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Hi Lisa, I am also a single parent of twin boys 3yrs. old one of them was diagnosed with Autism and the other had significant delays. I am separated and it seemed not long after giving birth to the boys is when things in my opinion got crazy. He never really was at home because he's a truck driver and have found out about numerous possible affairs and he just wasn't helping much with the boys. He was negligent many times concerning the boys and was in denial of their diagnosis and would yell and hit on them (mind you at that time they were only 2yrs. maybe). He just was rely impatient when it came to feeding and doing things he wanted to go on Craigslist to find a sitter to do the work that he did not want to do with the kids. Eventually this all lead to a separation, the final straw being that I was uncomfortable with him taking the kids on outing because of the irresponsibility he displayed lead for serious concern for the children by me. I understand what it is like to carry heavy kids up and down stairs I have been basically doing the single parenting for maybe 2 yrs., some of the time was when he was still in the home but not here (if you know what I mean). I was hoping for a change because I too wanting my boys to have their mom and dad under the same roof but their father refused to get help from us both seeing a counselor, he claimed that I was the one with the problem and that he did not need to seek help from a counselor. He told me that thins would be his way or the "highway" for me. He bailed out and left me in a one-bedroom to care for the boys alone if I did not do things his way. He has earned $80-$90,000 a yr. which he hid from me and only sent $650.00 a mth. which did not cover the rent. He knew that I had to leave my part-time job as a pre-school teacher which I only earned $670.00 a mth. if even that. I had to leave my job because the daycares wrote me and told me that they were unable to enroll my son with the Autism diagnosis because they did not have trained teachers to help him. There were a lot of gray areas when it came to their father. For all I knew he could have very well been in other relationships while married to me, I did find out that he was seeing other people and we are still married.I hoped that he would see the light and want his family.His family has even tried to intervene and he insists that he do not have feelings for me but that he would be involved with the children. I feel like he has used me, abused me and messed my life up (the life that I dreamed of). I waited until I married which was at 34-35 yrs. old and I waited two yrs. later before kids which was at 37 and look how he gave up on his family without even fighting for it. I don't feel that I did anything horrible for him to give up on us as a family unit. I never wanted to be a baby mother thats why I waited. I sometimes beat myself up for handing something so precious to "a jerk"(I hate to should mean or angry because I choose not to be) I just have to figure how to overcome and be triumphant. I refuse to be a statistic so I have to set a good and positive example for women who found themselves in this path. This man acquired a green card from our marriage, he left when times got a bit shaky or challenging (which all marriages face especially with young children in the mix not to add w/special needs). Now I am not only taking care of the boys and paying for diapers and childcare and their essentials like food and clothing and shelter, I have to give them much attention and I am a full time student trying to finish a degree that I have been working towards for 5 1/2 yrs. with hopefully getting into a graduate program and hoping to be able to work so that I can afford a two-bedroom apartment. I have finally come to the realization of divorce but I am concerned about unsupervised visitation because of what I spoke of earlier (negligence). I know that I need a lawyer but I have already taken out title loans. I feel that I have waited and hope for family but I am 40 yrs. old and don't want to waste no more time and I eventually want to re-marry but I would prefer divorcing before even dating and that time will allow me to get things together on my end. ↓
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