My husbands sister called him yelling today b/c she thinks it's OUR turn to start helping take care of their mother. Well for one thing my husband (as some of you know) doesn't have a drivers license and isn't ever going to be getting one again b/c he drinks.
So when my h. reminded his sis that he doesn't have a license,she told him then that ME and our son should start helping with their mom then.
Well,my attitude about it is HELL NO!!!!!!! This woman,(my lovely mil),has ALWAYS FAVORED my h.'s sis and her kids over us and therefore I don't think his mom's problems should be made into MY problems.
Mainly what she wants is rides to the store,doc's office,and things like that. But another thing is she lives about 20 minutes away from us so these rides wouldn't exactly be convenient for us anyway and also I know that if we begin it it will lead to more and more frequent ventures for her and frankly i just don't want to get it started.
Maybe I would be willing to bend a little if she hadn't made her favortism so flauntingly OBVIOUS but the way she made broadway show of it all these years,I am very bitter about giving her any assistance.
Oh and that's not even all of it,many years ago i was in a bad wreck on the interstate and to this day I don't drive the interstate and she has known this since she's known me and she says I need to just get over it b/c it's hightime overdue! WHY?! Because SHE wants me to be over there kissing her ass running her around! Well I ain't doin' it!
That family never calls us till they WANT something from us and I'm not playing their game,oh but in their eyes i'm this awful,heartless ,uncaring person b/c i won't do what they want.
This woman never gave two shits about us,but now we are supposed to cater to her needs? I don't think so! opinions please ↓
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| Name: DinaM | Date: Feb 8th, 2008 10:07 PM |
| let it in one ear and out the other ear.you can never please everybody any ways. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Feb 8th, 2008 10:29 PM |
| agree with dina..plain and simple you cant do it..also sound like your MIL is really demanding because you SIL is getting sick of her ..lol..why should you have to go through all heck..when she has put you through a bunch of bull.. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Feb 8th, 2008 10:29 PM |
| she can take a bus....you guys have buses there right? in our town, for the seniors they even have a city bus, that will come right to your door if you call them ahead of time. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Feb 8th, 2008 11:02 PM |
Ok ...do you like your MIL?...do you care what her or your SIL think of you? does it upset your husband that you dont like your MIL?
If you answered no to the above....then TELL your SIL that you dont give a shit for her or her mother!!! Make it clear, that your child has played second fiddle to her children, and you have felt it! So A BIG FAT NO to you and your Mother!!!!. Tell her and your MIL (if they even go down the asking why track) all about how you feel. Dont let them off with a "she's just a bitch" scenario...make sure they know who's the bitch here...and that karma is paying a visit.
however....heheheheh always one.
If your son has not been directly hit by your MIL and i mean been treated badly himself, not from where you stand, but from where he stands (this may be harder to do for you, but you have to ask him how he feels) Then he may want to occassionally do things for his grandmother? ↑ |
| Name: Lola | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 8:33 AM |
| Although you don't owe your MIL anything, or your SIL. Maybe you should help out. It must be hard all be herself and she's just reaching out for someone to help. Even if she doesn't know how to properly. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 11:42 AM |
If you want my honest opinion here it is....
Where I live 20 minutes is nothing, many people drive an hour and a half to get to work......
Also most people do have favorites......If she has spent more time with your sil's children I think it may be natural- maybe not right- but natural.
IMHO- families help families......obviously it is to much on your sil now for what ever reason......in many cultures the Mother is the oldest sons responibility when she gets older....again I know not here in North America but in some cultures.
I would suggest say on Wednesdays you give her a few hours of your time to help her out.....as a trial and if she is rude to you then stop, and say on Saturdays your son could help out his Grandma....this will give them time to bond, and is great for him to learn to help the family.
no I am not saying a$$ kissing, just helping out a few hours a week. You are family... ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 12:11 PM |
| Awww Lizzi I am so sorry. Sounds to me you should tell her to go f... herself, but I don't know what to tell you!! My mil passed away, but I loved her very much and my Sister in laws are all older and pretty much leave us alone. I am very very fortunate. In our family it is my Mom that is the B.... and that is why she lives in FL and we live up north and I intend to keep it that way. I think family from any side too close is a recipe for disaster!! ↑ |
| Name: K-beth | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 2:38 PM |
| They offer programs that do the goffering for you just call around and give'em the numbers. My hubby works for a ambulance service that takes people to doc visits with all the med services need. Look into it and give your sil the info if she needs the help bad enough she now knows where to call. ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 10:20 AM |
| Lizzi Marija and Winnmom said just what I would have said myself. Even though I would tell SIL exactly what Marija has said I would do what Winn has said. However I would also like to add I do think that you are being a bit spiteful due to MIL's preference to SIL's children. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 11:55 AM |
| i'm sorry but I view it differently....i sometimes get very angry about senior...i don't mean to sound rude.....but alot of them have this attitude like everyone owes them something....no matter how nasty and bitter they are. they think because they are old they can treat younger people like shit, and still expect people to treat them well. I don't care what your age is, you should treat and respect people just as you'd like to be treated. and if they're nasty so and so's, then they shouldn't expect to get treated any differently. There are services available for them so they can get where they need to go on a regular basis. my hubby's baba lives 30 minutes away from all of her family...wednesdays is her shopping day, if she has an appt, she calls up the bus company and they pick her up...drop her off....they aren't completely STUCK when they get to a certain age. if you WANT to do it...then do it.....but I wouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to. by the sounds of it, i don't think Lizzi owes her anything. until this mil decides to treat her with the same respect as sil, she shouldn't expect anything from her. is she in a retirement home? if so, usually the home has their own bus to drive their residents around. ↑ |
| Name: cherisalorraine | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 9:00 PM |
| Having just lost my grandmother in january and having been her favorite and my dad before me and my girls after me I guess I am on the other side of the fence on this one. I know that people in my family got upset by her feelings (she was lovely to everyone but she still favored us) When it came down to doing things for her we were always the ones who were there. No one would help because they felt we should do it because we wanted to be with her more and vice versa . It was so hard to deal with her alone all the time even though I loved her more than my own mother. I also noticed that when she would spend more time with another family member she developed a closer bond with them than she had before. I agree 20 minutes is nothing for an old person! I would do it for a stranger if that is what they needed even if I had to set limits like I will be willing to take you on one day trip a week. Or only on certain days between certain times so that every body does their fair share. I don not mean this to sound harsh but maybe you should stop feeling like a victim and take a proactive approach to making a good relationship! I do not mean going on the freeway all day long but baby steps are still steps! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 11th, 2008 2:24 PM |
Thank you all for your opinions. I've decided I'm not doing anything for her. My feelings of it is SHE made our relationship the way it is by her actions so SHE can suffer the consequences of it now. My husband fully understands WHY I refuse to help and also realizes that it ISN'T MY responsibility to help out with his mom.
As for my son,he has his own feelings of dislike for his grandma because he saw the way she treated the other kids and it in NO WAY compared how she treated him,so he has NO desire to help her out and I am not going to force him. This woman would give my son a gift as she would the other kids but if one of the other kids wanted my sons gift she would take my sons gift away from him and give him the unwanted gift the other kid didn't want. That's what kind of grandma she was to my son. And when all the other kids got bikes from her,she would say "oh I'll get curtis one for his next b-day" and to this day he's never seen a bike from her. But now of course he's got her figured out and doesn't want anything from her. Oh and when he was younger I'd tell her what size clothes to get him and she would purposely get a smaller size and say "well that's what C.J. wears so I just figured curtis could wear that too". Keep in mind C.J. is sil's kid and he and curtis are the same age but still very different sizes. She favored sil's kids in every way so now THEY can cater to HER wants and needs. ↑ |
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