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I have a 5 yr old, 1yr old and a baby on the way. Last night I was talking to my 5yr old about what she wants to do when she grows up. The topic got to how she thinks I don't do anything and that being a mom is boring. I know she is only 5, but this really shook me up. I know that society doesn't value SAHM,but now i know that the children I am doing it for don't either. I guess I need a pep talk to remind me why I do this. I am afraid she isn't going to admire me and appreciate what a serious job I have. Help shed some light on a heart broken mom. ↓
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Oh, dear! I have memories of my own mother correcting me when someone would ask, "What does your mother do?" And i would respond "Nothing." My mom would always say, "Would you like me to go down the list of things I've done just this morning??" I always thought that was silly until I had my daughter. I literally called my mother on day three and cried. "I'm soo sorry I always took you for granted!! Thank-you for EVERYTHING you've ever done for me!! I LOVE YOU!!" My mother cried too. Unfortunately, that thank-you didn't come until I was 22 years old, but it did finally come. I keep reminding myself that my children will too have children someday, and perhaps a heartfelt thanks will come my way then. Sorry you're feeling down right now.
Maybe you could try to incorporate your daughter in some of the "fun" duties, like preparing meals and baking cookies. Maybe even take her out for a girl's night. My daughter and I have always done that, since she was three (she has four younger brothers so we need the testosterone break) and remind your daughter while you are out alone that being a Mommy is fun because you get to be HER mommy. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant... we love to go to Target and get a bag of popcorn and a slushy and just walk around and look at fun stuff. The simple things are what they will look back at and remember about you. Hang in there! ↑ |
| Name: passiton10X10.com | Date: Mar 2nd, 2010 4:32 AM |
| Don't worry. When the kids get older they do realize how good they had it. I do mean older not teens. The teens wish they had a working mom so they can do what they want when you are not home. When they get older they understand what a good thing is was you were home then too. When you get into the teen years trust me...there is nothing boring about it! Probably one of the hardest parts of being a parent is having to wait so long to see your results. ↑ |
| Name: joeys_mam | Date: Mar 16th, 2010 4:35 PM |
| I undertand. I have memories of thinking my dad owned the house and everything in it, and my mother did nothing. I even used to call our home 'my dad's house' when I was a little girl, not to annoy my mother, but because I genuinely felt that unless you went to work and earned money, you did nothing and owned nothing. Even before I became a stay at home mother myself, my opinion on SAHMs was poor. From what I could see, they could lay in bed till 9 or 10 when the rest of us had to drag ourselves to work wind, rain or shine at 6 or 7, they spent their days gardening in the sunshine, shopping, baking, and hanging out at the park. I couldn't see how life could be hard for them, when it seemed to me working mothers did everything they did in addition to holding down a job i.e. cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. But when I gave up my job to stay at home with my son, I found life very different to what I had imagined. Far from the anticipated lie ins, Joey gets me up at 7 every morning, and because I don't work, I'm expected to see to him during the night if he wakens or if he decides to get up at 4 or 5, and the chores never seem to end. Far from hanging out at the park, its difficult to find time to take Joey to the park when I have piles of laundry, washing up and hoovering to do, when the dogs need feeding and walked, and when I have dinner to prepare. As for gardening and baking, thats a joke and as for shopping, grocery shopping maybe and thats not fun! But I think what's most challenging about this role, is its unpaid, it starts from the minute you waken until you collapse in the evenings with exhaustion. There is no lunch hour, and it can be INCREDIBLY lonely. Even if you do attend the once a week mother and toddler groups, its a long week to be on your own with a child, especially one with isn't talking yet, and if all your friends work as mine do, there really is no adults around during the day and you can find yourself isolated. And to top it all, as you say, NOONE appreciates you. Only yesterday my sister said to me 'it must be great to be you chilling out with Joey all day'. CHILLING OUT?!?!?! I'm going to be doing a degree from September and Joey will be starting Nursery School, and I'm looking forward to that. But even if noone appreciates me, and even if Joey never thanks me for what I have done for him, I'm glad I gave Joey the first 3 years of his life with his mother there full time. Just remember that the people who don't appreciate you just dont understand. They probably have never been a stay at home parent themselves. As for your 5 year old, take comfort in the fact that one day she will realise how tough your job is, and she will appreciate you then. For now, she's just too young to get it. And she doesn't mean to hurt you. :-) ↑ |
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