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Name: nina
[ Original Post ]
My childs father and I who were never married and who do not legally have to share custody, worked out on our own a timesharing schedule and he has been picking her up from school and my home to spend time with her alone. We have had problems in our coparenting relationship but things were really looking up as far as i could see. He was closer to our child than i feel hes ever been. And we were good friends again. One particular thing he stressed over was that he did not want our child to be introduced to any other people or for one of us to move in with or marry someone without the other person knowing and meeting the new person beforehand.He made me promise him this. One day this previous week he was supposed to be picking up our child from daycare. I always call or text him the night before and the day of to make sure hes picking her up. The day before his day to pick her up his phone was going straight to voicemail all day. It had been doing that the previous night as well. I had an extremely bad feeling about it. So with my mom at my house, I put my child to bed and drove over to check and make sure everything was ok. I have shown up unexpectedly at his house before and he was completely fine with it and was happy to see me so I didn't think twice about it. When i got there and knocked on the door, he opened it and then shut it so that there was just a crack and I couldn't see inside. Naturally I thought it was weird and asked him why he was acting like that. He basically gave up because he knew I wasn't going to leave like that and he let me in. Immediately I saw the coffee table our child eats and plays on, it had a marijuana pipe, and ashtray, weed, and general drug paraphernalia all over it. He had clearly been smoking weed inside his apartment, with our childs toys and belongings steps away. Then I noticed, in this tiny one bedroom apartment that he already shares with our child were a strangers belongings everywhere. I was so confused. I seriously thought he was joking when he told me he had a "roommate". I had no idea he was even dating somebody. Three weeks ago he was crying to me because he wanted to be with me. And all of a sudden he's met this person AND on top of that hes MOVED THEM IN to his house. This girl had at least three aquariums crammed into the living room and bedroom. I didn't even look into them because I was so shocked. I walked into the bedroom and couldn't figure out what the chirping sound was. Come to find out theres an open box of live crickets sitting in the closet directly across from my childs toddler bed. I just about passed out. I could not believe the father of my child-who made me promise him multiple times we would always communicate when there was another person coming into the picture- just up and moved a total stranger to me and our child into his apartment! And someone who will smoke weed next to a toddlers toys and plant her crickets and aquariums all over the place. I asked him when they met, where, how, and he refused to tell me. I asked what her name is and he said "it doesn't matter". i can only imagine he must have just met this person or he wouldnt be so embarrassed to tell me. And if he had known her and been developing a relationship, he would have had plenty of time to tell me before something like this happened. I can only guess she moved in almost as soon as they met. I asked him why this person was living there, and he said because he needed a roommate. What kind of reasoning is that to betray my trust and endanger your child? I do not know who this person is but I already know she will smoke inside of my childs home, and that she has an unhealthy amount of pets for a one bedroom apartment (in a no pet community btw) After I left that night in a state of total shock and devastation, I wrote him a letter explaining why his living condition is unacceptable for our child and that he can no longer have or visit her unsupervised until he can show me this person is gone and that he isnt smoking weed inside and right next to our childs belongings. I honestly dont want him in our lives at all anymore. Am I right to feel this way and to stop him from seeing our child because of this? I really think what he has done and is doing is insane and its insane for him to not see that its insane. What would you do in this situation?
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Name: Gabbs | Date: Jan 31st, 2015 3:19 AM
Hello, I totally understand where you are coming from. My son's father "used" to smoke weed, or so he says anyway and i would be very upset to find out if he smoked around my son. Also that he got on you so much about you not letting anyone move in or basically telling you who you can and can't marry is dumb. As you are I would be very upset myself. Even though it's bad/horrible for me to say but your lucky you don't have court ordered visitation.

Unlike myself it's court ordered and i wouldn't have a choice to just drop him and say your not seeing my kid because your acting like a complete idiot and endangering my child. My son's father is planning on getting his own place and hearing your story scares me that it might happen to me. Before he moved into his aunts because of money issues he had his own place. This was before the court date for parenting time.

His so called girlfriend was smoking weed in his place when he was at work and locked him out of the house. I know i'm going to have to stress that he don't have anyone living with him unless she either don't smoke weed or she promises not to do it in my son's dad's house or around my baby boy. Now i have nothing truly against people who smoke weed but it's not for me.

Yes you are right to stop your child from going over to his place or him being around him period alone. Because if i had a choice my son's dad wouldn't be allowed to be alone with him nor have him over night.

Stay strong and keep your chin up and just remember your child's smile will get you through any struggle =] 

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