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Name: Aaron
[ Original Post ]
I have a 15 year old son that does great in school has very nice friends and does nothing but bring me joy. I've raised him by myself from the start and he appears to be absolutely normal. Until a few nights ago. He asked if his friend could sleep over. (This is a normal thing) And as always I said yes, as long as they kept quiet after 11 since I had work in the morning. Well I woke up at around 1am and went to the restroom and heard noises from his room. I walked up to the door to try and listen and see what was going on. To my surprise I hear my son softly say "I'm cuming". I know masterbation is an ordinary thing for teen boys but the fact his friend was sleeping over and the fact that he spoke that he was ejaculating has been filling my mind with questions! That's not all, When I woke up to get ready for work I went to his room opened the door to say goodbye and well there he was, with his friend snuggled up together asleep on his bed. So thats what I saw and heard. Obviously he's either gay/bi or just experimenting sexually. I'm not going to love him any less if he is gay/bi but I just want to ask if I should bring this up with him? I want to know if I should tell him of what I heard just so I could make sure he's educated about everything involving sexual intercourse. I'm very close to him and I may not be an expert in homosexuality but I don't want him to ever feel alone. I want him to know i'm there for any questions or help he may need. So, do I tell him or let him come out to me when he feels ready?
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Name: Schulyer | Date: Dec 18th, 2008 6:31 AM
Hi Aaron

When I was 15 I came out to my parents, and their reaction was mixed, at best. While they reaffirmed their love for me they were hardly supportive, and my dad was actually scared about HIV/AIDS and hate crimes. He educated himself and eventually both my parents and my grandparents became completely okay with it. It took years, but the point is that when they did accept it our relationship was much better. I am now 22 years old and have been with my partner for 3 years. My family loves him and I we have a completely "normal" and healthy relationship (that is to say, as normal as any family in modern America).

Unfortunately, they didn't really come to terms with it until I was an adult, which means that I missed out on being able to get relationship advice and sex advice as a child. The fact is that your son probably is sexually active with his friend, and that raises some concerns. Because I felt as though my parents didn't accept me completely I did a lot of stupid things that I probably wouldn't have done if I had their open affirmation. I dated a guy six years older than me who physically abused me and introduced me to drugs. I was somewhat sexually indiscriminate - and not safely. I suffered homophobia silently because I didn't want to talk about it with my parents, and that actually caused me to go into a depression. My dad's heart breaks when he thinks about what his insecurities cost me.

It sounds like you are light years ahead of where my parents were when I was your son's age. That's good. I do think that, as a parent, you have every right to tell him what you heard. But he's probably going to get angry, say you're spying, you're treating him differently because he's with a boy (which is crazy since I doubt if it had been a female friend you'd have let her stay over in the first place) or he's going to deny everything because he's scared out of his mind.

It's important that you do talk to him about sex though, and you can do that without ever mentioning homosexuality. Tell him about STIs, about HIV/AIDS, that straight and gay people both have to worry about them and that condoms do more than serve as birth control. My parents never had this conversation with me or my straight siblings, and we all agree now that we probably could have benefited from it. For the fact is that regardless of your child's sexual orientation, they are most likely going to engage in sexual activities. I am one of five siblings, and the four of us that are grown all lost our virginity in high school. I'm going to make sure my mother has that conversation with my seven-year-old brother when the time comes, because he needs the information that we didn't have.

In short, what's probably the best decision for you is to talk to your son about safer-sex ASAP. If the topic of homosexuality comes up, great. If not, affirm your acceptance and love for gay people and your son and make sure he's aware that you will love him and accept him happily and openly no matter what. Don't push him to come out to you until he's ready (that's another mistake my parents made - they forced me to come out to the rest of the family before I was ready), but make sure he knows that when he does, the only thing that's going to change is which gender he can have sleep over (lol).

Best of luck, and I hope this helps. 

Name: HisMom | Date: Aug 3rd, 2009 1:43 AM
It's a very tough situation you are now dealing with and I understand why you are posting all of this. First, I would ask if you respect your 15 year old son and then I would ask why you feel the need to prompt or inquire directly about his sexual orientation.
I am here because my 22 year old son who went off to college has told me he is HIV positive. Im still going thru a process of grieving but I also realize if I had "outed" him when he was a teen it would have been the ultimate invasion of his privacy and would never have prevented him from getting HIV.
He told me he admired how I respected his privacy and he also told me that he tried to be straight because he respected me??? Hmmm....the fact is your son is gay and as a parent of a 15 year old, do you condone sexual activity in your home? Thats not a gay/straight thing, that's a parent of a teenager establishing boundaries. Follow your heart and your intuition and do what you feel is right. Your son needs you now and doesnt even know it yet. 

Name: Ibrahim | Date: Aug 5th, 2009 10:06 AM
I read your story and i am glad you care for your son that much.I will love to advice you that you just talk to him on sex education and mostly on sex with opposite .And see his reaction and if he ask why just tell him you just want him to have the right girl in future.If his gay or bi that will help discourage him from that.I will hoping to discuss with you more here is my address [email protected] 

Name: Donny | Date: Feb 25th, 2010 10:34 PM
As a gay man (28) who was once a 15 year old messing around with a male friend in my parents house, I really understand where your son is at. First off, you sould like a great mom with a great head on your shoulders! So Bravo for that!!!!

You are in a tough spot I think. For one, just bringing it up and asking your son if he is gay could be very embarassing for him. Just because he is experiementing doesn't mean for sure that he is gay, and is also doesn't mean that if he is, he's ready to talk about it. Like others have said, I think your best bet would be to let him tell you when he is ready.

On the other hand, your teenager is having sex in your house! When I was 15 and doing it, I didn't think it was a big deal. How, with two adopted children of my own, I would freak out if one of them was having sex at that age! If your son was having sex with a women, you may have reacted differently to what you heard. The reality is this: You shouldn't react differently because of the gender that your son is having sexual experiences with........but like any parent..you do! Your son's situation is more sensitive.

So, my advice, coming from your son's posistion and now heading towards being near your posistion someday..

Talk to him about sex. Talk to him about using condoms to prevent pregnancy and STD's. Don't mention homosexuality. Chances are, if he's comfortable with himself and you, that he may bring it up. But let him do it.

Good luck and God Bless! So many of my friends would have KILLED to have a mother like you! 

Name: sue | Date: Mar 23rd, 2010 11:37 AM
im worried about my son . he is 17 never had a girlfriend wont even approach the subject , struggles with the idea of socialising with girls or even going out i get the feeling could he be gay , i dont have a problem with it at all i just want him to be happy with who he is and start to go out and socialize, could anyone help me out here pls 

Name: Andy | Date: Apr 12th, 2010 12:20 PM
dont tell him anything.appear you dont have an idea.im not kidding. 


Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 13th, 2010 2:29 PM
Please dont tell your son what you heard him say as he would be humilated.

You could brooch the subject of his sexuality at some stage if you think you can both handle it without getting mad or falling out over it. Its great you get on so well and have a good Mother son relationship.
So long as he practices safe sex he's not doing anything wrong. Good Luck from Lisa 

Name: mary | Date: Jun 17th, 2010 11:20 PM
i am also a single parent and i also have a gay son he is 16 and he came out to me about a year ago and i accepted it right away even though i had already caught him in a very similar situation as yours the only difference is i accidentally walked in on them having sex the day he came out to me i asked about that day because they didnt see me walk in and told me that was the day he lost his virginity and now he is perfectly fine talking to me about it and our relatonship with each other is stronger than ever for me being a mother it is like being in high school again talking to my friends about the cute boys we like he has now brought home another openly gay boy home and they are dating and sexually active all i can do is promote safe sex and make sure he always has condoms 

Name: ahmad | Date: Jul 9th, 2010 9:14 PM
tell him man maybe he's shy! tell him! 

Name: Mike litoris | Date: Jan 2nd, 2011 1:37 AM
First I would like to say to " godhatesfags" you homophobic cunt.
Second I think you let him come to you as he could have just been experimenting if he is gay he might think you have something against him. 

Name: Nobody | Date: Nov 24th, 2011 5:45 PM
Well if he is gay or bi theres nothing wrong with that let him express himself 

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