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Name: Marcella
[ Original Post ]
I know a lot of ladies that stop by these boards are hurting: emotionally and physically. Being pregnant and/or having kids and being single, feeling maybe like you were abandones or mistreated or lied to... whatever the guy did to make you want to talk about it here.

I was wondering, what do you do to get through the day... trying to make yourself cheer up, forget about the negative things and focus on the beautiful things.

I usually try to keep myself busy by learning as much as I can about my baby, trying to prepare myself for childbirth (I'm 4 months pregnant). I also try to take care of things around the house that needstakigncare of, things I wanted to do but havent gotten around to...like organizing drawers. I also keep a journal to let all my emotions out, little by little I notice that I starttalking more about how happy I am about my baby and less and less about the dad...

what do you guys do? maybe wecan help each other out...
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Name: Janis | Date: Jul 31st, 2006 12:01 AM
Hi Marcella,

I am 6 months pregnant by the man I thought hung the mood. Instead what he hung was me...out on a limb and out to dry. He has not talked to me in 3 months and I was fired due to the relationship (so was he...we were at the same company). Now I am unemplyed, alone, and pregnant with a child I never planned and I have never wanted children. It hurts like absolute hell. His leaving and total abandonment has made me feel like I am not even human. Perhaps you can relate.

I think you are doing the right things to pass the days. For the first several weeks, I was desparately seeking ways to stop the pain...therapy, antidepressants, prayer, food, etc...and it finally came to me that I really jus t have to let myself grieve....both for him leaving and for the future I wanted that has forever been altered.

Be strong...it will get better with time. 

Name: Annie | Date: Jul 31st, 2006 8:59 PM
I just exist at the moment. I have 2 sons. My first son's dad is in jail, my youngest's dad I kicked out. Found out he was using me from day 1 & he hasn't spoken to me since he's been born. It hurts everyday. But I get through the day because I have to, no one else will feed, clothe, or bath them. It is me who has to do the laundry, listen to the argument when one doesn't get their way, buy the bday presents & cakes when you have no $, play santa, the tooth fairy & the easter bunny, stay home when their sick, & make it home in time to see them in the school play, go to parent/teacher conferences solo & the list never ends. Yet you never heard me mention the things I get to do for me. These are now non-existant. It is very lonely & financially draining. Just recently I started seeing a therapist. Everyday is physically & emotionallly draining. I have a very supportive family, however none of them "really knows " what this is like. 

Name: Marcella | Date: Aug 2nd, 2006 5:31 AM
Hey Janis,

I hope you are doing better! I let it all go... cried for 3 daysstraight and every now and then, I shed some tears. Then I let the anger come in, well emotional rollercoaster, in the end tho... i realize that im having a baby! who cares about dead beat guys? so they hurt us... why let them hurt us again, every day. I hope everything is looking better, have you found a job yet? 

Name: Marcella | Date: Aug 2nd, 2006 5:33 AM
Hi annie...

Im sorry your going thru it :( dont you have fun playing with your kids sometimes tho? Im sure its a very hard job to be a mom but they love you very much and they want to see you happy, thats why now, while im pregnant im going to cry it all out, i dont want my baby to see me sad... even now i dont cry as much because my baby juststarted developing its hearing.. wouldnt want it to know im depressed... i try... for the baby...

i hope all is going ok with you too, cheer up, its good to have family there! I really dont ...im basically friendless/boyfriendless, and family comes to visit me very little...but at least i ahve my baby, even tho its not out yet lol 

Name: Annie | Date: Aug 2nd, 2006 4:23 PM
Sure it's fun playing with them. But finding time is a diff story. I mean by the time you get dinner done & eat, it's time for baths, & bedtime. I work f/t so I don't even get off work until 5. By the time I go to different centers to p/u the kids it's almost 6. Plus the laundry, dishes, mowing, etc. It all needs done. Trust me not all the chores get done. Sometimes when I'm wanting to play, the kids don't. My oldes plays with his friends outside, my youngest is teething so he's crabby. Will it end? Sure but it's hard to be reminded daily of a life you used to live. My son still doesn't sleep through the night in his own bed & is up all the time which means i don't get that much sleep either. My oldest is ADHD. Maybe I feel more overwhelmed/frustrated than upset. It's nice to have family around, but doesn't mean they're the most supportive. Most of the time I'm excluded from family functions because I have kids/not married. I get no financial help from the gov't or family. Somedays I would do anything to be childless. As guilty as I feel for that it's true. I did a journal too & it helped.

As far as the baby goes, they sense EVERYTHING. When you cry, when you're happy. It's not just about what they hear. There was a study that showed stressful pregnancies = unhappy babies. Not sure how accurate it is. At first I thought I had the baby blues, but now since I feel so depressed I started to see a therapist. It's helping so far. 

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