Jovie's 1st Movie, 1st laugh, breastfeeding, swine flu, etc.. So, I took Jovie to see Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs with Marie, Ryan and Matthew at 7 weeks old. I just don't want her to be a home-body and enjoy going out with us, wherever we decide to go. I held her while she slept through almost 90% of the movie so it worked out great =) When she woke up I started to panic, especially when she pooped. I thought she might start to cry and disturb the other viewers so I took her out to get her changed when it was hardly anything to change =P
All in all it was a pretty successful outing and I plan to do it again. I just have to make sure that the audience is minimal and the movie isn't too long for her to sleep through. Also, I'll remember not to panic when she wakes up =P
Probably the biggest reason that I'm not taking her out as much as I'd like to is this whole swine flu going around and flu season in general. I'm so scared of her getting sick at such a young age. I'm actuallly not looking forward to the driving/crowded homes during the holiday season.
I'm still breastfeeding but I'm so worried that my supply is getting lower and lower no matter what I do! Pumping for back stock is so frustrating sometimes. I really don't want to start formula and have to make bottles, especially at night.
Still trying to figure out what our best babysitting options are for when I get back to work. Obviously, I prefer my mom, so we don't have to drop her off. Other options are Will'd dad, nanay at this house and Auntie Felimar (Ara's mom).
The most exciting thing that's happened is that yesterday, I heard Jovie laugh for the first time. It was absolutely the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
2009-11-03 (baby has arrived)
2 months old... a look back. I can’t believe my baby girl is 2 months old today! She’s grown so much in such a short period of time. It’s making me realize how time is going to fly and that every single moment is precious. I wish I could freeze time for a while and enjoy this phase a little longer! She’s such a precious angel, I still can’t believe she’s mine sometimes. I must have kissed her a million times already =)
I still remember taking her home from the hospital. I held her as they wheeled me down to the car. She started crying as soon as we left the post-partum area and I couldn’t get her to stop the whole way down. I was so overwhelmed and embarassed! Like, everyone was judging me, from the nurse wheeling me, to the people in the elevator and parking lot. I kept thinking, I’m her mother, a mother should know how to stop her own baby from crying! It was less than a minute from us leaving the hospital and I was already thinking… what if she just doesn’t like me? Insult to injury, whenever the nurse patted her back, she’d stop crying, and then when I tried, she’d start again!
She cried so hard when we put her in her carseat. But sure enough as soon as the car started moving, she stopped. But once we got home… the bonding began, nursing was such a… privilege. It definitely made me feel closer to her. There were definitely challenges when first starting to breastfeed. I think it took 2 weeks for my milk to come in after the colostrum. We had to use similac on three occasions that time. It was actually kind of cool/exciting to see the colostrum changing to milk and then going from 1 oz. to 3 oz. at a time. I was so proud of myself! The difficult part of it was the cracked/scabbing nipples that I still forced myself to pump to keep the milk coming. The milk actually healed it in time. Latching wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be though. Now, I’m pumping 5 oz. on each breast. Everytime I nurse, I am truly grateful and thankful and never take it for granted. Just the eye contact alone is so precious.
The first 3 weeks of taking her home were definitely the hardest. I grew tired recording her feedings, wet diapers, messy diapers, not to mention the three prescription drugs I was on. It was no longer living day to day but rather hour to hour. I was on vicodin, ibuprofen and antibiotics round the clock. Getting out of bed was the worst! The pain from my incision just before my next dose of vicodin was unbearable. For the most part though, Jovie was an angel! She didn’t cry very much and I was sleeping when my pain wasn’t keeping me awake.
I think I had one bout of post-partum depression, it lasted a day and a half during the second or third week. It sounds horrible but it was like I resented her for all the pain I had endured from the time we had the ECV to the time we were admitted to the time of the recovery stage. I was pissed off at a few nurses, doctors and angry that I was still in pain after leaving the hospital. I think I was looking for anything/anyone to blame at the time. Also, we were still bonding so, I was still learning all about her. She was still a bit of a stranger to me that was sucking every ounce of energy that I had left in me. One night, she looked at me, and stared into my eyes and held it. Like she finally knew that I was her mommy… and from that moment, everything was worthwhile. I fell in love instantly.
Nothing makes me happier to see Jovie smile and coo. I could be having the worst day, and that can take it all away. I love how much I’ve learned in such a short span of time. I remember being so careful and hesitant when changing her clothes for the first time, giving her bathes. Now it’s second nature. She too is learning so quickly! Her legs are strong enough to stand. She can hold/lift her head up and she’s already cooing so much!
I’m trying my best not to ask for too much help from any one person alone. I want to make sure that she knows that I am her primary caregiver. Nine months plus labor- she better know! Also, I don’t want anyone taking credit for any part of her upbringing. Basically, I’m making sure grandma is grandma and auntie is auntie. There is only one mommy.
These days, I love the moments where she’ll start crying when someone else has her for a while and the moment they give her to me, she stops. I love how I’m the one that can make her smile and coo the most. Mornings are such a gift, she’s usually in such a calm yet rejuvenated state that can’t wait for me to play with her. And that first smile of the day is just priceless. It’s such an awesome feeling to know that she needs me as much as I need her.
2009-09-14 (baby has arrived)
Sleep deprivation Baby Jovie is almost 2 weeks old, and she's already showing her personality. I noticed that the more I try to help her latch on, she gets more frustrated. If I give her more space to do it herself, she seems to get it easier. Miss independent! Also, she seems to give a worried look more times than any, but we do get the occasional smile that make all the missed hours of sleep worth it! lol
Unlike the first few days, we're starting to take a lot more shorter naps while she's asleep to gear us up for the 1-7am shift. So we're starting to adjust gradually.
I haven't been out of this house, other than going to someone elses house or the hospital since we were discharged. These days we don't take anything for granted. Just going outside the front step or patio for fresh air is such a huge piece of heaven.
With that, we haven't really kept in touch with others, understandably. But then again, it seems like everyone is up to the same things. I'm looking forward to some time passing and sharing new news with friends especially. Someone get married/pregnant already! lol. I cant wait till Jovie is old enough to take to Sea World and small family trips. But I am definitely trying not to take this stage for granted. Besides the lack of sleep and inability to go out much, it's wonderful =)
I love her smile, her cry that sounds like a laugh sometimes, changing her without waking/making her cry, putting her to sleep in my arms, playing with her =)
2009-09-13 (baby has arrived)
September 2, 2009 My Birth Story!
On Monday, August 31st, I went for my usual swim at my sisters apartment complex. I was exactly 40 weeks at this point and was starting to grow a little impatient. I swam a little harder/longer than usual. It felt freat and I though I was only doing good for baby. That same week I was speed walking downtown along the bay with my husband nd sometimes friends. In hindsight, I wonder if I had done too much.
At about 11:30 am, after I got out of the pool, I noticed leaking. I checked in the bathroom and it happened again. I used the COAT reference and it was definitely in my mind, amniotic fluid. My water had broke. I remember leaving my house, so excited and ready to come back with baby and an incredible and successful birth story- you know, the one I had in my mind the last nine months
We decided to eat heavy after hearing the horror stories from other people before going to the hopital. We went to Islands and I had a CA flyer (chicken sandwich w/ bbq sauce, frings) and fries. I was sitting on towels just in case my water fully broke at the restaurant =P
I got checked out at triage about 2:30pm. and admitted when they confirmed that it was amniotic fluid. It took another hour to get a room, they wanted to me to be dilated at least 2cm. At the time I was not having any contractions besides Braxton Hicks.
After a few hours, I hadn't dilated further and we started walking around the 4th floor to try to get it going. It had gotten us dilated to 3 but the nursing staff convinced us that going on pitosin would speed things on a little better. We went on pitosin and it brought me to a 4, but only after 8+ hours or so. The walking took less than that. Then the pitosin at the maximum dose allowed just stopped working. They gave me two options: Stick in a catheter to measure the strength of the contractions to get a more accurate reading ( wouldn't help the contractions get stronger) and stay on pitosin or get off the pitosin, walk around again, take a bath and start all over. We decided to do the latter for about 3 hours, came back and found out I was still a 4. They put me back on a high level of pitosin and several more hours had passed.
My sister is a nurse and I told her what my status was. She couldn't believe that they didn't give me any antibiotics when they found out my water broke, let alone after how many hours had passed. Also, she thought that by completely breaking the water that it would also get the contractions going stronger. I tried to argue with my midwife that I knew my water hadn't entirely broken yet, that it was always a constant leak. But she was already convinced that it fully broken. My sister asked about the antibiotics and was told that Kaisers protocol is to wait for a temperature of 100*F to start giving antibiotics. Most places start it right away to prevent infection/fever from ever happening. Kaiser waits to act on it if necessary. As time went on, I was getting very weary of the hospital staff, but still I had to trust them just to stay calm for my baby.
A couple vaginal checks later, the same hard-headed midwife came in to check how far along I was, and guess what?! She broke my water in the process! The nurse assisting acknowledged this and this midwife was silent. I was pissed! Literally half a day went by and she hadn't broken my water yet? At this point it was almost if not already Wednesday and I was dilated to 6 cm. My contractions were very strong and had lasted about 12 hours now.
After my water had broken, I got the chills and went cold all over. My temperature started to rise and I eventually hit 100*F. We had to ask our nurse about the antibiotics because she didn't say she was getting it for us automatically. Then she went m.i.a. for about an hour! We paged a nurse and asked again. They claimed it was the pharmacy that was taking a while??? In my opinion, it came way too late.
With a high fever and strong contractions for hours on end, I decided to get an epidural to cope and hopefully bring down the fever. The epidural was the most painful thing I had ever experienced in my life- period. Even then, the anesthesiologist told me that he may have to do it again because it hadn't gone smoothly. He told me that I may start a headache that would indicate that I needed another one. What a huge dissapointment. I didn't get a headache but a few hours after that, my fever hit 103*F.
I can't even explain how exasperated my mind and body was at that point. Looking back, that epidural was far more painful than a couple hours of contractions. I couldn't even appreciate the fact that it got me numb. So then, the doctor came in and basically told us we were out of options. The baby was starting to show signs of distress and that I needed a c-section within the hour. I knew this was already coming so I wasn't as shocked when I heard it. At this point, I just wanted her out safely. I was actually relieved that there were no more options, I was so tired.
Jovie Lia Adan was born at 4:58am, September 2nd via c-section. The second I heard her cry was the first time I ever felt any sign of relief at the hospital.
I had to stay in recovery for a few hours before I could go to my post partum room and see my baby. But as soon as I got there, I got immediate skin to skin contact with her. She was so warm and soft- finally, she was here.
I think that my labor was the ultimate test for me in entering parenthood. I learned that I would do just about anything for her well-being. It required only self-less acts and trust in God that she would be okay. I gained a deeper faith in God and a stronger will to see through hardships. Hardships that will always come and go with parenting. In the most painful moments, I tried to remember "this too shall pass." I thank God for my always supportive husband who never left my side. And for my mother, who never stopped motivating me. Although in my heart, I felt things could have gone smoother in labor and delivery, looking back I've realized that it was simply meant to be. This is my birth story.
