months) and I cry all the time. It is affecting my home life and my work. Has anyone else gone through this? My other 3 pregnancys were normal (no depression), but this one I barely even remember driving to work and its scaring me (I pay no attention to anything). I love the baby I am carrying and I cry everytime I feel her move because I know the pain she is going to be put through due to her father. I am currently seeing a cousnelor, however, I'm not really sure that it helps any. If anyone has ever experienced this please let me know if I will ever feel normal again. ↓
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| Name: KW | Date: Mar 31st, 2006 3:32 AM |
| I have not experienced what you are going through and am sorry that you are going through this. I can only imagine having a 12 year old for my youngest child, thinking I'm done and that life is soon to get easier and then out of the blue realize that I am pregnant. That alone can cause quite a shock. Then add to it the fact that you have all these crazy pregnancy hormones running through you and a bastard of an ex and yup you're bound to be depressed. I'm not even going to tell you not to worry about it, I already told you I've never been where you are so how can I possibly advise you on the subject. I will say however that your feelings and the depression seem totally normal to the situation. I can't imagine how you will continue to feel like this forever. Life goes on and people change. If this guy doesn't want to stick around then you are better off without him. I would much rather be alone and happy then with someone who doesn't want to be with me. It is you who will ultimately make your own happiness. Stop focusing on what you don't have and start enjoying and appreciating all that you do have. Make a plan and go for it. If you want to raise this baby then get your resources together and do it. If you want to place this baby in a loving adoptive home then start looking for the perfect family now. Nothing is going to happen unless you set the wheels in motion. Regardless of what you decide, it is YOUR decision and you have to be comfortable living with the choices you make. I'll be around if you feel like chatting. Until then keep your chin up and take back your power don't let any "man" take that from you. ↑ |
| Name: How are You? | Date: Apr 1st, 2006 5:15 PM |
| Hey Tarra, I hope you are feeling a little better. I hope you speak to your doctor about your depression. There are remedies out there for you, you don't need to suffer through this. Good luck and let us all know how you are doing. ↑ |
| Name: Yvette | Date: Apr 1st, 2006 11:08 PM |
| Hello. I am a 37 year old mother of 1 six year-old daughter. I am 3 months pregnant, and single. I am going through a VERY deep depression myself. I am a professional, black female, who had things going quite well for myself when I first got pregnant. I was very embarrassedd because I was dating pretty heavily and did not know who the father was until she was born and I had a DNA test done. The pregnancy was very difficult because I did not know who the father was, and I was ridiculed by friends and family. This time, I was in love and dating a man exclusively. He and I had not known each other for long, but we planned to get married. However, after I found out I was pregnant, I found out he was on Parole and has a substance abuse problem. My heart has been broken every day since I found this out. He left about 2 weeks ago, and I have not heard from him since. I am having pains a lot due to stress, I am the fattest I have ever been, and I am having to leave my church because of the shame that it is causing there. Through all of this, I am still hopefull that it will all work out for good. I am barely paying my bills from the income I have now, and I am sure that God will provide for my needs and my children's needs. I am also sure that He will give you some comfort and relief if you just pray to Him and believe that He will. I am confident that things will be all better when you look into that new baby's eyes. God bless you and keep your head up. Find a good friend that you can trust and talk to them about your concerns. Take your children and just go for a drive in the country. Take a vacation from your problems. Build up your resources, and come back fighting. Have a blessed day! ↑ |
| Name: Tarra | Date: Apr 2nd, 2006 4:02 PM |
Thank you for your responses. I have spoken with my doctor with regards to antidepressants, however, he is very old fashion and doesn't believe in taking medication until I am done breast feeding. I have the support of my family and friends and they keep telling me that if I can just hold out until the baby is born than things will be okay as I will look into her eyes and that is all it will take, however, that is also when her father will have to be brought back into the picture and thats what scares me. You are right KW, it is all my choice, but that is what has gotten me here in the first place, I made the choice not to have an abortion and with that chioce he has spent the past 4 months "trying to make things right" by lying to me about how he feels. I found out as someone I know befriended him on yahoo (behind my back) and when everything came crashing down she sent me the conversations, they were horrible. The things he said about me and my family. But we had a "plan" that I was going to sell my house and "we" were going to buy one together. I never believe in the "plan" as he never held up to anything he said, in the meantime, he ripped apart things in my house (for renovations) that didn not need replacing and now I alone am left to fix it up. I'm tired, I hurt all the time (physically) because I have to get this done before she comes into this world. My family can only do so much to help me. I am trying to be strong and regain back some of my self-esteem, which he took from me, the unfortunate thing is I live in Edmonton, Alberta and with our "new family law", we automatically have joint guardianship of her. He has money and has stated that he will spend every last cent to make sure that I do not raise this child (I have spoken with a lawyer and money means nothing in the courts, however, its the fight that am not looking forward to).
Anyway, thank you again, I am trying to keep my chin and spirits up.
Tarra ↑ |
| Name: LISA | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 8:48 PM |
one day your unhappy bubble will pop, as did mine
keep ur chin up
u will get through it in the end ↑ |
| Name: Tarra | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 11:52 PM |
| Thank you Lisa, I keep trying to tell myself that very thing. My doctor has now put me on anti-depressants as I weigh less now at 6 months pregnant than I did at 3 (he also is concerned that I will go through post-partem depression). Even being pregnant, with the depression, I have lost my appetite and find it very hard to keep food down. The father is still being a complete jerk, however, now his mother has contacted me and would like us to "get to know each other" so that she can have a relationship with the baby. My fear is that she is digging for information so that they can challenge my parenting when "Jaythen" is born, however, I have done a lot of research (talked to lawyers, social services and planned parenthood) and I know that they can do nothing as I have raised 3 great kids already. Hopefully my medication will kick in soon as I am so tired of crying all the time. Thank you again for your support. ↑ |
| Name: willie | Date: Apr 28th, 2006 4:50 AM |
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