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Name: anonymous
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My child's father is recently married. They have both bullied me over the past year off and on. This weekend, it got ugly. His wife started saying my child is behind because of me because she isn't potty trained, still uses a paci, and when at their house they have to feed her. My child is 2. She feeds herself at my house, and yes she still uses a paci, but only at night. None of the kids in her daycare class are potty trained. I just don't think she is ready yet. However, my child's father thinks she is. That's what she had to say about my child. About me, she called me a psycho, fat and ugly-glad the child looks like her father, and a few other really mean things. The father is at least 6 months behind in child support. When he did pay, it was $52 every few months($52 is the weekly amount he is due to pay). As of today, is he $2,400 in arrears. He also has never paid or helped with daycare and diapers for daycare. I don't think he buys her new clothes because everytime I send my child to his house in clothes I've bought for her, I never see them again. We have no court ordered visitation. I let him see his child because I want my child to see her father, but why should I put up with the way her father and his wife treat me? I really would like to file some kind of charges against the wife for the phone calls and texts she sent to me. She threatened physical harm to me over the phone. So, what should I do? I am torn, very stressed out and don't know what to do. Can someone pleae help? If you have something mean to say, please leave it to yourself. I've had enough mean things said to me, so please spare me.
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Name: Missbiggs | Date: Dec 12th, 2012 4:11 AM
Well, you got a sticky situation. I don’t think you should let their comments make you feel like you haven’t done right by your child. If you feel that she is not ready for the potty then trust your own instinct. Same with the paci. Her father should accept that she resides with you and that no matter what he or his woman feels, you’re the final decision maker. She lives with you so anything they may want to implement into your child’s life will not be successful. She spends more time with you and if you’re not going to start her on these things they need to respect that and wait for you to determine when the time is right. As for the woman threatening you I would file a report. If she continues her threats then press charges. Mothers have enough stress in their lives no need to add extra. I would also consider taking him to court to establish visitation. I know it’s a tough decision because you don’t want to chase him away by doing that but you have to think about the structure involved. If he loves his child he will climb any mountain in his way to see her. Plus, the way things look I can’t imagine that dealing with them will get any easier over the years. Having court orders in your situation would be best if not for right now, for the future. Good luck to you. 

Name: Inspire | Date: Dec 12th, 2012 5:07 PM
Please read! It's obvious that he is not ready to change and his spouse is not going to change either. He has to give you respect and demand his spouse to respect you as well and if he doesn't do that it is just going to continue and possibly get worse. When people treat others like this especially a close friend, ex spouse, etc... normally this means the person is actually angry with themselves and is unhappy. In order to gain control you will have to make some changes starting with your inner self and spirit, you have to Love them no matter what. Love will help with the feelings of anger, loathe, bitterness, and the feeling of abandonment (the fact that he should be helping you take care of this beautiful little girl and not hurting her by hurting you). People say nasty things and no mater what it hurts but you will have to prepare your self as if you are going to war. Soldiers are never sent to war without their battle gear. On the days that you have to face them position yourself before and during the encounter through prayer and positive thoughts and afterwards reward yourself. You know they are ignorant so lower your expectations and know that they may always be on the attack, don't assume it will be different the next time you see them and if it is then accept it for that day and move on. Also, keep the conversation to a minimum and don't give them any fuel to add to the fire. In situations like this it's very hard and i can say this because I come with 16yrs of experience in your position. In response to how you care for your child, you do what is best for your daughter and only you know what that is. We were not born as perfect human beings so it's impossible for us to all of a sudden be a perfect parent. we may be adults but we are still growing and learning, my son say's things that cause me to say "HMMMM, I didn't know that" all the time. So don't be so hard on yourself especially if your daughter is your first child. Parenting is like making a 4 course meal for the first time with no instructions and no experience, lol. Who are we kidding not even our parents got it right all the time. You also need to set rules and boundaries.When you send her to her fathers house do not pack extra clothing. Yes, I said it. the reason being is he is not buying clothes for her or paying support in order for you to purchase clothes for her so he needs to start and stop taking advantage of you. If he is keeping the clothes you have sent on other occasions then he should have extra clothing for her. This is not about you did this so I do that, tit for tat so if you feel it is getting out of hand and they are becoming aggressive sometimes you need to pull back and let him do the work. I did the same thing allowing my kids to be involved with their father because I knew that it was my child's choice when they got older to make the decision of not being involved in their fathers life but when they are young sometimes (99%) we have to decide for them. You may need to pull back and let him do the work and take care of his responsibility by not putting in so much effort as to meeting him halfway. If he really wants to be involved he will go the distance to do so but whatever you do do not use her to get the respect you deserve, you will have to demand that in your actions and demeanor from them. When its time for him to see her meet in a public place; a game room, restaurant, or grocery store but never your personal space; home, job, family house until they grow up and become mature. This is your space and they should not be allowed to invade and disrespect it. Also, when it's time for him to bring her home you do not go to his place to pick her up that is his job to make sure he does what's necessary to see her and no excuses unless it's a medical emergency. You have enough to deal with so don't make it harder for yourself. Pray and ask God to teach you how to Forgive and how to Love people who seem unlovable. Nine times out of ten they are hurting and just want someone else to hurt and if you don't give them the satisfaction they will eventually get the picture or fall in line. i pray everything works out for you and your daughter. 

Name: 1st time single mom | Date: Dec 13th, 2012 3:17 AM
Wow, thank you both for your words! I am so glad that someone responded. I've been stressing about this ever since this weekend and the confrontation from my daughter's stepmother. I have been talking to friends about it, and I have come to the conclusion that I just have to brush it off, brush it all off. I can't change my daughter's father and stepmother being ignorant and mean people. I CAN change the way I feel about myself. I haven't loved myself in a long time. I think that is why I let what the stepmother said to me about being fat and ugly get to me so much. I already think that about myself, and it hurt to hear it from someone else. One of my favorite quotes: "Opinions are like assholes-everyone has one, and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks." The stepmother will have her opinions, and I will let it go in one ear and out the other.
As far as child support goes, yesterday I went to the child support office. My caseworker filed to have the father's driver's license and license plate revoked. It will go into effect 90 days from now(which is way too long in my opinion). However, he will get notice of this via mail. So, if he makes a payment before the 90 days is over with(even if it's only $5), the revocation will be cancelled. That just doesn't seem fair. My daughter is only 2, and her father is already behind over $3,000 in child support. He is supposed to pay $52 a week. To me, that seems more than reasonable. He does some kind of construction work. On his facebook page, it says he is an entrepreneur(not sure how to spell that). So, I think he probably gets paid cash. So, when the child support goes to take out money from his tax return, there will be no money to take out....unless his wife and him are joint filing. Then, I guess my daughter will receive money from her stepmother's income tax.
I don't think my child is behind. At her 2 year check up, the doctor didn't say she was behind, either. He said she is progressing normally. So, I'm not worried about her being behind. I'm doing the best I can. Like you said, inspire, being a first time mom, I don't really know what I'm doing. I google a lot on activities to help her language and cognitive skills. So, I think I'm doing just fine.
At the end of the day, all that matters to me is my beautiful daughter. God has blessed me so much with her. 

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