Nov 19th
Hi.
Well, b is fully developed and just hanging out high in my uterus. He's very happy there. Yesterday morning, I awoke to a feeling of liquid gushing out of me! I thought this is it! I went to the bathroom to find a pinkish discharge - a lot of it. I thought, well it's pink and there was a lot of it, it has to be my water breaking. so, i got up and woke up tim. This was around 630 am. I said to him to get a shower because "i think" my water broke. so he did... and some more had come out of me by this time but smaller amounts - enough to be absorbed into a pad.
we made it to the hospital by 7am. There the doctor checked my cervix - no change, checked the fluid - and it wasn't my water breaking. he said sometimes there's liquid that pools over night when you sleep - and when you get up - it comes out. the liquid could be the liquid that surrounds the baby's ami sach and without my plug - it comes out of me. He related it to a runny nose when youre sick... how it keeps coming out. and it does keep coming out, every time I lay down for any number of hours.. I wake up to a gush of liquid.
they checked the baby, he's very happy and healthy still living inside me. I wonder if he knows he should come out now. we tried to tell him. Tim has cupped his hands over my belly a few times and said "baby - come out!" I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, but i dont think anything will have changed. I have walked a lot since my false alarm in hopes it will help me dilate but the doctor said it wont help much.
he will come when he's ready i guess... or when my body allows it. maybe my body is the kind that keeps babies and it needs to be forced out. I can see them having to induce me - they wont do that until my body is ready however... so that means the week of the 27th - that by the way is our wedding anniversary...and even then my body might not be ready, but they will do it anyway which will increase my chances of a c-section.
Yes, it's taxing and upsetting. It's hurting us financially too since I am off work now, but again he will come when God allows. I just hope and pray that there's no problems and all this waiting doesn't put a damper on the event of his arrival and that all of this stress of waiting for him will be forgotten once it does really happen. I am happy waiting, but people around me are going crazy - making me go crazy too. calling every day "what's going on, what's going on?? no baby yet??" "you have to have him on this day because it's so-and so's birthday!" oh dont have him on this date, because "x" is going on. I cant take it. It is stressing tim and I out.
My husband is becoming more and more worried and uneasy also- he feels the baby shoudl be here and hates the waiting game. At first, it was fun, but now it's beginning ot be too much for him. It's putting a strain on us as a couple. Maybe this is needed before b comes so we can learn to cope with certain situations that will occur with a new baby in our lives.
This is suppost to be a happy time for us, the most happiest time in our lives, but that seems to be turning sour - not to blame the baby - or myself in my eyes. Tim doesn't blame the baby either... just me and my body.
Im sure he's forgetting the fact that I have grown a healthy beautiful baby inside my uncomfortable changing body. Im sure he is sleeping well through the night and is forgetting that I am awake unable to sleep because I am uncomfortable or during the day when he thinks I am being lazy taking a nap... he doesn't realize I was up half the night and tire easily. well, no, he does realize - because i tell him and he does know. He just feels I guess that my body isn't allowing the baby to come out and he wonders what's wrong... maybe I wasn't healthy enough before I got pregnant? maybe I should have been more active while pregnant? All these things have come to my attention today, but he's been thinking about it more and more over the last week since my due date has come and gone. Oh and not to mention the due date "could" have been calculated incorrectly in the first place. - but again, that's just one part that maybe effecting the baby coming. He believes it's my body and something I may or may not have done. Doesn't that sound really horrible.
doesn't it sound like something so horrible to say to someone? I think so, but it's said and done and we talked about it for hours, i cried for hours. he's sorry he said, and he said he's just really frustrated waiting for the baby to come... he has also taken off from his weekend job for the just incase baby comes situation - so his work isn't short staffed (they even wanted it that way) but now it's week 3 that he's taken off which is extra money now that we dont have. so money is a reason for his behavior also, but i am not giving him excuses.
Well, I dont know how to end this journal entry, I dind't want to write all this but I guess writing it came natural and I couldn't help it and it helped me feel a little better. It's 415 and today is coming to a close...Today was another day I was being told to have teh baby. today is tim's father's birthday. it would have been nice i guess to have the baby today... but i dont really care when he's born as long as i have a healthly baby at the end. it doesn't matter to much to me now he comes either, by being induced or c-section. if my body cant do that part of pregnancy normal...that's ok with me. my husband may find me inaquient (spelling) but he's wrong in his thoughts and i am going to move past that in happy anticipation of the birth of my son which will happen in the next 2 weeks guarenteed.
--thanks for reading.
Christina
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