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Name: Jen
[ Original Post ]
Hey, I am a 23 year old woman and about 3 and half months pregnant. I was only with the father for a short period of time when we decided to be friends and stop messing around right before I found out I was pregnant. I told him about it and he harassed me for a few days telling me to get an abortion. I decided against the abortion but now I am just so scared to do this on my own. I havent been in contact with the father since then and I dont intend to have anything to do with him. Part of me feels like I dont want to have this child and I just want to continue my own life. Another part of me decided not to have an abortion because it is my first child and I was afriad I wouldnt be able to have anymore. I am just so afriad of being a single parent and taking on a responsibility that I am not ready to deal with. I am having a hard time accepting that I am pregnant because this is not where I pictured my life would be after university. Just looking for some advice or hope.
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Name: Hi | Date: May 15th, 2006 5:24 PM
Would you like to talk, I am here please email me at
[email protected] Thanks 

Name: Lisa | Date: May 15th, 2006 9:45 PM
Hi, Jen... I would love to be a friend. If you would like to chat, I can be reached at [email protected] I have supported several single friends through pregnancy and childrearing...I am offering a shoulder to lean on, if nothing else! Hope to chat with you soon! 

Name: Hi | Date: May 15th, 2006 10:24 PM
Hello I would like to offer a Friend a Sholder to lean on email me at [email protected] anytime! 

Name: bea | Date: May 18th, 2006 7:56 PM
Hi I just wanted to re-assure you on a few things. I was single and pregnant too. My partner left me 1 month into my pregnancy and 2months after having a miscarraige from my previous pregnancy after 2 years. With all the rubbish he put me through when I was pregnant, my main concern was how I was going to cope. I was 22 when I fell pregnant, and whlst after the miscarraige a baby was all I wanted I wasnt at all prepared for doing it alone.
But i can tell you this much. All that time I spent worrying when I was pregnant about being alone, I should have spent it enjoying the little miricale growing inside me. Because the prospect of becomming a single mum was actually 10 times worse than actually being one. Im not going to lie, it has his moments but being a single mum really does have his benefits.
I do not know one single mother(though i am sure there are some out there) that actually had the TIME to suffer from post natal depression. If is no partner there to let you down when you are expecting so much from them you cant feel like he doesnt understand. I knoew that doesnt sound to reassuring but when you have the baby and you meet other mothers still with their partners you will get it. Friends of mine that had depression had it for mainly that reason. The time that you spend with your child and the bond that you have with them being their sole provider feels unbreakable.
No one is ever ready for their first child, not even the women in supportive marraiges. Children have a magical way of bringing you life together even if we dont realise it , and it will be a struggle at times, but its such an amazing feeling to know that everything in your's and your childs life is down to your hard grafting.
oh andTrust me when the labour pain starts , you wont even be thinking about it. ;)
Enjoy your pregnancy and dont worry about any one else. Hopefully your friends and family are supportive, but if some are not, just stick two fingers up and carry on. But try not to iscolate the ones that do, some times people care but just dont understand. be patient. I did it , so can you. And i can honestly say I couldnt imagine my life any other way. And you can still follow up your post uni stuff, im doing that too.
Enjoy your pregnancy honey
And enjoy your new baby. 

Name: Hi | Date: May 18th, 2006 8:27 PM
To Bea,

I beg to differ with your statement, (No one is ever ready for their first child, not even the women in supportive marriages.) That is *far* from the truth! Most women in supportive marriages are *more* than ready for their first child. These women don't need a child to 'bring their life together', they need a child to complete the only thing they're missing.

I am in no way judging single mothers... there are many *wonderful* single mothers and I encourage anyone who feels they are able to do so properly, to care for their child, whether single or married. But no, married women are generally more than ready for their first child! 

Name: Ann | Date: May 18th, 2006 8:36 PM
Hi Jen, I would just like to say that whatever choice you make there is no guarantee of easy times. I found this forum while searching for advice with my teenage son and as I was a single mom at 19 I know what it is like to be alone and face the unknown and be scared. I also considered all the choices abortion, adoption. I fell pregnant for a second time when I was 21.Neither the boys fathers wanted to get involved in our lives and although there were rough times when they were younger - today I can say it was worth it. (Although I am struggling handling the teenage years!!)

All a baby needs is love and if you have that it will help you through the difficult times. Believe me that emotional support whether it is via email or in person helps to get one through difficult times. And there is always hope. Today I live a happy life, have a successful career, have a good career, enough money to live comfortable and care for my kids and although I had to give up a lot of the dreams I had for myself when I was 19, I would not change a thing. We all make choices and we hardly ever know before hand whether it is the right one. I am still single, never married, made a choice to focus on my kids and I am still happy (although I miss having a partner sometimes!) Never regret any decision you make. For me, after all the rough times I believe my children is part of my destiny.

Should you decide to keep your baby remember that you will still have your life maybe just a different one than you imagined!

One last thing my sister had a baby adopted when she was 18, and I took a close friend of mine for her abortion. All 3 of us, although we made different decisions went through rough times and all of us are ok. My sister now has 3 beautiful daughters and she is happy (and married) - although she still misses her eldest daughter and it still breaks her heart to speak of her till today (she turns 20 this year) So I am telling you this so you know whatever you decide to do you are still the one who will live with your decision for the rest of your life.

If ever you need support / chat my email address: [email protected] 


Name: Brenda | Date: May 26th, 2006 6:54 PM
Girl, please don't abort your child. I am 28 years old and pregnant with twins. I am alone. I have no family around and not many friends. The father is not in my life and I don't plan on having anything to do with him. It hurts everyday having to do this alone. If you wanna talk, e-mail me at [email protected] I feel your pain 100%. Hang in there girl. 

Name: melissa | Date: Jun 3rd, 2006 12:14 AM
just wanted to tell you that you will be ok. Im 25, and 2 1/2 months along. My boyfriend and I decided 2 weeks ago to stop having sex and be friends. I told him 2 days ago and he harrasses me to get an abortion and hates me now. you and I will both be fine. Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. If I have hope so can you. 

Name: Gil | Date: Jun 3rd, 2006 7:35 AM
I know where you are coming from, believe me. Thing is, children are truly a blessing, trust in God and yourself, and you will never regret that child. If I can do anything for you don't hesitate to email, even if just to talk. I look forward to hearing from you. you can reach me at [email protected] take care 

Name: Christy | Date: Jun 4th, 2006 3:56 PM
Jen, hang in there. Things will get better, I promise. You'll be feeling that baby moving soon and that's when you'll start to see that this is a living being inside of you that is helpless and needs you. This baby will give you all the love you need and when the time is right, someone will come into your life who accepts you and your baby. I am 32 years old, 18 weeks pregnant, and also alone. I also have a 13 year old son that I have raised alone. I am scared to death to do this again, but I look at my son who is taller than I am now and know that it is so worth it. I love him more than life itself and he gives me more joy than any man ever could. You'll see that this baby will become the most important thing in your life and nothing else will matter as much to you as it does right now. If you need to talk, there are many people in your position and I'm one of them. 

Name: Lynne n | Date: Jun 5th, 2006 8:24 AM
When you hold that baby in your arms all your fears will go away.You are going to have so much and it is a love like no other i hope you make your choices well god bless! 

Name: Shadow | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 7:12 PM
hi jen i know how u r feeling and if u need some one to help u i can maby be of assistance. my e-mail is [email protected] and if u want i could help u raise the baby with u if u want 

Name: sara | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 5:58 PM
I was 18 when I got pregnant, and 19 whenthe bundle of joy arrived. I too chose to leave the dad, and start over. I prayed a lot, and believe that prayer helps a lot. I also journaled, tried to stay around popsitive influence, though I did not have lots of friends. After I got through the depression, (pre and post partum-should have talked with my ob/gyn about the depression, but did not- you should!), I decided to stop sulking and started college. There are colleges with day cares for your child if you opt to pursue further education. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just don't give up and know that you have a new life to share your life with! When you see your baby, it'll all make sense! 

Name: Amy | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 6:16 PM
Hey sweetie, It's okay to be scared I was scared as hell the first time I was pregnant - imagine not knowing until you were 5 months along and found out after a car accident. I'm Amy McNiel and I have been a pregnancy counselor for teens and young adults for about 13 years now or was until a few months ago (pregnant with my seventh child now and on maternity leave) so now I'm just cruising thru the internet trying to help where I can. It's a tough time and I'm nuetral toward abortion. I'm not going to tell you not to or tell you to. I'm just saying do what feels right but I can honestly say not many people are where they thought they would be after college. I sure am not and life is full of huge suprises - good and bad that make life - well life. You can't dwell on the fact that the father isn't here because it's not about him anymore its you and your soon to be child. Do what you feel is right and trust yourself that is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.

Hope this helps ;)
Amy McNeil - [email protected] 

Name: j d | Date: Jul 1st, 2006 8:57 AM
jen is your belly getting big yet? 

Name: Marilyn | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 4:14 AM
Jen...I know how you feel cuz I am 5 months prego and single. I haven't spoken with the father in over 3 months.Everyday that passes watching my belly get bigger,I am more and more fearful.I guess it didn't hit me in the beginning but now its for real!Email me @ [email protected] so we can talk and maybe help each other out ok? 

Name: D.M | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 9:53 AM
I am in a very similar situation. I am 5 months pregnant with TWINS! The father and I agreed we were both against abortion and to have the baby. We later found out it was 2. It has been like a bad rollercoaster ride. He told me he would be there for me & has not done a thing to help me through this. I was also just diagnosed with Preclampsia (toxemia) high blood pressure. This posses a very serious situation to me and our twins. I own my own bussiness and I also have been very active for the last 8 years rescueing, training and adopting wild mustangs. My life has virtually come to a stand still. My babies Daddy lives just down the road, and we see each other on a daily basis usually just in passing. He one day will show so much excitement and then the next he will be focused solely on himself. I had just gotten out of a 18 year marriage when I met him. He now questions me on the paternity of our babies. I am paying for the test once they are born because I KNOW! But there is still the problem of him questioning my character. Now the damage has been done. I have many horses, long horn cattle, dogs, cats, a 10 year old son, my bussiness, and my home and land and I ask him to give up one day to talk and formulate a game plan and he agreeded. I waited all day after doing a day of physical labor and he never called. I found him cruising the Mesa with another girl on his 4 wheeler. The stress he caused was so overwhelming I ended up in the hospital and being admitted. I almost lost our twin daughter. I am now on strict bed rest and still NO HELP!!!! I am desperate. He hasn' t even been to a doctors appointment or even paid for one. He also owns his own bussiness. So while he is out trying to satisfy his own needs, our babies and myself tinker on the brink of disater or even death. single, pregnant, distressed and desperate :-( 

Name: monica | Date: Aug 6th, 2006 3:35 AM
hey, you are not alone. i have a situation that is very much so the same. i am 3 months pregnant and the father and i were basically dating or so i thought. then when i became pregnant he told me that he is not looking for a relationship. with or without any man you should not worry about being alone and raising a child. there are many places, family and friends that will help support you and the baby. just relax and enjoy what a gift you have. 

Name: tif | Date: Aug 12th, 2006 5:56 AM
hey jenn, u keep your head up! im 20 and when i found out i was pregnant i wanted to have an abortion too....i felt as if I nor the father was ready for a baby but he didn't want to go through life knowing that he had a child he gave up on. We both knew what we were doing when we didn't use any birth control so as adults we needed to take care of our responsibilities. I'm not going to lie....pregnancy had defidently tested me both mentally and physically but i am now 7 months and i can't wait to see what my little girl looks like. so im tellin u that u won't regret it! 

Name: Michelle | Date: Aug 21st, 2006 8:15 PM
Hi,
I completely understand your situation and you are not alone, I was with my partner for 3months after initailly being friends with him-we met last December. i fell pregnant in June I only found out after we had split up. Iniatially he wanted me to have an abortion but he has since come round a bit to the idea- even though he thinks im going to be a crap mum
It looks like im going to be a single mum and its just something im going to have to get used to, I've got until next March!
I dont know what advice to give you because I dont know what advice to give myself! I know I want my baby and that is the most important thing so try and focus on that.
I was supposed to go to uni next month but Im not now, Im 25. If you need to chat just let me know....Us single mums to be should stick together! 

Name: Mari | Date: Aug 28th, 2006 5:35 PM
Hi, Jen! I was in your shoes too eight years ago, and I wrote a book to help women like us. Go to my web site, singlepregnancy.com, read what I have to say, and order my book if it interests you. And believe me, your life is NOT over-- it's just beginning. Feel free to write me at [email protected] Love to you! Mari 

Name: sally24 | Date: Aug 28th, 2006 6:44 PM
First I got pregnant once and at five weeks terminated the pregnancy for a lot of reaseons but it was , what felt right for me and know like 6 years later me and my husband are expecting a very healthy baby in the spring of 2007. It doesn't sound like abortion was right for you and that you made the right choice in those regaurds pregnancy is very emotional and even those that plan there pregnancy's and are in happy marrieges feel the way you do. Remember just because you chose to give your baby life does not mean you have to be a mother sometimes there is another reaseon you cannot see , my aunt's daughter is adopted and I know many couples who have it is a wonderfull selfless gift. My best advice find a pregnancy crisis center , and talk to a counsler they can help you in many ways, weather you choose adoption or to keep the baby. 

Name: TARYN | Date: Aug 31st, 2006 1:33 PM
HI SWEETIE, YOU HANG IN THERE . IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT BABY'S HEART BEAT YET YOU WILL SOON AND YOUR HEART WILL ENLIGHTEN WITH SUCH JOY. THEN TO FEEL THAT LITTLE KICK INSIDE IS THE MOST AMAZING THING. I KNOW YOU WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU. PLEASE HANG IN THERE. I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU OFTEN. 

Name: heather | Date: Sep 3rd, 2006 4:56 AM
we have similar situations. i am 20yrs old and also 3 and a half months pregnant although i cannot give you advice since i am currently distressed as well, i just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
[email protected] 

Name: danielle | Date: Sep 5th, 2006 8:58 PM
hi im danielle 23 from yorkshire add me to msn if u have it and we can cat im a single mum of 2 and im 36 weeks pregnet now and on my own plz reply to an email wich is [email protected] or add me to msn the same adddy ta danielle xx 

Name: Colleen | Date: Sep 6th, 2006 6:49 PM
Maybe consider adoption. Good couples are always wanting to gice a child a good home. 

Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 5:27 PM
First of all,,, I feel very bad for any child that is about to come into this world and not be accepted and wanted 100%. The father wants nothing to do with this child and your not even sure you want it??? Put the child up for adoption... there are thousands of loving couples that are unable to have kids that are more than willing to love this baby. If your having doubts now.. your sure to have doubts later!!!! And then what?? The kid gets tossed around throughout it's whole life while your not ready to "deal" with being a mom and want to "continue your own life". Take responsibility in knowing what's best for this unwanted child and let it grow up in an environment where it is shown love and acceptance by a nice loving family. 

Name: Karing | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 5:38 PM
One day you will look at your baby, and be amazed how much you can't imagine your life without him/her. I'm scared too right now, I'm much older and have 2 teenagers and am pregnant again, and the father is apparently not going to be a part of this -- and although I'm a single parent already, and don't believe children should have to know what it feels like not to have a father, in the end, you have saved your child's life, it's really a miracle and a gift -- take it one day at a time, don't give in to your fears and you'll look back one day -- your body is going through allot of changes right now and your mood swings are normal -- don't give in to your fears -- a child is the best gift in the world:) 

Name: april | Date: Sep 17th, 2006 12:52 AM
Jen, i once was in your shoes... the only thing is that iam barely 18 going 19... i was 17 years old when i found out i was pregnant.. my babies daddy was a drug addict... right now i dont think he is doing anything... he is in jail.. at first everything was ok then he started telling me that he was going to have a dna test made right after my baby would be born.. i stopped talking to him when i was about four months long then i decided to call him and 4 days later he got arrested.. now i still talk to him but its not the same.... My point is if iam just 18 years old and i came thru what makes you think you will not make it? now my baby is 6 months old.. her name is destiny and i dont regret anything.... and i realized that i did not need him at all...jen theres nothing to think about but in how much fun and joy youll have watching your baby grow stronger each day.... hope i helped you in some way april [email protected] 

Name: julie | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 10:49 AM
i was in the same way being a single mum is hard but if u have your family u will be ok and your friendes 

Name: Krissy | Date: Jul 15th, 2007 11:58 PM
Hi honey! I'm 27 and going through a very similiar situation. How are you doing now? 

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