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Name: Ellie
[ Original Post ]
Well my sister died four years ago and you would think that I would be over it by now but I just can't stop missing her. It seems like everything reminds me of her, every song, the weather, certain smells. I just don't know what to do. I'm crying as I type this. I can't stop wondering why and the what if's are driving me crazy. Sometimes I fake being sick so I can stay in bed just to be alone. Will this ever stop? I tried antidepressants they didn't work. I just want my sister back when will this stop?!! I would like to know if my grief is normal or am I going crazy?
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Name: Erin | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 10:37 PM
I think your grief is normal. I don't know your situation or what it feels like to lose a sister. But, two years ago I lost my mom(she was 44) and she was my BESTFRIEND. What really helps me to get through the days is going to Church and reading my Bible. Knowing one day that I will be where she is and with her for eternity, not just the days here on earth. And that she is at rest. Your sister would want you to be happy, even without her. And even though she is not there physically, she will always be with you...through everything. The grieving process steps are:
Denial; Shock
Anger
Bargaining
Guilt
Depres
sion
Loneliness
Acceptance
Hope
Not
everyone goes through all of the steps, and it can take longer for others. Like I said, I don't know your situation, but with me it was easier accepting my moms death because she was so ill. I'm deeply sorry for your loss and pain. I will pray for you, and just remember God and Jesus are with you always. 

Name: lili | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 11:12 PM
Ellie it is normal. Talk to friends about your pain and sadness that helps too sometimes. Take it one day at a time and try to spend time around people that make you feel better. 

Name: Ellie | Date: Apr 6th, 2006 1:47 AM
Thanks ladies for your kind words. It's so strange how I can feel like I'm on my way to accepting my sister being gone and then like a ton of bricks it hits me that I will never get to talk to her on the phone, she will never know my babies, we'll never get to hang out and be sisters again. It just makes me so sad. I wish I could have just five more minutes with her just so there can be a goodbye. Well here come the tears again so I'm going to go. Thanks again. 

Name: Debra | Date: Apr 6th, 2006 1:54 AM
Ellie- I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister and I are very close- and you made me appreciate it a little bit more today. I just emailed her that I love her! I don't know how anyone deals with losing ones we love. Just take one day at a time. Do you have children? Be strong for them. and again I'm so sorry! 

Name: mel | Date: Apr 6th, 2006 4:06 AM
i did the same with my grandma, what helped after a while was to wright her letters and put them in an envelope together, and date them. every time you have a chance, wright her a letter and tell her how you are feeling, even a poem. some of mine were dark and disturbing to others but it helped me soooo much. it has been 14 years and wrighting this makes my eyes welt up still!!! I miss her so much and it breaks my heart that she can not share my wonderful baby with me... (still crying)... I talk to her when i am sad, or jsut have her on my mind. even tho i do not believe in the bible i do believe that i will see her again, some way some how. ..... 

Name: Ellie | Date: Apr 6th, 2006 1:58 PM
Well today I woke up and told myself I was going to have a good day. I will not sit and dwell on what I don't have (my sister here) instead I will focus my attention on having a great day with my daughter (who by the way I am sure this affects even though I hate to admit it). I don't want my perfect little girl to grow up thinking it's normal to be down all the time. The weather is great, the day is beautiful, and I am going to enjoy it. Thanks for getting me through yesterday -- it was a tough one. 


Name: Elli | Date: Apr 7th, 2006 1:48 AM
Erin and Lilli you both really helped me. Thanks so much for just replying to my post. I got up and spent a great day with my daughter we were outdoors almost the entire day and I have to say although I still had a few moments, I didn't cry and I made it through a day feeling pretty happy. I have a hard time talking to my friends about my grief for a couple of reasons one being grief is so personal, two being none of my friends have experienced my pain so how can they empathize, and three I just feel like they would judge me for feeling this way after four years or just plain not understand. It's nice to know there are kind, compassionate people out there and you two were exactly the two people I needed to hear from yesterday. Thank you so much. :) hugs to both of you. 

Name: Friend | Date: Apr 7th, 2006 3:05 AM
I just wanted to write to you and tell you you may never get over it but you will learn to cope with it. i lost a son 8 years ago and at first is was very hard, and like you i had no one to talk to. i too like mel wrote my son everytime i felt i needed to talk to him. there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of him and want to cry. Now i look at all the beautiful things in the world like a beautiful sunset or a bird that lands close to me and i think a piee of him is there. i thank god for the short period of time he allowed me to know and love my son. so my heart goes out to you, just take it one day at a time thats all you can do. God Bless You 

Name: Ellie | Date: Apr 7th, 2006 4:14 PM
Dear Friend -- I'm sorry for your lose. As my sister has passed so has my mother's daughter and I know how hard it is for my mom sometimes. Noone thinks their children will go before them, I know my mom didn't. In addition to losing my sister I feel sad for other reasons. I also lost my brother and father the same year. I grieve their lose too but it is my sister who I am devestated over and want more than anything to be able to tell her one more time how much I love her. I wish I could have had a little preparation then I could have at least said goodbye. Well, Thanks to you too for your kind words. I know my sister is resting peacefully in the kingdom of heaven and that really is the only thing that soothes me. 

Name: Kelly | Date: Apr 8th, 2006 2:29 AM
Hey Ellie,
I am very sorry for your loss. I also have sisters, though i have never lost one i did move quite a bit away from them when I got married. I miss the relationship we all had. I just wanted to let you know a few things. First off, I will be praying for you, I can't imagine your hurt and pain. Secondly, I just want to reassure you... sisters have a way of knowing the things that you never get around to saying. Even though you will always miss her, it's okay. Sisters are meant to have a special bond. They don't just go away and neither will your relationship with her. She was a part of your life and a part of you. Miss her. You are supposed to. Just make sure that you honor her memory as much as possible by being happy about time spent with her. Especially if your daughter is old enough to understand, tell her stories about your sister. Kids have a way of picking up on when things are hurting you. You may as well let her in on this part of your life. After all you love your sister and your daughter. it's obvious! Your grief is totally "normal" you deal with it in whatever way makes you feel better. (Just make sure how you deal with it is making you feel better.) Don't let go of your love for your sister. She knew how much you loved and continue to love her, it's that unspoken sister code. You know, the screaming fightes over where's my jeans? do you have my jeans? (you steal their jeans when they aren't home because they looked good on her and hey, why can't your butt look that good too? Hang on to those memories. Not the fact that you had to say goodbye) It's never a goodbye with sisters. Even though we may not have them sitting next to us. They and the memories we have of them will always be with us, and always put a huge smile across our faces. Ellie, I will definitely pray for strength and comfort for you. God will comfort you as you continue to heal. Rely on Him and He will provide comfort and support when it gets too rough.
- A sister in Christ 

Name: latoya | Date: Apr 8th, 2006 6:01 AM
I LOST MY DADDY LAST MONTH AND I JUST DON,T KNOW HOW I,M GOIN TO MAKE WITH OUT HIM . MY HUSBAND IS GETTING ON MY NERVES WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 5 YRS AND SOMETIME FEEL LIKE LEAVING BECAUSE HE TALK DOWN TO ME LIKE I AM A CHILD AND I REALY HATE THAT HE TRY TO TELL ME THAT EVERY THING I TRY TO DO IS WRONG NOW I,M GOING TO SCHOOL TO FOR REALESTATE I DROVE TRUCK FOR 8 YRS AND NOW I HAVE 3 KID AND ITS TIME FOR ME TO COME HOME BUT NOW I,M OUT OF WORK AND HE KEEP TALKING ABOUT HOW HE,S TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF EVERY BUT I STAY AT HOME WITH MY 9,4,AND 1 YRS LOD KIDS AND GO TO SCHOOL FULLTIME AT NITE I DON,T KNOW WHAT TO DO HE JUST KEEP PUTTING ME DOWN WHAT SHOULD I DO 

Name: Ellie | Date: Apr 8th, 2006 5:53 PM
Thanks Kelly, your reply was so nice. I have to say in the beginning I don't think the way I chose to deal with my sister's death was very healthy at all. I tried drinking to numb the pain and to take me away from the reality of her lose. Well, I don't drink anymore, because it didn't do the trick and drinking and being a productive involved mom don't mix. If anything it made the depression worse. As for honoring my sister I do try. I keep pictures of her around the house and tell my daughter stories about her often, and it is those times that I am telling stories about her that I feel the most at peace with her passing. My sister didn't suffer a long illness, so her death was very unexpected to me. The last time I spoke with her was on my birthday and then just a few days later she died. She told me she wasn't feeling well and I told her I would call her the next day, but I didn't. I just thought if she had the flu or something she would want to rest and not have to talk on the phone. Well, that night she was rushed to the hospital and put on life support. She died after 46 hours. Most of my grief is focused on the fact that I didn't call her the day after my birthday. I hate that I didn't. I would do anything to let her know why I didn't call her, I really was thinking about her comfort. It has been hard. Some days it's not so bad but some days it's overwhelming. I know that God is keeping her close and I know she knows I love her I told her all the time and she told me too. We had a great relationship as sisters and friends. I just miss her a lot and sometimes I don't know how to deal with it. I just want to tell her why I didn't call. Well, thanks again. I really am trying to heal that is why I started this thread hearing from you all is very healing for me. Thanks again. Ellie 

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